Episode Transcript
00:00:30] Bree: Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSV with Lauren and Bree.
[00:00:34] Lauren: So, Bree, tell us about your dating for the week.
[00:00:37] Bree: So my dating for the week? You know, on dating apps you can set your radius as far as like 50 miles, 100 miles. You know, things of that nature. That way you're not matching with anybody or liking anybody who's from several states away.
[00:00:52] Lauren: Right.
[00:00:52] Bree: So mine is set to, I think, 50 miles. So I get somebody who sends me a, like, it's a good looking guy. So I match with him. I'm really not paying attention to where he's from. So we're chatting back and forth and I sit there, now look, this guy is in Kansas and that's like 10 hours away from here. And so we're sitting there talking and I'm like, how did you find me? He's like, oh, my radius is set to, you know, like unlimited miles. The entire United States, anywhere I can find it. He starts telling me he was in the military and now he's a nurse. And so he works in Kansas, but he can relocate to anywhere.
[00:01:30] Lauren: Okay.
[00:01:30] Bree: Like, jumps the gun. Like, I can move anywhere. So first red flag.
[00:01:35] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:01:36] Bree: So we're sitting there and we're walking back and forth, and he's asking if I have any pets or anything like that. And I'm like, yeah, of course. Like, I have a dog. My dog is my child. For those who do not know me, that is my baby. Well, he gets into the only thing he wants to talk about are sexual things.
[00:01:54] Lauren: Of course.
[00:01:54] Bree: That's it. And it gets to the point to where he asks me, well, what if you came home and your dog smelled my scent all over you?
[00:02:07] Lauren: Ew.
[00:02:08] Bree: Yeah, talk about the ick factor. Yeah, that just about did me in. Not only did it do me in, it pissed me off. Well, yeah, like you're not. Don't Breeng my child into this.
[00:02:18] Lauren: Why are we Breenging a perfect angel baby into this?
[00:02:20] Bree: Exactly. And the whole thing just sounds gross. My scent, that just sounds nasty and disgusting and so it's not happening. Well, he. I tried to avoid it. And I was like, yeah, you know, I don't do anything to make my dog jealous because that's my baby. She comes first. I'm too bad, so sad.
So try to change the subject. Thinking, okay, maybe he. That was just like a one off. Well, then it just keeps happening. So finally I pretty much just. I told him off. I sent you the screenshot of the massive paragraph that I wasted my time sending before I blocked him.
[00:02:50] Lauren: Yeah, you were really Nice about it. Let him know, like, hey, don't be such a skis.
[00:02:53] Riley: Yeah.
[00:02:53] Bree: Scumbag. He was gross. So another failure.
[00:02:57] Lauren: I mean, it's what most people want. Like, they just are on there to hook up. I mean, there's a high probability he's married out in Kansas. Like, we won't know.
[00:03:05] Bree: Yeah.
[00:03:05] Lauren: Probably having families everywhere. These people.
[00:03:08] Bree: Yeah, he was gross.
[00:03:10] Lauren: Yeah. I just. Ugh.
[00:03:12] Bree: And we brought my dog into it.
[00:03:13] Lauren: Yeah. Why?
[00:03:14] Bree: No, we don't.
[00:03:15] Lauren: Why? I just had a couple of people that liked me that just made me giggle. One comment said, hey there. I'd love to hear, would you be willing to babysit your younger self? Here's a dad joke. Where do you take someone who's been injured in a peekaboo accident?
[00:03:34] Bree: Peekaboo accident.
[00:03:35] Lauren: Didn't tell me the answer. Cause I didn't.
I didn't. I didn't match with him because I don't, like, would I babysit my younger self? That's. I don't know.
[00:03:44] Bree: How are you supposed to know that? You were a child.
[00:03:47] Lauren: Yeah, I just don't. I got that. And I was like, nope, not matching with you. Another one said, you seem like an awesome woman.
You don't know me.
[00:03:57] Bree: I'm mean as.
[00:03:58] Lauren: Yeah, you don't know. You don't know me. Like, I've seemed awesome. From what, my two photos?
[00:04:02] Bree: He's probably sent that to 20 different women all at the same time.
[00:04:06] Lauren: Like, just. Just copy and paste. Copy, paste. Yeah. He also signed it by his name, which obviously, I know your name because it's on the app.
[00:04:14] Bree: The lack of intelligence, it's surprising, but it's not surprising at the same time.
[00:04:18] Lauren: Then I get. So the last one I got, again, I didn't match with any of these people. I just screenshotted the likes because I was just like, what is this? Hey, Lauren, wave emoji. You have an adorable smile. Winky face, emoji. I like your profile and photos. You are a sweet lady. Flower emoji. Let's chat again. How do you know if I'm sweet?
[00:04:41] Bree: She's not that sweet.
[00:04:42] Lauren: I could be your worst nightmare.
I mean, you do me wrong, you end up being on a podcast.
So you do me wrong enough. And a podcast was created in your honor.
[00:04:52] Bree: She's our very own Taylor Swift, guys.
[00:04:54] Lauren: That's right. You know, and thank you. That is the best compliment anybody could ever give me as a Swiftie.
[00:05:02] Bree: You're welcome.
[00:05:03] Lauren: Yes. I can't sing for shit, but she'll.
[00:05:05] Bree: Write about you or talk about You.
