Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at.
Hey, guys.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: Welcome back.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: We're back.
Another week has gone.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: It has.
How's it going?
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Good, good. You know, just trying to stick to my goals for the year, you know, the new year. Trying to, trying to stick to those. I don't like resolutions. I like to say goals.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: You know, I don't think I made any resolutions this year. That's like the first time in forever that I haven't.
[00:00:58] Speaker A: Yeah, well, mine's basically like I have, you know, I'm a big reader, so I have a lot of reading. My reading goals and then my fitness goals. I'm going to run. I hate running.
Like, I really, really hate running.
And I was like, I need to for fitness. I was like, I need to do something that I don't like. And like last year it was, I wanted to attend 250 of my burn camps. And so I did that.
And honestly, I love going, so going every day is not an issue for me. So I was like, I don't want to be like, go to camp because I'm gonna go. So I was like, I need to do something I actually don't like. And one, there's one woman who is a runner and she's like constantly, like every morning, like, she's not, she wasn't a runner. She is now. And she was posting every day like, hey, I'm getting my run in. Hey, I'm getting my run in. And I was talking to her in class and I was like, yeah, know, you're really inspiring me. Like, maybe I should do this. And she was like, yeah, one of our trainers does, like a whole plan for you and it's included. And I was like, oh, so she's training for a half marathon. I was like, I'm gonna take a baby step. Listen, I can do a 5k. I don't need to train for that. Like, that's fine. I was like, let's start with a 10k. So I'm gonna go run a 10k, which is like 6.4 miles or something like that.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: We'll be there to cheer you on.
[00:02:14] Speaker A: Thanks.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: I'm going to cheer you on to the sideline. I Am, too.
[00:02:16] Speaker A: And it's in. It's on my side of town. So, like, you guys will have to come over. And afterwards, I'm going to need, like, Mexican.
[00:02:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
Oh, I'm totally down for eating peso after and talking about how great of a job you did.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: We'll be on the sideline with Dries. Yeah.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: I love that. I love that.
Just watching her. Look at her dying.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I hope there's a concession soon for you. Get like a pickle or something.
[00:02:41] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's. I mean, they might. Who knows? What about you, Amber? Do you have anything like that you want to do this year?
[00:02:50] Speaker B: No, I don't really like disappointing myself.
Let's be honest. I'm not gonna follow through with it. I'm going to start a bunch of projects per the normal.
I'm gonna pick up a bunch of hobbies and I'm going to be into them for, like, I'm maybe a month, and I'm gonna do something new. So. One thing about me, I just like new things.
[00:03:10] Speaker A: You are really, you. Listen, you do have hobbies, though.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: And. And, you know, there's a chance we're gonna have some cool stuff in a shop soon that we're working on with you with some of your hobbies. So there. There's gonna be some cool things that come up, I think, with that this year.
But, yeah, it's. I don't blame you. And that's why I call them goals and not resolutions. Because I'm like, these are just goals. Because, like, resolutions just sound so, like, final.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: And, you know, a bunch of people are like, well, you know, it's almost been a year since you found everything out. You know, like, are you gonna. Are you. Are you gonna have a dating goal? I'm like, yeah. Not to. Not to be in one.
[00:03:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:53] Speaker A: My goal is not to be in a relationship.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Like, not to be in one.
[00:03:57] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, you're the only one in the. Out of us that's like, still has some hope for the world, and I.
[00:04:03] Speaker B: Really don't know how. I don't feel like I should have any left.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't feel like you should either.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: I really shouldn't.
But.
[00:04:10] Speaker A: Yeah, you still got some. But for me, I was just like, yeah. My goal is to not get completely derailed by a man. That's my goal for the year.
[00:04:20] Speaker B: Absolutely.
Well, so this episode, I guess we're gonna dig into Amber's story a little bit.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: Yep.
So tell us. Tell us about your past history. With your serious relationships?
[00:04:34] Speaker B: More like trauma. Trauma.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
Tell us about your trauma.
[00:04:37] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah, we'll. We'll start off with.
So my first relationship came when I was 16 years old.
I was with him on and off for, God, I don't even know how long. Probably on and off till I was like 25 years old.
So in that relationship, there was a lot of abuse.
This is before we talked about trauma bonding and abuse and what that really looked like.
So I remember being 16 and getting into this relationship, and we immediately fought from the beginning. And in that relationship, I really lost myself because before it, I was like a really headstrong girl. Yeah. You couldn't tell me nothing.
[00:05:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:22] Speaker B: And I mean, I'm still pretty head.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: I was gonna say that's how you are now. Like, you got. You got a little bit back to it.
[00:05:28] Speaker B: I had. I had a temper. You humbled me.
