Episode Transcript
[00:00:13] Bree: Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSV.
[00:00:15] Lauren: With Lauren and Bree.
This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000, or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
[00:00:49] Lauren: Hey, Bree. Hey, Lauren.
[00:00:52] Lauren: Well, here we are again.
[00:00:54] Bree: Once again, here we are.
[00:00:55] Lauren: And is the dating any better?
[00:00:57] Bree: No, it's trash.
[00:00:58] Lauren: Shocking.
One day we're gonna come on here and be like, we had a good date. I swear we will one day. But that would require us to actually go on dates.
[00:01:06] Bree: Yeah, it's gonna be a while.
[00:01:08] Lauren: So instead of just looking at the dating profiles and being like, this is pure trash.
[00:01:13] Lauren: So.
[00:01:14] Lauren: So the one I have for you today, he's 68. Again, like, this is. I mean, all right, he admits he's an average guy, so that's cool. Looking for serious romance leading to marriage, but friendship is okay. Don't drink, smoke or drug.
[00:01:29] Lauren: Or drug.
[00:01:30] Lauren: He doesn't do any of those. But what's best is his photos.
His photos are fantastic because he decided to take a photo of his face. The next photo is of his feet. Separate photos. Then I shit. You notice he turned around in a mirror, has the phone hanging in between his legs, and took a picture of his calves in the mirror.
[00:01:54] Bree: He wants us to see that he doesn't have varicose veins, I guess.
[00:01:58] Lauren: I mean, those are. I mean.
[00:01:59] Bree: I mean, to be his age, his legs don't look bad. They look better than mine do, to be honest.
[00:02:04] Lauren: True, for 68, those aren't bad legs. But, like, that's like he is bent over taking a photo of his legs.
[00:02:10] Bree: The phone is between his legs.
[00:02:12] Lauren: The phone's between his legs. Yes, he is.
And his.
[00:02:16] Lauren: And his.
[00:02:16] Lauren: And he's taking wherever this photo is being taken. There's trash in the floor.
[00:02:19] Bree: I just saw the phone between his legs.
[00:02:24] Lauren: Ladies and gentlemen, this is what we're working with.
[00:02:27] Bree: I can't even comment on that.
[00:02:28] Lauren: That.
[00:02:29] Bree: That's interesting.
[00:02:30] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:02:31] Bree: So I don't really have any good dating stories for the week, obviously, because I'm not dating anyone, but I found it kind of funny. You know, when you're in high school, boys are meaning. And there was this one specifically. I was best friends with somebody, and he liked her so much.
We were at, like, some kind of, like, church function. Or something.
And I remember him specifically saying, well, I would date you, but I wouldn't date Bree because she's ugly. So fast forward. You know, we're in our 30s now, and he's going through a divorce and he's playing the pity party online where. Especially on Facebook. Gotta love Facebook. It's such a hard time for him. And, you know, he doesn't know what to do without his family, but he is liking me on dating apps. Thought I was ugly. And you know who you are. You probably don't listen to this, but.
[00:03:16] Lauren: But if you get. If it gets back to you, call me ugly, then.
[00:03:19] Bree: Like me on a dating app.
[00:03:20] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:03:21] Bree: Absolutely not.
[00:03:22] Lauren: Yeah. You also showed me his picture, and he ain't nothing to look at, so.
[00:03:24] Bree: He looks like a sore thumb.
[00:03:27] Lauren: I'm sure he has a personality of a sore thumb.
[00:03:29] Bree: He does it.
You know big Ed from 90 Day Fiance?
[00:03:34] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:03:34] Lauren: That's what we're talking about.
[00:03:35] Bree: Talking about.
[00:03:36] Lauren: Isn't that no neck without hair?
[00:03:37] Bree: Yeah, no neck, pretty much.
[00:03:38] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:03:40] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:03:40] Bree: Short boy syndrome.
[00:03:41] Lauren: That's a good. That's a good time.
[00:03:43] Bree: Anyways, that's how my week's been.
[00:03:46] Lauren: We're winning.
[00:03:48] Bree: I don't know what we're winning at.
When you figure that out, let me know.
[00:03:53] Lauren: I. I will let you know.
Well, today we have Samantha with us.
[00:03:58] Samantha: Hi.
Hello.
[00:04:00] Lauren: And she's going to tell us a little bit about her story with her ex, David.
