Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Spill the Tea unfiltered.
[00:00:03] Speaker B: Hey, guys.
[00:00:04] Speaker A: Hey. So how was your week?
[00:00:07] Speaker B: It was really good. I've been enjoying having a break from school. So it's been a good week.
[00:00:12] Speaker A: Good.
I was in Memphis, and so I didn't realize that Facebook dating, you could just. It will let you temporarily, like, for so many hours, scroll without joining.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: I think they were trying to get me back probably. And I'm like, no. But I was like, let me see what's out here. And so I screenshotted some stuff that's pretty entertaining. Also aggressive.
So, like this man, he says, own house, own ride, father, and my child comes first. Traveler, foodie. I can get things off the top shelf from you for you, but come at me correctly.
You get me. You give what you get. I'm like, okay.
[00:00:55] Speaker B: Do you really expect anything different in Memphis, though?
[00:00:57] Speaker A: No.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: It's a scary place over there. Oh, my God.
That's enough reasons not to travel to Memphis.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: Yeah, it was.
It was a lot. This guy says no one reads them anyway. Talking about his bio. I'm like, women do, though.
Women do. We read them because we're like, are you getting it on chat? GPT? Are you putting in any effort at all? Oh, no. You couldn't even put in anything.
So the effort you're probably going to give in a relationship is none. So I screenshotted this because he has the same thing that Dick has in a lot of his. Not living in the fast lane, but just want to find someone to do this thing called life.
Oh. And that's a really common one for a lot of guys too. Like, just looking for someone to do this thing called life. I'm like, I don't know, get some friends, right?
[00:01:39] Speaker B: You're the one I have to be a woman.
[00:01:41] Speaker A: You're the one I want to do life with. Like, not these fucking idiots, right? Oh, gross.
So this guy says, message me first.
My snap is scary in his photos also, his. His snap name.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: No.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, just.
[00:02:00] Speaker B: No.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: It's like satanic. We're just gonna go with that. Like, it's on. It's on the level of, like, satanic stuff. And he wants you to snap him first.
Yeah.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: Oh, he thinks he's hot.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: He really does.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: What is going on?
[00:02:14] Speaker A: Like, this is the kind of guy who would call us fat.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: Yeah. But, like, what's going on? What?
[00:02:19] Speaker A: I have no idea.
I have no idea.
Um. Oh, I screenshotted this one because when the bio doesn't match, like, what you're actually looking for Right. So he says, single, looking to getting to know some of you along the way, but hoping to find my person. I'm a one woman kind of guy and I genuinely.
If I'm genuinely interested in someone who'll have my full attention. I don't entertain multiple women. Which isn't true because you're saying you want to get to know multiple people. So you are entertaining multiple women. At first. But there's that. But what is his. What is he looking for? He's looking for chatting and friendship and something casual and a long term relationship. Like no bro.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: So he doesn't know what he actually wants.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: Exactly.
Or they just. They don't actually want the long term relationship, but they know that that will immediately cut out a lot of women.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: Oh yeah. Because most of us are not on there for hookups.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: Right. So they. They put that on there and I'm like.
And it's. I just can't. And then this guy. I forget to check this often. So if you want to talk to me faster, here's my snap.
[00:03:22] Speaker B: No.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: Immediate no. Like immediate. No, sir. You are in your mid-30s. Why do you have a Snapchat?
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Touche.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: Great.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: Proud of me? I deleted mine.
[00:03:31] Speaker A: Yay. I'm so proud of you.
This guy has a duck face.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: Well, why, like why guys do the duck face? I don't get it.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: You're 40.
Why are you doing it?
[00:03:43] Speaker B: I don't understand why men want to use the duck face. It's not cute. It really isn't even cute when girls do it. But it's especially not cute when guys do. It's just weird.
[00:03:52] Speaker A: He says personalities welcome, losers laughed at and liars are scorned looking for chatting, friendship, and something casual. So at least he didn't put the long term thing on there. But you know what that says to me? He's married. Probably gross.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: Duck face.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: This guy has so many emojis in the bio.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: Did Chat GPT write that?
[00:04:12] Speaker A: Possibly.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: Had to. And he probably had to put in there to put a lot of emojis in because that's a lot. Like, I don't know when I'm typing
[00:04:20] Speaker A: to think about putting that many in so many emojis. So many emojis. I cannot.
I cannot.
I.
[00:04:30] Speaker B: What did he say about toxic? My toxic can be good and bad.
