Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: Welcome back to Spill the Tea.
[00:00:12] Speaker C: HSV with Lauren and Bri.
This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: This episode is also brought to you by Bridge & Bloom, LLC.
Bridge & Bloom Therapy Services is changing the way Madison county thinks about mental health. Co owners Kate and Ashley bring over 20 years of combined experience and a shared belief that healing happens through safety, compassion and connection. Their practice provides evidence based care for a wide range of needs, including trauma treatment with EMDR and brain spotting, support for children navigating high conflict situations, and counseling for couples working through challenges or learning to cope. Parent each client receives care tailored to their story in a space where they can feel heard, supported and empowered. To learn more, visit bridgeandbloomllc.com or call 256-469-1877. Again, that's bridgeandbloomllc.Com or call 256-469-18 77.
[00:01:48] Speaker C: Hey, Bri.
[00:01:50] Speaker D: Hey Lauren. How's it going?
[00:01:51] Speaker C: It's good, you know, it's, it's, it's been an interesting, an interesting week with just, you know, life in general.
How about you? You got, you got anything fun for us today?
[00:02:05] Speaker D: Oh, I don't know if you would call it fun, but I do have one story.
And so this guy, he's from his course on a dating app and whenever you like somebody, you can send them a message or they can send you a message if they like one of your photos or something.
But you don't have to actually match with them in order to see that message.
So he, he likes more of my pictures and his first message says you should lose weight before you have a height requirement. Laughing my ass off. Because my height requirement is a minimum of 5, 10.
I have got to be able to wear my wedges and not look down.
[00:02:44] Speaker C: 510 isn't even a high height requirement. Most women want over six foot.
[00:02:48] Speaker D: Exactly. So I'm giving like a two inch leeway on this.
So he goes on to say, I hope you end up alone and single or worse with a short fat guy.
Well, I hate to break it to him, but my second husband was short and round rotund. I've already been there and it was Pure hell too.
So I'm sitting here and I'm at first like, I was so upset and so angry and pictures has teeth of a damn horse.
Huge. Well, of course he has like fake teeth.
And so I can read the response if you want me to.
[00:03:26] Speaker C: I think you should.
[00:03:28] Speaker D: Of course it wasn't nice. So I told him, I said, you know, if you're a bitch, you could have just said that.
You might want to get some, some smaller fake teeth though before you talk shit and get that God awful facial mole removed while you're wearing blue jeans to the beach. Because he was wearing one of his pictures. He had his blue jeans rolled up while he's walking on the beach.
I was pissed. I was absolutely pissed. Well, of course he responded to that and called me several things. But I went on to post him and all the. Are we dating the same guy groups?
[00:04:03] Speaker C: I mean, he should. Because that's ridiculous. Like, first of all, your first response to any woman shouldn't be, you need to lose weight. Like, just move on. If I'm not your type, move on.
[00:04:13] Speaker D: Well, the thing is he was over 6ft tall, so why are you coming at me? And he even mentioned something like, don't come at the short kings, you're not short. Go on.
[00:04:22] Speaker C: Or he's lying.
[00:04:24] Speaker D: He could very well be lying because.
[00:04:25] Speaker C: A lot of them, and I mean to get that defensive, that's weird. And especially if you don't, if you're not short. And then also to have like the response that he had after you called him out and like called him a. Which he was being a baby back.
And then he gets upset, like. And see, that's the thing is men want to be able to talk, but as soon as you talk shit back to them, they can't stand it. It's that whole handle it, no women need to stay in their place thing. And it's like, no, not today. Like, no, I'm not my mama or my grandma. Like, you aren't gonna. I'm.
You don't act like the grandfather who used to actually take care of everything and pay for everything. So don't expect me to be like my grandma and keep my mouth shut.
[00:05:07] Speaker D: Exactly. It's not happening. And what kills me is in his bio he had on there that he's husband material and like, he loves God and his country. And I'm like, you're a sorry piece of shit is what you are. You don't love anything but yourself with your fake ass teeth. Lauren, these teeth are huge. I'm gonna have to send you a screenshot. They're fucking huge.
[00:05:25] Speaker C: Please do. Don't bring God, like, into your. Like, obviously not if you're that judgmental. Nobody. God doesn't. Sir. God doesn't like that behavior.
