Episode Transcript
[00:00:14] Bree: Welcome back to Spill the Tea.
[00:00:15] Lauren: HSV with Lauren and Bree.
This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances or contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
So, Bree, what's. What's been going on in the dating world?
[00:00:54] Bree: Dating world is still consisting of dating apps and so I'm going to read a few bios off that I've come across.
[00:00:58] Lauren: Okay.
[00:00:59] Jane: Recently.
[00:01:00] Bree: So the first one, if everybody can just imagine, like a very tall, well groomed man in a suit, he's got his little. What is that, a binder of some sort? I don't know. Look, he's standing in a very nice hotel, but he's taking a self, a mirror selfie. And his bio says the quickest way to my heart is there's a knife emoji, a heart emoji and a winky face emoji with the tongue sticking out.
[00:01:23] Lauren: So the quickest way to start his.
[00:01:24] Bree: Murder, like kill my heart. Just joking.
[00:01:27] Lauren: Is he joking?
[00:01:29] Bree: I don't know.
[00:01:29] Lauren: Maybe he's gonna kill you.
[00:01:30] Bree: He almost doesn't look. He'll have one hell of a fight.
[00:01:34] Jane: He doesn't look real.
[00:01:35] Bree: He kind of looks real. You know, everything's like AI powered now.
[00:01:38] Lauren: So yeah, that's slightly terrifying.
[00:01:41] Bree: His hair looks better than mine on a good day. That makes me question things.
[00:01:44] Lauren: Well, that's what I'm saying. Maybe he's a serial killer.
[00:01:45] Bree: Could be.
[00:01:46] Lauren: Maybe that's his way of saying I attract the creeps.
[00:01:49] Bree: So the next one is he's also another man, kind of decked out in like, you know, a nice looking outfit. Very business looking. It says he's a real nerd about everything. Lol. I watch and read so much random information. I know a fact about pretty much earth thing.
[00:02:04] Lauren: Oh. So he's full of himself and he thinks he knows everything.
[00:02:06] Bree: He's probably a narcissist.
[00:02:08] Lauren: Yeah. 100.
[00:02:09] Jane: Yeah.
[00:02:10] Bree: So and then this one, this one is my absolute favorite. It's a guy, very nice looking guy, got a six, five point pack going on. He's at the beach.
He's got some kind of like gold necklace around him, some blue swim shorts or whatever and he's just sort of like standing in the ocean.
But the kicker is that he's tried to edit out the girl that he's with. And so you can still see half of her arm wrapped around his arm.
[00:02:39] Lauren: Like, AI man. Like, chat GPT. Like, you can fix this.
[00:02:42] Bree: I mean, like, I could edit his photo for him, right? If I could just reach out to him, I can fix the arm because it looks like he's growing a third arm out of.
[00:02:51] Jane: Out of his butt.
[00:02:51] Lauren: The question I have is, like, looking at this photo, both his hands are down and her arms around him, but his arms aren't around her, but he's looking at her and smiling, which is super weird.
[00:03:00] Bree: That's probably because he's a cheater.
[00:03:02] Lauren: Well, for sure. Like, I mean, I guarantee it.
And what is that? His bio.
[00:03:07] Bree: His bio is, everyone just relax.
[00:03:09] Lauren: Oh, so he's cheating, but he wants everybody to relax because there's an obvious girl, you know, Stay calm, stay calm. Carry on.
[00:03:17] Bree: Say something else.
[00:03:17] Lauren: But yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, those sound like lovely bios.
[00:03:22] Bree: What about yours?
[00:03:23] Lauren: Okay, so I had this guy message me.
So his bio. So he's a pilot.
And I know. I mean, they're all hoes, right? Like, I mean, sorry, pilots out there, but y' all got a reputation.
But he delivers packages. So he says, I'm the reason your Amazon packages are late, but he just sends me messages. He sends me, like, 15. I don't reply. And at first it says, okay, Lauren. First off, I have name bias. Throughout school, I was always in a heated battle with Lauren, and he says her last name for valedictorian.
I ended up leaving school in the 10th grade to pursue the GED in early college at 17 and then hit the Air Force at 18 because I knew I wanted to fly, but it was too expensive.
From 18 to 23, I saw most of Europe as a fighter jet engine specialist. From 23 to 26, I went to Delta State and let the Air Force pay for all my piloting license. Now I operate the 747 for any names, the company. And then he sends a picture, says, this is my baby. As beautiful as she is, I've got a weakness for blue eyes and freckles. You've got me whipped. I don't live here and neither do you, because this is down in Miami.
But I am down to make you feel at home.
And that was it. I didn't respond. I literally never responded. Like, we matched and he sent all of that and not once did I say anything.
[00:04:47] Bree: What airline?
[00:04:48] Jane: Hang on.
[00:04:49] Lauren: We can't. We can't.
[00:04:49] Bree: I know. That's fake.
[00:04:51] Lauren: No, it's not. It delivers packages.
[00:04:53] Bree: It really is real.
[00:04:54] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:04:55] Bree: Well, he took a good picture.
[00:04:57] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:04:58] Bree: Of his airplane.
[00:04:59] Lauren: He did. But still, it's. Yeah, that's his baby. But.
[00:05:03] Bree: What?
[00:05:04] Lauren: As beautiful as she is, he tells.
[00:05:06] Bree: You all of this.
[00:05:06] Lauren: Yeah, I did. I literally said nothing. He just sends me all of this. And so because of that. Oh, and then the last thing was, my line is open for you 24 7. And I. I just. I didn't respond.
[00:05:18] Bree: Like, I wonder how many times he's copied and pasted that.
[00:05:21] Lauren: Yeah, a million. Yeah, a million. But I was literally like, bro, you just told me your entire life story.
[00:05:26] Bree: He might as well told you his blood type, his credit score, and his Social Security number.
[00:05:30] Lauren: But, yeah, what do you like? He probably changes everybody's name. I was in a heated battle with insert name here. It's not that it's always a Lauren. It's insert name here. But, yeah, it was super creepy, so I didn't answer. And that's why I got off the dating apps in Miami, because, dear God, stalker mentality. I was like, I'm gonna die. Like, everyone down here was, like, super crazy. It was.
It was a wild. A wild ride.
[00:05:53] Jane: Yeah.
[00:05:53] Lauren: Down in Miami.
[00:05:54] Bree: I'm sick of dating apps. I personally think it's time for me to take a break from all of that.
[00:05:58] Jane: So.
[00:05:59] Bree: Yeah, we'll see what we can find in the wild.
[00:06:02] Lauren: That doesn't sound any better.
[00:06:03] Bree: No, it sounds terrible. I'll be on my couch if anybody's interested, with my dog.
[00:06:06] Lauren: Oh, but don't worry, because Dick showed up on the one that I caught him having the affair with. Is now a friend. Yes. And so she's friends with. With us now and with me, but she got on because she was like, I'm bored. I'm just gonna get back on the app. And he was the first one that showed up, and she was like, absolutely not, and just deleted the app again.
I was like, yeah, I don't blame you. Which is why I won' on the apps here anymore.
[00:06:31] Bree: It's the same men in rotation on all of the apps.
[00:06:34] Lauren: Yeah. And half of them are married or.
[00:06:35] Bree: They'Re in a relationship, and it makes me sick. And it's like, y' all are all crazy. And I mean.
[00:06:39] Jane: Which.
[00:06:39] Bree: I've heard horror stories from men, too, about the women that are on there. It's either the same women or it's only women offering, like, hey, subscribe to my of account.
[00:06:47] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:06:47] Bree: You know, so.
[00:06:49] Lauren: Well, my thing is, is I'm so. It's just they Say we don't communicate. But then we say they don't communicate because they, like, legit don't. They only want to talk about themselves.
Or then you have somebody like Dick who will communicate to a degree because he literally wants to find out if he can live with you and use. Use you for money.
[00:07:05] Bree: He wants his next victim.
[00:07:06] Lauren: Right.
[00:07:06] Bree: So.
[00:07:07] Lauren: So it's a good. It's a good time over here every day. Every day.
[00:07:12] Bree: So today we have someone with us who is interviewing and her name is Jane. Welcome, Jane.
So Jane has several stories. She's from the, you know, local area, and she's got some stuff to share with us. So let's get started.
[00:07:26] Jane: Okay. So it's going to be a lot. There's a lot to unpack with what I went through. So pretty much I'm going to try and do it in order of what I can remember. So I will always say, and I tell anyone, I admit fault. And when I did in my marriage, I was not innocent. I did things that added to why it broke down. I did this mostly because of, you know, hurt and loneliness within the seven years that I was with my ex. Oh, wow.
And that's from when we started dating to when everything ended. I've been super transparent about what happened with, you know, my family because that's really important to me, is my family. My dad is pretty much what saved me in this whole situation. But it was a really rough up and down seven years.
