Episode Transcript
[00:00:15] Bree: Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSC.
[00:00:17] Lauren: With Lauren and Bree.
This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact. Contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000, or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
Hey, Bree.
[00:00:51] Bree: Hey, Lauren.
[00:00:52] Lauren: How are you this week?
[00:00:53] Bree: I'm alive. How are you?
[00:00:55] Lauren: I mean, yeah, you know, it's been. It's been a week. I'm tired.
[00:00:59] Bree: I'm extremely tired. I'm exhausted. This year's gone by so quickly.
[00:01:02] Lauren: It has, but it also feels like it's dragged at the same time. I don't understand, like, summer flu.
[00:01:06] Bree: Yeah, summer went by really quick.
[00:01:08] Lauren: But, like, I also am like, how are we still. Like, we, you know, we just met in January.
[00:01:13] Bree: I know.
[00:01:14] Lauren: And so part of me is like, I feel like I've known you my whole life, but also there's some shit together.
So let's see, what are your. What's your story for this week?
[00:01:25] Bree: So my story for this week is there was somebody I've been talking to for several months.
He didn't. He was not local. He lived several hours away. And he came to visit like, everything was going great. You know, we weren't exclusive or anything, but, you know, taking the time to really get to know each other. And just sort of out of nowhere, I got ghosted.
[00:01:44] Lauren: Oh, so another grown man ghosting people.
[00:01:46] Bree: Yeah, after about six months.
[00:01:49] Lauren: Love that. Love that. He wasted six months of your life and then just didn't even have the respect to say, hey, I'm moving on.
[00:01:55] Bree: And he had already, like, established what you call, I guess, pet names or whatever, you know, where it's not like, hey, beautiful. Which we're absolutely sick of. It was something a little more personal. And it's just like how. Where's the common decency at?
[00:02:08] Lauren: They don't have any.
[00:02:09] Bree: There's. Yeah.
[00:02:12] Lauren: I'm trying to be nice, but.
[00:02:13] Bree: Yeah.
[00:02:16] Lauren: I don't.
[00:02:16] Bree: I won't say it hit hard, but it was really disappointing.
[00:02:19] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:02:19] Bree: You know, if you're out there talking to someone, at least have the decency to be honest with them. Because I remember in the very beginning, I told him he had been ghosted from someone that he had talked to for a month or so last year. And I remember telling him, you know, communication is really big for me. So I don't want to get ghosted. You know, if you talk to somebody else, if something else comes up, please let me know.
And I thought that was a mutual agreement.
[00:02:41] Lauren: Yeah. And he just didn't have the respect. And I will say I didn't like this guy from the beginning because he's in law enforcement.
[00:02:49] Samara: Well.
[00:02:50] Lauren: And so, like. And everyone. Like, I discriminate. No, no, no. Listen, I.
I have a lot of friends, and I've been. I'm in law enforcement. Like, a lot of my people are in law enforcement. I love you all.
[00:03:00] Bree: Yeah.
[00:03:01] Lauren: However, there is a very big reason why there's a stigma about law enforcement being hoes.
And also just not. You know, you don't communicate. You don't know how to talk to people. So we're gonna need to. You know what? Law enforcement. Let's get it together. Well, let's change that. Let's change that, you know, narrative.
[00:03:17] Bree: I won't say he's a hoe, but.
[00:03:18] Lauren: I mean, he probably is because he left you for somebody else. I guarantee it.
Possibly there's no other reason to just go. Somebody.
[00:03:26] Bree: I. I know. I'm not confirming or denying, but I'm confirming it just in mind.
[00:03:30] Lauren: Sucks.
It does.
[00:03:32] Samara: You have my back.
[00:03:32] Lauren: I have your back. And if he ever comes here, Lord help him. So.
All right, well, Dick. It's always Dick.
[00:03:40] Bree: It's always Dick.
[00:03:41] Lauren: Is he ever gonna go away? Like, move, go.
[00:03:44] Samara: You know what, Dick?
[00:03:46] Lauren: If you're listening to this, run home to your mommy. And if Mommy. If you're listening to this, call your boy home, because he needs to leave my city. He showed up again on Tinder, right? Homeboy always shows up on Tinder. Of course he did. He changes. He. He changes his picture all the time, which cracks me up, because I'm just like, it doesn't matter. It's still the same picture. He just changes his clothes because he holds the camera the same way.
[00:04:08] Bree: It's the same angle. Yeah.
[00:04:09] Lauren: And he uses the same filter, so always looks orange, which I'm like, bro, like, what are you doing? We pulled a Donald Trump, kind of. Yeah. But he. He just is a sad man. But also, just like. What was funny, though, is, so everybody knows Movie Theater girl. Yes. And Movie theater girl screenshotted it, sent it to him and said, hey, you should probably not be dating right now if you can't even afford to pay your ex wife back.
Which is.
[00:04:37] Samara: We love movie theater.
[00:04:38] Lauren: We love her. She's one of our best friends now. But she. She has my Back and he's not paying me. What? He legally signed and said he would pay.
She sent him that because how dare you be taking other women out whenever you don't even pay back. The woman who spent over, you know, got $100,000 in debt for you and bought you anything and everything, paid all your medical bills and bought you motorcycles.
[00:04:59] Bree: I wonder if he's having them split the bill.
[00:05:01] Lauren: I doubt it. I doubt it right now, like, because he's got to suck them in.
[00:05:04] Samara: Well, he will be shortly.
[00:05:05] Lauren: Yeah. So whoever's out there with Dick right now, watch out.
He's going to use you for your money too. He's never going to change.
So that was, that was this week for me. I was just like, I'm over it. Like, I'm not on any dating apps anymore. I just can't do it. But, like, Dick's just, he's still out there and driving me and everyone else crazy.
[00:05:23] Bree: We tired.
[00:05:24] Lauren: We tired. We tired.
So on today's episode, we have Samara and she's going to tell us a little bit about her story with Brad. So. Hi, Samara.
[00:05:35] Samara: Hi. How are you ladies? Good.
[00:05:38] Lauren: Tell us a little bit about everything that happened with you and your story.
[00:05:43] Samara: Well, Brad and I were married for 10 months before he started to plot to murder me with his mother.
[00:05:51] Lauren: Oh, plot to murder.
[00:05:54] Samara: Yeah.
[00:05:54] Bree: Oh, wow. I was not expecting that.
Wow.
[00:06:00] Samara: Yes. Okay, so where do I start?
[00:06:03] Lauren: From the beginning.
[00:06:05] Samara: Okay, so I am prior military.
Brad is also in the military. I got out of the military and started working for the dod. Kind of like law enforcement.
[00:06:16] Lauren: Yeah, for sure.
[00:06:18] Samara: Yeah. And so wasn't dating for a while because I was just focused on my career.