[00:05:34] Speaker D: No. He don't want you calling me a fat, ugly bitch.
[00:05:36] Speaker C: Yeah, that's not. And why would you even.
Again, the audacity of these men to, like, say something like that. They're. They think that their opinion matters. Like, if you don't like my picture, move on. Why are you liking my picture? Just to tell me something degrading about myself? Are you that insecure with your own life? Like, those are very insecure, unhappy people.
And I hope that he burns in hell.
I hope his jump falls off, but that's that, too.
[00:06:06] Speaker D: So, yeah, that's my week.
[00:06:08] Speaker C: God. And this is why we don't date.
Because as we all know, I'm not dating, but because I can't, because I'm still dealing with dick.
He's never gonna go away.
You know, the amount of people who are like, just move on. I'm like, I would if he would cut me a check.
Gladly.
Gladly. I want to move on. And that's probably why he doesn't cut me a check, because he doesn't want me to move on. This probably.
Motherfucker.
He told me in person and via text that he was going to pay me.
And because again, he hasn't been paying me. And I'm like, listen, I'm trying to save us both money in the long run because I shouldn't have to go to court again. And then you're going to have to pay for stuff, and then I'm going to charge you for what I had to pay for. So in the end, you're going to cost yourself more money, bro.
And I'm just trying to not have to deal with the bullshit.
And I don't know if it's his mama giving him shitty advice and saying, don't pay her, or if it's him just being stupid and thinking that he can get away with not paying me.
But I know everyone is super shocked that he didn't pay me, so.
[00:07:27] Speaker D: Which is ridiculous. Like, he, he. He has a decent job. He makes decent money.
Just pay it. Because you're obviously not paying the child support. You should be paying Facts.
[00:07:38] Speaker C: And that's. That, that, that's the other thing is, it's just like I texted him and I was like, hey, just checking in. Because I know you got paid, like, you know, just checking in and, and that's all I said. And he didn't say anything. So I was like, so we're back to ignoring me. And he didn't say anything. So see, that's the thing is, like, he will continue to play this game for as long as he can until his hand is forced.
And that day's coming, so. Yep. Cheers to you, D. I hope it.
[00:08:06] Speaker D: Happens sooner rather than later.
[00:08:08] Speaker C: God, me too. Because I'm tired. I. He wants me to give up, and I'm just. I'm not gonna.
[00:08:13] Speaker D: So he should know better than that.
[00:08:16] Speaker C: Everybody else gave up, and I can't stand the thought of him actually getting away with this.
So I'm like, no, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna be the one that gives up, because I don't. Everybody's like, just move on. I'm like, no. Like, if I move on, I have to give up. And I'm not giving up. Like, I'll move on when I get my money.
And when every woman in Huntsville knows who he is and that he should not be able. He, like, you should not date this man. This man needs to go do more than therapy. Like, he needs some very impatient for.
[00:08:52] Speaker D: At least 10 years somewhere.
[00:08:53] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, he needs actual mental work and help with. To deal with, like, how deep his trauma, insecurities, and just, like, how he treats women is insane.
And no one ever needs to go with what I'm going through because it's something that I'm going to have to deal with for years to come.
So as far as the financial part of it, so. Yep. So that's where. Why we're not dating. Because men just suck, period.
[00:09:20] Speaker D: Yep. But until a unicorn comes out, and not like the third party kind of unicorn, but an actual unicorn comes out, then I will entertain something. But I don't think that's going to be anytime soon.
[00:09:32] Speaker C: No, I'm just going to keep reading books because that's where the men make me happy, is in my books.
[00:09:39] Speaker D: Speaking of books, we have someone here with us today.
Yeah, this.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Hi there.
[00:09:48] Speaker C: Hey, Bethany. So, thanks for joining us.
Yeah, Bethany and I have that in common. We love our books. We are very excited about your story because it's a little different than the other stories we've had. So definitely tell us a little bit about why. Why you wanted to come on.
[00:10:04] Speaker A: Well, I've always been the other woman. Like, I guess I can't say always, but it just keeps happening over and over and over without knowledge.
Yes. And finding out is always really painful.