This is my account of what happened. And they always say there's three sides to every story. His mind and the truth. But I have this thing, being a Capricorn, I keep receipts for everything.
[00:08:19] Lauren: That is another thing we have in common. Oh, my God. We're best friends.
[00:08:24] Jane: Because I. I am the kind of person I. My dad always taught me have proof, everything. So I keep receipts. I've got text messages from back in 2007, like, it's bad.
[00:08:35] Bree: So y' all carry the proof and I carry the hot heads.
[00:08:38] Jane: I'm a hothead too, so it's even worse. Like I'm. Oh, it's bad. Oh, my goodness. So a bit about me. I'm a paramedic. I've been doing fire Rescue since 2012. I started in upstate New York. I was previously married. So this is my second marriage that I had the most trouble. My first one, he was a combat medic. He was stationed here. We got married very quickly, moved to upstate New York when he got discharged from the military. He was an EMT there. And I was like, I Love this. I want to be part of this. So I dove head first, and I was in the middle of getting my EMT license when that marriage went south again from cheating.
So it was, like, constant problem. So he was incredibly toxic. And I thought, you know, I just need to get away. Come. Come to Alabama, not worry about a boy.
And that's what I did. For the first few months I was here, I didn't care. I didn't want to date anybody. I just hung out with friends. So one thing I will. I will say, and it's a bad habit. I'm spiteful. I can be spiteful. So spiteful. Yeah, I know, I know.
[00:09:40] Lauren: I think we're related. Like, I will. Look, listen, I'm for justice.
[00:09:45] Jane: Oh, yeah.
[00:09:45] Lauren: And if you do me wrong, I'm gonna make sure you get yours.
[00:09:49] Jane: Oh, yes. And that's exactly how I am. So with my spitefulness with my ex husband. He was a combat medic when he moved to New York, and he did all the dirty stuff that he did. His rescue captain became very close. She was like an aunt to me. And she was like, we'll send him back to Alabama. Can you stay here? Like, they wanted me to stay. Yeah. So she was instructing him on getting his EMT license post military. And he was like, oh, she'll just pencil whip everything for me. And she was like, no. And so when I left, she intentionally failed him, so he lost his license, and so I was like, yes. And so I moved home. I was a personal assistant for about two years. And the business that I worked at, our main building was right on the parkway, so lights and sirens every single day. Fire, police, you know, ems, everything. And I was like, I miss this. I missed it so much. So I put myself back in school, got my emt.
And between getting my EMT and my advanced EMT is when I met Huey.
[00:10:48] Lauren: Oh, I just got to say, we have another thing in common. I was. I had my emtb.
[00:10:52] Jane: Yes. Oh, my gosh. I love it. It is. It is awesome.
[00:10:56] Lauren: Yeah, I was.
[00:10:57] Bree: I did not know that.
[00:10:58] Jane: Yeah.
[00:10:58] Lauren: I was an EMT for my company when I used to work for. We had.
We were met. We got medically certified so that we could be first responders because it took a while for EMS to actually get there.
[00:11:10] Bree: That's why you're my emergency emergency contact now.
[00:11:13] Lauren: Gotcha.
[00:11:13] Jane: There you go. There we go.
So between getting my EMT and my advanced dmt, I had been hanging out with one of the girls from my EMT class, and. And she Was part of a volunteer department. So I was like, I'm gonna go hang out with you guys.
And crazy enough, a guy was meeting me at their department to hang out one night.
And when Huey showed up, he kind of, like, inserted himself between me and this guy and was, like, not having it, because I don't know what it was. It was just like a narcissist thing. Like, he had to be the big dog. And I'm like, please, just sit down.
So I did the EMT I got in my advance, and then I took a year off from school because I wanted to get that experience.
[00:11:54] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:11:55] Jane: I didn't want to dive straight into paramedic, so I took the year off and was going through actual fire college, so I was getting my firefighter certificate.
He was my instructor. Hughie was. And so every single day I would see him, he'd be like, when are you gonna date me? Why don't you love me? Be with me, Blah, blah. And so for a year, I was like, no, no, no. I don't want to be with anybody. And then I finally. I finally gave in.
[00:12:17] Lauren: He wore you down.
[00:12:18] Jane: He did. He really. He really did. And it was that sweet, little cute smile, and I'm just like.
And now I'm just like, oh, I can't even stand to look at him.
[00:12:26] Lauren: I know the feeling.
[00:12:29] Jane: So the thing that sucked the most about it was when we first started talking, he was dating somebody else. And I didn't lead into it because I'm very much a girl's girl. I don't. You're with somebody. I don't care if me and her are friends or not. I'm not going to sabotage that.
[00:12:44] Lauren: Right.
[00:12:44] Jane: Very big about karma. It will come back, and it will bite you. So I was like, you do your thing. So they split up because they cheated on each other.
And I'm like, man, I should have learned from that. And it was a sign. It was also a sign when a bunch of our friends were like, don't date him. He's a hoe. I was like, should have listened.
[00:13:02] Lauren: Yeah, that's. Hindsight's always 20 20. We always should listen to our friends, and we don't.
[00:13:06] Jane: Never, Never. It's terrible. So In August of 2015, he and I had been dating for a few. No, we were getting ready to date. That's what it was. It was, like, two months before we started dating. I got hired at my current employer, and I spent a lot of time, you know, working, but I also spent a lot of time still volunteering I felt so lonely, so just withdrawn. I wanted to pour myself into helping someone else because if I couldn't help myself, I can help someone else.
[00:13:33] Lauren: Right.
[00:13:33] Jane: So I did that. And their relationship kind of fizzled out because of the cheating. He and I started talking, got together 2015, and we became inseparable. I mean, the moment we said that, I said yes. He was like, oh, my gosh. And we were like attached to the hip. We were working late nights at the fire department and it was just like, it was meant to be. Like, we were just. It was.
I got love bombed a lot. And looking back and you always see it when you step back.
[00:14:02] Lauren: Yeah, you never see it in the beginning.
[00:14:03] Bree: Yeah, in the beginning it feels good. Like, oh, they're giving me attention. They're validating, you know, all my feelings and things. Things like that.
[00:14:08] Jane: Yeah. Yes.
[00:14:09] Bree: It's very easy to not realize that it is.
[00:14:11] Jane: And for him, he was very big about that because there was so much he lacked in his relationships, like family and stuff, that he wanted it from somebody else. So he just threw it all at me and I just ate it up because I wouldn't. I hadn't been treated that good. And so within a couple of months of dating, I discovered that he had sent inappropriate snaps to his ex girlfriend.
[00:14:32] Lauren: Fucking Snapchat.
God, I hate it.
[00:14:35] Bree: So I wish Snapchat would burn down.
[00:14:37] Lauren: Same.
[00:14:38] Bree: And that I'm joking for legal purposes.
[00:14:41] Jane: So one thing I will say is his ex is a girl's girl. Me and her are friends now and we joke about stuff all the time. Like she. She'll see him out and she'll message me like, oh my God, he looks horrible. It's just hilarious. Like, she. She's amazing. So she's the one who told me that he had sent them. So I'm on the ambulance, I'm working, and I'm taking a patient out of state. And I get the message from her telling me, like, this is what happened. And she said it was like a half naked selfie in a shower mirror or whatever. And she was like, I'm so sorry. I wish I would have told you sooner. And I was like, I knew from your Facebook post that something was up. And she was like, yeah, and it was just eating at me, so I just had to tell you. So she did. And I good on her.
[00:15:24] Lauren: That's awesome.
[00:15:25] Jane: I should have listened to her when she told me that again, the love bombing, the happiness, all that was there. So I confronted him and this is what, again, signs I should pay attention. To my signs. I've learned now.
So I confront him about it, and he's like, oh, I didn't mean to. I accidentally sent it to her because her name was right by yours. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
I said it to him, and he claims it wasn't him. Someone sent her a message with her statement. Scantily clad pictures that she had only sent him when they were in a relationship. That was it. It was a number she didn't know. It was just very. It was very weird. But it was. I mean, it was within minutes of all this happening, right? So I'm like, okay, something about this doesn't add up. So I asked him. He's like, oh, I didn't send it to her. I didn't send that to her. And she messages me like, it had to have been him. It had to. I didn't send these to anyone else.
I'm like, girl, I believe you.
I was like, I feel like there's a lot there.
He and I had issues that we dealt with for that, but out of that, I. In the end, I kind of was like, okay, maybe she's just being bitter. Looking back, we're friends. I should have just been like, she was just trying to help me. She saw something I couldn't because I was so close to it.