[00:04:05] Samantha: Yes, David. David.
[00:04:08] Lauren: Yeah. That's one of my favorite memes. Shit scripts. The best.
[00:04:11] Samantha: Gosh, where do I even start?
[00:04:14] Lauren: So tell us how, like, how long you and David were together, where you guys met. Like, give us the backstory.
[00:04:20] Samantha: So the kicker here is David and I were not ever a couple. I guess we'll go back to, like, 2019 because I was married, I got divorced, and he was the first guy that I ever got with on a dating app or anything like that.
First guy I got with after being married for, like, six years, so. And I got married for the first time at 22.
[00:04:47] Lauren: Same one.
[00:04:47] Samantha: 22. Yeah.
[00:04:48] Lauren: To way too early.
[00:04:49] Samantha: Yeah. Way too early. Yes.
I remember thinking whenever I got married, like, I literally had a panic attack and was like, let's just get it over with. And I was like, that is probably a sign you shouldn't marry that person. So, you know, there's just a little side note there for anyone.
[00:05:12] Lauren: Y.
[00:05:13] Samantha: But yeah. So David is the first person that I connected with and connected with after my divorce. And this is, like, important to the story, so I know that I'M like spending a lot of time on the beginning of it. But it was like, finally I'm an adult. Like I'm experiencing normal things. That freaking 20 somethings experience.
Like, you know, I didn't have like a college experience experience. I didn't have like a high school.
I didn't have any of that. So this was just like a new beginning for me.
[00:05:55] Bree: Right.
[00:05:56] Samantha: In a very weird way. So he is a man in uniform, which I am a sucker for.
[00:06:01] Lauren: Yeah, same. And unfortunately, a lot of those career paths of uniform are some of the highest cheaters.
[00:06:08] Samantha: For sure. He seemed very shy and like reserved. And if I'm being honest, for years I literally thought this man was just a loner. And I don't know what possessed me to think that maybe I was the only girl that. I mean, I. Surely I wasn't.
[00:06:27] Lauren: Right.
[00:06:28] Samantha: Well, now we know this. But you know, the only girl that he would hook up with, but like just how reserved he was. It's hard to explain because he would, he would like have me over and watch like conspiracy theory videos.
[00:06:45] Lauren: Okay.
[00:06:46] Samantha: I mean, and everybody has a thing. Well, I'm like, I love a good time.
I'm so down for that. Like, I'm, I'm good with that. And so, you know, that kind of made me think like, oh, does he like me? Yeah, does he like me?
[00:06:59] Bree: He was sharing something about himself that he enjoyed.
[00:07:01] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:07:02] Samantha: Yeah.
[00:07:02] Lauren: It wasn't just like a, it wasn't a U up text, like come over.
[00:07:06] Samantha: Yeah.
[00:07:06] Lauren: You were actually spending time.
[00:07:07] Samantha: I think that's what got me because it was like, okay, this is something that, that you think is important and like you're sharing this with me and I'm watching five hours worth of.
Well, I'm like, you know, I just, I'm happy to spend time with you. Like, you know.
[00:07:24] Lauren: So you liked him more than just friends with benefits.
[00:07:27] Samantha: Yes. And I thought at some points that he liked me too. And there was times where I even confronted him. I was like, not confronted. This is not a confronting situation. But I was like, you know, hey, like, what if we went on a date sometime? Or you know, what if. Why don't you want to go on a date with me? But you want to show up to my apartment?
[00:07:49] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:07:49] Samantha: Yeah. I mean, I realize what I look like, but. No, but like I, you know, it just kind of messed with my head.
[00:07:57] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:07:59] Samantha: So anyway, for over the course of a few years, it was basically Netflix and chill because I thought he was just shy and introverted. Yeah. And I believe that he Is. But that was kind of all it was. It was. It was never even going out to eat or anything.
[00:08:16] Bree: Yeah, like that. So is he dating other girls during this time or.
[00:08:20] Samantha: To my knowledge, no. But recently I've learned that he is not who I thought he was at all.
[00:08:27] Bree: So what started happening? Like, were there changes in his behavior? What happened?
[00:08:32] Samantha: There would. There would be like long gaps in between, like whenever we would hang out.
But there was one day, you know, we hooked up, did the deed, and then like a week later, there was one morning where he was going to meet up with me and he backed out at the last minute. And it was a really sketchy way where he did it, but, you know, I was like, okay, whatever. Like, introverted guy, like, you know, that's fine, you're not in the mood. Whatever.