[00:10:22] Speaker C: Yeah. And I think that's important to talk about.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Because it's just like, oh, no, there's this other woman involved. She doesn't know about me. And then saying that hey, girl message is always.
It's not fun. And I keep up with the, you know, are we dating the same guy people? Right. On Facebook. And I'm just like, oh, my goodness, love the tea. Love to hear it. But when you're involved in it, it's kind of becomes its own thing.
[00:10:50] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:10:50] Speaker D: It becomes its own story, Literally. It's.
[00:10:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:10:53] Speaker D: And I hate that you've gone through that. It's sucks.
So tell us more, I guess, about.
Well, when it started.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: Okay.
I mean, I take you all the way back to the very first hey, girl message to send.
[00:11:10] Speaker C: I mean, I love. I love getting this point of view, because Dick's mistress, essentially a hey, girl message. She didn't see it till much later. But, you know, like, I found out and sent her a message. So it's. It's. It's good to get. And then Bri sent me the hey, girl message. So it's good to get, like, the point of view from, like, you having to send the hey, girl message, because I think that that one, you know, applauds to you, like, for actually sending that message and for being like, you guys, I'm gonna tell your wife for being a skis ball. So I just want to applaud you for that, because a lot of women don't do that. And good for you for doing it. But, yeah, take us back to that first one.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: So the first one, I was talking to this guy, and we were so. I had been talking to him on one social media platform, and after so many months, he just kind of gave me the ick. And we never met up, but he gave me the ick. And so I was like, I'm not going to talk to him anymore. And I was on another platform and recognized him and was like, hey, like, I know you from here. Was, like, trying to be silly with him, and instead of, like, him being silly back, he completely deleted his account.
And I was like, well, that's a red flag.
So I went back to the other social media and, like, did some snooping, and I took his picture and posted it. And are we dating the same people?
And, oh, my goodness, all the girls, like, analyze the picture. They're like, girl, do you not see, like, the second toothpick? Like, the toothbrush in the corner of the mirror? Like, that's a pink toothbrush. Like, obviously he's with someone. And I. You know, just little things I didn't pick up on in just one picture. I didn't post all of them. I just shared one picture. And then the who I thought was the girlfriend commented and was like, please come off anonymous and talk to me. Because I had posted it anonymously, right?
And so I messaged her. We had no mutual friends, and she was just like, I want to know why. And, like, grilling me. And I was like, listen, I sent her the screenshots. I was like, this was our conversation on this app. I recognized him from over here. I put him together. Like, I posted him.
Like, I didn't know. I was just. I posted, like, wondering, could he be cheating because he deleted his account? Like, that's acting guilty.
[00:13:34] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:13:34] Speaker A: Yeah. And, man, she was grilling me. And I gave her everything. I took screenshots of everything. I actually went back. The first place that I spoke to him on.
I thought it was a couple months. Went back, it was two years of messages, but, like, giving me the ick. And we never met, but I guess we had kept up talking that long.
No, they were together, like, that whole time. They had a child together. They were married.
And she was just like, why now? Why are you posting it now? I was like, because I just talked to him yesterday.
Like, he deleted his account yesterday. And I posted it like, yeah, so it was just, man, I.
[00:14:16] Speaker C: So he'd been cheating on her the whole time?
[00:14:19] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
But she was, like, grilling me and asking me, and she was just so. She was so upset and angry, and I was like, I can't be the person to comfort her. Like, I'm the person who just like, shattered whatever, you know, if she didn't know anything.
But then, you know, we didn't have any friends in common. She couldn't say someone's playing a trick on her, you know?
And no, I just had, like, a lot of empathy for her, but obviously, like, I couldn't.
I was just giving up all the information. Like, here's all the screenshots. Whatever you need. I even gave her my phone number, you know, like, I'm a real person. Like, I'm not just a stranger on Facebook.
But no, it was really hard. And I was like, man, when I see, like, the messages and the tea and stuff on are we dating the same people? Like, it gets piping hot and it's kind of fun to read. But then when you're in it, like, that was really eye opening for me. That was someone's life that they're going through. And this man is cheating.
[00:15:23] Speaker C: And did she stay with him?