[00:16:37] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:16:39] Jane: So him and his passion for being a volunteer ruled everything. I mean, it ruled everything. Everything. We were late to family engagements. You know, he didn't come to a family member's wedding because he was so worried about being at the volunteer department. And I was just like, okay, whatever. That's. It makes him happy. I don't want to take away. I don't want to be controlling. So I knew that he wanted to. He wanted to volunteer with a certain department, and you have to live within that department's borders to volunteer there. So I fought tooth and nail to get us a house that we could both afford, which ended up being.
I mean, I was a blessing. It was a family member who let us rent, very low rent. I mean, it was perfect, right? This was in 2016.
So I put all my effort into getting the house ready, moving in, putting all the money down that needed to, and all the furniture. Everything that was in the house was mine from my previous marriage. When I left, I took all my stuff that I had bought, brought it back with me. Beginning of our relationship, he had no job. He had gotten fired from his previous employer. And again, I'm. I'm like, I want to save people. So, yeah, I thought I could save Him.
[00:17:45] Bree: Same, same. I ain't saving nobody.
[00:17:47] Lauren: And we have learned from therapists that, like, people that get fired or, like, switch jobs a lot, it's a big red flag.
[00:17:54] Bree: I can't say nothing.
[00:17:55] Jane: I switch jobs a lot free. I'm pretty normal.
But if you're doing it for the betterment of yourself, that's okay. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah.
[00:18:04] Lauren: It's usually the people that get fired because they're. And then they say, like, it wasn't.
[00:18:08] Jane: Me, it was them.
[00:18:10] Bree: See, I hadn't been fired.
[00:18:11] Lauren: See, there you go.
[00:18:12] Jane: Exactly. My. My dad always told me, you never leave one job till you have another. And that's how I've always been. Right. So it. At this point, he gets a new job and things are growing, going great. However, one day I had to grab something from his vehicle and I noticed paperwork that he was being sued for a defaulted, maxed out credit card.
[00:18:28] Lauren: Oh, fun.
[00:18:30] Jane: And I had always asked him, listen, if there's money problems, tell me. We can make it work. If you're honest with me, it doesn't matter. He claimed that his mother had opened a credit card, multiple credit cards actually, in his name, and maxed them out.
He also claimed that she had spent, like, a huge inheritance that he had gotten when his father had passed. I told my dad about it, and I was like, I should investigate more. And he was like, but if you love him, you know, and my dad's a voice of reason. So when he was like, just, let's see what happens. We'll look into it, you know, we'll see. And so I was in love. I was happy. I just let it go.
I got enrolled in paramedic school and I found out again that I was gonna have to support us because he got fired once again from another job.
[00:19:08] Bree: What was the reason he got fired from that one?
[00:19:10] Jane: Let's just say stuff went missing.
Oh. Oh, yes.
[00:19:14] Bree: Okay.
[00:19:14] Jane: Yes, stuff went missing. So again, I'm in school full time. I'm working full time. And on top of that, you have so many hours and clinicals you have to put in. So I'm already in school. A certain amount of hours I'm having to work full time hours, and then on top of that, precepting all my hours. So it's. It's a lot.
[00:19:32] Lauren: Yeah. You're busy.
[00:19:33] Jane: Very. So it took a lot of happiness out of our relationship.
He was spending more time volunteering, and I just. I just dealt with medic school because it was extremely demanding and it was something I wanted to do. Again, this is that spiteful thing. I was talking about this. Me becoming a medic was because I wanted to, but also in spite of my ex because at this point he still didn't have his license back.
So.
So I went, I went and did that. Crammed things in when I could. I missed family functions because I had so much going on. My family understood. Yeah. You know, they'll say that in the medical field, one of the hardest schools to go through is being a paramedic because it's. You have to know a little of everything shoved into a very small amount of time. Right.
[00:20:15] Lauren: So it's not an easy job.
[00:20:16] Jane: It's not. And people always say, oh, I don't know how I could do that. When you're thrown into a situation, you'd be surprised what you can do. So at this point, still managing to do everything, pay for everything, and it takes a toll on our relationship.
So towards the end of 2017, he starts working again, has issues and gets fired. The reason he told me seemed a little far fetched because he said that he was having issues with his, his supervisor. And mind you, this supervisor had seemed really nice to me, like, never given any issues. I found out after the fact that he had been falling asleep at work and his job was very, you have to be awake for. And so it, it created a lot of more, a lot more animosity. So I'm sitting here going, okay, now I've got to support us as a full time paramedic. And what are you contributing to this?
[00:21:04] Lauren: Yep.
[00:21:05] Jane: So no major things came about with this besides just the working full time.
Besides, he would go and volunteer because he would say, well, they're paying me money to come in and do at least five shifts that'll cover our rent. And I'm like, but you're spending way, you're spending way too much time up there. Like, you're not spending any time with me. You're always there. That's outside of that $500 that you're making. And he was like, oh, no. It's just, you know, it's just, it's what I love. It's what I'm passionate about. Don't take that away from me.
I didn't want to be controlling.
[00:21:37] Bree: He turned you into the bad guy.
[00:21:38] Jane: Yes.
[00:21:39] Lauren: Ghastly.
[00:21:40] Jane: Exactly. It's exactly what happened. So fast forward. He proposes at the end of 2017, and he was very wicked with how he proposed to me. He used my kitten.
He put a collar on her with the engagement ring.
[00:21:53] Lauren: Don't breeng an angel Baby into.
[00:21:55] Jane: I know. That was my. She was my sweet angel.
And he handed her to me, and I was like, why are you handing me my cat? Like, what are you doing? And it was our anniversary that day.
And he said, well, look at her collar. And I looked in. There was the ring that I specifically went to Jared's. And built like I picked it out. And he. That's one thing I could say he did. He went and got the ring that I wanted.
[00:22:14] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:22:14] Bree: One thing he did, right?
[00:22:15] Jane: Yes.
[00:22:16] Lauren: Nice.
[00:22:16] Jane: Yes. So I'm so excited. I tell all my friends, my family. But after I. What I'd went through with my first husband, I was not rushing anything.
[00:22:23] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:22:24] Jane: So we dated for two years. We were engaged for two years. And so in 2019, the beginning of 2019, I wanted to do something big for him. So me and a friend had planned to upgrade some stuff on his vehicle, and I had this elaborate how we. How I was going to get him there. So we both had fallen asleep watching TV that night. So we're both on, you know, our couches, and I go over to wake him up. And I don't know if it was a setting because I never touched his phone. It was sitting above him on the top of the couch, and it lit up, and I could see all these missed calls, missed text, and the one that was showed at the very end was, when can I see you next?
Oh. And I was like, never. I was like. I woke him up. I was like, who is this? Oh, I don't know who that is.
[00:23:10] Lauren: No, of course. Of course they don't. They know.
[00:23:12] Bree: Was there a name on it or was it just a number?
[00:23:14] Jane: It was just a number.
So he knew what he was doing.
[00:23:17] Lauren: Oh, yeah.
[00:23:18] Jane: He said it was a friend from work that they had went to lunch. I lit into him because I'm like, my gut's telling me more than this.
I was so hurt. Like, I was absolutely, like, I went through and spent two months putting together this surprise for you, saving up all this money, making it happen. Spiteful. Again. I'm very spiteful. She knew that he was married.
[00:23:37] Lauren: Oh, shame on her.
[00:23:38] Jane: She knew me.
[00:23:39] Lauren: Shame, shame.
[00:23:40] Jane: Because he had, like. They were friends on Facebook. She knew that he was. Or I'm sorry, that we weren't. We were engaged that point. We were engaged. Yeah. So she knew I existed.
And he said that they had reconnected at a friend's wedding reception and that she was whining about how her ex was abusive and an alcoholic and she was so miserable in her marriage. But they had kids, so she didn't want to leave him. I'm like, okay, but why does that mean y' all need to go to lunch together?
So I confront her, and I'm like, looking back, I was very. I was mad.
[00:24:12] Lauren: Oh, yeah.
[00:24:13] Jane: So I said a lot of things that I shouldn't about. We were breenging up a marriage with kids involved. So. So what does that say about you as a mother? You're not thinking about your children. You're thinking about just you.
[00:24:22] Bree: Exactly. That's not.
[00:24:24] Lauren: You.
[00:24:24] Bree: Don't be ashamed of saying that, because that's exactly what she.
[00:24:26] Jane: I mean, it is, but I still feel bad because those kids that should have never been brought into it, the kids had nothing to do with the situation. She made a bad decision.
It affected me. I was hurt. I said it. So again, I own up to what I did. I'll never tell her that, because.
No.
[00:24:43] Lauren: And we're going to shame her, because. Shame, shame. Like, women should be girls. Girls.
[00:24:47] Jane: And.
[00:24:48] Lauren: And anyone who's not. Shame on you. And get off our podcast.
[00:24:51] Jane: Yeah.
Yes, I agree. I agree. I agree.