[00:05:07] Lauren: Maybe both. We'll see.
[00:05:09] Riley: Exactly.
[00:05:10] Lauren: We will see. All right, well, today we have a special guest, Riley, that I know in person here, that I know from Spicy Book Club, Huntsville. Shout out to Spicy Book Club. Join us. We're an amazing club. Maybe slightly cult, but we're a very inviting culture. We're very nice. We love each other. So, Riley, tell us your story.
[00:05:33] Riley: Oh, my. So this was fun when you were talking to me the other day about coming on here, because my first thought was, well, it's been so long since I've been in the dating scene.
At that time, we still didn't talk about online dating. It's like my family still thinks that I met my husband at a Dr. WHO convention, because that was less embarrassing.
[00:05:53] Lauren: That's amazing.
[00:05:55] Riley: Yes.
But it's amazing that he stuck with me because in our early days, I was still dealing with the ramifications of Dane and all that entailed.
[00:06:08] Lauren: Oh, this sounds lovely. Yes.
[00:06:10] Riley: So Dane and I dated for about four years before the breakup, which was pretty long for as young as we were at the time. But, you know, you would think I'd have learned my lesson the first time, but never date the guy that Breengs an acoustic guitar to a party.
[00:06:25] Lauren: Like, that's number one red flag.
[00:06:28] Riley: Number one red flag.
[00:06:30] Bree: That's a new one for us. Keep going.
[00:06:32] Riley: A standard rule at this point. Yeah. Cuz he was definitely that guy. And you know, in the beginning, there was a lot of drinking involved. Like, I wound up three months into this relationship and was like, I'm not sure if I've been sober this whole time, but now there's this man with a guitar in my living room.
[00:06:51] Lauren: That's amazing.
[00:06:52] Riley: Yes. And at that point I just felt like, oh, well, we'll roll with it, but we'll see where this takes us. Yes. It took us places, that's for sure.
Yeah, he. He was going more places than I was, and I certainly didn't know about most of it.
[00:07:08] Lauren: Shocking.
[00:07:08] Riley: Yeah. So you know, the food service industry, which I've been in plenty of times, can be very incestuous.
[00:07:18] Lauren: Yes.
[00:07:18] Riley: Especially in Huntsville. It. It gets to be that way. So he. He worked at a few restaurants in town and made his way through a lot of hostesses.
Yeah.
[00:07:33] Bree: Hostess with the mostest.
[00:07:35] Lauren: They.
[00:07:35] Riley: Hostess with the mostest. Yes, for sure. Always had my suspicions, you know, you always know, but there's excuses and you let it all slide.
Oh, my God, the things I let slide.
[00:07:51] Lauren: Don't we all? Yeah, don't we all.
[00:07:54] Riley: So I now know for A fact of at least five girls. At least. And I am certain it was more than that.
[00:08:03] Lauren: Yeah. And I'm sure he denied the five because they deny everything.
[00:08:07] Riley: He denied the five for a long time, even when the text messages are right there. And I was getting the hey, girl message.
[00:08:13] Lauren: Yes. The. That's what I got from Bree. Hey, girl, your husband's in my dm, you know, like, and they. And they still deny it. They're like, no. And I'm like, here's a screenshot. And they're like, no, not me. That's not me.
[00:08:24] Riley: Yeah. They're lying about me. They're trying to make you jealous.
[00:08:27] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:08:27] Bree: You're crazy.
[00:08:28] Riley: Mm. All the gaslighting, it. It was a lot of that. You know, why is it that every confident woman I know has let some, like, wet napkin of a human being walk all over them?
[00:08:40] Lauren: Facts. Like, what is it? Like, why do we do this?
[00:08:44] Riley: I don't know. I don't know why I felt like I couldn't move away from it, because it's like, I paid the bills. He didn't have a car.
[00:08:51] Bree: And we hear a lot of that from the women that we've interviewed and including the one sitting next to me.
[00:08:56] Lauren: Yeah. That's all I did.
[00:08:58] Bree: Like, they. They're the breadwinners, and they pay the bills.
[00:09:00] Riley: Yeah.
[00:09:01] Bree: For these shitty men.
[00:09:02] Riley: Yes.
[00:09:03] Lauren: Broke.
[00:09:04] Riley: Right? It's like, we'd have more money if we were on our own.
[00:09:07] Bree: Yeah.
[00:09:08] Lauren: Yes. I would not have all the debt. It would be. I wouldn't be being forced to sell my house. Like, it would be amazing if I could go back. I would.
[00:09:17] Riley: I know. Well, if you could go babysit your younger self, then you could tell her.
[00:09:21] Lauren: Ahead of time, hey, stay away from Dick.
[00:09:26] Riley: Just all of it. So he did so many things that it should have just been the, like, big, major moment of. Absolutely not anymore.
I was on my way with my mom to a family Christmas event, and I got a call from one of his best friends who was like, hey, he is, like, passed out drunk and may have smoked some, like, garage weed or something, and I'm not sure that he's okay. And I'm like, what were you guys even doing? And it's like, well, you know, just the two of us and these two girls.
[00:10:05] Lauren: I love how he just said, like, it's okay.