Yeah. I mean, when you see somebody's eyes go black and you're not. You're not sure if you're going to make it through the night, that'll humble you.
But some of the things that, like, I faced during that time was like, sexual abuse. A lot of it. I remember one of the first times he did it, I was sleeping and I woke up to him ripping my pants off.
And I begged him to get off me. Obviously, I was halfway asleep. I didn't want to have sex.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: And he ripped my pants off. And he proceeded. I was fighting him, begging him, and crying for him to get off me. He wouldn't.
So I just laid there still. I didn't know what else to do. I just, like, didn't enjoy it. Just laid there. And I remember waiting every moment, just hoping that it was going to be over soon.
I cried and I cried and I cried after I told, you know, I knew that, you know, obviously I was. I was in love with this guy. I was already trauma bonded, and I didn't know at the time that that's what that was. I thought it was real love.
[00:06:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:06:32] Speaker B: And so I knew that, like, if I told my mom, obviously she was going to end it, be done with it. Don't ever speak to him. So I told his mom. I confided in her, and she told me that it wasn't rape because we were in a relationship and I should want to have sex with him. If he wants it, I should want it, too.
[00:06:50] Speaker A: Shame on that woman.
[00:06:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
He had even at one point, the night he cheated on me, I was 17 years old. It was the night before my AP Psychology exams.
He, at this point, he.
I think he was living with me at this point because his mama kicked him out. She didn't.
[00:07:09] Speaker A: The same woman that told you to.
[00:07:10] Speaker B: Keep sleeping with him, the same woman who did. Who thought he walked on water, didn't even want him to live in the same household as her because, oh, he's a thief and he's this and he's that and I mean, he was all those things.
But he came knocking on my window at like 2 o' clock in the morning. And I got up and I went and I let him in. I let him come to my bedroom.
And he wanted head, and I didn't want to give it to him. I was tired. I had exams the next day and I took my. I took high school really serious. I wanted to make good grades. I wanted something out of my life.
I had a really hard childhood and I didn't want a hard future. Yeah. And so he proceeded to fight me. He grabbed my head, forced it on him as I cried and I cried and I cried, y'. All.
I mean, it broke me, like. So he forced it on me. I didn't know what else to do, so I just proceeded. Even though, like, I had begged him.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: To go, oh, you're very young at that point, too. You're still really, really young.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: 17.
[00:08:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:11] Speaker B: Yeah, I was 17. I didn't know what else to do, so I did it. The next day, we're laying in bed and I'm still trying to get over what he's done to me.
He starts crying and tells me he cheated on me. And y', all, I was so trauma bonded that I comforted him.
[00:08:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:30] Speaker B: I told him that I wouldn't leave him after all that he had done to me.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Why is it always that first one? Because when I. The first one I was trauma bonded to, I lost my virginity to in the next. In that night, like, after each of my journey when I'm 15 years old, like an hour later, calls me crying because he cheated on me. And I did the same thing. I stayed with him for seven more years, guys. So, you know, and I was like.
[00:08:56] Speaker B: The older me is like, oh, God, you're dumb. But then, you know, my therapist reminds me, you didn't know what you didn't know. Yeah. And I, like, that's what I have to remind myself all the time. But you were a kid. I was. I was a child.
[00:09:08] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:09:08] Speaker B: I was not old enough to even be making those decisions.
And so that relationship proceeded on for five years. He had an active addiction to cocaine. So that was a constant battle, too. Yeah. Especially coming from a family that was really bonded into the drug use. So, like, all I knew growing up with people who were on drugs. Yeah.
And no shame to them, you know, it's a sickness. It's a. It's a disease. It is, you know, so I'm so happy that a lot of them have found recovery. Good. But so. But it was all I knew. And, like, the craziness was all I knew growing up.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: And so eventually my sister had came back from England, Thank God for her. And he and I were living in Niceville, and I was actually babysitting my nephew.
And he had came back and he had went and did cope with some friends, including my cousin, and he was lying to me about it. Well, I'd asked him where he had been, and he told me he was at a different place than where he was. And I had asked my cousin, and my cousin said, I don't know where we were, but the place that he told me we were was right across the street from my grandma's house. So tell me how you wouldn't know.
So I had confronted him, and again, our relationship was real toxic. But, I mean, we were screaming. I've never been in another relationship where it was just screaming and yelling and hollering and, I mean, hands on each other. Like, I mean, we were toxic.
And so my sister said, no, you're done.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: Said, you're done with this. She packed up my stuff and she started putting it in her car. She said, you were done with this. You're moving with me. You're done with him.
So I. I didn't feel like there was any other way. But I also was still trauma bonded real bad. I. And I mean bad.