So they both said that it was one lunch. He paid for it. Not a big deal. So for two years, he gaslit me into making me think that I was making a big deal out of something that never happened. And he was so emotionally immature that he didn't realize. Yes, you made this mistake. You did this. Even if at the time you're claiming it wasn't much, you never, never admitted fault in it. You never let me heal from the situation.
So you gaslit me for two years, telling me that it didn't happen. I'm imagining things, whatever.
So I just throw myself back into planning for the wedding. Mind you, this is six months before we're getting married. I'm planning everything. He didn't help plan the honeymoon. He didn't plan any part of the wedding. He didn't even pick out the suits. I took him in there and picked.
[00:25:43] Bree: Them out because he didn't care.
[00:25:45] Jane: No.
And so he just really wanted a family because he came from a very. I don't want to say it's not a broken home, but there was a lot of turmoil in that whole situation.
So I felt like he found somebody and he clung to them because he felt like, oh, if I just, you know, stay here and. And everything, I'll just be happy.
So the big day gets here, and I went so far as to put little details throughout the day of how can I make this easier for him? Because I know he's stressing. How can I make him happy? How make him smile. I went and bought a second wedding dress in his brother's size so they could do a first look.
[00:26:21] Lauren: That's better.
[00:26:22] Bree: That is better.
[00:26:23] Jane: And he laughed so hard he cried.
I mean it. But it, it, it broke up the, the feeling. So he was, he was happy about it?
[00:26:30] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:26:31] Jane: I had certain songs play from like kitschy things that had to do with things that he liked, like shows and stuff.
And I'm sitting here going, looking back, I'm going, he bought me a necklace again. I'm trying to be the bigger person, be like, he got me something. I don't. Even though I put all this effort in, I can't be thinking I should just. I deserve more.
[00:26:50] Lauren: Oh, but you do.
[00:26:51] Jane: Exactly. He didn't. Looking back. Looking back, yes.
[00:26:53] Lauren: Oh, but you do. I got one, one purse and, and then two air fresheners that have pictures of my cats on them.
[00:27:00] Bree: I got to pay half all the bills.
[00:27:01] Lauren: I paid all the bills. So yeah, that's it. Like, that's all you get. Like, we don't. These men don't do nothing.
[00:27:06] Bree: This guy sounds like a mixture of my number two and dick and dick. Like if we could smash them both into one person, it'd be your ex.
[00:27:14] Jane: Yep, I bet it would. So we go on our honeymoon. Things are great, but it's short lived because I could already tell he was withdrawing. And looking back, I should have been like, what is he doing behind my back? I find out that again with Snapchat, he has talked to two or three other girls.
Two are co workers.
And I'm like, so I know they know about me. Like, why?
So I make him delete people off Snapchat. One girl went as far as to add me back on Snapchat. Why did you delete me? And he said, I'm not the one who deleted you. And she said that add me back.
[00:27:51] Lauren: Wow.
[00:27:51] Jane: In front of one of my friends. And she was like, oh, no, no, no, no.
[00:27:54] Bree: I tell you what, that would send me over the edge.
[00:27:59] Jane: Well, again, she's a co worker, so I can't do anything because that, I don't want to lose my job.
[00:28:03] Lauren: Right.
[00:28:04] Jane: You know, that's hard. I'm having to pay all this stuff. I mean, at this point he does have a job, but it's still all relying on me.
[00:28:10] Lauren: Right.
[00:28:11] Jane: And you like your job and I love my job and I'm, I'm very, very happy with my job.
[00:28:16] Lauren: Yeah. So you don't want to lose that because She's a hoe.
[00:28:18] Jane: Yes. And.
[00:28:19] Lauren: But shame on you, Ho.
[00:28:20] Jane: So here's where it gets a little bit. I mean, all of that was emotional.
[00:28:23] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:28:24] Jane: But this is the part that really hurt. I've dealt with PCOS and infertility my whole life.
[00:28:29] Bree: Same, same.
[00:28:31] Jane: I went to my doctor when I was really young, trying to get her to diagnose, and she's like, oh, it's because you're really skinny. Now. At this point, I was a tiny girl. I had just gotten out of high school. I was, you know, softball and swimming. I was outdoors all the time.
And so she's like, it's because your. Your fat content so low.
Well, I put on a little bit of weight. And she was like, oh, it's because you've gained too much weight. I'm like, can y'. All. What's the happy man?
[00:28:52] Bree: Yeah, I'm always. They're always telling me, you need to exercise more. Oh, you need to lose some weight. Like, screw y'.
[00:28:58] Jane: All. So I really wanted to be a mom.
And I would. I would do anything to be a mom. So I had my physician refer me to an infertility clinic.
The woman that was the wife of the doctor who ran it, she had a PCOS clinic within his practice. So I saw her. I saw her every two weeks. I think it was a little over two years because I ended up being like 70 something appointments. And there was a couple that there were multiple during the two weeks. Wow. So I'm going through all these appointments, I'm doing injections, I'm having to have all kinds of internal tests done, things that are very painful. Yeah.
And out of the 70 something appointments that I went to, he went to five. The one that hurt the most was the very last one where she said it was 99.9% chance I would never get pregnant. And I can remember her telling me, and I heard it, but it didn't sink in. He was at this point volunteering for a different entity. And it was a 24 hour thing. So I didn't see him till like the next day. He didn't ask me how the appointment went.
He didn't call and check on me, nothing. Now, mind you, I've had anxiety, depression, bipolar my entire life. And at this point, I'm kind of medicated, but not very well. I went home and I laid on that couch and I just cried. I couldn't call my mom, I couldn't call my best friends, nobody. I was alone.
And he didn't care. So the next morning he comes home and he was like, so what'd they say?
And I was like, well, they told me I can't have kids. And he was like, okay, well, I'm gonna get a shower and then I'm gonna take a nap. And. And I was like, did I miss something?
[00:30:28] Bree: Are we sure we don't have the same ex husband?
[00:30:30] Jane: So at this point, I feel absolutely alone.
[00:30:34] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:30:35] Jane: And I was on a chat forum with people of all different kinds, and it was. At this point, it was just like, all friends. Like, we all had the same video game, you know, likes the same outward, like, views on life.
One of the guys and I became very close, and it kind of became an emotional affair. Now, mind you, he lives like 1200 miles away. We never met in person.
Like, it was all emotional. So I've never physically been touched by another human, but I did have an emotional affair with someone because this man that I was supposed to be married to, this child, left me to deal with all of this.
So I've dealt with him being unemployed and me paying all the bills to sacrificing my dreams and what I wanted so he could continue to do what he wanted, worked full time. And this job, it. It eats at you. I've seen a lot in 10 years, and it has definitely ate away at me. So again, I clung to this friend. I let him do what my. I let Huey do whatever he wanted to do. So it becomes more of an in depth, emotional affair. Like, we are talking every single day. He has my location, like I have his. We send pictures. He sends gifts, like, I send him things. And one of my best friends knew about it. My best friend said, jane, what you're doing is. I don't agree with it, but I'm okay. Like, I see how it's helping you, but let's. Let's not. Let's go away.
[00:31:53] Lauren: I know. I want to know why you're doing it, but, yeah.
[00:31:56] Jane: And so I was like, okay. You know, and I. And I took a step back and I was like, okay, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Like, I should just let it go. So me and this person are still friends, but we don't talk. Like we're on each other's social media, and we might say, you know, comment something here or there, but we don't speak the way we used to. I ended up, when everything came to a head, becoming very bitter. Because while I knew I had made the mistake myself, he knew that he was encouraging me to make this mistake.
[00:32:22] Lauren: Right.
[00:32:22] Jane: And a good person in my life would not encourage. Right, me to make this mistake. So it's my admitting my unfaithfulness because it was. It was an affair. Even though it was emotional, not physical, it was still bad. So this is where it gets really funny. In mid-2021, at this point, me and Huey are married. I get a Facebook message in the middle of the night from some guy I don't know, and I'm thinking that it's a scam. And the first line says, I didn't want to ruin this boy's life, but the man that you're married to had an affair with my wife.
[00:33:00] Lauren: Nope.
[00:33:02] Jane: What?
[00:33:02] Bree: It's always in the middle of the night when people send these things because.
[00:33:05] Lauren: It'S on their mind. Like, it's on their mind, and they're.
[00:33:07] Jane: Starting to think, well, that holds. Being a drunken person plays into it. The married woman. Six months before we got married, it was her husband. He reached out to me to say all of these things.
And for some reason, my body, because I have. I work really early in the morning at this point, my body was like, wake up. There's something going on. So I woke up, I saw the message, and my. My ex at the time worked night shift, and he always told me he loved working night shift because it was easier to deal with. Come to find out, it was because it made it an opportunity for him to cheat. While I'm at work, he can do what he wants during the day, and then at night, he can have these people come up to his work and hang out with him. And I would never know because I'm asleep. So I reread these messages. I'm like, okay, maybe I'm just imagining this. I'm still. I'm still asleep. I wake up a little more, and I take a screenshot of the message, and I send it to him, and I'm like, is this true? And he says, yeah, I. I'm tired of lying to you. Yeah, it happened. Not. I'm sorry. Not. How can I fix this?