Well, not with all those emojis.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: Yeah. I was like, I can't.
No.
Then this guy is a.
He's. He's a fitness instructor and he's looking for business. So he's like, he's Basically, like, book the fitness session or massage.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: Hey, Abby, that is a great way. Okay. And I actually. I was like, he's cute. Like, I would go to his class.
[00:05:03] Speaker A: I've screenshotted this guy because he's a big Disney fan, and Disney adults listen. I love Disney. But as a man, if you are obsessed with Disney to the point that the only thing in your bio is big Disney fan, and you are almost 40, well, look at all the kids
[00:05:16] Speaker B: he has in the background. I'm sure he is a big Disney fan.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: I'm scared.
Yeah, I'm scared. Absolutely not.
Look, there's a fish.
[00:05:25] Speaker B: It's a pretty big fish.
[00:05:27] Speaker A: I have been divorced for two years. Haven't dated no one in, like a year.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: Well, I hope at least he's took time for himself. I mean, he's just a big redneck.
[00:05:39] Speaker A: He really is.
[00:05:41] Speaker B: But I like a man that can fish, though. Like, because I want to go fish.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Don't put that as your first picture. Do not put that as your first picture. I have issues.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: I have a. I have a photo of me fishing. On my dating profile.
[00:05:52] Speaker A: This guy says he very secure for a gentleman and definitely in a safe place in life. He's loving and enjoying life. She tired of puppies.
[00:05:59] Speaker B: She.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: She want a big dog. A big dog?
[00:06:03] Speaker B: No, I don't.
I don't know. No.
He looks stoned.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Well, he's the good guy, unless he has to be the bad guy.
Oh, so he beats women.
And then this guy has not only his Snapchat, he's 41. Not only does he have his.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: I've seen him before.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: Oh, well, he's a Memphis.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: He was in Memphis.
[00:06:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
Not only does he have a snap, he has his IG and his TikTok.
So he really, really.
[00:06:32] Speaker B: I mean, at this point, he probably just wants followers.
[00:06:34] Speaker A: Yes. Now, this guy, this picture got me who.
[00:06:38] Speaker B: He's. He's good looking.
[00:06:39] Speaker A: His arm is huge. And so I was like, oh, okay. But again, I don't check this very often. Add me on snap. Sir, you are in your late 30s.
Why do you have a snap?
And then he says, I also don't know why men keep trying to match with me. Stop, sir.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: It's those big arms.
[00:06:59] Speaker A: Are you sure?
Are you sure, sir? Are you sure?
[00:07:04] Speaker B: Not this guy biting his lip.
[00:07:06] Speaker A: Yep, he's biting his lip. He has his Instagram. So not a snap, but an Instagram. And it says, I'm just here to serve you. Come correct.
This is what's out there. Like, this is crazy to me.
This Guy don't have any kids, don't want any drama. All I do is work and come home and ride my motorcycle. Okay. Dick 2.0.
He's in his 40s, and as soon as I saw that, I was like, please keep the drama out of my life. If you feel the need to say that, then you are the drama. I don't know how many times I have to say that, but you are the drama.
[00:07:38] Speaker B: I don't have to tell anybody. Keep me keep the drama out of my life. I just keep it out.
[00:07:42] Speaker A: I didn't have any drama until Dick.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: No. So I still don't have any drama.
[00:07:47] Speaker A: Yeah, like that. Immediately, I was just like, okay. And then this guy, his. His bio just says, I'm good.
[00:07:55] Speaker B: He's a coach.
[00:07:56] Speaker A: Yeah. So those are some of the ones from Memphis that I've seen. So that just goes to show that the options aren't great anywhere. Here, there, anywhere.
Yeah.
So we had a listener send in a story, and it's my first time reading it all the way through too.
So you ready for this?
[00:08:18] Speaker B: Here we go.
[00:08:19] Speaker A: It's gonna be a surprise for us both.
You got your coffee? You ready?
[00:08:22] Speaker B: Oh, I'm literally dead.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: All right, so it starts out with.
So how did you two meet?
Oh, we were actually high school sweets sweethearts. I used to love being able to tell people that, even if I could feel them internally rolling their eyes and cringing almost every time. Maybe especially so because I knew what they were thinking. Bless her heart. Thank you. That will never last. And I would somewhat relish in it because I was so sure of how wrong they were. We were different. Our love story was different. And in. In a way, it really was. We met through a mutual friend when we were 15 years old at a local grocery store. The mutual friend was one of my best friends at the time, and he was her then boyfriend.