[00:15:27] Speaker A: So I don't know, because I. She. I'm pretty sure she blocked me, so I'm assuming maybe she did, but they had a baby together.
[00:15:35] Speaker C: Did she try to blame you?
[00:15:38] Speaker A: I think in her messaging she was. And that's why she was just like, asking me all the questions and just being really, I guess, aggressive.
But I was just like, I was giving everything over.
And like, even though he deleted his account on that second place, the other account was still up. And I told her he had been active. It showed he was active in the last six hours on that account. And I was like, go, look at it. Go. It's there.
[00:16:05] Speaker C: So I think that that's something, though. Women, like, as the one who was cheated on, it sucks. But we can't blame the other women unless they know.
Like, if they know, that's another story and shame on them.
I have very strong opinions on those women, but if they don't know, we can't put our blame on those, on women. It needs to be on the man. He's the one that, like, my ex husband owed me, Dick owed me, and Dick made a vow to me, and so I should be blaming him and not these other women.
And, you know, they didn't.
Like, you didn't know or you wouldn't have talked to him in the first place. So, like, it's not fair to put the blame on a woman who doesn't know and you were doing the right thing by telling her. And I think women, there's so many women that are like, well, I'd rather just not know. I'm like, I can't comprehend that. Yeah, because I'm like, you're literally living a lie. Like, what happens when your husband brings home an STD or has kids with someone else because you turned a blind eye for so long because you were too scared to just deal with the bullshit.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:14] Speaker C: So, yeah. Well, that sucks. So that was your first one?
[00:17:19] Speaker A: Well, that was, I guess, the first one as an adult. When I was 16, there was a guy in high school that I was seeing and his friend actually told me that he was cheating on his girlfriend. And so I was like, participating in cheating and I didn't know.
So I found her on Facebook and told her and she blocked me.
But I stopped seeing him.
Come to find out I was pregnant.
So I have, you know, our child. She's my 15 year old. Love her.
He has started paying child support to me in the past couple years. He never told his family. I'M reaching out to his side of the family. They don't know. I don't know that his wife knows. The girl that I messaged the hey girl message to in high school is.
[00:18:03] Speaker C: The one he married.
[00:18:05] Speaker D: Are you shitting me?
[00:18:05] Speaker A: He married her. He married her.
So I'm dealing with all of that right now, and that's been not fun.
[00:18:16] Speaker D: So his parents didn't even know they had a grandchild? Nope.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: He was. Well. And he was raised by his grandparents. They didn't know.
[00:18:22] Speaker C: Oh, your poor daughter. Like, what does she know?
[00:18:26] Speaker A: I mean, I've been honest with her and she's wanted to reach out to him, so this is the kind of person that he is. I let her make a Facebook account last year or. Yeah, when she was 14 because of all the child support stuff we've been doing. She had his name and she found him on Facebook and added him and went to type a message and he blocked her before she could type a message.
[00:18:53] Speaker D: He blocked his own daughter?
[00:18:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:56] Speaker C: Sounds like Dick. Dick's totally gonna block all his kids.
[00:18:58] Speaker D: What a piece of.
[00:19:00] Speaker C: Oh, my God. I'm so. That's. That sucks for your daughter. I'm sorry she has to deal with that. I'm glad she has you and that you're honest and you've been there and we've just.
[00:19:10] Speaker A: Just trying to be open. And I'm going to have coffee with her biological grandmother soon on, like, that side of the family. So I hope that goes well processing because she's had no idea.
Absolutely none. He did not tell his family at all.
[00:19:25] Speaker C: So. Did you tell him back in high school that you were pregnant?
[00:19:28] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah, I told him. He. He actually wanted to come and meet her a few times, and I set it up and he would bail.
[00:19:35] Speaker D: So I'm so. I. I'm shocked shitless right now.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: Well, so, like, when I jokingly was like, oh, I've always been the other woman, like, I feel like it's just a trend at this point.
[00:19:45] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, it started literally in high school.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:49] Speaker D: We need an Etsy Witch for you is what we need.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, that would be amazing.
[00:19:53] Speaker C: Like, wow, that sucks. I mean, I'm glad. I mean, obviously you love your daughter, so, like, you know.
[00:19:59] Speaker A: Yeah, no, we're super close.