Just. Yeah, I'm tired of lying to you. So this guy continues to message me. And then I. At That's. At this point, I can tell he's drunk because one of the very last messages he sends me is like, well, do you know how we could get him back? We could sleep together.
Oh, God. I said. I said, yeah, that's not going to happen. Yeah.
Message stopped. He ended up, like, blocking me. So, like, his name disappeared from the message, but the messages were still there, so I lost it. But I Knew I had to be at work the next morning. And I'm very particular. I know that with my job, I'm expected to be there because a. I don't want to put more strain on my co workers because they're having to pick up the level of calls that I'm missing, but also because if I'm not there and that people have to wait longer for an ambulance.
[00:34:53] Bree: Right? Yeah.
[00:34:54] Jane: And I'm. I don't want to have that on my conscience. So I rarely ever would call out. So this particular morning, I get up, I get ready for work, I go to work.
I am on the ambulance with one of my very best friends. We do our morning check off, we get ready, we log on, we pull out into the parking lot, and I said, I need you to get out of the truck. I need to talk to you.
So I pull her over to the side and I tell her and I show her the messages. And I break down in the parking lot at our station. And I'm just losing my mind.
I'm like, I don't know what to do. Like, I knew this was going on. I knew something was up. And I let him do this to me. I let him ingrain himself in my family and with my friends. And I didn't look at the bigger picture. So now all of these signs are finally starting to click into place. But I'm a good Southern woman. I was raised. You make it work. So that's the reason I didn't leave him, you know, all the other times, because I'm like, my. It's going to be seen as a failure, and I'm not a failure.
[00:35:49] Bree: Yeah, same.
[00:35:51] Jane: So I finally say, you know, what are we going to do to fix this? And he's like, well, I don't want to divorce. Let's. Let's just work on us.
Okay? Cool. Whatever.
What I didn't know now, mind you, this is the last six months of us being married. What I didn't know was that he was already seeing someone else physically. Like seeing somebody. Another coworker of mine that knew about me.
I mean, she knew about me.
[00:36:18] Bree: He was rooting around.
[00:36:19] Jane: Oh, yes. He always, always. He. He was. If he didn't have a side piece for the entire time we were together, I would be. You could take me out in the middle of the road and I could be hit by, like, struck by lightning, something.
[00:36:29] Lauren: Let's go together. It's third lines.
[00:36:31] Jane: Yes.
[00:36:32] Bree: Lying.
[00:36:32] Lauren: Sex.
[00:36:33] Jane: It's terrible.
[00:36:34] Lauren: My thing is, is he probably gaslit the hell out of you. For that emotional affair. But you were doing that because. And it's not to justify having an emotional affair, but one of the things that Bree and I talk about a lot is that when we hear about a woman having an emotional affair, we're like, okay, so what isn't she getting at home?
[00:36:47] Jane: Yeah.
[00:36:48] Lauren: Because men will have everything at home, but then they'll still have an affair.
[00:36:51] Jane: And that's exactly what it was. He had everything. All the bills were paid. Everything was taken care of. Like, at this point, he's driving a car my family gave me. So that he had a car that worked? Yes.
[00:37:00] Lauren: Yeah, he drove my car, and I had to buy a new one.
[00:37:02] Jane: I bought him all these fancy electronics. Like, he said he wanted something. I made a note. His birthday. He got super cool stuff. Christmas, super cool stuff, Things he wanted. And so I'm like, okay, what's going on with my marriage? I need to fix this.
So he's like, I don't want to break up. I don't want to divorce. I want us to stay together. I want us to build a home. I want us to have babies. And I'm like, at this point, how are you going to say you want us to have babies when you weren't there for a single one of these appointments?
[00:37:26] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:37:26] Jane: You didn't care when I was getting all this stuff. You didn't care that I was on the cusp of. Of committing suicide, like, multiple times. And I was like, you know, I just. I can't trust him for anything. And I'm going, I have to be the weak one. Because I allowed myself to reach out to somebody outside of my marriage. And looking back, I'm like, no, I was just. I was begging for the love from him that I never. I was never going to get right. Yeah. So towards the end of the year, I got a new cell phone. I. I'm very big about getting the new iPhone when it comes out.
So I got a new phone, and I was having trouble getting into my Snapchat, and so I go into his room where he's gaming, and I said, hey, can I borrow your phone? I need to get the login stuff. So he hands me his phone. He doesn't think anything of it.
[00:38:06] Lauren: Oh, I'm shocked. He handed you the phone.
[00:38:07] Jane: Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I had all of his passwords, his codes, all of it. I just. I wanted to believe, and I didn't want to see it, so I didn't check. So I open his phone, and the very first thing that pops up is Snapchat. And it's a conversation and it is. It is between him and this co worker. And he always called me love. And the message was, what are you doing, love.
[00:38:29] Bree: So he was dumb enough to save these conversations.
[00:38:32] Jane: He's not a very smart person, obviously.
[00:38:34] Lauren: And then he's calling. He's using the same pet name.
[00:38:36] Jane: Yes. So at this point, the two of them work together on. On the truck. Like they're partners on, on. Because he ends up working for the same company. And he tells me, oh, I'm not gonna let her go, because, you know, she's a great partner. We work very well together.
Again, another sign that I should have been like, something's up. So I scroll. And he had saved pictures because, you know, if you click on them, it saves them in the little chat. And it was selfies of the two of them. They were sitting on top of a very pretty lookout together with the sunset. Like it was a whole thing.
The only thing they didn't have in the pictures was them kissing or doing anything. So I immediately go off. Like, at this point I'm just. I'm done with everything. I go in there and I tell him what a piece of he is, what a horrible husband he is, how he has just let me down throughout this whole relationship slash marriage, you know, that I've been over backwards to make him happy and he couldn't give me anything. And now he's done it again. He's cheated on me again. And so we had this big fight and I went to bed. I had to work the next morning, so I can't again. I can't miss work. So I go to sleep. I get up the next morning and I'm thinking, okay, you know, he didn't come to bed. Even if we would have the worst fights, he would at least come to bed or he would come apologize. He didn't do it. So I go and I'm walking through the house getting my stuff out of the dryer, and I look in, in his game room and he's still sitting in the same place that he playing on his games. But this time I see two bags packed. I'm very particular about, if you want to be a man, you're going to act like a man. You're going to. You're going to do what needs to be done. So I said, you going somewhere? And he said, I'm 50. 50. And I said, oh, no, you're not called into work. Hey, I'm not going to be there. I go and I change in my Pajamas. I get comfortable because I know that this is about to be war. Yeah.
So we sit there for an hour, like, going back and forth, which I was doing a lot more of the yelling. I was more emotional than him. And you just tell that he wasn't gonna budge. And so finally I said, you want a divorce? You're gonna say it because you're the one who has ruined this marriage. Now, granted, I did have to play my part into it, but the constant infidelity just. It just stacked. Yeah. And it ate away at me as a person. And I think that was a lot of the reasons that I had the emotional affair was because I was that weakened at that point.
[00:40:54] Lauren: So what makes you feel unworthy?
[00:40:56] Jane: Yes.
[00:40:57] Lauren: When they do these. When they have these affairs, whether they're having emotional affairs or they're having the physical affairs, like, it constantly makes you feel unworthy. Like, why am I not good enough? Am I not pretty enough? Is it. What are you not getting from me? Whenever I pay all the bills and I give you everything you want and I give you sex, and I'm not withholding anything. It's not like I'm the girl that says, oh, I have a headache. Oh, I have a stomachache. Like, I'm supporting you. I'm supporting your careers. I'm trying to better you, and yet you still cheat on me.
[00:41:21] Jane: Yes.
[00:41:22] Bree: And typically, like, our responses are based on how they treat us.
[00:41:26] Lauren: Yes.
[00:41:26] Bree: Like we're responding. If you're going to treat us. Like, we're going to respond to that, and it's not going to be in a positive light.
[00:41:32] Jane: Right. And so at this point, again, I'm still trying to save this. And I'm like, no, I really don't want to get divorced. Are you sure? He's like, yeah, I want a divorce. So I call my dad. My dad is the end all. Be all to my world. Yes, he might have been my stepdad, but he's been there since day one. He has saved my life in more ways than I could tell you. Like, he supports me through everything.
If I literally went out and committed a crime, I would only tell him because he would cover it up and he would take care of me.
My dad is the best man in the world.
[00:42:05] Lauren: That sounds amazing.