Not long after, she and I lost touch. And with him going to another school before, you know, in the prehistoric days before socials, I didn't see him or give him much thought. Then the summer before my senior year of high school, we reconnected. He pursued me, and just like that, we were a couple. We dated our entire senior year, continued through my first year of college. I chose to leave our hometown to attend college about an hour and a half away. With the naive belief that we would make it work. We, in fact, did not.
After that somewhat tumultuous year, we decided to call it and go our separate ways and actually went no contact for quite some time. Flash forward to post college where I was living with my most recent college boyfriend in Birmingham. And he reaches out to me out and. And my ex reached out to me out of the blue. We were both in unhappy semi toxic relationships and spent most our conversation laminating over them. The following year we found ourselves out of those relationships and talking more and more often. And then he called to tell me that his dad passed. Had passed away. We were 23 at the time and the next time I saw him was at the funeral where I attended with my mom.
And was the first time his mom and my mom had actually met. Perhaps it was the deep sadness or the trauma bonding or the nostalgia or slight delusion, but something about all of this reconnected us.
It felt so real and in a way, kismet. Things continued develop to develop between us, reigniting so many feelings to the point where. Where it felt as though we might give it another shot. Even though I was living in Birmingham and he was down in New Orleans. And then I got the job offer of my dreams in my dream city, Chicago. And I took it. As you should. Yes, proud of you. Understandably hurt by this, he once again went no contact with me while I packed up and made my life 700 miles away from where I was in a thousand miles away from him. But then after living my best sex in the city life for several months, he flew into town to surprise me for my 25th birthday. And it was at that point I told him, if you can let me live out this dream for at least another year and we can do long distance, then I'll move to New Orleans for you.
And that is exactly what we what I did.
And then she says, dear reader, never leave your dream city for a man.
And that is 100% accurate?
[00:11:25] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Do not move.
Leave your dream city, leave your dream job, Never give up your dreams for a man because they wouldn't do it for you.
And a lot of times it ends up, you know, going down. She calls this next section the omen.
He ended up proposing at a stopover in Alabama before continuing our trek to New Orleans. It was on the last leg of our trip that we we learned we were driving quite literally into a hurricane.
He assured me it wasn't a big deal and that they were actually exaggerating how bad it would be.
I think you can see where this is going.
We finally arrived, our first night together in our new apartment in a new to me city, freshly engaged. And I was riding the high on the excitement of the past few days. And with blind optimism of the future until the lights went out, literally. The hurricane had made landfall and it had taken the power with it. I hadn't even unpacked my bag. Our power remained out for an entire week and we had four people, one of which was an infant step, staying with us because their situations were far worse. I remember thinking, if we could survive this, we can survive anything, instead of seeing it for what it really was, an omen. A year later, we were married. Two years later, we were your stereotypical young married couple with two dogs living in the New Orleans burbs. And three years later, we were thankfully leaving New Orleans and moving back to Alabama. The next few years would be glorious and mundane and hard and beautiful and challenging and enlightening. We battled through job loss, family, family trauma, infertility, and years of being apart as much as we were together due to his work travel. But we always managed to find a way through together.
And then 2023 happened. She calls this the downfall. So it was late March, and I had just completed my second round of ivf. I hate that you had to go through that. That's a hard thing to go through. We were waiting anxiously, more anxiously than ever before, as this was our last dish effort to have children after several failed IUI procedures and multiple miscarriages.
When we finally got the call with the devastating news that it again had not worked, I was gutted. I spent the next month or so oscillating between absolute grief spiral and dissociation fueled happy facade, like pure survival mode. He was never one to show much, if any emotion or know how to offer me comfort or support in any real way. So I did my best to hold my feelings close so as not to burden him with them.
That sucks. You shouldn't have to do that.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Right?
[00:13:57] Speaker A: Like you should be able to rely on your partner and tell them how you feel.
[00:14:00] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: As the weeks went on and the fog and grief began to lift ever so slightly, I started to notice changes in him. His demeanor, his behavior, his habits, his schedule. I did what a lot of us tend to do. I thought it was me. I thought I was being crazy or dramatic or paranoid. I started to think the pain of our recent losses were affecting him in a bigger and deeper way than I realized and or that he was quietly struggling with his mental health. So I did something else a lot of us tend to do. I overcompensated. I was overly attentive, extra understanding, completely forgiving. I wanted to talk more about deeper things, spend more time connecting, Plan the next year of our Life together. And then one day in June, on a work trip to Florida, it happened again. He went. No contact.