We lived in completely different states and my sister and her husband actually said, hey, we have a very good friend of ours. It is my brother in law's best friend of over 13 years. Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
And we think you two would be a great couple. And so I said, okay.
And they were like, no. And so my sister kept sending me pictures.
He was not very attractive.
[00:06:59] Lauren: They never are at the end, right?
[00:07:01] Bree: I was told I date the ugly ones, so don't feel bad.
[00:07:04] Samara: And at first I was like. And my sister was like, look, his personality is amazing. He's amazing.
[00:07:13] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:07:14] Samara: And so I was like, fine. Okay.
So because we all lived in different states at the time, we would all schedule like FaceTime dates to where like my sister and my brother in law would be on the FaceTimes with us, like having dinner, joking, drinking, you know, having a good time. And he and I would FaceTime quite a bit. Well, the feelings began to grow and.
Yeah. And, and the, the non attractiveness kind of like subsided and it was like, okay, I could, I guess I could do this. And so he ended up visiting me where I live, which is on the complete opposite side of the world.
Yeah. And so came out and we hit it off.
And when he came out, I mean we like really hit it off, hit the ground running.
[00:08:07] Bree: So the ugly wore off and things were good.
[00:08:10] Samara: Yes. Okay, so fast forward. I got pregnant.
We were not married at the time that I got pregnant.
And at the time, like, I did not want to get married. And, and everybody in my family was like, look, you should get married. You know, do the typical white picket fence thing. Get married before the baby comes.
[00:08:31] Lauren: You, you're having a baby, you must get married. Like we got to change that narrative.
[00:08:35] Samara: Yes.
So I did that. I got married when I was eight months pregnant. I think seven months pregnant, whatever. I was like extra, extra large and not live in the.
[00:08:49] Lauren: Like I was showing, like I was showing.
Everybody knew why.
[00:08:55] Samara: You're like, oh, okay. So we got married, had our daughter, and our daughter was in the hospital for five days after the birth. And that is when everything changed. He stayed in the hospital, I went home because we could only have one person in the hospital. And so my parents were here helping me and I was taking care of the dogs, which by the way, he shipped me his dog when I was six months pregnant. So not only did I have my two dogs, but I had his Mastiff, which was 130 pounds, at six months pregnant with my other two dogs in a less than 1, 000 square foot home with no AC.
[00:09:33] Bree: He shipped a mastiff?
[00:09:35] Samara: Yes. Jesus Christ.
[00:09:37] Lauren: I'm kind of surprised it made it.
[00:09:40] Samara: Well, okay, so there's another plot twist to that. He said that he was a service animal. He is not a service animal. And he flew them on, on a plane.
[00:09:47] Bree: Ah, okay.
[00:09:49] Samara: So, you know, just keep peeling that onion back. Yeah, yeah. So when our daughter was in the hospital, he kept calling me a drive by mom because I couldn't stay there. And I would literally get there at 6 o' clock in the morning and leave at 10 o' clock at night, which is basically visiting hours in the hospital we were at. Mind you, I did all the feedings.
I was breastfeeding at the time. I took care of her, I changed her diaper and everything like that. He told me, hey, I'll do the overnight stuff.
Last day we were there, I found Out. He did not do any of the overnight feedings. The nurses came and told me afterwards. I was shook.
But so while we were in the hospital, he goes, I think she's cross eyed. And I was like, no, Brad, that is a baby thing to do. They literally have to learn their eyeballs.
[00:10:37] Bree: Yeah.
[00:10:37] Samara: And he was like, no, my mom's a nurse. She was a nurse of 20 years.
So he's a mama's boy too.
[00:10:43] Lauren: Yeah, mama's boys are a problem.
[00:10:45] Samara: Yeah.
So.
And his mom was like, no, I've never seen that in a baby before in my life.
And so fast forward, baby came home and they're still like, I think she's bow legged.
You know, she's behind walking.
Dude, she's a week old.
[00:11:07] Lauren: Her bones aren't even fully formed. Like, what do you want?
[00:11:10] Samara: Hell, they're saying all these things. Mind you, let's. Let's just paint the picture here.
I live in one state, he is still living in another state.
So he flew in for the birth. I was here for my pregnancy by myself, typical military situation.
Flew in the day that I was supposed to give birth, flew out the day that she left the hospital and then came back for Christmas that year, was here for two weeks, flew his mother in during that time period, and then left me with his mother for like a week by myself.
[00:11:44] Bree: Oh, and y' all were married and y' all were married?
[00:11:47] Samara: Yeah.
And then left. So I'm taking care of three dogs, a newborn and everything by a mother.
[00:11:55] Lauren: In law who you don't really know.
[00:11:56] Samara: Yes, yes, very much so. I've met once and so fast forward, we ended up buying a house.
Expedited real quickly.
Buying a house. I was moving out of my place and getting it ready for renters and everything. And I would call him just overwhelmed and stressed and he would go, that's what motherhood is. You just need to get over it. You need to do more. And I would be like, what? So I would call his mom and I would text his mom and say, hey, I need some help. Because Brad is not acting right.
And she go, well, what did you do wrong?
What did you do to entice him?
[00:12:34] Bree: Is that the same mother as Dick's mother?
[00:12:36] Lauren: I don't know. They might. Maybe they may be twins.
[00:12:38] Samara: Good God, I kid you not. So I still tried. I still tried. He flew in to move us.
And the day that he flew in, he said that he had a stomach ache.
Mind you, that's fine. I was painting the place that I was living in, getting it Ready for Renters still again with three dogs, less than a thousand square foot, and no AC where I lived, by the way.
And he's sleeping on the bed. And so I asked him, will you please move into the living room so I can finish painting to get it ready for Renters, because I've already packed up the entire house so that we can just move it. And he got pissed. He threw a cup down the hallway, called me a stupid, told me, how dare I disrupt his sleep, that all he was trying to do was sleep and get some rest because his tummy hurt and have fun being a single mom, because I just want to do things on my own. And I was like. Like out of nowhere. I'm not even sure how that related to me painting at the time. And so I told him to pack his and get out.
[00:13:47] Bree: Yeah.
[00:13:48] Samara: I literally. I was like, packaging get out.
[00:13:51] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:13:52] Samara: He was like, where am I supposed to go?
[00:13:54] Lauren: That's not my problem.
[00:13:57] Samara: You're not gonna talk to me that way. We literally have a little girl. How would you feel if somebody spoke to our daughter like that? And he'd go, you're weaponizing our daughter saying stuff like that?
No, I'm trying to Breeng, like, put it into perspective.
[00:14:13] Lauren: He was gaslighting you.
[00:14:14] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:14:15] Lauren: I did the same thing. I asked Dick if his. If he would want his daughter to be married to someone like him, and he said yes.