[00:42:07] Jane: So I call him and I tell them everything. I admitted my faults. I admitted what I did, that I had had this emotional affair. I had talked to someone in a way that was not appealing to anything, even if it was just a relationship where I wasn't married. It was a very chaotic Thing. So my dad is very smart, so he played devil's advocate. He was like, let me get him to admit what he did wrong. So he was like, well, Breettany, if you hadn't done this to him, then he wouldn't have done this, and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, what are you doing? And it took a minute for me to go, what is he doing?
So Huey never admitted to having this affair, even though I saw. I knew it.
So my dad was like, get changed. We're gonna meet your mother for breakfast. Huey, you need to be gone when she gets back. So I end up getting dressed. We go have breakfast. I'm crying the whole time to breakfast, you know? And I'm telling my dad, like, what. What am I. What am I supposed to do? What? This is my second. My second marriage that I'm losing. Is it me? Yeah. And he was like, I'm not going to say that. You are. You are innocent in this. You did make your mistakes. But he goes, I. I know there's somebody else. Based on what I was seeing, I know there's somebody else. And so I was like, okay, fine, whatever. Now, mind you, when he finally said the words, I want a divorce, I had two conflicting emotions. One was, oh, my God, I'm a failure. I'm losing all this. The other was the most pure rush of relief I think I've probably ever felt my entire life.
[00:43:38] Bree: That's how I was with my second.
[00:43:40] Jane: And so I went and had breakfast. My parents. I went and hung out with them for the day, and then I came home, and that's when I realized it's just gonna be me. Like, it's. It's me in my house with my three cats, which I'm okay with.
[00:43:53] Bree: That sounds perfect.
[00:43:54] Jane: They're my babies. So, you know, And I cling to my fur babies there. So at this point, the lease is in my name. The vehicle he's been driving is in my name. And so I'm like, get whatever you want and leave. Get your.
[00:44:06] Lauren: And get out.
[00:44:07] Jane: Yeah. He leaves. He leaves with the TV. I bought him the PlayStation. I bought him. And he took some clothes.
Now, granted, he kept wanting to sell his vehicle that he had outside of the one my parents gave us. And I was like, no, keep it, because if something happens to this one, you know, we'll have a backup. So he had a vehicle. He couldn't say that he was. He didn't have anything.
So he goes and he does his own thing. And I'm finding out. He's like, Going on these dates with this girl. Like the one that he said was nothing was going on. The co worker.
[00:44:36] Bree: Yeah, it's the one you never have to worry about.
[00:44:38] Jane: Yeah. And I was like, cool, whatever. You do your thing. And I tried to move on. Mind you, I'm going through the motions. Like I'm miserable, but then I'm happy, but then I'm sad. And there were a couple instances of things that happened from when we split up until I met my current boyfriend where he had heard stories and he was going around telling rumors about the stories. He heard one, I was sexually assaulted by a friend.
And it wasn't intense, but it was still. He knew what he was doing. He was told to stop.
[00:45:10] Lauren: Yep.
[00:45:10] Jane: He still did it. Yeah. And he comes back, my Huey comes to me and says, well, I heard you and such and such slept together. I was like, what? No, I was like, that is not what happened. Like, he assaulted me. Are you kidding me? And so I. It just, the way he came across was like he wanted to be friends, but on his terms. And I wasn't going to do that. Yeah, he does his own thing with his own people or whatever, but we have such a tight knit community with what we do that I was hearing so many rumors.
So during this point, I found out that someone that was supposed to. Supposed to be friends with both of us closer to him, but both of us had been telling him for years to. To leave me and gave him a spare bedroom to have these affairs.
[00:45:53] Bree: Oh, my God.
[00:45:55] Jane: Yeah. And so this person had a problem with keeping his mouth shut. He never did. So I knew all the tea because everybody he was telling the tea to is friends with me. So they come back and tell me all this stuff. So I'm like, okay, cool, whatever. So May of 2022, I meet the guy that I'm with now.
You read about these guys that come in and they want to do. And they want you to feel happy and they want to take care of her, protect you. Like everything.
He was that person.
Now, we met through Tinder. And I'm at this point, I am living my best whole life. So I did not care.
Didn't care.
And on our first date, no, it was our second date. He told me as he's leaving my house, I'm gonna make you fall in love with me. I was like, the hell you are. I'm not trying to be with anybody. Like, I want to be single. I'm having fun.
So he tells me that. And little lo and behold, we've been together for three years.
So he is the end all. Be all to my world. I love this man with every fiber of my being. And mind you, he's a man. So he's gonna mess up, but he's still. I would not.
[00:47:02] Lauren: He's not out there having affairs with friends and coworkers.
[00:47:05] Jane: And that's what's crazy. And, like, you can tell a difference in relationships. Like, with my ex, I had to have all the codes and everything. With him, we've been together three years. I still don't know the code to his phone. Like, he'll tell me, but I forget it. I don't need to know what's going on. I don't need access to it.
[00:47:19] Bree: You're not in that stage of, like, fight or flight mode.
[00:47:22] Lauren: How did you. How were you able? Because I think it'll be important for, like, our listeners, like, how were you able to.
[00:47:27] Jane: And us.
[00:47:28] Lauren: And us.
[00:47:28] Jane: Yeah.
[00:47:29] Lauren: To get past and trust. Because that's going to be my thing is because I also didn't have his codes and all that until the summer before really hit the fan. And I was like, he is having affairs. Like, he is cheating.
And now he was so good at lying. And as you said, Hughie was also so good at lying. So then how do you learn to trust somebody else when you are with someone who is that good at lying?
[00:47:52] Jane: In the beginning, I could tell he had been through a bad relationship and he wanted to overdo because he wanted me to know that I was the only person he wanted to be with. Like, he was happy.
[00:48:02] Lauren: He was trying to make you feel.
[00:48:03] Jane: Safe, and he did that. I mean, and so I'm very big about submissive and dominance, you know, alpha, all that, because it is a give and a take in a relationship.
[00:48:15] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:48:16] Jane: This man is so.
Like, he knows himself. Like, he is firm in who he is.
This man, for the last three years, every morning I go to work, he puts my boots on me. Like, he does not let me go to work without. And he always gives me a kiss, and he makes sure there's waters in my backpack.
[00:48:34] Bree: So you got a brother?
[00:48:35] Jane: No.
And a lot of people would look at it and say that it's a. A wimpy thing, but. But it's. It's him showing that he cares and he wants to make sure that I'm taken care of. This man will text me in the middle of the day and say, hey, have you eaten?
Hey, what do you want for dinner? Yeah, hey, I'm gonna go to the store. Do you need anything? He Will send me. And this is what's hilarious. He's a hard man. He's prior military. He is, you know, if we had to go, if he had to go against somebody, I would have no worries whatsoever that he would come out on top.
[00:49:06] Bree: Right.
[00:49:08] Jane: He will send me these cute little Facebook reels of the two teddy bears sending each other text message, I miss you, I love you, I miss you and all this stuff. And then you go and you see him and you're like, yeah.
[00:49:19] Bree: These don't match.
[00:49:20] Lauren: No, but it's like the definition of if he wants to, he will and he does.
[00:49:24] Jane: And that's. That is probably. That was. That right there is probably the biggest help. You know, I had to get in therapy. I had to get my medications right. I go to therapy every two weeks. I have a psychiatrist received for my meds. We're in a great regiment. You know, I'll have my spats or my moments where things get, you know, clouded or whatever, but it always comes back around and I get happy. Just I work out of it. Yeah. So mind you, we started dating in middle of 2022. In October of 2022, I get the weirdest freaking message from Huey. And it said, I need you to sign these papers. But if you're not going to sign these papers then you must not want to get divorced. I'll be home at 5, I'm making spaghetti. Do I need to pick up anything from the store? Like in excess succession these messages and I'm like, whiplash. I was like, I was like what?
And I said no, I'm good.
And that didn't feed into it. And like I show my current boyfriend, like I show him, I'm like here, what? Yeah. And he's like, what in the world?
So I was like, haha, I'm a big girl, take care of myself now. And that left it at that.
The very next night we go to Galaxy of Lights. Me, my boyfriend hissed. And he has two kids. So his two kids, my parents, my nieces and nephews, my brother and sister, all of us.
And we take these pictures and we're all happy. And I post them Saturday morning because this is a Friday night. I post them Saturday morning and within two hours I get a text message and it says, I need you to have these papers notarized and signed in the next two days or my lawyer is going to pursue know other stuff, something like this. And I'm like, it is Saturday. Nobody's gonna be open to notarize things. And I'm like, how do you go from this to this in a matter of, like, 24, 48 hours? Like, something didn't add up. So I told him, meet me in this parking lot now. Give me the papers.
[00:51:22] Lauren: Yeah. Is there a reason why at this point, you guys hadn't already signed them?
[00:51:26] Jane: So I told him, you want this divorce, you're gonna pay for it. You're gonna get it. It's all on you. Okay? Because.