[00:10:07] Riley: I know. While he's passed out on the floor next to his. Like, his friends were trying to tell me, too. Like, they. Yeah, they were absolutely trying to tell me. But I should have known that I Was already out of the relationship at that point. Because my first thought was, for God's sake, don't call 91 1. It's like, he'll wake up or he won't.
[00:10:25] Lauren: I mean, it's fair. Yeah.
[00:10:28] Riley: It's like, don't have them come to my house. That will not be good for me.
[00:10:32] Lauren: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
[00:10:33] Riley: Yeah. I'm like, I could deal with a bot body being there. That's on him.
But that was only two years in. I still stuck around for two more years. Oh, no. After that. Oh, yes.
[00:10:44] Bree: Oh, my God. So what happened after that?
[00:10:46] Riley: The drinking continued to get worse. I. I definitely was constantly having to pick him up from bars. He had, like, broken knuckle punching a Breeck wall outside of a place in Huntsville. Yeah. It was so frequent.
[00:11:03] Lauren: And the drinking picking up, I'm sure. So is the cheating?
[00:11:07] Riley: Absolutely.
[00:11:08] Lauren: Like, they just go hand in hand.
[00:11:09] Riley: Just the. You know. No, I was out at the bar when God only knows where he actually was the whole time. So, yeah, I just kept letting that slide and, you know, just got to that point where I was fully checked out of this relationship. All I'm doing at this point is being here. Not interested in anything, just existing.
[00:11:28] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:11:29] Bree: So you're being his mother, basically.
[00:11:32] Riley: He had so many mommy issues, and that was another big part of the problem is people kept dying in his family. So it was like his granddad died. So I got to stick around because he's upset because his granddad. Dad died, and then his mother, who he didn't really know, also passed away. And so I'm like, oh, well, now I'm really stuck. I have to stay around if his mom died.
And then you reach a point where it's just like, why is it my job to keep you here? It's not. It's not.
[00:11:59] Lauren: That's not your responsibility to make him feel better. Like, if he can't figure out how to handle that stuff on his own. Like, we as women handle our own grief and everything else by ourselves all the time. Because we have men who don't take care of us, so we have to figure out how to handle it. So why can't they?
[00:12:14] Riley: Oh, yeah. For as emotional as women are told they are, it's like, I've never seen anyone handle grief worse than a man or being sick.
[00:12:22] Lauren: Like babies.
[00:12:24] Riley: The babies, Absolutely.
[00:12:26] Lauren: Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, it's. It's us. We're crazy. Are we?
[00:12:30] Riley: No.
[00:12:30] Lauren: Like, it's you. You're the problem.
[00:12:32] Riley: Yes. 100% of the time.
[00:12:35] Lauren: So whenever. So Dane, did you ever see his phone or any of those things? Like, how did you end up finding out about, like, all the women?
[00:12:42] Riley: So mostly what I know is from the hey girl messages and then also from friends of mine at the time later told me stuff so many people did not have my back.
[00:12:52] Lauren: Oh, my God. Can we talk about this? I need everybody that listens to this to understand that if you know, you need to tell us because Dick's exes knew. They knew. And none of them, not one of them told me, knew that he was currently having affairs. Still didn't tell me. You know where I live. Drive over, show me the. Show me the proof. I'm gonna believe you if you come over and show me the proof. Like, if you have receipts, tell them, because if they get mad. Oh, well, like, yeah, at the end of the day, they'll that it. Who cares? Like, but tell them so they can make an informed decision for themselves. Because I. I wouldn't have married him.
[00:13:36] Riley: Right. You're making big life choices based on bad information.
[00:13:39] Lauren: And, like, why are. What is the reason? Did any of them tell you why? They wouldn't say.
[00:13:44] Riley: Some of it was that they were his friends first. Yeah.
[00:13:47] Lauren: So let's protect the man.
[00:13:48] Riley: Exactly. So let's just let him be garbage. But most of it was just that, like, they didn't like being around him either. So we all grew apart. And it's. They'd know this was going on, but they just wouldn't reach out.
[00:14:00] Lauren: Like, tell somebody, if I'm letting you.
[00:14:02] Riley: In the door, I'm letting you in my business. So.
[00:14:05] Lauren: Yeah, and the whole family, like, same thing. Like, his mom knew a ton of stuff. And I'm just sitting there like, you didn't think. Like, hey, there's this incredible. She told me all the time, like, how lucky he was to have me and, like, how basically far out of his league I was. But then you weren't going to tell me the truth about your own son. Like, maybe again, women. I don't care if it's your son. Maybe you should have been like, hey, like, he ain't. Like, you should probably run. Like, he's not. Like, he just. He had. He cheated on all of his exes and, like, had affairs in his first marriage. Like, he should probably run.
[00:14:37] Riley: Yeah, I don't know.
[00:14:39] Lauren: I would. If my son was a whore, I would tell whoever he was with 100%. I would be like, hey, my son's a ho, so you should just know that. Make your own decisions. But my son's a hoe. Because had a mom told me that, oh, I would have ran.
[00:14:51] Riley: Oh, absolutely. I actually do the same thing to my brother. I'm like, if I found out a girl is interested in him, I would be like, stay away. Just don't bother.
[00:14:59] Bree: You're a girl's girl. That's a good thing.
[00:15:00] Riley: Exactly.