I was like. I was like, do you think you're a good enough husband? Like, would you want someone that acted how you acted to be married to your daughter? And he's like, well, I think I'm a good person.
He's insane. So it sounds like they're the same person.
[00:14:32] Bree: They're brothers.
[00:14:33] Samara: Brad said the same thing.
So.
So fast forward, we end up moving. You know, that's a fallout. He's screaming at me. So at this point, I would start to record our conversations and send it to my sister and her husband. Because I was.
[00:14:48] Lauren: I did this.
[00:14:49] Samara: No, it wasn't even there yet.
I was. I would ask them, am I wrong? Did I start this? Was I antagonizing this? Like, what am I doing as a wife? That's not good enough.
I was really like, I took the blame on that.
[00:15:04] Lauren: Yeah, we do that as women. And that's one thing. Another thing, we gotta change. Like, women always. We put the blame on ourselves. Like, what did I do? And it's like, no. If they're acting out, they're responsible for their own actions. They're doing it themselves.
[00:15:14] Samara: So we moved it Continued. And so once we got in the house, we would. He told me before we moved, he said, look, you unpack one box at a time. I said, okay, whatever. So the control started.
Everything I did, I had to ask him, where can I put this? Even though it was my stuff. His stuff wasn't even here, cuz he wasn't moving here yet. So he continues. And at this point he would come in the house randomly and go, is this is just your fucking place all over again? Because my stuff isn't here. And I'm like, okay, well that's your.
[00:15:48] Bree: Problem, then ship it, dumbass.
[00:15:51] Samara: Yeah, what do you want me to do about it? God, whatever. Well, he would, he would blow up, start calling me a stupid, telling me he hated me.
Mind you, we were married less than six months at this point.
And so again, recording the conversations, asking people what's wrong. I got into therapy and so with the military, there's this thing called military one source, which you can get like 12 free counseling sessions, which is great, by the way. But I called them and I was in tears and I said, look, I need help. My husband is calling me a stupid, telling me he hates me. And I have so much anxiety when my husband is here around me.
I need somebody to talk to. And you know what military one source told me?
[00:16:38] Lauren: Too bad.
[00:16:39] Samara: God, no, they told me, they said, well, you just had a baby and so you're likely postpartum, so you need to get on medication before you can get counseling services.
[00:16:49] Lauren: This is a major problem in the military. Like you have to support mental health. And I think that's one of the major things lacking in military and law enforcement is they like to pretend on the front that they're protect like that they care about mental health by creating a program like that, that is. But that they don't actually take care of their people. They make excuses for them like you can't just look at a woman and be like you're postpartum. Yeah, here's some drugs.
[00:17:09] Bree: That's discrimination.
[00:17:10] Samara: Yeah.
So fast forward got on medication, called him right back and was like, hey, I need some help. So got me in. They got me into this Christian therapist and I was like, okay, you know, lead me to Jesus, I'm cool with this.
[00:17:25] Lauren: Take me off, take.
[00:17:26] Bree: We all need some Jesus, Jesus, save.
[00:17:28] Samara: Me, save me please Take the wheel.
[00:17:30] Bree: Yes.
[00:17:31] Lauren: Yep.
[00:17:32] Samara: Started seeing him and then Brad started acting out again. So we, you know, typical honeymoon phase, everything was great, have sex, you know, kissy kissy, lovey, lovey, and then move on. Well, Fast forward. He got angry one day that I forgot our daughter's bottles at home when we were leaving because I was still getting in the routine of like getting out of the house, which is a nightmare for anybody who has just had a kid, like getting a newborn ready, getting yourself ready, and then getting their bottles ready for daycare. Exhausting, especially with no help. Especially when nobody's helping you with the nighttime feedings and you're only sleeping like three hours.
So I left the bottles at home and I told him like halfway to her daycare, you know, hey, did you grab her bottles? And he said, no, why would I?
And I was like, okay, well we forgot her bottles at home, we need to go back home.
And he got pissed.
He turned the car around, started speeding down the highway, came into our neighborhood, mind you, daughter and I is in the back seat screaming and cussing at me, telling me he hated me, I was a stupid.
He grabbed his sunglasses, crumpled them, threw them across the car, swerved across a four lane road.
And I'm panicking in the back seat. I'm like shaking. So then he swerves into the beginning of our community and puts the car in park in the middle of the road and gets out of the car and starts walking to the house and I panic and jump in the front seat because I'm afraid somebody's going to hit us. And so I, I like sped to the house, grabbed our daughter's bottles, passed him on the way, turn around. And when started to take our daughter to daycare and I passed him and he calls me and he goes, just as calm as can be. Hey, so we're not going to go to the gym anymore?
[00:19:27] Lauren: Dude, he's a psychopath.
[00:19:28] Samara: Yes.
[00:19:29] Bree: He's absolutely insane. He needs to be in straight jacket. Oh my God.
[00:19:33] Samara: And I was shaking and I said, no, I don't feel safe around you. I don't feel that we are safe around you.
And so he goes, well, you know, I'm just going to leave then. And I said, okay, well you need to get a plane ticket and you need to go. So what did he do? He got a plane ticket and went home to mama for a week.
[00:19:53] Lauren: Good mommy.
[00:19:55] Samara: And mommy coddled him for a week and mommy did his laundry and she's a bad wife.
[00:19:59] Lauren: She's a bad wife.
[00:20:01] Samara: Yes.
So then I told him at that point, I said, look, you cannot come home until you get counseling.
You need to get therapy, you need to talk to somebody because this behavior is not okay. We cannot raise our daughter in this.
[00:20:14] Lauren: Yeah, Anger and aggressive environment. Like, dear God and his mom.
[00:20:20] Samara: When I tried to talk to her about it, she told me, she said, well, your daughter's so young right now, she doesn't know what's going on. It's okay.
[00:20:27] Lauren: No, it will impact her. That's part of this problem. It will 100 impact her.
[00:20:32] Samara: Coming from a nurse of over 20 some years, you're telling me it's not going to impact her?
[00:20:38] Bree: Did she ever have her license pulled at some point? I don't think she was an actual nurse.
[00:20:42] Lauren: Well, if she was, she never actually dealt with children. She has no idea what to do with actual kids.
[00:20:46] Samara: I think she was just like a general practitioner nurse, which is, look, no shade. No shade whatsoever. Pediatrics is different.
[00:20:53] Lauren: It's a different ball game. Yeah, absolutely. Like, if you're not Peeds actually, like, focuses on children. So if you're not doing that, then you don't actually know how to handle children or how to deal. And obviously she's not great at raising one because she's okay with her son acting this way.
[00:21:06] Bree: Clearly.