So I did leave him. And I had left him for a couple years, but, I don't know, every other relationship, I guess, just felt boring because I wasn't used to it.
And I didn't understand. I didn't go to therapy. I should have went to therapy then.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Right.
And that's true. Like, then you get in a relationship and when it's. When it's actually, like, healthy or, like, it seems boring. And so then you're just like. You're like, what is happening here?
[00:11:19] Speaker B: You're waiting for the shooter.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: And that's when, you know, I know a lot of our, like, people feel this way because it's always that, you know, the nice guy is coming last. And that's why it's. Because when we all come in trauma Bonded. And you're young and you. And you go through it, then it is like, well, what is this? This is boring. This isn't how it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be. We. We confuse the trauma a lot with passion.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. 100. Those butterflies were devil's flies.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Honest to God.
But so, yeah.
[00:11:51] Speaker A: Little Satan bats.
Little Satan bats.
[00:11:57] Speaker B: So a couple years passed and he had already had a child with another girl. And they had had a lot of DV issues too. She had sent him to jail a couple times.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Everything.
[00:12:07] Speaker B: But I wanted to believe that he was different. This guy around because he promised me he would be different.
[00:12:12] Speaker A: Of course they'll always be different.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Even he had even told this poor girl that I was the only girl he'd ever love and all this crazy crap. And like, I mean I hated that for her. I still do that. She had to deal with that.
But. So he was that way with her. But I wanted to believe he was going to be different because I really thought I had. I thought that he was every there. That there was nothing else. Like he walked water with me because I was trauma bonded.
But so I took him back and then we ended up in a custody battle with his ex.
We ended up fighting for it and ended up with custody. And so he put on a good front for a while. The, oh, I'm a good guy, held my temper down.
So apparently he could manage his temper. Right.
Just when he didn't want to. Yeah, but so he held his temper. He did everything that was right. Wasn't on drugs, wasn't doing coke, wasn't partying all the time. But the moment we got custody again, he proceeded to brag constantly about how she would never be able to get custody back of the little girl because she wouldn't be able to afford it.
And he proceeded to go back to partying.
But when he was partying is when he would get the meanest. He would get angry.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:27] Speaker B: When he was high. He was hateful.
[00:13:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:30] Speaker B: The literally the devil. He. That was when his eyes would turn black.
[00:13:34] Speaker A: Like that's scary.
[00:13:35] Speaker B: Never on my. Like.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: And to have custody of a kid.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: Yeah, they would literally turn black.
So I mean there was instance where like the, the, the abuse came back. The rape came back like one night. I was sleeping in the bed after we had received custody of the little girl.
I was sleeping in the bed next to her and he came in and ripped my pants off with her sleeping next to me and raped Me right next to her while I begged him to get off me as quietly as I could because I didn't want to wake her up and her to see that.
[00:14:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: So I had to beg him to get off me and at least go to the next room, even though I didn't want it at all. I was, again, sleeping.
[00:14:25] Speaker A: You were trying to protect the child.
[00:14:26] Speaker B: But I just. Yeah. All I cared about at that point was her.
And then finally, after one of our friends had passed away, she.
She had gotten really bad off on drugs. And it was one of our high school friends. She passed away.
Things had just gotten really, really bad with us. And we had gotten another argument. And I don't even remember really what it was about at this point, but I was just like, I was done.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: And I told him I was like, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I had lost 60, 70 pounds. I literally was 100 pounds. Everybody in my hometown thought I was on drugs. Yeah. My mother. If I was on drugs, it was embarrassing. I was losing hair by the handfuls. And so we got an argument. I told him I was done, and he got really mad at me. And he ended up. We were fussing with each other. We were fighting, and he slammed me against the wall and proceeded to choke me. And it was all in front of that little girl. And she was just crying, and she was crying and screaming hamburg, because that's what she called me. And I couldn't get to her. I literally. With no bra, no shoes on, nothing. I had, like, a cami top on. I ran out of the house, got my car, for the grace of God, at least have my key in my pocket.
[00:15:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:46] Speaker B: But I ran with no shoes on, got in my car and drove off. I went to the Social Security office, was right across, like, the main road we lived off of. So I went and I parked over there because I could see if he was leaving or not. And I called his mother, and I told her what happened. And I was like, look, I said, I don't want to be with him anymore, but I do need to go back and get my heart medicine, because I have to have my heart medicine.
And she tried to convince me to stay with him. She said that we were soulmates and begged me to not leave him and said that we belong together, and that's why we got back together, was that we were meant to be together.
[00:16:20] Speaker A: What is wrong with this woman?
[00:16:22] Speaker B: Oh, a lot.
[00:16:24] Speaker A: Like, I just can't imagine being.