So that's what we need more of. Because I just didn't have the girls. Girls in my corner at the time. And, you know when you're getting messages from girls you already don't like, and some of them were very obviously going after him. God only knows why. He just. He had the confidence of a much.
[00:15:17] Bree: Taller man, because Little man syndrome.
[00:15:20] Riley: Yes. It was so weak. Like, I won't go into describing his appearance too much. It's too mean.
[00:15:30] Lauren: They do, though, like, sometimes I wonder, like, where do these men get the confidence that they have? Like, in the audacity.
[00:15:37] Riley: Like, it's just.
[00:15:38] Lauren: I'm shocked. Sometimes I'll see somebody who I'm just like, well, like, he might be attractive, but, like, I don't know, like, he's probably way too fit for me or something like that. And I'll just go ahead and X out. Like, I'm not going out there going after models.
[00:15:50] Riley: Yeah.
[00:15:51] Lauren: Like, I. I know where I am and who I am.
[00:15:53] Riley: Exactly. I own a mirror.
[00:15:56] Lauren: Right. But these guys, no, they just swipe right on everybody. And they're so delusional, and they're so good at, like, manipulating women and telling, like, a lot of women what they want to hear. And a lot of these. I feel like these women may have been hurt recently or not gotten love in certain areas of their life. So then whenever they get it from somebody that's like, oh, my God, you're so beautiful. Good morning, beautiful. And just, like, sitting like those things, then women, like, latch onto it and they don't want to let it go.
[00:16:25] Riley: Yeah.
[00:16:25] Lauren: But then the same thing's going to happen to them.
[00:16:28] Riley: Oh, absolutely. Every time. And I'm. I'm sure it's happened to the other women in his life since then. The crazy thing was, the final straw with us breaking up was actually him just, without prompting, owning up to the cheating. Oh, yeah.
[00:16:45] Lauren: I'm shocked. He owned it.
[00:16:46] Riley: I know. Well, he owned one.
[00:16:49] Lauren: Okay.
[00:16:49] Riley: Yes, he owned one. But it was a big one. It was a. I'd known. I'd known. I'd kicked her out of my house before because I didn't care for the way she was acting.
[00:17:02] Bree: Well, you were friends with her.
[00:17:03] Riley: I wasn't friends with her.
[00:17:04] Bree: But you knew her.
[00:17:05] Riley: But I knew her. And I said from the very beginning, I'm like, I think you're cheating on me with her. And he was like, never. And he would say awful things about her, of course.
[00:17:16] Lauren: Oh, yeah, they're just. She's just a friend.
[00:17:18] Riley: Mm. Yeah. There was one time, actually, she showed up to my apartment for a party, and I opened the front door, and then I just said, no, and I closed it. Interface.
[00:17:30] Lauren: That's like that Gilmore Girls episode where she opens the door and the guy's there, and she's just like, no.
[00:17:35] Riley: Yeah. It was my chance to do that. And then about 10 minutes later, I found out that she had climbed over my patio railing and was hanging out on my patio with other people. I had to come out and be like, I will Hulk throw you over this and see?
[00:17:53] Lauren: And that's the thing. Like, we want to be women's women here. If you know. Yeah, that's just trash. Like, at that point, that's trash. Sorry. But if you are knowingly being with somebody who's in a relationship, shame on you.
[00:18:07] Riley: Yeah. Actively pursuing that. It's like, you're not a girl's girl. So my job to be a girl's girl is over at that point.
[00:18:14] Lauren: Then we can Hulk them.
[00:18:15] Riley: Yes, Exactly. It's reciprocal.
[00:18:18] Lauren: 100%.
[00:18:19] Riley: Yeah. So I guess he'd been cheating on me with her for so long that even though, like, he said he wasn't going to be in a relationship with her, and I don't believe he ever was, he said that she had made it very clear that he had to tell me what was going on. I'm like, oh, you mean exactly what I've been telling you I thought was going on for about two years.
[00:18:39] Lauren: You mean I'm not crazy and you gaslit me for nothing? Yeah.
[00:18:43] Riley: Yeah. But I was so emotionally uninvolved at that point that when he told me that, I was just like, great, we're over. Then I thought, it's simple. Hands washed, no complications.
[00:18:56] Lauren: Oh, God.
[00:18:58] Riley: Yeah. That was when it started to get ugly.
[00:19:01] Lauren: I want to know what happened.
[00:19:03] Riley: First of all, because we'd been together so long, like, there was the exchange of stuff, so I couldn't block him on everything. He still had my Xbox, which, again, this was over 10 years ago. Okay. That was a big deal at the time.
[00:19:18] Lauren: I mean, they were expensive. Okay.
[00:19:20] Riley: Right. So he still had my stuff. I still had some of his stuff. I got his out the door. Like, next day, I Was like so done left it at his parents house, I'm pretty sure. But he was dragging his feet on getting me anything of mine and I was like, I don't want to talk about it. Just Breeng it. Just, just drop it off at my mom's house and we'll be good. Because after I moved out of the apartment, I moved back in with my mom and he was living with his parents. So I'm like, we, your. Our parents know each other well, know us, and so it's no problem. We don't even have to see each other. But he kept finding all sorts of reasons not to come. He would call me drunk and crying and wanting me back.
[00:20:04] Lauren: We love it when they cry.
[00:20:05] Riley: Oh, we do love it when they cry. There were so many more, I don't know that I ever shed a tear about it.