I texted and I called him and. And I called and I texted to no avail. I pleaded with him to just let me know he was okay for days.
When he finally responded, he gave me some lame ass excuse about how he needed space. Did I mention he was currently in Florida and traveling more than half the year?
So he was cheating, but he would be coming home soon and we would talk then. Okay, I thought, he's clearly going through something and work has been really stressing him out lately and he just needs to come home and we'll talk about it and everything will be fine. Dear reader, everything would not be fine. Not even a little bit. On his way home, I think I watched his little avatar from his shared location travel all the way from central Florida back to Alabama. I was anxious but hopeful for him to get home, for us to get all this sorted out. But then I saw the avatar go past our neighborhood and then go dark. Oh, and then disappear altogether. Oh, I was in full panic mode. I called him relentlessly, but every call went unanswered. I text him, begging him to come home like he promised. No response. Finally, my wits end. I called his best friend and asked if he'd heard from him. He assured me he hadn't, but he would help me try to find him. At some point, I convinced him he was having some sort of mental break and may potentially harm himself. So I did the only thing I could think to do at that moment. I got in my car and started driving by all the places I thought he might be.
After the fifth or sixth place I checked, his friend called me back to see if I found him. In full hysterics at this point, I told him that I hadn't. And then he very calmly said to me, hold on a second, I'm going to give you an address.
I have no idea if he's here or not, and you can't ask me where it is or why. I. I think he might be there, but it's a Hail Mary I'm throwing out to you. Sending it now.
As soon as the address dropped into our text thread, I plugged it into maps while simultaneously googling it for any context. And boy, did I get some.
I recognized the name immediately. I almost swerved off the road when it popped up in a search. It was the same last name of a girl who was one of his employees.
At this point, my head and my heart were trying to out pound each Other as I got closer and closer, what I had hoped wouldn't be my final destination, I pulled up to the side of the house. It was 1am and in the driveway, his truck.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: No.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: It was then that I had what I can only describe as an out of body experience. I was suddenly overcome with fear, sadness, confusion, but mostly rage. Girl, good same. I would have been too.
[00:17:03] Speaker B: I'd be beaten on that door.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Almost instinctively, his best friend was calling me back, no doubt see if his prediction had been correct. I started to hash out my half baked plan which involved me bashing in his windshield, storming, storming the house and dragging him onto the street, but most assuredly going to jail. Instead, I stood in front of the car, in front of my car, staring at his for a moment, snapped a few quick pictures. Then by the grace of God or whatever greater entity is running this insane show that we call life, I got back in my car and went.
As soon as I pulled into my house, I got a text from him saying I'm sorry. I'm okay. I'm staying at my mom's tonight. I'll come over tomorrow and we can talk then. I'm pretty sure I sobbed and seized myself to sleep that night, fearing that it would come. What would come in the morning? Except deep down I already knew. He still couldn't admit it. He sat on our couch while I sat on the living room floor begging him to just tell me the truth, tell me what was going on. And it wasn't until I plainly asked, are you having an affair? That he finally admitted with a simple, meek yes. We sat there in silence as the tiny, weak, pitiful affirmation reverberating all around us. And then I broke that silence with something I think shocked me even more than it shocked him.
I know I have it in my heart to forgive you and I know we can work through it if you want to. She says please hold all Tammy when it references, please.
But I told him he would first have to tell me everything and I meant everything. For how long? Apparently it's been for several months after our last IVF treatment failed. How did it start? Flirting on work and then on Snapchat, of course. Or as I call it, the Devil's app. Yes, I love that it is the devil's app. I 100 agree with that. The why her question. I never got a straight answer for this one, but since she was his 24 year employee, 13 years his junior, and the only girl in such close, constant proximity to him that was of that age, that was my best guess. The why at all question also never really got a straight answer on this one, but something to do with him, quote unquote struggling and of course the do you love her? Something he he of course denied. Additional stipulations included attending marriage counseling, going to individual therapy and going non contact with her for starters. All of which he agreed to. But he knew what I had yet to figure out. We were too far gone. Everything had changed. We were heading for a downfall or heading from downfall into full free fall and there was no going back to the way that it was.
We did the counseling, we did the therapy. I tried.