[00:21:06] Samara: Correct. So fast forward, this behavior continued. One day, he ended up getting angry at me because we were going to remodel the closet and. And I told him that I wanted wood versus wired shelves because I took pride in our home. And he ripped the baby gate off the wall through his phone, told me he was going to go kick one of our dogs, and went outside, started kicking the baby gate in the backyard, screaming about how much he hated me and he couldn't wait to get divorced and all this other stuff. And so I grabbed our daughter and started to run out of the house with our stuff. He blocked me initially, screaming at me, saying, oh, you're just gonna leave. You're just gonna leave. And I was mortified.
And so I was like, yeah, I am like, that is not safe for us here, so I'm gonna leave. Well, he ended up wrestling me for my purse to grab my keys to take my car and shoved me out of the way so that he could leave the house with my car, with our daughter's car seat because we only had one car here because he didn't live here. And then I ran into the bedroom, barricaded myself in the bedroom with our daughter, called my dad and told him everything that happened. This is the first time my parents knew anything.
So my dad called his parents and said, look, he needs to return her car and he needs to leave. Otherwise we are calling police. And this man went and got chick fil a, came back and Sat and ate chick fil a on the front porch, as calm as can be, and then left.
He got an Uber, left, went to a hotel, charged it to my credit card, and stayed there the night.
The next morning his mom texted me and said, hey, how are you guys doing?
And I said, I am mortified.
I am so shook up. Your son just wrestled me for my keys. He just ripped the baby gate out of the wall and was kicking things, throwing things, like threatening the dogs for no reason.
[00:23:05] Lauren: Why are you Breenging the dogs into this?
[00:23:07] Bree: Yeah.
[00:23:08] Samara: And she goes, well, he's basically homeless right now, so what do you expect him to do? And I said, I don't know, but it's not come back here.
So when he went home to mommy.
[00:23:20] Lauren: Of course.
Of course.
[00:23:21] Samara: Yeah.
[00:23:21] Lauren: But also, like, what do you expect him to do? I expect him to act like a grown ass man. That's what I expect him to do. I expect him to act like a grown ass man and stop throwing tantrum tantrums and then threatening animals. And then also, sir, you don't deserve the Lord's chicken.
Yeah, listen, like chick fil a is.
[00:23:37] Bree: For a lot of things you don't deserve.
[00:23:38] Lauren: You don't deserve the Lord's chicken.
[00:23:39] Samara: Yeah, no, but then you use my credit card to pay for your hotel.
That's what I get.
This behavior continued. He ended up coming back. He was going back and forth in between between where he lived in here. And there's a whole plot twist to this.
He was under investigation with the military for brandishing a weapon and threatening to kill his ex wife.
[00:24:03] Lauren: Did you know?
[00:24:04] Samara: So I knew when we got together. And so did my sister and her.
[00:24:08] Lauren: Husband who recommended him.
[00:24:10] Samara: Who recommended him. But they said there's no way he did this because he is an amazing guy.
[00:24:17] Lauren: What does your sister think now?
[00:24:18] Bree: How do they feel about it?
[00:24:21] Samara: So there's the other thing too. In domestic violence, people don't want to be involved. So my sister was very supportive. She wanted me to leave. She begged me to leave. And so when I left, she also left because she did not want to be a part of the custody evaluation and part of the court hearings because she viewed it as drama.
[00:24:40] Lauren: Wow.
[00:24:41] Samara: Yes.
[00:24:42] Lauren: Wow. Well, that's not very sisterly of her.
[00:24:46] Samara: Yeah, so.
So I knew this. And initially I didn't believe that he did the brandishing of the weapon and threatening to kill ex wife because he was such a gentleman, like such an amazing guy.
[00:25:00] Lauren: And you had your sister like vouching for him. Yeah.
[00:25:03] Samara: Oh, yeah. And they mind you, he's been best friends with my brother in law for over 13 years and they've never seen this behavior. And so when all of this started to happen, I started to question the validity of his statements and his stories about his ex wife.
And so I started to put cameras up. We had dog cameras. And so I would just leave the cameras on to help protect myself because I kept telling my parents, he's going to kill me. And I left to go bag at work that had money and clothes and car keys. And I let my neighbors know, just in case something was to happen or I was to run out with my daughter, that they needed to call the police and everything like that. Right.
Well, as we were getting closer to his case in the military, things started to escalate and he started to take it out more and more on me.
And so he never helped with our daughter. He was never like really a part of her life, even though I tried to encourage that. Last year, he came back for a visit and he was on. He was still using his paternity leave during this time period.
And so military gets 12 weeks of paternity leave.
[00:26:12] Lauren: Was he using it for her though, or was he just like using it?
[00:26:15] Samara: He was. He was just using it.
He was not. Again, he was not spending time with our daughter.
He would literally take me to work and keep my car all day because he wanted to be sure to go to the gym. Like, our daughter could have stayed home with him. And she never stayed home with him, thank God, whatsoever.
So fast forward, I had cameras up. I was getting very, very worried about my safety and everything like that, because in the middle of the night, he would claim that he would have PTSD episodes and he would grab the pistol and act like he was clearing the room. I had our daughter in the bed with us, and so I thought was going to be his way to just shoot and kill me, murder me, and then get by with it. And so I would just roll over and shield our daughter in panic every night when he did that. This man has never deployed to clear a room. He's only done it in training, mind you. I did it in training and I never deployed either.
So.
[00:27:07] Lauren: But what's his PTSD from then?
[00:27:09] Bree: Yeah, his own self, I guess.
[00:27:14] Lauren: Like he never. He never killed anybody? He was never shot at?
[00:27:17] Samara: No. He was never in combat.
Anytime I asked him, he would not explain. Yes. So whatever. I just continued on. And so finally one day he got super, super angry because I disagreed with him in public, in front of my parents.
He was talking about how our Daughter would never have a comfort item. We call it like, a lovey in our family. Like, they carry around everything, right?
[00:27:47] Bree: Like, yeah.
[00:27:48] Samara: Out of nowhere, at dinner, this man punches the table and was like, she will never have a lovey. And I just kind of, like, looked at him and was like, calmly as can be. I'm sorry, but you don't get to say that. You don't get to determine whether or not our daughter has a comfort item. If she needs a comfort item during this time period when she's an infant or a toddler, she will have it. And then she will, you know, have it removed and kind of phased out as she gets older. Yeah, well, he punished me. He didn't talk to me all night. He told me that he was pissed at me. He slept on the couch.
And we were gonna have a. Have to have a very serious conversation in the morning.
[00:28:30] Lauren: My thing is, I'm just like. That's normal for children to have, like, 100% normal. And most people still have even like, I have a friend of mine who. She had a blanket, so it's almost like, completely gone, but she still has, like, one square left of the blanket. So she's like, has that just. You don't sleep with it still. But it's not something from your childhood that you remember and you love because it was there for you. It was your company.