[00:20:01] Speaker C: Yeah, the. The silver lining of all of it, but still, like, that's horrible and hard to have to go through. And then the fact that he married the other high school person, the one he was actually dating and cheating on you and cheating with, like, oh, my God.
[00:20:16] Speaker D: So does she? I'm assuming she now knows everything.
[00:20:19] Speaker C: Maybe.
[00:20:20] Speaker A: I assume so. Unless he's.
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Unless he's hiding it, which is very. I mean, I didn't know about Dick's third kid.
[00:20:26] Speaker A: I went to court and we had our, like, a zoom meeting with the judge. It was just him and, like, he had, like, a counselor with him because he's in the military. He had, like, a counselor and stuff with him. And I was just, like, wondering if she knew if. She might not. They're doing that. She might not. Yeah. Especially if they keep their finances separate, so.
[00:20:48] Speaker C: Or if he pays it all.
[00:20:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:52] Speaker D: And that's a big red flag because with every marriage I had, we always kept our finances separate, and I never could figure out why.
And then, of course, after the third one, I was like, oh, because they're all shady. That's why.
[00:21:07] Speaker C: They're all.
[00:21:08] Speaker D: Because. Funny. Yeah, exactly. Finances were always separate. So you've got a boyfriend or a husband. Well, not a boyfriend, I guess. Fiance or husband. And wants to keep them separate. Red flag. Nope.
[00:21:21] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:23] Speaker C: My mind, I'm like, still just like. Okay, so.
[00:21:27] Speaker A: No, it's a lot. It's a lot. And. But that's, like, my life. That's what I get to deal with.
My own tea, which I don't mind sharing because I. I don't know, I feel like I've just, I guess, for so long. Like, I wasn't talking about it because when we were younger, I don't know, he was just a very petty person, and I was like, I'd rather not deal with him. You know, keep it arm's length. But now I don't care.
[00:21:54] Speaker C: 20, 25. We're holding these men accountable.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:57] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:59] Speaker D: So what is, like, your most recent one that's happened?
[00:22:02] Speaker A: Okay, so the most recent one, I found someone that I knew, but it's not just, like, someone that you knew.
I grew up with this person, like childhood friends. Okay. Our families, like, grew up together also, I should mention, in a high control religion. So I was that for 20 years. You can imagine how, like, small that circle is.
No, I actually went to his wedding, and.
Yeah, so. But also, it's an app. I don't know if y' all are familiar with it. It's like. Tammy. Tammy. I don't know how to say it, but it's. It's a new one. Listen, I feel like. I don't know, maybe it's only desperate people just try all the new dating apps.
I'm just like, we're just gonna cycle through these bitches. Okay, but this one, you can. You have like your regular photos, but then you have like a folder that you can allow people access to, which I'm sure people use as like private photos. Whereas I'm an artist. I have watercolor paintings.
Watercolor, yeah, that's all my. So if a guy asked for my photos, I was like, oh, yes, go bask in my art.
[00:23:16] Speaker D: Exactly.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: No, this guy was on here, like his full face. I was like, oh my goodness, he's been married for more than a decade. Like, what is he doing on here?
I happen to know he's in church leadership in that high control religion. Like, not head pastor, but he's in leadership leadership. Uh huh. Married with three kids, married for more than a decade. And I was like, sir. And you know, you can put, you know, a little about you. He was looking for couples, men and women swinging opportunities.
And I was just kind of like, what?
Which no shame to people, right?
[00:24:00] Speaker C: Like is your. If your wife is part of it.
[00:24:04] Speaker A: His ideology is completely against you. Right. You know?
[00:24:07] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:24:07] Speaker D: So I was about to say those two things that goes back to the episode we had about kink and Jesus. That's what this reminds me of.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I recognized him and he didn't recognize me, but I.
So he messaged. So that's another thing. He messaged me and it was like sitting in my inbox and I'm like, I don't think he knows who I am, otherwise he wouldn't have sent me a message.
And so I messaged him back and he still didn't know. And I was like, I know you. Like, what are you doing here? He's like, you don't know me. His full face is in these pictures. Okay. He granted me access to the spicy photos.