I would say. Like, a few days later, I was at work and I get a text that's, hey, this is David's wife.
[00:09:20] Lauren: No.
[00:09:20] Samantha: Yeah. And she was like, I'm not mad at you. I know that you don't know about me or anything.
[00:09:28] Lauren: Yep.
[00:09:29] Samantha: Yeah, she is a saint.
[00:09:31] Lauren: Yeah. I mean, good for her for not being because I mean, same. I was the same way whenever I met all Dick's people. Because, yeah, I'm like, you didn't know about me. I'm like, I'm not gonna be mad at you because you didn't know.
[00:09:41] Samantha: I had no idea.
[00:09:43] Lauren: Yeah, you weren't being. You weren't being. You weren't doing hoe things.
[00:09:46] Samantha: Yeah.
Literally, I thought this guy was like a loner. This was completely off my radar. So when his wife messaged me, like, hey, you know, I just wanted some answers, you know, I'm really hurting right now. I'm like, oh, hell yeah. I'm gonna give you some answers.
[00:10:05] Lauren: Like, yes, like, take his ass to court.
[00:10:08] Samantha: Yes.
[00:10:08] Lauren: I'm gonna give you all the proof.
[00:10:09] Samantha: I'm like, I will tell you everything.
[00:10:12] Lauren: Yeah, well, because you're. And you're hurt too because you liked this guy.
[00:10:16] Samantha: I'm hurt too. And I had feelings for this guy for a while. Every single year, I wished him a happy birthday.
I know the day that his best friend died of cancer. Like, I every single year would like wish him, you know, just, hey, I'm thinking about you. No matter if you want to touch me with a 10 foot pole or not. Like, yeah, you know, I thought about those things and sometimes I wonder, like, does she even know that?
[00:10:46] Lauren: Like, but I mean, he was hiding so much from her. Probably not.
[00:10:51] Samantha: Yeah, I mean, and it's just. Why would I know something so important?
[00:10:55] Lauren: How did she find out about you?
[00:10:56] Samantha: She found my number on his phone. Of course, he didn't save my actual name, but. Yeah, she said, I found your name on his phone. And you know, just then I started sharing like, okay, let me give you the details, Let me give you the details. And I really wish that I had, like more screenshots and stuff, but when I said the last couple times that we hooked up a week before and after their wedding. Mm.
[00:11:26] Lauren: Mm.
Yeah.
[00:11:28] Samantha: Oh, shit.
[00:11:29] Lauren: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that probably happened to me too.
[00:11:31] Bree: So how long have they been married?
[00:11:32] Samantha: For like six months, man.
[00:11:34] Lauren: Me and her need to meet because I don't. Because, I mean, I'd only been. Me and Dick had only been married for a year when I found out about all his affairs and stuff. I mean, we've been together for. But we had only been married for a year. So her and I need to meet so that we can be like, hey, trauma bond.
[00:11:47] Samantha: Like, I'm not the only one is.
[00:11:49] Bree: So how many more were there? Oh, God.
[00:11:54] Samantha: I wish I could tell you.
[00:11:56] Lauren: Wow. So it's another Dick.
[00:11:59] Samantha: It is. I posted him in a Facebook group.
[00:12:03] Lauren: And that's how I found you.
[00:12:05] Samantha: Yes, posted him in there. And my gosh, people responded.
[00:12:11] Bree: So was he honest with her? Whenever, like when she can. Did she. I'm assuming she confronted him here he.
[00:12:17] Samantha: Here's the fun part.
Fun for me, I guess, to an extent. So I couldn't find like a ton of screenshots. I was able to find definite dates where we got together and things like that. And, you know, texts from like my sister in law and like my best friend who were able to say, yeah, they, they, they met up that day.
[00:12:42] Lauren: Right.
[00:12:43] Samantha: Um, but it was like, okay, well, we've, you know, I don't know what we're gonna do. So I was like, well, I know that if I set him up, like, if I was like, hey, meet me here. He's not gonna do that because he's very much a person that's like, it's all gonna be on his terms. So she went to a restaurant and like sat with him on the same side of the booth.
This sounds familiar. So that he couldn't get out.
[00:13:13] Lauren: I love it.
[00:13:13] Samantha: And so I showed up because if we, you know, circle back there was that morning, that day that he wasn't going to meet up with me because he was. But then something came up, something with his wife.