[00:28:50] Samara: Well, your guns are your comfort item. Or your dog is terrifying, and he's like, well, that serves more of a purpose. Okay, whatever.
[00:28:58] Lauren: Murder. What purpose does the gun serve? Yes, like a protection, but murder, it's murder. Like, he wants to. He wants to kill you, apparently, which is terrifying.
[00:29:09] Samara: So fast forward, he's here. He gets angry that I disagree with him in public and tells me that he's pissed that I'm not blindly loyal to him and as a wife, I should be blindly loyal. And that his mother taught him that he should be blindly loyal. And that is how their family was raised.
[00:29:26] Lauren: I hate this fucking woman.
[00:29:28] Bree: I don't like her.
[00:29:28] Lauren: Listen, Brad's mom, you need more than Jesus. You need to meet. I think at this point, you need to meet Jesus, and it's a lot.
[00:29:38] Bree: More than what we can give. Yeah, maybe.
[00:29:40] Lauren: Maybe an actual live meeting with Jesus would be the best thing.
A live meeting with Jesus? That's what we're gonna call it.
[00:29:47] Bree: Well, I cannot just pure and the pure insanity. Like, who the hell do you think you are?
[00:29:54] Samara: Yeah, it's crazy.
[00:29:55] Lauren: People are this delusional.
[00:29:57] Samara: It's insane. Insane. So I said, look, I am Sorry. I cannot be blindly loyal. That is not who I am.
I was in the military. I got out of the military because I am not blindly loyal. So he got super, super pissed, started punching his iPad. He kicked the dogs, started throwing things.
So I grabbed our stuff and I left and I went over to my sister's during this time period and blessed my sister's heart. It was her birthday and I felt so bad for ruining her birthday.
[00:30:28] Bree: Well, she recommended him, so she gets to deal with it, too.
[00:30:31] Lauren: Amen.
Hey, man. Happy birthday, sister. Sorry, sister, but you were a big part of this. Yep.
[00:30:37] Bree: Happy birthday.
[00:30:39] Samara: Yeah. So I ran to my sister's. My parents were in town because my sister also just had a baby and so stayed over there during the day. And then that is when I popped in on the cameras to see what he was doing and if his behavior changed.
And I. My dad and I both overheard him talking to his mother about how he was just going to wait until after his court case with the military to file for divorce.
And his mother told him, well, you can't just stick around just for that. You need to think about the long term implications. And then you also need to consider custody.
And that's when he told his mother, eventually, she'll overdose and I'll just get full custody. And his mom said, what do you mean she'll overdose?
And why would she overdose?
[00:31:29] Lauren: Right. Did you do drugs?
[00:31:31] Samara: I don't do any drugs exactly.
The only drug I do is anxiety medicine. That military one source made me go on so I could get therapy. This man was causing me anxiety.
[00:31:42] Lauren: Absolutely. Lord.
[00:31:44] Samara: And so he said, I'll make it happen. Yes.
[00:31:47] Lauren: So he's gonna make you look like you overdosed?
[00:31:49] Samara: Yes.
So he told his mother that he was going to overdose me for custody. And she just laughed. She laughed. I heard this. This loud and clear. My dad heard this loud.
[00:32:00] Lauren: Did you have it recorded?
[00:32:01] Samara: I do. I have.
[00:32:02] Bree: Thank God.
[00:32:04] Samara: But that doesn't do anything because it's not an immediate threat to your lives and nobody cares. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay, so hold on. We will get there. We will get there.
So fast forward, right here I am sitting outside with my dad, and my dad's like, you gotta go to the police.
And I'm like, I'm still delusional. And I'm like, no, dad, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. He leaves in a week for his court case.
Let's just hang on for a week. Let's just wait. And I. Every day I was praying and I was like, Jesus, please show me a sign if it's time for me to leave. Time to turn. And Jesus is like, red flag, Please, I've shown you.
[00:32:47] Lauren: Like, he wants to kill you. Did your drink start tasting funny?
[00:32:51] Samara: Yes, and I'm still over here like, but he's such a kind man.
[00:32:56] Lauren: Oh, Lord, it's amazing what we do to our own self, too. We're like. We're like, this is. I. I said I do to this person. So I have to deal with this. And it's like, no, no, you don't.
[00:33:05] Samara: Yeah, you don't want the stigma of divorce, you know? So I stayed. I called our therapist, and I was mortified. And our therapist had a conversation with him, called me back and said, oh, honey, he didn't mean it. You need to go home and reconcile.
[00:33:21] Bree: Please tell me they had their license pulled now.
[00:33:23] Samara: They are still practicing.
[00:33:25] Lauren: Wow.
[00:33:27] Samara: This was a man, by the way.
[00:33:28] Lauren: I was gonna say it was a man, wasn't it? Yeah. That was my first question. I was like, there's no way that was a female. Like, it wasn't.
[00:33:35] Samara: So I went home. I went home and I did not sleep for the next week because I was mortified.
[00:33:42] Bree: You're afraid you're going to be killed.
[00:33:44] Samara: I.
Every day, I sent text messages to my parents letting them know I was still alive. I had to text them when I got up and when I went to bed. And he was not allowed to touch my food, my water, no, nothing. So, like, I would eat and drink at work as much as possible, because when I came home, honey, it was fasting time.
[00:34:02] Lauren: I'd be scared he was going to poison my daughter, too. Like, if you're willing to go for the wife, you'd be willing to go for the kid, too, because a lot of times the family annihilators, that's what they do. So family annihilators are people that kill their spouse, but also kill their children, and then they usually kill themselves.
[00:34:15] Samara: But family court has other. Other opinions on that.
Family court says you can abuse your spouse, but not abuse your children.
[00:34:25] Lauren: Good Lord.
[00:34:26] Samara: Family court says it's in the best interest of the child for both parents to be involved. And just because they abused you doesn't mean that they're going to actually hurt the child.
[00:34:36] Lauren: That means something, God forbid, happens. Like the system spelled your child.
[00:34:40] Samara: Well, something did happen. So fast forward, continue on. He's here for the next week before he flies out. And we have one final day, one final outing with my parents before they leave as well. My sister and her Husband.
Everybody's on edge because everybody knows exactly what's going on in my life. And they're like, we don't want this man around, but we need to just act like a happy family.
So we go to the beach, and we're hanging out on the beach, and he tells me, I want to leave. And we've only been there for an hour. And he was sick to his stomach because he didn't want to be around my family, because he knew. Everybody knew. And so it was his image that was tainted, and he had to face it. No, I know. Poor baby. And so he's sitting there and he's holding our daughter, and he's screaming and growling at me. And when I tell you this man is growling at me, this man is gritting his teeth and telling me that I'm just a victim and I need to change my victim mentality. And it's always about me, and it's never about him. And while he's doing this, he's shaking our daughter.