Ironically, I granted him access to mine. And he was like, oh, paintings. And I was just like, well. And I called him out by name. Like, what are you doing on here? Before I called him out by name, I took screenshots of stuff, how long his account had been on there, his posts that he like, had talked about things like his face pictures. Obviously smart woman, not to be too detailed, but my sister, my older sister had also, like, needed to rehome a dog and he adopted the dog. Like the dog was in the photo. Like, there was so much evidence.
[00:25:31] Speaker C: This guy cannot deny. You cannot deny.
[00:25:35] Speaker A: Not the dog.
[00:25:38] Speaker C: And.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: I, you know what, maybe I was being bad, but I did go look at the spicy photos and I took a screenshot of one I didn't want his wife to have any doubt that this man was on here doing that. Okay, I. I got one screenshot of that, but screenshot of, like, six of them.
And so I was gonna go on Facebook and send it to her so she could have it do what she want with it.
At some point in, I guess, the past 10 years of their marriage, they combined their Facebooks.
So they shared.
[00:26:10] Speaker C: That means he cheated.
Yeah.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: I mean.
[00:26:15] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:26:15] Speaker C: I don't.
[00:26:16] Speaker A: For everyone. That's the thing. But I do.
[00:26:18] Speaker C: If you have a combined Facebook, you cheated somebody. Someone cheated.
[00:26:23] Speaker D: There's infidelity somewhere.
[00:26:25] Speaker A: Yeah, Well, I did not have anyone in my phone that would have her number. And she's, like, a very precious person. Like, I knew her even before they got married, and I just, like, couldn't believe that he would ever cheat on her, who I know her to be, like, for my entire life.
So the flowers were gassed, and I wanted vengeance.
So the only thing I could think to do was to send it to their church leadership, their pastors. They can just deal with it.
And I just. You know what? I don't want any of that. Y' all hand it to him.
Gave. Just sent it. And they actually asked me if I wanted updates, and I was like, absolutely not. Like, no, I don't need any updates.
[00:27:12] Speaker D: Like, oh, my God.
Did you send it to them? Like, the alarm wants update.
Did you send it to them, like, anonymously? Or did they know it was coming from you?
[00:27:23] Speaker A: So when I went to the church website, I actually knew one of the pastors, and so I was like, I have this.
I don't know if this person's still in your congregation.
And sent, like, sent the name. And he was like, yes.
And they actually wanted to sit down with me. And I was like, no, I'll just email it. But also, I didn't want to email the personal picture because I felt like that was sharing distribution. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my sister was like, you probably shouldn't, like, send that digitally because it's not. Yeah. So my sister actually told me not to do that. So I sent everything else, and I printed out that one and put it in envelope and gave it to him.
So I'm like, give it to her wife. No one look at it. Yeah, that's a private photo. If she has any doubt, there it is. But, like, I. There's not a digital. You can. I can't find it anywhere that I didn't.
[00:28:23] Speaker D: What size paper did you print it on?
[00:28:25] Speaker A: Was it the written full letter size?
The full letter size, yeah.
[00:28:31] Speaker C: So do we know if they talk to the wife?
[00:28:35] Speaker A: So, yes. That's okay. So be for it being such a small circle. That's how I have an update through the grape mine. Okay.
He. They. Their entire family left that church. They're not at that church anymore.
He's been re. Baptized in another church, and his wife is still with him.
[00:28:57] Speaker D: I'm sorry, but there's not enough re. Baptizing in all this world that can make somebody stop cheating.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: Or to that extent, because he was very detailed about what he was looking for and the things he'd previously experienced.
[00:29:11] Speaker C: You know what that dating app sounds like is the next Ashley Madison?
Yeah, because it's. But with the private pictures and stuff like, that's. That sounds like the next ashram. I guarantee you dick's on there. And what is it called?
[00:29:25] Speaker A: It's T A. I m. I'm not anymore. Or maybe it's Tami. I don't know how to say it, but there was just, like, too many people, and it's like all they wanted was that access to your personal pictures, and then. Yeah, keep moving on.
[00:29:46] Speaker C: Yeah, that's it.
[00:29:47] Speaker A: Oh, this is just for picture collectors. Great.
[00:29:50] Speaker C: Well, that or hookups. Like, they just want to know what you look like.