[00:13:27] Bree: She got off work probably.
[00:13:28] Samantha: Yeah. She came home from work probably.
[00:13:30] Bree: Yeah.
[00:13:31] Samantha: That's probably right. But.
So they're at the restaurant, and she gives me the. You know, the go ahead. I walk in and I'm like, hey. Oh, my gosh. Like, why didn't you show up the other day? Like, oh, my God. Is it because you have a wife? Yeah. Is this your sister? Oh, my gosh. Like, I love this.
[00:13:59] Lauren: Good on you.
[00:14:00] Samantha: So, you know, we had a little conversation.
[00:14:05] Lauren: Describe his face.
Just like. Was he just like, holy?
[00:14:10] Samantha: Basically, he. I mean, just blank. Just, like.
Just. Honestly, it was that. But also, it's still like, he doesn't give a fuck because he's a monster.
[00:14:23] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:14:23] Samantha: He doesn't care.
[00:14:24] Bree: It's like, they have no soul.
[00:14:25] Lauren: Yeah. So this one time, similar situation. Dick liked Bree again and forgot that he liked her the first time. So then Bree set up a date, and I don't know, maybe I showed up.
[00:14:37] Bree: She may or may not have been in the backseat of my car.
[00:14:40] Lauren: I may or may not have been there and been like, hey, what's up? Give me my fucking money.
[00:14:47] Samantha: I just spent my new best friend.
[00:14:49] Lauren: Yeah. I was just like, motherfucker. No.
[00:14:51] Bree: May or may not have recordings of it.
[00:14:53] Lauren: We may or may not have things. But, you know, it's funny because, like, it was similar.
He was mad at first. Like, his ears turned red. Like, he was mad as shit. But he also, like, then he would, like, have that blank stare. Because, like, when narcissists get caught, they're just like, they. They get so mad that they, like, go, like, to hell.
[00:15:13] Samantha: I don't know what to do.
[00:15:14] Lauren: No. So did he say. Did he say anything? Or did he just stay quiet?
[00:15:18] Samantha: So he did. He said some things. He was, like, talking about, like, why did they even get married? Like. Or she asked, you know, like, why would you even do that?
[00:15:28] Lauren: Because you were cheating the whole time. Why did you marry me?
[00:15:30] Samantha: Oh, exactly. Like, he was cheating the entire time. Right. And so from what I have heard, she got pregnant. And that's why they got Marri, because they were only together a few months. Which I'm one to talk, because, like, my ex husband, you know, we. We only dated for a little bit. We were married for six years, though. So, like, I. I'm not one to judge on stuff like that, but me either.
[00:15:55] Lauren: Like, been there, done that three times.
[00:15:57] Samantha: No, I'm not here to judge. Like, timelines. But he was saying there was a baby, and then. But then the. The kicker is she lost the baby, and then. Yes, and I freaking hate that. But then he still married Her. And so he was, like, trying to make this make sense.
[00:16:18] Bree: Yeah.
[00:16:19] Samantha: But it didn't make sense because people aren't honest.
[00:16:22] Lauren: Yeah. Because they're, like. They're liars. And then when they get caught, they just, like, try.
[00:16:25] Samantha: Yeah.
[00:16:27] Bree: Themselves too.
[00:16:28] Samantha: So I'm like, so you're telling me right now that you married this woman.
[00:16:32] Lauren: Like, because she had a baby?
[00:16:34] Samantha: Because she was pregnant and then wasn't pregnant anymore, and then you didn't wanna.
[00:16:42] Bree: He felt obligated, probably.
[00:16:44] Samantha: I'm like, maybe.
[00:16:45] Lauren: Or that's probably his excuse.
[00:16:47] Samantha: Yeah. I don't even know. Like, he couldn't. He couldn't explain himself.
[00:16:51] Bree: He needs some therapy.
[00:16:52] Samantha: For sure. For sure.
And, I mean, that was. That was the whole thing. Why did you even marry this girl?
[00:17:00] Lauren: Like, you obviously don't love her, so why did you marry.
[00:17:02] Samantha: Yeah, I'm like, it's clearly not, but.
[00:17:05] Lauren: You'Ll never know because narcissists never tell the truth. And we don't know why they get married in the first place.
[00:17:10] Bree: They want something to control.