Our daughter's six months at the time.
[00:35:52] Lauren: Holy.
[00:35:53] Bree: Oh, hell no. He.
[00:35:54] Samara: So I looked at him and I said, give her to me. Because I don't even think he recognized what he was doing because he was so angry, like, he was seeing red.
And he's not, like, not paying attention to anything around him. Not an excuse to shake our daughter. But I'm like, give her to me, and let's remove her from this conversation, and then we can have a conversation like adults away from our infant.
And he wouldn't. So he jerks her further away from me, and he's still shaking her, screaming at me and growling at me. Everybody on the beach can see this.
And so I stood up and got in front of him and screamed, give her to me. And grabbed her from him and passed her to my mom. I was shaking. I was like, oh, my God. Jesus. This is our sign. I need to leave.
[00:36:43] Bree: What did your dad do during this?
[00:36:45] Samara: So he was walking up and witnessed the very last part of this. And he was like, what is going on? And he came over, and I. I just told them. I said, stay out of it. I will handle it. Let me do this. I'm the wife. I'm responsible for this in my mind. Nobody else needs to carry my baggage. And so I went and sat back down after checking to make sure our daughter was okay, and sat next to him, and he, you know, of course, rang me a new one, told me all I was was a victim, and he wanted a divorce. And he stuck his hand out for me to shake his hand. And I shook his hand, and I said, okay.
And he got up and left. And the very next day, he flew out to go to his military court case.
Well, that evening, I called the military's family advocacy program, and I reported him for domestic violence. Yes, I told them. I said, please wait until he is off island the very next day to report it to his military chain of command, because I am mortified what he will do to our house.
[00:37:46] Lauren: Like you were terrified. Yeah. Terrified that he was going to come back?
[00:37:49] Bree: Yeah.
[00:37:49] Samara: Yeah. And so I stayed that night at my sister's with my family, with our daughter, and waited until he left the state and everything. And so he flew out the next day. I called his military chain of command, and they ended up issuing a military protective order.
At his military hearing, they said, we are going to postpone this because there's been other allegations of domestic violence towards you, and we need to investigate this.
So they began their investigation.
His mom text me, and she was like, I can't even remember what she said to me. She was pissed.
So blindsided. Yeah. So blindsided everything. I went and got a restraining order and I filed for our daughter and I. And they immediately grant you the temporary restraining order until you're able to serve them with the actual restraining order?
Well, because he was in a different state, the police here told me, they said, well, why don't you have him come here and meet you at the house so that we can serve him? Just call us when he gets there and we. We can serve him.
And I said, I'm sorry, you want the man who was talking about murdering me, who shoved me, who recklessly drove our car with our daughter in it, and who took our daughter to just casually meet me at the house so that you can serve him with some legal paperwork at your convenience? And they said, well, it would just be much easier for us.
[00:39:25] Bree: For them. Not you. Them. Yeah.
[00:39:28] Samara: Yes.
[00:39:29] Lauren: I feel like they need to be retrained.
[00:39:31] Bree: I feel like they need to be fired more than that.
[00:39:33] Samara: Well, this state. So this state handmails all of the, like, restraining order stuff to the other states and stuff. They don't believe in faxes because faxes don't exist in 2025. Or email.
[00:39:47] Lauren: Sounds like Alabama. Alabama has the same issues and everything. Like, when you get paid and stuff for, like, garnishments and stuff. It's all by paper check. I'm like, what year is it? What year is it? Yeah.
[00:39:56] Samara: So it took him, like, two or three months to get served. And I would call them on a weekly basis. And I was like, look, do you understand that if he does not get served, this TRO gets dropped immediately. And then my life is on the line.
Like, do you not understand that?
[00:40:11] Lauren: And my daughters.
[00:40:12] Samara: Yeah. And they like, no care in the world. No care in the world. So during this time, I'm also seeing the therapist.
And the therapist is like, I'm still in denial. Still in complete denial.
[00:40:26] Lauren: Is it the same therapist?
[00:40:27] Samara: Yes. Okay.
And I'm like, is there a way this was a mistake?
Did I make this up?
[00:40:36] Bree: Oh, tomorrow.
[00:40:40] Lauren: Lord.
[00:40:41] Samara: Is this postpartum for him?
[00:40:45] Bree: No, he's just batshit crazy.
[00:40:47] Lauren: He's just a bad person.
[00:40:49] Samara: And you know what the therapist told me after I showed all the videos and stuff? The therapist looks at me and said, do you think your husband has anger issues or is a violent person?
[00:41:01] Bree: Well, no.
[00:41:03] Samara: And I said, both.
And he looked at me and he goes, I think he just has anger issues. And you're just watching the videos to tell your story the way that you want it to be told. In a victim mentality, that man needs.
[00:41:18] Lauren: To not have a therapy license at all.
[00:41:21] Samara: And I was like, I think I just got guest lit by my therapist.
[00:41:24] Lauren: Yeah, you did.
[00:41:25] Bree: Well, it was a man.
[00:41:26] Samara: So I think I just got gaslit by my therapist. So I fired him. I did not.
[00:41:31] Lauren: Yes. Good. Thank God. Good.
[00:41:33] Samara: Here. Here's the other plot twist. Military one source. When you file a. When you open a family advocacy case and you're a victim of domestic violence, they stop all of your free cert. Your free counseling services, and then they make you get diagnosed. They make you have a diagnosis and get treated by a licensed physician before you can have any counseling.
So I lost all of my counseling services and was having to try and, like, get referrals through the VA and through tricare and everything like that, which takes forever, by the way, if you've ever gone through the military service. And so here I am, a period of like 60 days, the worst time of my life, gapped with nobody to talk to, nobody to bounce things off of.
But he's still getting counseling services.
[00:42:23] Lauren: Of course he is.
[00:42:24] Samara: They continue to support the abuser and not the abused.
[00:42:29] Lauren: Sadly, I'm not surprised by that at all.
[00:42:32] Samara: Yeah.
[00:42:33] Lauren: And so our government is a little backwards.
[00:42:36] Samara: Very backwards.
So finally, like, I was able to get counseling.
So when you file for a family advocacy case and you file for domestic violence in the military, they assign a social worker, and a social worker comes in and an NCIS comes in and you have to do 17,000 interviews to say the same thing.
And it is so emotionally exhausted. I had nobody to talk to during this time period except for my dad. And he's exhausted, he's mortified.
And so it's just, it's a lot.
[00:43:13] Lauren: And they wonder why people don't want to report anything.
[00:43:15] Samara: Exactly. And you just have people, you have to continue and continue to live it.