Like, I honestly can't remember well because.
[00:20:15] Lauren: He'S, I mean, at that point I'm sure he's like, oh, I fucked up.
[00:20:19] Riley: Yeah.
[00:20:19] Lauren: You were like, thank God I don't have to deal with this anymore. But in his mind he's like, oh no. Oh no. I lost the stability. I lost the person and I lost my mommy.
[00:20:27] Riley: Exactly. I'm like, I'm scot free. It doesn't matter who in your family dies at this point. I like, I have my excuse to be out of here.
So I was happy you got rid.
[00:20:38] Bree: Of all your bed. You, you.
[00:20:39] Riley: So you're good. Yeah. And I remember about a week after we broke up, a bar that he was at called me because they knew we had dated and knew each other through the bar scene. And they were like, could you come get him? He is being such a problem. And the bartender told me like, he was never, he always drank a lot, but he was never like this when you were around. I'm like, yeah, because I was his mommy. Because I made sure that he acted like he was raised right. Because that's what I was doing.
[00:21:08] Lauren: Yeah, because you have to, you, you have to with man children. Like, you have to or it's going to embarrass you when you're out in public. So you're like, okay, let me, let me make sure you're not being crazy.
[00:21:20] Riley: I suddenly understood when my mom would say, like, no, you're a reflection of me when we're out. Like, you know what? I do get it now.
[00:21:27] Lauren: Like, I understand.
[00:21:27] Riley: Yeah, I understand because I am feeling that way right now. But yeah, the bartender called me and I'm like, he is 1000% not my problem anymore.
[00:21:36] Lauren: Good for you.
[00:21:37] Riley: Yeah, like, I am done. I am so done. But we kept having stuff like that come up. And then I started dating Reese and we met online and gone out like once or twice. It was maybe our third date.
And Dane called me on that date 30 times.
[00:22:02] Lauren: Words desperate.
Oh, so many things are coming to mind. Drunk.
[00:22:08] Riley: Drunk, yes, absolutely drunk. And it was around Halloween, so I had left work and I'd gone to see Reese. And the whole time we were hanging out, I don't remember exactly what my reasoning was at the time. I didn't turn the ringer off on my phone, I think because I was like expecting my mom to call or something because she would have known I was off work. And you know, she's like, you live with me, I'm gonna know where you are to a certain degree. So I kept not turning the ringer off to the point that Reese and I cannot listen to avenge Sevenfold anymore because that ringtone would not stop over and over and over again.
[00:22:48] Bree: So did Reese ever question, like, who is this calling you?
[00:22:50] Riley: Oh, he knew exactly who was calling me. Yeah.
[00:22:53] Lauren: So he knew the story, like how crazy it had been, how toxic it had been.
[00:22:56] Riley: I was very clear on our first date. I was like, I have come out of a four year thing. It's been like two weeks or so at this point. So like, understand that. I'm still sorting some stuff out. Yeah, yeah. That was the funny thing. I was like, this is not going to be anything serious. I don't want to jump into a rebound thing. I want to date around a bit. I'm not looking to get married. I am absolutely not having children. And that's just not even a not now. It's a not ever. And I said all that on our first date.
[00:23:25] Lauren: And now you're married.
[00:23:27] Riley: Now we're married 10 years later.
[00:23:29] Lauren: Do you have kids?
[00:23:30] Riley: We do not have kids.
[00:23:31] Lauren: Okay, so you stuck by that one.
[00:23:32] Riley: Oh, I stuck by that one.
[00:23:33] Lauren: Okay.
[00:23:34] Riley: Yeah. No.
[00:23:34] Lauren: Well, you, me, I've like triple tied.
[00:23:36] Riley: I'm, you know.
[00:23:37] Lauren: Preach.
[00:23:37] Riley: Yes.
[00:23:38] Lauren: Like, no, no, thank you. Child free by choice for the win.
[00:23:41] Riley: Yes, absolutely. So, like, I mean, I stuck with everything I said on our first date with the exception of this is not going to be a serious thing and I'm gonna date around. Cause that lasted like a day.
[00:23:53] Bree: Typically when you say it's not gonna be serious, it's gonna be serious.
[00:23:57] Lauren: Yeah. I think that it's great that he stuck around.
[00:24:00] Riley: I. I know. Well, that was the thing he has said is that date we were on Where I got the 30 phone calls. He was like, that was my chance to turn and run. He's like, this is my moment. That, like, it's all right there. If there's gonna be issues, this is it. And it was around Halloween. So he says, it was a testament to how good my boobs looked in that batgirl costume I was wearing.
[00:24:24] Lauren: That's amazing.
[00:24:29] Riley: The funny thing is, if I had a nickel for every time I had a terrible breakup story involving me wearing a superhero costume, I would have two nickels, which is.
[00:24:39] Bree: Not a lot, but.
[00:24:40] Riley: It'S weird that it happened twice.
[00:24:41] Lauren: Yeah, that is weird. That is weird that it happened twice.
[00:24:44] Riley: Yes.
[00:24:46] Lauren: You're like, why does this. Does the superheroes have bad juju for you?
[00:24:49] Riley: Apparently at this point, I'm like, I'm a little old to be doing that anymore. But, yeah, so. So I am leaving this date with him dressed as batgirl after the 30 phone calls, and I'm just going to go home and go to sleep and be done for the night. And as I am driving past my mom's house, I see Dane's truck in my mom's driveway.