[00:17:11] Lauren: Well, Dick wanted money, but, yeah, good.
[00:17:13] Samantha: For a narcissist, because I don't have money.
[00:17:16] Lauren: Yeah.
I don't need more. He took it.
[00:17:19] Samantha: But, yeah. So that night ended with. I had been planning this all night, by the way. I casually pulled my straw out of my water glass, and when it was time to leave, I just shoved it in his face.
[00:17:39] Bree: Good for you.
[00:17:42] Samantha: I love it. And, well, I was really. I was toying with it because I was like, I don't want to hit her in the face.
[00:17:49] Bree: Yeah.
[00:17:49] Samantha: And I basically hightailed it out of that place. But. Because I was.
But yeah, she. She texted me. She was like, you're my hero.
[00:18:02] Lauren: Yeah. What a.
[00:18:03] Samantha: That was a moment.
[00:18:05] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:18:05] Lauren: Did he reach back out to you after that?
[00:18:08] Samantha: Oh, no, but I have. I've done worse.
[00:18:17] Lauren: Yes. Yes.
[00:18:20] Samantha: No, this is why I'm here.
[00:18:23] Bree: Enlighten us.
[00:18:24] Samantha: So me and David's wife, we chatted a lot. We actually. The night after we confronted him at the restaurant, she had kicked him out of the house, and he had left, like, a bunch of cash on the counter. And so we, Like, I'd have taken that.
Yeah, we, like, bought a bunch of drinks with it and we bought dinner. Like, absolutely. But, yeah, so we've kind of kept in touch. And then I guess I decided I wanted to be diabolical.
I made a series of messages, like what you would find in a fortune cookie. Just, you know, a little tidbit here and there, and I cut them out and I Put them, each of them, in a baggie, like a Ziploc baggie.
And I put some rocks in there because I was gonna throw them on the lawn, which I did, but I wanted them to. I didn't want them to fly away. Fly away. So, you know, we needed some Anchorage. But it said, like, david wants to your girl, but he also probably wants to fuck you more.
David jacks off to anime characters. David, you know, just.
That's good.
[00:19:55] Bree: That's good.
You know, just enough to piss him off. You know, get under his skin.
[00:20:00] Samantha: It was at his workplace.
[00:20:02] Bree: You did it at his work? Yes.
I thought you meant, like, his house.
[00:20:09] Samantha: No, no, no, no. I mean, I have done things around his house, but that was at. Yes, that was his workplace. And his co workers laid out all of the messages on the table and read them.
[00:20:29] Lauren: I need to hire you.
[00:20:31] Samantha: I have too many bad ideas. I mean, good ideas, bad idea, keep going.
So then.
And this. I have to credit my sister for this. I just signed him up for a bunch of spam emails and, like. Like newsletters and, like, herpes support group.
Exactly, Exactly. That's exactly what I did. And I even used AI and made my own. And I bought a book of stamps.
[00:21:08] Bree: I bought.
[00:21:10] Samantha: I bought a book of stamps to mail spam to his parents.
[00:21:20] Bree: Were they customized stamps or were they.
[00:21:23] Samantha: I wish. Because, I mean, like, I.
[00:21:28] Lauren: What did you. Meldo's parents.
[00:21:29] Samantha: So I'm going to first of all preface this with the fact that I 100am like, an ally of the LGBTQ+ community, but I know that his family and he are not.
So given that he likes buttholes.
I created an association for people like him. I made a logo and everything.
I used AI and I made a newsletter. I sent that in the mail to his parents.
And I also printed out from WebMD like, a herpes.
You know, just, like, navigating that, being part of your life. And then, God, I made, like, so many other freaking stupid newsletters. There's one called Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater.
And then I did send several messages about your car's extended warranty.
[00:22:52] Bree: And then while you're extending things, so are we.
[00:23:01] Samantha: But, yeah, so that's hilarious.
[00:23:04] Bree: I never would have thought of any of that. You. You did a good job.
[00:23:07] Samantha: We can thank my sister for that, because.
[00:23:10] Bree: Good job, sister.
[00:23:12] Samantha: Gosh.
[00:23:12] Bree: So do you hear from him anymore, like, you night?
[00:23:15] Samantha: No, he does not respond. But I occasionally. Like, yesterday, I just. Well, you know, I just. Actually, yesterday, yeah, I just. I just felt irritated, and so I just texted h E, R, P, E, S. Like, one after the other.