So I was going through all of that and I found out during this time period that his ex wife had filed for the brandishing of the weapon and the threat to murder because he was also abusive towards her. So I got my hands on the military file which showed all of the police reports, all of her statements and his first wife's abuse. So plot twist, there's another wife who was also abused and had all of the photos of him abusing her, throwing things at her. I heard recordings of him screaming at her, telling her she was a stupid and he hated her and all this other stuff. Basically everything that he was saying to me, the same cycle, same cycle. And I had no idea.
[00:44:11] Lauren: Did your brother in law not know any of this? Like did he not talk to the first wife at all? Like did he or did he just not believe the first wife?
[00:44:19] Samara: So they went to dinner and they were friends with all of the wives and they had no idea. None of the wives spoke out because what Brad told them was that if they ever spoke out, nobody would ever believe them. And that was the truth. And so that's why he was able to get by with all this stuff. So he told his first wife that he had no issue killing a woman with a pistol.
[00:44:46] Lauren: He sounds like a great guy.
[00:44:49] Samara: Yeah. And would he.
I have recordings of him like criticizing her weight, calling her fat and all this other stuff, just berating her.
And so during this time period I wasn't speaking to his parents or anybody because I was, I was so overwhelmed and devastated.
[00:45:09] Lauren: Right.
[00:45:09] Samara: Like here I am with an infant daughter, mourning the life of what I thought we were going to have, but also trying to figure out, okay, what does the future look like? While also interviewing lawyers on how do I protect myself and protect our daughter. And every lawyer would come back to me and tell me he will end up with some sort of custody. You will have to learn to co parent with him.
[00:45:32] Lauren: It doesn't make sense though. Not if he gets charged with abuse and if he goes to jail for like, I don't know, assault.
[00:45:39] Samara: Well, it took me several months to actually file the police report.
So when you file a restraining order, it doesn't couple with a police report, by the way, which is very confusing and stupid in my opinion.
So learned through the Domestic Violence Advocacy center, which every state has one, that you actually have to file a police report. So I filed the police report. I filed, you know, stating that he swerved the car, he was talking about overdosing me, and, you know, all the different instances. The police officer came to my house, took the report, I offered to show him all of the videos, and he told me, no, it's not necessary.
And I said, okay.
And so went back and never heard anything from the police department.
So a year passes and I haven't heard anything. And so I call the police department and I'm like, hey, what is going on with this police report?
And they said, well, the statute of limitations for abuse against a family member has passed, so we cannot charge him for shoving you.
And then the terroristic threat, which is what they call it, for talking about overdosing and plotting to kill somebody, we also can't charge him with that because we can't prove that it was an immediate threat to your life.
[00:46:58] Lauren: He was living in your house, saying he was going to overdose you.
[00:47:00] Bree: Y' all were married.
[00:47:02] Samara: Yes, but are they stupid? He did not actually overdose me. It would have taken him to actually hurt me, to actually kill you, and.
[00:47:11] Bree: Then they would take it.
[00:47:12] Lauren: Well, this is what ends up happening a lot to a lot of women. And one want women to have troubles like reporting anything, because we all, apparently women just have to die before they'll actually be protected. Like, that's the thing is, like, you get. Yeah, you're scared for your own life and you're gonna get, you know, hurt. Like there's a chance that you're not going to be ready for it. Men can overpower women too. So what if you hesitate before you pull that trigger? And stuff, like, things can happen. So it's just like, terrifying that, like, the court system and the law enforcement aren't supporting the women. It's sad. It's really sad.
[00:47:41] Samara: It's so sad that something has to happen before they will actually do anything.
So on top of that, the shaking of our daughter, they never investigated. So finally I got them to open that case, investigate it, and after talking to the lady, I'm bawling, sitting in the interview room, telling her everything that happened leading up to it. No witnesses showing. Yeah, there's witnesses. I give them all of the witness information, everything like that, they come back to me and tell me that they cannot charge him for shaking our daughter because they cannot prove that our 6 month old daughter did not want to be shaken.
[00:48:18] Lauren: Oh.
[00:48:23] Samara: Yes.
[00:48:23] Lauren: I don't.
[00:48:25] Samara: Yes. Meanwhile.
Meanwhile, our one year anniversary, our one year wedding anniversary passed during this time period. So who sent me flowers and like a diamond necklace and a bear saying that we're going to get through this and everything's going to be okay and he's going to get help and he's in therapy and he's controlling his PTSD now.
[00:48:47] Bree: There's no ptsd. He's not taking accountability for anything that he's done and he's just batshit crazy. Like.
[00:48:53] Lauren: No, that, no, no, he's a, he's a legit psychopath. Because I'm sorry, like what the is your ptsd?
[00:48:58] Bree: Yeah, they're nothing.
[00:49:00] Samara: His mom, his mom's calling me weekly, leaving me voicemails because I won't speak to her, telling me how she's so impressed with Brad's improvements and he's so great and he's such a different person because of the therapy and the counseling that he's gone to.
So I'm talking to both of the ex wives during this time period. He did the same thing to them.
[00:49:25] Lauren: Yeah, they never change. They never change. They're insane. Does he leave them alone now?
[00:49:30] Samara: He does.
[00:49:31] Lauren: Do they have kids with him?
[00:49:33] Samara: No.
[00:49:33] Lauren: Okay, so that's the only main difference for you is that you guys have a kid together. So it's a little bit harder because you can't completely get away from him.
[00:49:41] Samara: Yeah. So that, that is the one factor that is very different because he does not mess with them.
One of the wives is absolutely mortified that he will come and kill her if she know if he finds out that she's been like testifying on my behalf or like helping me with the custody case and stuff like that.
So she has refused to go on stand to help advocate in the trial or, or custody hearing or anything like that. So I've been having to work with the lawyer to figure out a way around that because that's the other thing here.
You have to be willing to stand up and face your abuser and you have to be willing to do it in court. And that's mortifying because every time we have gone to court, this man has scheduled some sort of surgery. So he's coming in limping or hunched over or, you know, woe is me trying to get sympathy. This man also submitted documentation saying that he needed to be medically retired from the military with a hundred percent ptsd.
And that's why his behavior Was that way. And that's why he should have custody of our daughter. Mind you, the criteria to meet 100 PTSD is that you are a persistent danger to yourself and other and have homicidal thoughts. And the court still ordered me to leave my state and take our daughter to another state for supervised visitation with him. Supervised by his mother and by the.
[00:51:13] Lauren: Way, who you can't trust.
[00:51:15] Samara: Yeah.
When you leave your state, when you have a restraining order, you have to turn in all your guns. But that restraining order is not enforceable in another state, so the other state cannot force that individual to. To turn in all of their guns because that restraining order was not filed there.
So here I am, leaving the comfort of my home, our home, where our daughter was raised, and taking our daughter to another state for supervised visits in an unknown area, supervised by a mother who had no care if her son wanted to murder me or not.