Yeah.
[00:30:01] Speaker D: They left the church. And you said they're the new church and he's been re. Baptized.
[00:30:06] Speaker A: Yeah. No, so my sister actually heard about it, and she was like, you know, I just have this, like, sense of justice, and I really want you to send it to the next pastor.
And I was like, listen, I've already done it once. I really think it's up to his wife to decide what kind of treatment she's willing to accept for herself. And I sent her what she needs. Okay. And if she thinks it's best for them to stay together. They have three kids.
I'm kind of on the side of whatever she thinks is best.
[00:30:45] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, at the end of the day, it's up to the wives. I have friends who have been cheated on, who have stayed well.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: And I'm not gonna haunt anyone with my screenshots of their husband.
[00:30:56] Speaker C: Well, that's. And that's weird. Yeah, I. Fair. That's fair. You gave it to her, and that's the best you can do? Because at the end of the day, everybody's gonna make their own decisions for whatever they decide is best for themselves.
Um, I hope that the reason she's staying with him isn't out of religion and. Or because she doesn't have the finances to go off on her own.
Because I feel like that's what happens to a lot of women that end up staying. Is that the most common thing I hear is the finances. They're too scared to do it by themselves. And that they won't be held to the, like child support and everything else. Because as we know, in Dick's situation, sometimes they're not.
And then.
Or it's a situation with like a religious thing, like, you know, divorce is bad. I can't get divorced. And, and as someone who is religious myself, I'm like, we've got to get away from that like, stereotype and from that like judgmental thought process in the church because all you're doing is driving people away from Jesus, not towards them. And then.
Or another common one is they don't want to share custody of their kid. They don't want to not have their kid every day. And as someone who's child free, I don't know what that's life like. So I can't imagine how hard that must be for a mother to be like, yeah, I have to give my child up to someone who I no longer trust, so how am I supposed to trust them with my kid?
Oh, I can't blame the women that do choose to stay. I mean, everybody has their own course of action. But I hope that all these women know that in the end their husbands are going to do it again 99% of the time.
[00:32:34] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:32:36] Speaker C: So that's unfortunate, but a pretty high statistic.
[00:32:41] Speaker A: So which honestly I think everything I gave her, I was like, this definitely would have been enough even in that high control religion. Okay. It was have been biblical grounds for divorce.
[00:32:53] Speaker C: Yes, yes, there is biblical grounds for divorce when it comes to infidelity.
[00:32:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:59] Speaker D: I mean they used to stone people for it. Like you'd get stoned to death for it.
[00:33:03] Speaker C: Brain back stoning for infidelity.
[00:33:06] Speaker D: No, no, I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is, so if you could stone somebody to death for that, then why can't you divorce them?
It's just as simple as that.
[00:33:15] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. You know, so, yeah, that's crazy.
[00:33:22] Speaker A: So I'm on Reddit and I had multiple men message me on Reddit and I just went to their page on Reddit and they were posting in like Alabama cheaters pages.
[00:33:33] Speaker D: So there's Reddit pages about that?
[00:33:36] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, there are.
Okay. This is, I mean they just had to message me and I found them, those were like really cut and dry because like they have posted everything themselves and their face on their Reddit post.
And so I just screenshot put it, are we dating the same people?
The women worked their magic. They found the wife, make sure she got the screenshot. I didn't have to talk to anyone.
[00:34:01] Speaker C: So that's why I love those pages.
[00:34:05] Speaker D: Lauren, you count this Reddit page as my new nighttime reading. This is the book that I'm going to be reading.
[00:34:11] Speaker C: Got you.
I don't know, Bri. I think Three Carnage Islands.
[00:34:17] Speaker D: That sounds horrible.
[00:34:18] Speaker C: It's so good. Did you read it yet, Bethany?
I didn't know Reddit had an Alabama. So does Reddit itself have an Alabama cheaters thing?
[00:34:27] Speaker A: Yeah, so.
So like one person was on like a hookup page and then the other was like Alabama cheaters. But so like the guy who was like on the Alabama cheaters page, a lot of words in his post didn't make sense to me. And someone on the are we dating the same people Page said that it was military speak.
[00:34:47] Speaker C: Ah, probably.