I tried to find that closeness and safety and trust for him again. To be honest, I forced myself to. I gave him space. I learned. I leaned into the perfect wife tropes all to try and please him and remind him why I was the better choice, why we were the better choice, why none of this was worth blowing up our whole lives. But I would learn, sadly not soon enough, that none of that would matter. None of it would make a difference. He had already made up his mind and come November, that would become all too clear. I woke up the morning that morning to a message from the same best friend who had sent me the address that fateful night back in June. And it read something along the lines of I'm so sorry. I just found out and I couldn't. I couldn't not tell you. She's in Cincinnati with him. I'm sorry.
I think that's the moment I may have quite literally levitated off the bed.
Allah the Exorcist.
My whole body was so funny. My whole body was pulsing and my head was reeling as I was trying to process what he was telling me. He had done it again. Or did he ever stop? I couldn't think about that now. Not yet. Instead, I got up and started getting myself together while calling my best friend to have her talk me off the ledge. And after an hour or so of me verbally processing everything with her, I decided to go through with my trip to visit my sisters in their college town. I still to this day don't know how I made it there intact. But as I was driving down I65, this new feeling suddenly came over me. Not fear, not sadness, not even anger, but clarity. That was it. I was done. And I knew then what I had to do when he called to tell me about his day and that he missed me and loved me all on knowing he had his side piece holed up there in some mid hotel close by. I gave a Meryl Streep level performance playing along that everything was fine. Dear reader, everything was not fine.
[00:21:24] Speaker B: She is hilarious.
[00:21:25] Speaker A: I know. I love her. She's so funny.
We both got home the next day. I confronted him the first time I found out.
I was so consumed with the shock and the sorrow of it all, I couldn't even begin to feel angry. But that was now long gone. This time, my body literally vibrated from the rage pouring out of me. I would tell you all the cutting triads I unleashed on him in that moment, but I fear I blacked out and don't remember too much of what happened next. Okay. I feel that that happened, though. That happened with me and Dick.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:55] Speaker A: Like when? When I saw you and him at the theater. And then when I finally got to see him again for the first time, I said so much stuff and I don't remember a thing.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: I don't know how you held your composure when we were at the theater. Like, why couldn't you come? Said, hey, girl, he's married. I'd be like, oh, I' yeah.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: Hey, can I hang out with you?
[00:22:13] Speaker B: Can I hang out with you instead?
[00:22:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I'll buy your popcorn. That would have been so funny.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: You can have his seat.
[00:22:19] Speaker A: Yeah, that would have been great. Oh, man, that's so funny. So she says. I fear I blacked out and don't remember too much what happened next. Only that I told him we were officially done and that he had to leave before he did. He mustered up what little audacity he must have had left in him and asked, what makes this time different? Why is it over now? The only words I could summon in that moment were before I was willing to accept that you had just been dishonest, that you cheated, that you had a lapse in judgment. But you have now shown me that you are a liar, that you are a cheater, and that you have no regard or respect for me and the life that we built together. This is no longer a thing that you did. It's just who you are and snaps for that, ma', am, like 100%.
This man, who I thought I knew better than I knew myself, had now become a stranger to me. And with that, he left and moved in with his mom, leaving me alone to pick up the broken pieces of our now broken home.
After the dust settled, his things left at the house, and the ink dried on the divorce agreement, I found myself trying to make sense of it all. Were there red flags that I missed? Any obvious moments that screamed adulterer? Had I been manipulated, gaslit, bamboozled, or even worse, naive. Even with time and the benefit of hindsight, I still couldn't see where I had gone wrong after. How after 22 years of knowing one another and and a decade of marriage, could this have happened? I kept going round and round with myself, trying to, as my therapist would often remind me, apply logical thinking to an illogical act which is 100% correct. That's something I've also gone through with my therapist and I just couldn't seem to let it go until I read a quote by Lauren Eden. Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: I like that.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: It's a very powerful quote. That is very powerful and that changed everything for me. I was trying to make this about myself when in actuality it was about him. It was his internal struggles, his lack of emotional intelligence, his self loathing. I now realized that there hadn't been any cheater red flags, only now obvious indicators of what incredibly weak man he was and is. And just like that, I was free from the guilt and the shame and the disappointment in myself that I've been harboring for far too long. She says now Dear reader, I want you to know that after hearing my story, if you feel that even the slightest bit sorry for me, please don't. As I sit here today, two years this month, post divorce, congratulations.