[00:51:50] Lauren: That's insane. That is insane. And I just don't understand a court system who sits there and says, first of all, that you have to get up and face your abuser. Like that is more abuse.
You're having to go through the trauma again. But I have to be up there.
[00:52:04] Samara: So he. His story is that his second wife had an affair while she was deployed because she was also military, and she did.
She slept with a married man. Wrong. Got it. Two wrongs don't make a right.
[00:52:18] Lauren: Right.
[00:52:19] Samara: And so he had the sob story for that is what was me. She had an affair here. I was, you know, her father attacked me when I was trying to confront him about his daughter's affair and this, that and the other.
But what he fails to admit is that he was abusive and that she said that before she deployed, she wanted a divorce. So it doesn't make it right.
[00:52:45] Bree: Right.
[00:52:45] Samara: Well, there's context to the story.
[00:52:47] Lauren: Right.
[00:52:49] Samara: And if I get up on stand, you know, they're going to rip me apart.
[00:52:53] Lauren: Yeah, they will.
[00:52:54] Samara: And so in court, you know, all the documents, now he's saying, oh, well, you know, mother's doing this. Mother.
Mother works for the government and works for the dod, and so she knows DOD employees. And so she plotted this.
[00:53:10] Lauren: Okay?
[00:53:10] Samara: That's what she does for a living. She plotted this.
[00:53:14] Lauren: Yeah.
Huh.
[00:53:17] Samara: Yes.
[00:53:18] Lauren: Almost like he plotted his imaginary ptsd.
[00:53:22] Bree: So what is it like today?
[00:53:25] Samara: So we just got back from visitation.
He.
I am court mandated that he has three face times with our daughter a week. 30 minutes.
And the court has said that I cannot turn off the phone. So I bought a iPad, and I either have a Mount in the car that I can hotspot from my phone or I have, like, a little electronic swivel thing that, you know, follows her around the house and everything. And I try to stay out of it. I do not speak during that time period.
But we're still in. We're still in the custody battle.
[00:54:00] Lauren: How old is she now?
[00:54:02] Samara: She's 19 months old.
Yeah.
[00:54:04] Lauren: What are they talk. Like, is she talking?
[00:54:07] Samara: She is.
[00:54:07] Lauren: Okay. I'm like, can she actually have a conversation at that age?
[00:54:10] Samara: But she's got. It's like not having a conversation with him.
[00:54:14] Lauren: Right.
[00:54:15] Samara: He. She's so attached to me. She wants me to pick her up 24 7. Even during the. Oh, my God. During the visit, she screamed bloody murder every night. It was so stressful. I came back and was just in tears because I was like, I don't know how to help her. I reached out to her pediatrician. I talked to my new therapist, who was amazing, by the way, and was like, I don't know what to do.
Like, it's just too much.
[00:54:42] Lauren: I can't believe the courts are putting children in this position. I mean, I can believe it because we have a broken system.
[00:54:46] Samara: Well, that's the. That's the part that concerns me is the emotional damage that she's gonna have. And I don't talk bad about him in front of her. I don't say anything about it because I'm very careful. Look, he is her father. Yes.
And the court is going to mandate that I co parent with him no matter what. So I will always have to co parent with the person who wanted me dead. I don't know what that looks like for me, but I am mortified already. For the rest of my life, I will be terrified.
But her relationship with him is her relationship with him. My only ask to him is don't hurt our daughter and don't abuse her.
[00:55:25] Lauren: Yeah. Which is hard because, I mean, he obviously has it in. My concern is, like, as she gets older, what's going to happen there?
[00:55:31] Bree: She needs to know because she needs to know to be cautious of his behavior.
[00:55:35] Samara: But if I tell her. If I tell her, the courts view that as coaching.
[00:55:40] Lauren: So you can't even tell her to protect.
[00:55:42] Bree: We'll FaceTime one day.
[00:55:43] Lauren: Like, that's insane. You can't even tell your daughter to protect herself.
[00:55:47] Samara: Yeah. So in the meantime, like, I will say the. In the meantime, what I started doing was we started making soap and candles.
And so we started a company. It's called Blissful Ventures, llc.
And we make all natural soap and candles and sell it. We're on Etsy, we're on Facebook. We're on Instagram.
That's been, like, our healing thing. And. And I would love to use it as a voice to say, like, look, the. The, like system is so broken. There's no protection for domestic violence. There's no support. Really. Like. Like I talked about, you know, everybody tells you to leave. The courts tell you, yes, we want you to leave. Yes, we'll grant you this restraining order. Yes, we'll do this. But when children get involved, it's vastly different. There's no support. Like, you have to pay your own legal fees for domestic violence. When you go in for a restraining order, your abuser is not required to. So I paid $10,000 for a restraining order? Yeah, for a lawyer to represent me. Otherwise, I run the risk of not having a restraining order.
And here's the other catch of that is, during that time period, I was told it's better for you to come to an agreement outside of the courthouse before you go into the judge, because the judge can remove the child from the restraining order with prejudice, meaning they can never come back and get another restraining order for the same thing. So you need to come to an agreement. Otherwise, you run that risk.
So what I did is we came to an agreement that we would have a restraining order that covered me, but I had to remove the child. And then I was only able to get him on supervised visits. And that's not because I don't think he's a danger to our daughter, but it's also because the courts are looking to me to help encourage that relationship and foster it. As hard as that is, you know, I'm trying to protect her, so I'm trying to do it in the best way I can.
[00:57:44] Lauren: That's. I mean, good for you. And that's. But that's crazy. They're putting you in that position and that they are willing to risk your daughter's safety for a relationship with a man who's abusive.
[00:57:52] Bree: Yeah, but there's no words for that. But I'm glad y' all are trying to heal and get past it.
I could not imagine being in your shoes. I really couldn't. Like, you can sit here. You can tell by my face. It just pisses me off. Like, I am on fire right now.
[00:58:10] Samara: But I'm fine. We make a whole lot of soap.
[00:58:12] Lauren: Yeah, but, see, I'm glad that you. You've turned that into something. And we will link all of all your links for your etsy. And all your social media and everything on, on this, on the episode.
[00:58:24] Samara: Well, Bree.
[00:58:25] Lauren: Well, Lauren, it was a crazy.
[00:58:28] Bree: That was a doozy.
[00:58:29] Lauren: That was a doozy. It was. And if any of you are dealing with domestic violence, I will put in a clip with the domestic violence hotline phone number and the local one for here in Northern Alabama as well. Absolutely.
[00:58:40] Bree: You're never alone.
[00:58:41] Lauren: You are never alone. Well, see you next week.
[00:58:43] Bree: See you next week.
[00:58:44] Lauren: If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, which includes sexual assault and rape, you can reach out to the national Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Or if you're local here to North Alabama, you can reach out to 256-716-1000. You are not alone. And there is hell. Val there.