[00:34:50] Speaker A: So I was just like, oh, that's why I didn't know it. I'm not familiar with that at all.
[00:34:54] Speaker C: Yeah, with that question, Did Dick ever reach out to you?
[00:34:58] Speaker A: I don't think so.
[00:34:59] Speaker C: Okay. I was just curious because. Yeah, because his.
I mean, you know, he likes to reach out to everybody, so I didn't know if he ever reached out to. To you. You have blonde hair, so you would have got him.
[00:35:12] Speaker A: I used to. It's now brown almost.
[00:35:15] Speaker D: Well, he likes brunettes too.
[00:35:16] Speaker C: Yeah, that's true. He likes anybody.
[00:35:18] Speaker D: He does not discriminate on hair color.
[00:35:20] Speaker C: He doesn't.
But yeah, he. I didn't know if he was one of the ones that reached out to you or not.
I couldn't remember if you remembered.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm taking a break from dating pretty much since that last guy in the situation with the church and everything. I was just like this. This is really hitting really close to home.
[00:35:39] Speaker C: Yeah, it's bad.
[00:35:40] Speaker D: I don't blame you. That. That's pretty fucked up.
[00:35:42] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:35:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:35:44] Speaker D: But my question is, I wonder if she knew about it, but she was just like, being silent in it probably. Like, was she okay with like, swinging or whatever? But she didn't want anybody to know, so she just kept herself out of it. That's my question.
[00:36:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know.
[00:36:06] Speaker D: Of course he did. He's probably on there now.
[00:36:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yeah.
That's gross.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: At least you are the type of woman who goes and like, lets the wives know, because that's huge. And I have faith one day, hopefully you will actually find your person because I don't have faith for me, but I'll have faith for you.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: My best friend told me I just need to keep going to Fantasy Balls and I'll find my guy eventually.
[00:36:37] Speaker C: I mean, fair. And there is one coming up in November. I mean, honestly, that's kind of the point that I'm to. Is like, I'm just gonna. If I don't meet him in person, then it wasn't meant to be because I'm just gonna keep hanging out with my friends, going and doing stuff and living my life. And, you know, at least you have your daughter.
[00:36:55] Speaker A: And we're super close. I love it.
[00:36:59] Speaker C: Like, that's great.
[00:37:01] Speaker A: The whole reason child support and reaching out to that side of the family happened is because she wanted that.
So I would love to keep her all to myself.
I'm just like, you know what? That's just. She deserves that. So.
[00:37:15] Speaker C: Yeah. She's at the age where she wants to decide. So. Is he gonna have to pay back pay?
[00:37:21] Speaker A: No. Because when we went before the judge and we agreed on what our child support looked like, he had counsel and I didn't. But I also, like, I thought we were just meeting a mediator, not actually going before the judge.
And so when they put everything through, basically what was put in that I didn't know was that I couldn't go for back. Back support at all moving forward. If I was accepting these payments forward, then I couldn't get him for back child support. So I think that's just a part of the military having people, you know, help him with that.
[00:37:58] Speaker C: So the military protecting men for that do shady shit? What?
[00:38:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:04] Speaker C: What?
[00:38:04] Speaker D: Never.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: Who said that?
[00:38:07] Speaker D: Nobody interviewed any women who had that same issue.
[00:38:10] Speaker C: Yeah, there's not. There hasn't been a.
You know, I'm starting to see patterns. It's almost like law enforcement and military are an issue. What?
Who saw that coming?
[00:38:20] Speaker A: Or maybe they're all swingers themselves.
[00:38:22] Speaker C: They. Well, they are in their own minds.
[00:38:24] Speaker D: Yeah.
Yep.
[00:38:27] Speaker C: But. Well, thanks for coming on. This was great. I think this is a great point of view that we haven't had yet.
So I'm so glad that you came on and shared it with us.
[00:38:37] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure.
[00:38:39] Speaker D: Absolutely.
[00:38:40] Speaker C: And I will see you on the 15th.
Will you be there? Okay.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:38:47] Speaker C: I'll see you on the 15th.
And, Bree, I'll see you next time.
[00:38:52] Speaker D: See you next time.
[00:39:04] Speaker A: Sam.