With a job that fulfills me, deep friendships that sustain me, family that supports me, two hella cute dogs that entertain me, I am thriving in every literal sense of the word. That's not to say I still don't have hard days or moments of sadness over what was lost. But those feelings are soon quelled when I remember all that I've gained. And I've gained so much. So if you've experienced something similar, just know that there is light on the other side. It won't always feel like that. In fact, some days will feel damn near impossible to survive. But you will. I wasn't sure if I would ever trust myself again, put myself out there again, love again. But since then I've managed a chaotic situationship, a long and loving relationship, a good old fashioned unhinged por post divorce summer for good measure.
Fling.
We're really living and laughing and loving in 2024. What can we say?
And if I can do it, I promise you can too. And I'm proud to say that all of what I've gained and what I've overcome and what I've accomplished, I did so without having to stoop to Any level of pettiness. I mean, did I get the car? Yes. Did I get the dog? Also yes. Did I get the house? Yes. Did I hook up with his best friend? Yes. Just kidding. Or am I?
[00:25:54] Speaker B: See, that's what I'm talking about.
Kudos to that girl.
[00:25:57] Speaker A: I love that.
That was such a good story. And I hate you obviously went through it, but it's such a positive like on the other side. Right. Story.
And, and still like, you know, the question of, you know, did she. You'll never know.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: At least I'm not the only one.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: But I love that it's just like, you know, holding. She still held him accountable.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I love that.
[00:26:25] Speaker A: And, and that's what, that's what this is all about for, for us is like, let's tell the stories. Everyone knows that you're not alone. So everybody can like bond over that. Us women can be there and support each other through all the bull crap that we go through as women in these relationships. But also, let's hold these men accountable for whenever they make horrible decisions and they may they have bad behavior and, and you know, shame. Obviously we didn't talk about her, but shame on the mistress because I'm guessing she knew he was married since it was 100.
[00:26:58] Speaker B: Since it was some women who just do not care.
[00:27:00] Speaker A: And shame on them.
[00:27:02] Speaker B: I really like that she pointed out that it wasn't just a mishap and judgment and that it was his character. Because at the end of the day, like when these men say, oh, well, you got fat in this relationship. That's why I cheated. Or maybe you weren't doing enough or whatever. No, that's not the case. It's not what you're not doing. It's that they're in a battle with themselves and it's a character flaw. It is all on them.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:26] Speaker B: Because if it was you, they would have left.
[00:27:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:30] Speaker B: But they stay because they want you. But they also want attention from everybody else because they have low self esteem.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: Right. And, and it's, it's a full on like integrity thing because, you know, we, we get people all the time on our apps that'll say things like, well, what do you like? What did you do to cause the divorce? What did you do to cause the cheating? And it's like those, the men that are saying those things are the ones who do it because they have no integrity and they have low self esteem and they hate themselves for whatever reason and the only thing they can do is blame women.
So absolutely, it is A them problem, not an us problem. And I'm so glad that she shared that, and I'm glad that she's thriving and living her best life.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: Yeah, me too. And I really like, you know, that post you posted this past week that talked about, you know, that we should hold. Hold our friends accountable if they're cheating.
[00:28:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:21] Speaker B: On their significant, like, be like, hey, dude, I don't want to be your friend.
[00:28:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:25] Speaker B: I have always been that way.
But, like, to me, it is an integrity issue. So if you're telling this person you love them and you're still doing them dirty, well, what are you going to do to me? Because you're not madly in love with me. So how are you. How loyal are you going to be to me?
[00:28:41] Speaker A: Right. What kind of friendship. Loyalty in the friendship are you going to be if you can't even be loyal to your spouse?
[00:28:46] Speaker B: Right. Well, you can't be loyal to your family. So what makes you make me believe that you're gonna be loyal to me?
[00:28:51] Speaker A: Right. 100.
And there were men on there that were upset.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: Oh, they were upset.
[00:28:57] Speaker A: That goes both ways. And I was like, yeah, I'm not saying it doesn't go both ways. Women should be held accountable, too. Like, you know, but like, again, the
[00:29:04] Speaker B: words of a feminist.
[00:29:07] Speaker A: Yeah. In the words of a feminist, I'm like, yeah, that's what we want. So.
But, yeah. So.
Well, it's been a good. A good episode. And we'll see you next week.
[00:29:17] Speaker B: Bye.
[00:29:19] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