[00:25:10] Lauren: What?
[00:25:11] Riley: Yes.
[00:25:12] Lauren: Oh, no.
[00:25:12] Riley: Yes. 30 phone calls and showing up completely unannounced.
[00:25:17] Bree: That's stalking.
[00:25:18] Riley: It is.
So I kept driving, and I called my mom.
[00:25:22] Lauren: Good for you.
[00:25:23] Riley: Oh, absolutely. I'm like, I'm not dealing with this. So I drove, and I stopped in a church parking lot nearby, and my mom looked out her window and was like, I'm calling the cops. We're not having this. Now, I have not normally seen a great police response to these kind of situations, but that night, they were on it. It was like they sent the whole SWAT team.
[00:25:44] Lauren: They were bored. They were real bored. They were like, all right, everybody go right?
[00:25:48] Riley: They were definitely bored and looking for a show. I don't know how my mom described it to. With the dispatcher, but it had to have been good.
[00:25:57] Lauren: That's amazing.
[00:25:58] Riley: Oh, yeah. They showed up, rifles drawn. They went through three of our neighbor's yards. They surrounded, oh, my God, Our house and came from every direction.
[00:26:08] Lauren: I would love to hear that dispatch call.
[00:26:11] Riley: I know.
[00:26:12] Lauren: That's amazing.
[00:26:13] Riley: I'm like, what did you say to get this kind of response? Because we all need to know for future reference.
[00:26:17] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:26:18] Lauren: Like, we want that. Like, I'm guessing at some point, she's like, they asked if he was, you know, had a weapon, and she said she wasn't sure or something. So that's probably why I think it is.
[00:26:27] Riley: I think she told. Yeah, they Asked if he had a weapon, and my mom said he might not, but she knew his dad had guns, so she was like.
[00:26:35] Lauren: And if you've been drinking and the fact that you showed up at your ex's mom's house, there's a lot of, like, scary shit going on right there.
[00:26:41] Riley: Yeah, for sure. And it's like, this is not a good situation. But they showed up and they were setting up their perimeter around his dinky little truck.
[00:26:55] Bree: Was he in the truck?
[00:26:57] Riley: So first they knocked on the window and they didn't get a response.
So they pulled open the door and they said, hands up. And he fell out of the truck.
[00:27:08] Bree: Was he passed out?
[00:27:09] Riley: He was passed out drunk. So they went from hands up to get up?
[00:27:12] Lauren: They were like, from hands up to get up?
[00:27:16] Riley: Yeah. At that point, they were just trying to make sure he was alive.
[00:27:21] Bree: That's understandable.
So what happened after that?
[00:27:25] Riley: Well, after he and the beer cans tumbled out of the truck.
[00:27:30] Lauren: I'm like, DUI right there.
[00:27:32] Riley: Well, that is the funny thing. They didn't charge him with anything.
[00:27:37] Lauren: Now, was his engine running?
[00:27:38] Riley: His engine was not running.
[00:27:39] Lauren: Okay, exactly.
[00:27:41] Riley: So he was on private property, no engine running. Can't even do an open container in that kind of situation. Yeah. So they did ask if we wanted to press charges. They came to ask me. Well, first they came to tell me a police officer driving by pulled up to my car and was like, you can't be parked in a church parking lot at 11 o'clock at night. And then I explained to him, hey, you know the thing going on at that house a couple blocks away, like, that's my house and that's my ex. And then he got super nice, and then I had, like a rotation of them coming by to check on me because, like, the first one was hanging out. We were just chit chatting that someone came to relieve him and he went back to the other situation and they were just kind of like, updating me on, you know, like, he fell out of the car. It wasn't running. We're trying to get him to be conscious.
We were just having a great time. We were spilling the tea together. I told my mom, like, I thought they were going to start braiding my hair. I was just having the best time hanging out.
[00:28:39] Lauren: This is great. Was this hpd?
[00:28:41] Riley: Yes.
[00:28:41] Lauren: That's awesome.
[00:28:43] Bree: She made new friends that night.
[00:28:44] Riley: I did make new friends. My. My mom was like, you would in that Batgirl costume. Yeah, I forgot.
[00:28:51] Lauren: Yeah, I forgot.
You were in the Batgirl costume.
[00:28:55] Riley: I was in the Batgirl Costume the entire time.
[00:28:58] Lauren: That first cop was like, guys, you got to come see this.
[00:29:00] Riley: That's pretty much what happened. Yeah. My mom saw me afterwards and was like, could you not have pulled your skirt down more? And I was like, I can. But then. And the boobs pop out, and they're.
[00:29:11] Bree: Like, so we know why he's parked outside of her house now.
[00:29:14] Lauren: They're like, we understand his obsession.
[00:29:18] Riley: Yeah, they. They were very nice about the whole situation on both ends. They did ask if we wanted to press charges, and my mom was like, he's ne. This is all very out of care. He'd never been obsessive or anything like that before. And so we were like, if he ever comes by again. Absolutely. And make it very clear to him that if he ever comes by again, it's gonna be real bad for him.
[00:29:40] Lauren: So what happened, though? Did he go to the drunk tank? Like, he obviously couldn't drive.