[00:51:31] Lauren: So he was taking his time.
[00:51:32] Jane: Yes.
[00:51:32] Lauren: See, I had to do it because I knew to this day Dick and I would still be married because he is lazy. He was married to his first ex wife for, like, years after. And the only reason they ended up divorced is because she finally had to file the paperwork because he wouldn't do it because she was getting ready to marry somebody else.
[00:51:46] Jane: Yeah. So he finally gets, you know, all this stuff going or whatever, and he tells me, hey, I need these papers signed. So I said, meet me at this gas station. And I. We. I'll never forget it.
Me and my boyfriend are up. My boyfriend's driving, and I'm in the passenger. No, I was driving. My boyfriend was in the passenger seat. His two kids are in the back seat, and my boyfriend's best friend at the time was in the car.
So we all roll into the parking lot. Convoy. We all roll into the parking lot. And he walked. Or he pulls up, and the way he pulls up was like, he was gonna T bone us in the parking lot. Just. I was like, okay, whatever. So he gets out and he says, I need these two pieces signed. Like, it says the same thing. Why do you need two of them? And he was like, well, I don't know which one they need.
I'm like, you didn't ask your lawyer?
Well, I don't know which one it is. One of them, you had to have notarized. The other you did not. And I was like, I don't care. I want to be divorced. I don't want to be with you. Whatever. So I said, I'll be back in 30 minutes. And so I go, I find a place that notarize them. Notarize them when I needed, get them signed. Go back. At this point, I'm in the passenger seat. My boyfriend's driving. So my boyfriend rolls the window down. He again pulls up the same way, and he comes over. He goes, thank you. I'll get this filed and get everything going. And I said, okay. And then this most passive aggressive thing ever, he goes, so how are the lights?
And I'm like, the lights?
Yeah, the Galaxy of lights. I saw you went.
And I was like, oh, that triggered it. That's what set him off to do this. Because, like, 24 hours ago, you're talking about coming home. Like, what?
[00:53:15] Bree: Yep.
[00:53:16] Lauren: So real upset, you went. This is all. There's lights with someone else.
[00:53:19] Jane: Yes.
[00:53:20] Bree: God forbid you look at Christmas lights. I love Christmas lights.
[00:53:23] Jane: So he's very, like.
He's very childish. He turns and looks at my boyfriend at the time, and he goes, how's it going, buddy?
My boyfriend goes, it's fine, pal. Rolls the window up and pulls off, and I'm ballsy little.
I'm just like, I just love this man so much.
So a month passes, I find out the divorce is finalized. And I'm so excited. Like, I'm. I'm out the door. Just over the moon. In the divorce decree, it said that at some point, I had to give him half of our previous tax return. And I was holding his half until I knew the divorce was done, because if I was gonna have to file it, I was filing it with his money.
[00:54:07] Lauren: Oh, yeah.
[00:54:09] Jane: So everything gets done. I'm having to find out on my own that the divorce is final. He didn't tell me. He didn't present me with any paperwork, so I have to go out and find out that it's done in passing. I'm pulling into my station at work to go home, and he's standing outside the station talking to other co workers, and apparently he yells when we're pulling in, where's my money? I walked inside and I told my supervisor what happened. That man does not know how close he was to losing that job, because when I told my supervisor, she was immediately walking me to HR to get him fired because of harassment.
[00:54:38] Lauren: You should have.
[00:54:39] Bree: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:54:40] Jane: But I was like, I'm. I'm trying to be a better person. So I was like, I don't want to take away. That's how. This is the only job he has. This is how he makes his money. Like, I don't want to do that again. I'm trying to be a better person. So I just let it go.
[00:54:52] Lauren: You're so nice.
[00:54:52] Bree: You're a much better person than we are, I'll tell you that.
[00:54:55] Jane: He has no idea how close he came to being fired that night. So I get his money to him. I was like, I'm done. This is my job. You're not going to mess with my money. And I sent him this in a text, and I said, any further harassment from you, I will have no problem going and saying Hostile work environment. You contact me again, I'm doing harassment, communication charges.
I'm done. And so he didn't text him anymore. Things were fine. So this is where it gets really juicy.
Over the next couple of years, I'm getting text messages, DMs, and calls about him.
Huey, this is.
He's all over the dating websites. I have a girl asking me why they split. I have a girl asking me about all the things I did to him and why I would do them.
He had told them all the same story, that I was the one that cheated, that I kicked him out and I took everything, everything, and left him in $40,000 worth of debt.
When I found those. That paperwork where he was getting sued, I put all of my extra money into getting his credit better.
He was maybe $2,000 in debt when we split.
Like, I left him sitting. Good.
So he tells them all this, and I'm like, okay, fine, whatever. But then I find out he bought a car. That's where the $40,000 came from. He bought a new car.
[00:56:08] Lauren: I know.
He is Dick.
[00:56:10] Bree: Yo. Seriously? Good God.
[00:56:14] Lauren: So Dick's car got repoed, though.
[00:56:16] Jane: Oh, well, he still has his.
It's just.
[00:56:19] Lauren: He says he sold it. First he said it wasn't his, then I found out it was his, and then he said he sold it. I'm like, yeah, sure you did.
[00:56:24] Jane: Oh, my gosh. Men are just.
[00:56:26] Lauren: They're dumb.
[00:56:27] Jane: So one of my co workers reaches out to me and says, hey, I don't want you to hate me, but we've been dating, and she's new, so we. She didn't know me. No, she didn't know me before we got divorced. And she tells me he spent the whole first date talking about me.
And I'm like, wait, what? So she tells me all this stuff, and I'm like, what?
And I'm like, I'm so sorry. So she tells me he's doing the same M.O. love bombing. He then ghost her, and then he'll then a love bumper. I want to be with you. Let's have kids. Let's move in together. Oh, I don't want to be with you. He was sneaking her out of back doors at the fire station after they would sleep together.
And the thing that broke my heart the most for her is she said that we would sleep together. He'd sneak me out. But before, after we got done, he would hand me a dirty towel to clean myself with.
[00:57:14] Lauren: Oh.
[00:57:15] Jane: I was like, oh, no.
A dirty towel?
[00:57:18] Lauren: That's so gross.
[00:57:19] Jane: Yes. And I was like, okay, I had to move all my stuff out of the house because at this point, I'm kind of living with my boyfriend. I'm kind of live at my house. So I had to move out of the house that me and Huey had lived in. So as I'm moving out of this house, I find cell phones and electronics and stuff that I know didn't belong to him. Because if it was his, why does it have a man holding a child as the background? That's not a default photo. I'm like, where is all this stuff coming from? I mean, it was. He was. He was a thief through and through.
These things were hidden throughout this house.
And I'm like, I know I didn't buy them. I know our bank account. I know he didn't buy them. Where are they coming from?
So he had stolen all this stuff, and I'm just like, whatever. So he's still going around telling these women that I would not let him keep his stuff, that I kicked him out with nothing. And I'm like, I was begging you to come get your stuff because it was less stuff that I had to get out of the house.
You chose not to come get it.
[00:58:14] Lauren: Dick said the same thing, that I didn't let him take his stuff. And I'm like, you literally took everything and then you sold it, and then you used all that money to love bomb women, and now you're out of money and you're upset.
[00:58:23] Jane: Yep. And so I never kept his things. Things. I didn't want any of his stuff. No.
[00:58:27] Lauren: Hell no.
[00:58:28] Jane: I didn't want anything from our wedding. Well wishes and stuff from our wedding. Threw it away. Didn't even think twice. So I move on by my house. My boyfriend and I officially move in because we've been splitting the time. Things are going great. But here, recently, I would post things on Facebook.
Now, mind you, I didn't delete my ex because remember how I said I was spiteful? I want you to see me winning because I'm winning at life right now. Yeah, I've gone on all these amazing trips. I have this amazing man who I honestly, he. He probably thinks I hung the moon because he is just that amazing to me.
[00:58:59] Lauren: I love that for you.
[00:59:01] Jane: But my ex comes on, he starts commenting, random stuff. I mean, it was like the dumbest things. Like, I posted a video of a tornado, and he said tornado chasing blow. And just. Just stupid stuff. And then I. The one that got me. And it was great. I have guys that I played video games with for about 20 years now. One of them I'm very close with. I. I was there before his daughter. I sent his daughter birthday gifts. I'm. I love this kid. Never. We've never met in person, but we are good friends. Yeah.
I posted a thing and it said, being an adult is realizing that Snapchat is useless. Yep. This guy friend of mine is the very first person to comment. He goes, snapchat is for cheating.
[00:59:39] Lauren: Yep.
[00:59:39] Jane: And I said, that is how I caught my. Comes on there and comments about how social media or Snapchat is best social media ever. And that.
And. And just goes on this dissertation about Snapchat being the greatest thing ever.