[00:23:35] Lauren: I shocked. He hasn't blocked you yet.
[00:23:37] Samantha: I know. I'm literally like, you b. You blocked my fake phone numbers? Like.
Cause I. Like, you know, like. Like, you knew it was me because there was. There was one.
One message. Oh, my gosh.
He is very sensitive about his legs because he thinks they're skinny. I personally don't think they're skinny, but I was told that he was sensitive about it, so I made a text newsletter. I mean, you know, we're. We're all about the newsletters over here. Of course. I made a web page.
[00:24:17] Bree: She made a web page.
[00:24:21] Samantha: A web.
[00:24:21] Bree: God. Did you pay for it?
[00:24:23] Samantha: Oh, no, it was free.
[00:24:25] Bree: Okay, good, good.
[00:24:27] Samantha: And so I made a webpage. I was like, hey, hey. Has anyone ever told you that you have chicken legs?
Do your friends and family ever tell you that you need meat on your bone?
If so, I have a program just for you.
[00:24:47] Bree: Click this link.
[00:24:49] Samantha: Click this link to learn more. And then when you click the link, it's like, hey, skinny Breetches.
I was like, hey, hey, skinny Breetches. Just kidding. There's. There's a. There's no program. I literally. It just says, like, you're just a skinny little.
[00:25:16] Bree: You skinny little bitch.
[00:25:21] Samantha: Oh, my God. That's basically the gist.
And actually the top of it. I have to include this. It was just a stick figure.
[00:25:39] Bree: I cannot breathe.
[00:25:41] Lauren: This is diabolical.
[00:25:42] Samantha: And I love it.
[00:25:43] Bree: God, I wish I could have done all this. Can we do a billboard next?
[00:25:48] Samantha: Jesus.
[00:25:49] Bree: Not with his face, but maybe just, like, a uniform?
[00:25:53] Lauren: Like, put a uniform and then put chicken legs coming out from under him.
[00:25:59] Bree: We could try to help spots that.
[00:26:01] Samantha: Oh, my gosh.
[00:26:02] Lauren: Like, oh, God.
[00:26:03] Samantha: People take my anger and graphic design skills, like, not seriously enough.
[00:26:12] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:26:13] Bree: Yeah, that's gold.
I could have used you a long time ago.
[00:26:18] Samantha: Hey, listen, my services are available. Yeah, we're gonna talk after this, but, like, wifey still wants to, like, use my services.
[00:26:26] Lauren: Good.
Are they. So are they. They're apart?
[00:26:30] Bree: No, they're together.
[00:26:31] Samantha: Gotten back. Like, she's staying at the house now.
[00:26:35] Lauren: Does he know that you guys are friends?
[00:26:37] Samantha: I think he does. Because I've definitely been like, I've also.
[00:26:42] Lauren: And she. But she still wants you to torment him.
[00:26:45] Samantha: Yes.
[00:26:46] Lauren: But she took him back.
[00:26:47] Samantha: Yes. Well, yeah. It's like, you're letting him into the house and. Because I was like, hey, you know, how's that going?
[00:26:54] Lauren: Yeah, she doing it ironically to, like, with them.
[00:26:56] Samantha: Like, I don't even know. Like, part of it was like an insurance thing where she was like, well, I'm on his insurance until whatever. I'm like, you also told me that your family has a bunch of money. And then also, personally, my family, if this happened to me, if I needed to go to the doctor, which she had a situation where she had to go to the doctor. If I needed help, they would help me go to the doctor.
[00:27:21] Bree: Right, Absolutely.
[00:27:22] Lauren: Well, it can take time to get divorced, so, like, if they're still legally married, she still would have had his insurance to do that with.
[00:27:27] Samantha: Yeah, I'm like, I just. It's very confusing.
[00:27:30] Lauren: Yeah, that's.
[00:27:31] Samantha: Yeah, that's very confusing. Because why would you want me to with him? And, like, I mean, I don't worry. I love it.
[00:27:39] Lauren: Like, yeah, like, oh, I will.
[00:27:40] Samantha: Like, I'm down for it, but, like, why do you want me to. Like, I don't know. It's weird.
[00:27:47] Bree: So are you dating again, or how's that going? Can I keep it to yourself?
[00:27:53] Samantha: I am. So I'm not on any apps because they're horrific.