[00:29:44] Riley: No. I think first they asked him, do you have any friends who would come pick you up? And he's like, I don't have friends.
They asked if he had family who would come pick him up. He's like, no, they won't come for me.
[00:29:54] Lauren: So what about old girl?
[00:29:56] Riley: Right.
[00:29:56] Lauren: Like, where are all the girls?
[00:29:59] Riley: Somehow none of them wanted to be his mommy either. Shocking, right? So, no. Eventually, I think they called him a cab. I had a friend who worked as a paralegal. They're like, they should have let him turn on his truck and try to leave and then light it up as.
[00:30:12] Lauren: Soon as it got there 100%.
[00:30:15] Riley: Like, that would have been funny.
[00:30:16] Lauren: If I was a traffic cop, that's what I would have done. I would have just been like, hey, somebody go sit at this corner. Just wait. There's a truck coming. Yeah.
[00:30:26] Riley: You'll know it when you see will.
[00:30:28] Lauren: Not be in the landscape.
[00:30:29] Riley: Not at all.
Yeah, because I'm not gonna press charges on someone who's never been super obsessive in stalkery before this one night.
[00:30:38] Lauren: You're nice.
[00:30:38] Riley: I know I am. I was too nice. I was young. I've learned better. Well, I mean, not from personal experience, but from other experiences since then. But a DUI is a different story. You're putting other people in danger at that point. That's not on me.
[00:30:50] Lauren: Nope. Yeah, that's sel.
[00:30:52] Riley: Exactly.
[00:30:53] Bree: So people make their own choices, and a lot of people think that, oh, well, if I did this or if I did that, you know, it could help them. No, everybody's there. Everybody is responsible for their own choices.
[00:31:03] Riley: Absolutely. So that one would have been on him, but cab took him home, and then they told us that he would be coming for his truck the next day, and they, like, arranged a time to come get it.
[00:31:13] Lauren: We should have had it towed again, really nice. Didn't press charges, didn't tow the truck.
[00:31:17] Riley: I wouldn't. Stayed somewhere else with a friend for the night, like, just so I wouldn't have to be there in the morning. Yeah, yeah. And same friend eventually got my Xbox back for me. They lived in the same neighborhood as him, so he was like, you can come leave it in my yard, or I'm gonna come get it from your house. Make your choice.
[00:31:35] Lauren: I mean, he was holding onto that stuff because that was a form of control.
[00:31:38] Riley: Absolutely.
[00:31:39] Lauren: That's. That's all it was, was a way to still control you. You know, they do that through different means, either holding on to stuff or, you know, if they owe you money, they draw it out as long as they possibly can. You know, let's say five years. It's crazy. You know, things like that. It's just a way for them to constantly have control, because if they truly weren't trying to manipulate you or have any control, then they would have just given it back.
[00:32:02] Riley: Yeah.
[00:32:02] Lauren: Or they would just go take out a loan and pay you your lump sum.
[00:32:06] Riley: Sounds like it would be very convenient.
[00:32:08] Lauren: It would.
[00:32:09] Riley: Yes. Yeah. And I think he also knew as soon as the stuff was exchanged, I would be blocking him on everything.
[00:32:15] Lauren: Yeah. He wouldn't have any way to access your or look at you anymore. Unless he made a fake. You know, social media, which. They do that too.
[00:32:22] Riley: They do that, too. So eventually I got that. I was able to block him. I do know he has since made a new social media, but that's probably only been recently because Facebook keeps trying to tell me we should be friends. And I'm like, I have previously blocked this person. Why on earth would we be friends?
[00:32:36] Bree: Facebook kills me with the people that it recommends that I need to be friends with. Ex husbands, ex wives. They don't want to hear from me. They don't want to look at me. They don't want to talk to me.
[00:32:45] Lauren: And I don't want to look or hear or talk to them.
[00:32:48] Riley: It always recommends, like, the last people you would ever want to.
[00:32:52] Lauren: Yeah. It kept recommending Dick for me, and I was just like, no. And so, like, I. You know, you have to go on there and be like, do not recommend this person anymore, because I'm still in a situation where I can't fully block so you know, you. You just go in and you're like, no. Like, I don't want to see this anymore. Please make it stop. And I'm like, you know, I've always heard, and I don't know how true it is, but I've heard if they're recommended for you, that means they're trying to look you up, because that's how it gets in the algorithm. So there's a chance he was, like, searching you and trying to look at your page and stuff, which, like, I'm private, but I changed my profile picture, which is public, so you can see that. So these exes are probably just looking at that stuff just to see what are they up to, who's in their photos.
[00:33:34] Riley: Oh, yeah. I mean, there's always a chance of that. Now, admittedly, I have looked at his new Facebook, but that was because I wanted to know where he worked, to stay away.
[00:33:41] Lauren: That's fair. And. And if he left it that open, that's on him.
[00:33:45] Riley: Exactly. So I'm like, I don't need to know how you're doing. It's also recommended me, like, every girlfriend he's had since and stuff. And I'm like, I really don't care. And I would like to say I'm the better person and I, like, warned those girls or something, but I. I think I did. With the first girl he dated after me, I think I did just kind of give her, like, the rundown.
[00:34:02] Lauren: Well, and 10 years ago, are we dating? The same guy didn't exist. So like, now I feel like if that was happening, you would, like, post his photo and be like, hey, Red.