So all my friends are commenting otherneath, like, you know, popcorn eating emojis. They're blowing my phone up. They're like, is he stupid?
[01:00:02] Lauren: Yes.
[01:00:03] Jane: I was like, yes.
This is what I dealt with. And they were always like, my friends and my family always told me he pulled the wool over their eyes because they never expected him to be that person.
[01:00:14] Lauren: Yeah. Same with mine.
[01:00:15] Jane: And I said, I never told you all the bad things because I didn't want that to change your opinion. I wanted y' all to form your own opinions, see what was going on, and then go from there. And all of that sucked. Me losing that marriage, it really sucked. But the thing that hurt the most is seeing what he did to my parents.
[01:00:31] Lauren: Yes.
Yes. I am angry.
[01:00:34] Jane: Oh, yes. Yeah.
[01:00:35] Lauren: Because I have the same kind of relationship with my, like, dad too. Like, he, he. I love that man. And so I'm pissed. And like, I was seeing my dad cry because he. Of what dick did to me.
[01:00:47] Jane: Yeah. Yeah.
[01:00:48] Lauren: Oh, well.
[01:00:49] Bree: Seeing how they can get, like, your parents to trust them and, like, that hurts worse than them breaking, like, my trust.
[01:00:57] Jane: Yes.
[01:00:58] Bree: Seeing that relationship form and develop and because, I mean, they're from a different.
Obviously a different generation, but like a different time that we are. So, like, they'll trust you. If they have good reason, they'll trust you. And that's the sucky part.
[01:01:11] Jane: And that's one thing that my dad, he's very good about, reading between the lines. Yeah. And my dad, even though they said, you know, in the beginning, they were like, because he was like nine years younger than me, they're like, he's too young for you. Blah, blah, blah. And then the way that he just wove himself into our lives, I mean, I can tell you the first time my parents met him, like, we were just friends. My mom goes, please don't date him. He's too young.
Fast forward, we Got married.
[01:01:36] Lauren: Yeah.
[01:01:37] Jane: And so the commenting on my Facebook and all that stuff, it was. It was super childish. So I finally said. I posted something that said something along the lines of, if you're gonna talk about me or something, feel free to comment on this post or something like that. And he commented something, and it was like, talking about me not being the one to let things go. And I'm like, this coming from the man who has done nothing but sit and talk about me on his dates with all these girls. Like, and he called me a clown. And the thing that's what really made me mad is that he said that I was the clown because I couldn't let things go.
And I was like, excuse me, how am I the clown when you. Literally every first date, you talk about me.
[01:02:18] Lauren: Also, you're commenting on my Facebook.
[01:02:19] Jane: Thank you. Like, why? What. What purpose is there in this? And I wish that I could find it. Oh, my goodness, I wish I could find it and let y' all so see what he actually posted. Because, I mean it. I was livid.
And when I tell you, my boyfriend, this is what it was, the peace I feel without your presence in my life is worth being the villain in your story.
[01:02:40] Lauren: I love that.
[01:02:41] Jane: And he said, I wouldn't say villain. More like someone who can't go and let go and move on and post cryptic posts on Facebook and put a clown emoji at the bottom.
[01:02:51] Bree: And I'd say, well, you're the still the one that's friends with me.
[01:02:54] Jane: So I deleted him and blocked him. I went on every single form of social media and blocked him. I've told my friends, I don't care. I don't care what happens to him. Don't call me, don't text me, no nothing. I don't care. And so, you know, my boyfriend. I had to keep my boyfriend in check during this because he was livid.
[01:03:13] Lauren: Yeah.
[01:03:13] Jane: Like, as if there's one thing that you will not do when it comes to me is you will not talk to me. You've not talked down to me. Disrespectful.
But you will also not make me feel bad about myself, because that man has spent the last three years building every ounce of respect and happiness and so hard to put into words how hard it was to just allow him to do this, because, like I said, he told me, second date. I'm gonna make you fall in love with me. And I was like, no, you're not. And he fought tooth and nail and made it happen. And so when he saw that On Facebook. He was mad.
He wanted blood. At this point. Point, I'm like, you've got two kids. I've got my, you know, my life and my career. And he's in school right now to get a better job. And I'm like, I'm not letting him ruin any more of us. One thing I did was talk to my therapist about coming on the podcast. I said, I've let this man live rent free in my head for three years, and I never really got to put my side of the story out there. His whole family thinks I'm the one who cheated. They think that I'm the one. That I'm the one that wanted the divorce. I did all these things. None of them have ever reached out to me to see what truly happened. And they know what a pathological liar he is. Yes.
[01:04:16] Bree: They don't.
[01:04:17] Jane: Yeah. I'm like, so it is what it is. Whatever. So I told my therapist, I'm gonna go do this podcast. Do you think it's a good idea? And she said, I think this will be the nail in the coffin. And once it's done, you've already deleted him off social media. He's out of all of your belongings. Delete everything about him out of your phone. He no longer exists. And if there's one thing that I'm very good about, is I can make you question your own existence, because I will make you think that you're not standing in front of me when you are.
[01:04:43] Lauren: Yeah.
[01:04:44] Jane: And so, you know, to tie it all together, you know, I have an amazing boyfriend. I have, you know, this amazing, wonderful family that really saved me. They built me back up. You know, therapy's going great. My therapist, I could not say enough good stuff about her.
[01:04:57] Lauren: Well, tell her she's welcome to come on, because we have therapists that come on.
[01:05:00] Jane: She is amazing. Like, I'm thinking, oh, she's gonna be professional. No. This girl will cuss worse than me, and I need her. I'm like. I'm like, doc, I love you.
And so, you know, looking back at all of it, I've learned to look for the red flags. And women are built with intuition because we're supposed to be able to keep ourselves being that they say we're weaker, keep ourselves out of bad situations, away from the hunter.
So our intuition is literally that. It's our body saying, bad situation. Absolutely.
[01:05:31] Bree: Trust your gut.
[01:05:32] Jane: And so now I can say, I'm done with him. I've walked away. I. I've. I've built myself back. I'm Everything is going great for me. I. I couldn't tell you a single thing that's going wrong. Like, I've literally just got offered a different position at my company doing something I'm super passionate about.
And my boyfriend and I are talking about going on all these trips, you know, like, vacation.
It's amazing looking back on it. Yes, what he did was trashy. Yes. The situations he put me in were terrible.
Yes, I did screw up. I made my own problems within my marriage. But at the end of it, you know, I can honestly say that I allowed myself to be open after my first marriage, and I learned. I grew from it. I've learned that I will never rely on a man.
[01:06:18] Bree: Absolutely.
[01:06:18] Jane: I will say the biggest piece of advice I can give anyone. There's a difference between need and want. I don't need you. I want you. And it's a whole different level of power because I can survive without my boyfriend, even though I love him and I don't want to. Right. I can pay my own bills. I can take care of myself. I have my own job, everything. I want him there. Yep. And because of that, it is a lot more empowering for me because I can say I don't have to put up with it. If by some chance my boyfriend started being a douche. Yeah. I don't ever see happening. I could look at him and say, you know what? I don't need you here. And I don't have to question it.
[01:06:55] Lauren: Yeah.
[01:06:55] Jane: And so it's. It's a whole different level of empowerment when you're able to look at it and say, I don't need a man. Yeah. Because I genuinely. I don't. And my mom said it to me the other day. She goes, I think you're better at a girl being a girlfriend than a wife. And I was like, thanks, I think.
And so, you know, my boyfriend tells me all the time, he's like, you know, I want to get married. You know, I want you to have my last name. All these things. And I'm like, after the first. The first one he made, he made it so suck. The second one took all the desire to be married out of the sales.
[01:07:27] Lauren: Amen.
[01:07:28] Jane: The. The boyfriend I have now, if we do anything, it'll be even though they don't see it anymore, the common law marriage. Because I was about to say, there.
[01:07:37] Bree: Ain'T nothing wrong with common law, honey.
[01:07:38] Jane: Because we live together, we pay all our bills together. Like, we have a great life together. So that's awesome. It's. It's definitely. It's. It's definitely been a rough last 10 years, but it's getting better.
[01:07:51] Lauren: Well, I'm so thankful that you came on and shared your story and that it ends in us, like, with. In such a positive way.
[01:07:58] Jane: Oh, yeah.
[01:07:58] Lauren: And that your life is going so well for you. And I wish all the negative karma on Huey every day, Every day of it.
Him and Dick can ride off in the sunset together. They should be in number two, and they should all. They should have a threesome and be best friends.
[01:08:15] Jane: I agree with this wholeheartedly.
[01:08:17] Lauren: So. But thank you for coming on and.
[01:08:19] Jane: Thanks for having me.
[01:08:21] Lauren: We will see you guys next week.
[01:08:23] Jane: See you, Sam.