There was. There was one guy I met up with, and I posted him in a group, and this one's not, like, a long story, but basically I got there, and he was like, you want to play beer pong with me and my friends? I was like, okay, whatever. But I'm like, you know, I'm just in my work clothes, whatever. And he was like, oh, yeah, you know, you don't need to dress up or whatever. I get there, and he's like. He, like, gives me a beer or whatever and then goes to the bathroom, and I get a text, and he's like, oh, my God, I'm so sick.
And then. Which is whatever. But I. You know, so with that, I was like, are you okay? Do you need help? I'm a nice person. Like, I am. I promise you guys.
[00:28:43] Lauren: So am I. Like, this is. This is the thing.
You're nice until someone with you.
[00:28:49] Samantha: Exactly.
[00:28:50] Lauren: And that's the. That's the thing. People are like, oh, my God. It's like, you just gotta let it go. No, I ain't letting this go. Why do you think I start made this podcast? Because people like Dick do not deserve to get away with the. Because they've been getting away with it for too long, and no one's called them out on it. And then they meet women like us, and we're like, go yourself.
[00:29:07] Samantha: Yeah. It's like, somebody is gonna have to call you out on it, like, and I'm gonna be that Bitch, like, and.
[00:29:14] Bree: There'S a song called I ain't a till you make me one.
[00:29:16] Samantha: Exactly. Yep. Amen. There is. So. But this dude, like, on my dating profile, I had multiple pictures of myself. The very first one being one with me with no makeup from, like, very recently.
So it's not like I have, like, all outdated pictures. You know me. Like, honestly, if y' all have heard me, you know, if you're listening this far, I'm ratchet as. Like.
[00:29:50] Bree: She'S a nice person, dad.
[00:29:52] Samantha: I'm a very nice person. But I'm telling you right now, like, this is not. Sally sells seashells by the seashore. Like, I like. Okay. Like, I. You invited me for beer pong. Okay, let's let, like, let's.
[00:30:08] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:30:08] Samantha: Let's remember this.
[00:30:09] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:30:10] Samantha: Let's put this in context.
[00:30:11] Lauren: Let's lower that expectation.
[00:30:13] Samantha: So I get there, and then this guy is not a looker. Anyway. Like, I literally was going to play beer pong. Yeah. Like, I'm not even flying. Like, I was not looking for some. Yeah. That night literally was like, oh, that sounds fun. But, yeah. He goes to the bathroom and says he's sick, and I'm like, oh, you need help? Then he sends me a picture of myself, a curated one that I had. Like, it's clearly a professional photograph.
[00:30:47] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:30:48] Samantha: That I had on my profile. But I also, you know, like, I said, the first one was like, no makeup. Anyway, he's like, ma', am, I'm gonna need you to leave because you don't look like this, and it's not funny to play games. I said, what the. Cuz I thought he was joking. Yeah. And he was like, please leave. Like, I need you to leave. I was like, I'm sorry, what.
What is going on right now? And he said, I'm going to call the police. I'm going to call.
[00:31:17] Lauren: Because you don't have makeup on.
[00:31:19] Samantha: Yeah.
[00:31:20] Bree: So be at my house every day.
[00:31:22] Samantha: So I poured my beer out on his floor.
[00:31:26] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:31:27] Samantha: And I left.
[00:31:29] Lauren: Good for you.
[00:31:29] Samantha: And, well, unfortunately, it sounds like you're.
[00:31:32] Bree: About in the same boat as we are when it comes to dating.
[00:31:34] Samantha: Oh, yeah.
[00:31:34] Bree: It's just a dumpster fire.
[00:31:35] Samantha: Yeah. We are. We are all together here.
[00:31:38] Bree: Well, Samantha, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story.
[00:31:43] Samantha: Absolutely.
[00:31:43] Bree: Good luck to you going forward. I think we're all gonna need it.
[00:31:46] Lauren: And if you need any of Samantha's services, reach out to us and we will get you in contact with her.
[00:31:53] Samantha: Yes, absolutely.
[00:31:54] Lauren: We'll turn this into a business for you?
[00:31:56] Samantha: Yes, for sure. You know, I can write many a fortun, Cookie.
[00:32:02] Lauren: I love it. All right, well, thank you so much for coming on.
[00:32:04] Bree: And, Bree, see you next week.
[00:32:06] Lauren: See you next week, y'.
[00:32:07] Samantha: All.