[00:34:09] Riley: Flag would have been all over that.
[00:34:10] Lauren: Yeah. Which. That just didn't exist back then, and thank God it does now that we can actually, you know, warn people about people like Dane and dick.
[00:34:19] Riley: Yes.
[00:34:20] Lauren: And 1, 2, 3. So did he ever, like, reach out to Rhys, or.
[00:34:25] Riley: I do think he tried to reach out to him and Rhys ignored him. Rhys was just really patient through all of it. It never made me feel bad about the fact that any of that was happening. And that was. I mean, the whole, like, first month or so of our relationship.
[00:34:40] Lauren: That sounds amazing.
[00:34:41] Riley: Yeah.
[00:34:42] Lauren: It's like he has emotional intelligence.
[00:34:43] Riley: He really does. And so he was just supportive of it and he wanted me to be as safe as possible while handling it and didn't make me feel bad about any of it and doesn't Breeng it up now. We were actually just talking about this the other day for the first time in years because I told him I was Doing this podcast. Yeah.
[00:35:01] Lauren: I mean, it's. It's nice. Whenever we have people on here who were in a really toxic, you know, relationship, like dealing with someone that was cheating all the time or, you know, abusing alcohol and, like, emotional abuse, financial abuse, whatever the case was, and then they end up with somebody who actually was a good person. And the fact that you've been with him for 10 years. Yeah, that's amazing. That's rare today, anyway.
[00:35:24] Riley: Oh, totally. I mean, it's always been weird. Like, I. I never wanted to be the married woman or anything like that. My husband says I rad femmed my way into tradwifery. Because.
[00:35:35] Lauren: You'Re out there making sourdough now.
[00:35:37] Riley: Yeah, basically I am like, home garden and. But I also do all of the construction, housework and stuff, so I'm like, yeah, you go make the money and I will build our house.
[00:35:48] Lauren: Hey, that works.
[00:35:49] Riley: So, yeah, it's just all worked out really well in the end. And we're obnoxious and I love it.
[00:35:54] Lauren: But that's the best when they're supportive. When you can have your friends, obviously. Like, we hang out all the time at SBC stuff, and he probably has his own friends or different. Whatever his hobbies are that he goes into this, but the fact that he doesn't. It's not that they let you. But, like, some men get jealous, like, if you go hang out with friends a lot or if you go, do you know a different event, like, well, why aren't you hanging out with me? You know, what are you. Why. Why don't you want to be with me? Because they try to isolate you.
[00:36:20] Riley: Yeah.
[00:36:20] Lauren: So it's amazing that you have a partner who doesn't do that for sure.
[00:36:23] Bree: That's actually something my second ex husband did. I remember I had family come into town and only get to see, like, my extended family around holidays, like Christmas and. Or Thanksgiving. And they came into town and we were all gonna go out. I don't know if we were going shopping, we were going somewhere. And he pretty much wanted me to choose between staying home with him or going with them because he did not want to go.
[00:36:43] Lauren: Yeah. Let me choose between you and my family. At, like, Christmas time.
[00:36:46] Bree: I went.
[00:36:47] Lauren: Good, Good on you.
[00:36:48] Riley: Yeah. As you should. Yeah. No, I'm glad I found the one. I did. Dane tried to get in contact about two years later again.
[00:36:58] Lauren: They always come back.
[00:36:59] Riley: Right. And it's like, I'd forgotten about you at this point.
[00:37:03] Lauren: Didn't Selena Gomez just come out with a song about that? I mean, when we move on, because women, we, like, process, and you had already processed throughout the relationship, so by the time it was over, you were pretty much over it anyway. Like. But women actually, like, we feel our feelings. We process things. But you hear all the time that men, like, just move on really quickly. They don't actually process it. And then years later or months later, whatever it is, when they finally, like, start processing it, they try to come back, and they're like, oh, I messed up. It's like, well, yeah, but I moved on.
[00:37:30] Riley: Yeah, but you messed up. I didn't.
[00:37:34] Lauren: Like, I found my Reese.
[00:37:35] Riley: Yeah.
[00:37:36] Lauren: So goodbye.
[00:37:37] Riley: Exactly.
[00:37:38] Lauren: Well, thanks for joining us and telling us your story. I'm sorry that it happened to you, but it sounds like it led you to a better partner and a better life and all works out in the end. And it all worked out, and hopefully, you know, somebody can understand, like, what you went through. You know, maybe this will help them leave.
[00:37:57] Riley: Hopefully. I mean, I feel like a lot of people can feel ashamed about that kind of stuff, and I want to be open about, like, the fact that a lot of us have experienced this. And even down to the fact that I'm like, you know, if it ends with cops, it ends with cops. That's.
Every relationship has its own trajectory. If you fall out of your truck.
[00:38:15] Bree: With beer cans, it just is what it is.
[00:38:17] Riley: Yes.
[00:38:17] Lauren: I mean, you can't do anything about that. That's on them. It's gonna end how it's gonna end. Well, thank you. I'll see you.
[00:38:23] Riley: All right.
[00:38:23] Lauren: At Spicy Book Club. So, Bree, I guess we'll reconvene in a week.
[00:38:27] Bree: Sounds good. We'll talk to you then.