I can't imagine being so blind to your Son's like, what he, what he does. Like, I, I, I cannot imagine being a mother and being like, yeah, this is fine.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:38] Speaker A: The things my son is doing is perfectly fine. And I'm gonna still try to make women be with him.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: That'd be fun that my granddaughter is living with him.
[00:16:45] Speaker A: Right.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: Knowing his history, like, and that's what's.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: Crazy, too, is I can't believe he got custody. But also, just, like, doing these things in front of this child is. Is wild.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: Yeah, it was.
But so I didn't go back. She did eventually, because I told her. I was like, look, this is. This is what it is. I said, either he leaves right now, I'm calling cops. And I was like, they'll make him leave. I have to have my heart medicine. That's all I'm asking for. I'll come get my other stuff later, but that's what I need.
So she got him to leave. I got my stuff, and then I went to my mom's house. And so I can't be more thankful about how supportive my parents have always been for me and that I know that I can go home at any time if I ever need to. So I walked in the door. I didn't even call her on the way there. Didn't say anything to her. I was just numb. Yeah. So broken that I was numb. I felt nothing anymore. Yeah.
And so I walked in the door, and I was just like, hey, Mom, I'm home. And she was like, what do you mean, you're home? And I said, mom, I'm home. And y'. All, she squalled. I have never seen my mom cry the way she cried.
[00:17:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: She was just so relieved. But, like, that was the moment I just knew I was done.
So that was the first big trauma. Big trauma relationship. And I think that I probably should have got therapy after that one, but I didn't.
The second b.
So he. I met him at work. I actually worked with his mom.
And I. When I met him, before I ever met him, I told his mom, I said, I said, is that your son? And she said, yeah. And I said, I just want you to know he's going to be my future husband.
Oh.
Bold.
He was very attractive. He was kind. And when I'm. When the first time I seen him, he was bringing flowers to his mom. Okay. Like.
Like my heart.
But so we ended up.
He had actually knew because I had made several jokes about him being my future husband for.
[00:18:52] Speaker A: That's awesome.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: Look, I was with the last one, talking about how this one's gonna be my future husband.
Oh, my God.
But we met, and things were going great.
They really were. I thought he was my soulmate.
He was kind. He was caring. I had never been treated so good in my entire life.
He. I mean, worshiped the ground I walked on.
But then we started trying for a baby after we had been together for a long time. Like, we've been together for probably, like, two years at least, and we had started trying for a baby. Well, he did drink. Like, he would drink, like, a beer a night or maybe a couple beers. And he was working on the road, so he really only came home on the weekends. And then I would drive and see him wherever he was. So I was driving some weekends. I was driving six hours to Orlando to see him just to be with him.
Because of that, I didn't know how bad his drinking was getting.
And around the time that Covid hit, it had gotten really bad. When he came home during COVID time, because he obviously wasn't able to work on the road during that time, he was drinking half of a gallon of vodka a night.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: Oof.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: A night? A night.
Oh, my God. And he was really struggling with gout.
And he said that that was because of, like, eating red pasta and stuff like that. But in reality, it was all the drinking he was doing, and he was just. Instead of, like, dealing with that and stopping drinking, he would just chase the tart cherry juice with vodka.
It got to the point where there was one night where, like, he exploded.
He had never been violent with me before, and he wasn't violent with me that night. But, like, he had, like.
He got mad at me about something and, like, blew up and had, like, broke the shutter doors to one of our closets and broke the kitchen table. The table.
Okay. He had, like, flipped the table. He broke the chairs. He. He broke, like, a bunch of stuff in the apartment.
He also got really insecure when he was drink. So at one point, he was accusing me of having people in my car and wasn't telling him about it and that he was tracking the mileage on my car to see how far I was going and if I really was going where I was saying that I was going.
[00:21:05] Speaker A: My God.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: Did he check the tires, too?
No, he probably didn't.
But, yeah, like, so he was getting really insecure.
And then when I. One night, it was Christmas, around Christmas, I told him. I was like, I'm done. I was like, I can't do this anymore. Yeah, he.
I was walking up the stairs when I said, It. But, like, when I tell y', all, like, he had his issues, but he really did love me and wanted to be with me.
And so he said he was going to rehab. So his aunt took him up to rehab on Christmas, and he was only at rehab for about two weeks now, given he had tried to detox at home a couple times, and the doctor said he had a heart attack.
[00:21:46] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: Because his drinking had gotten so bad that he could not detox at home. He was that bad?
[00:21:50] Speaker A: Yeah. He needed to be with medical professionals.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: By himself at home.
So.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: And so this is just another sickness you're dealing with. Like, you went from dealing with the drugs being a disease and a sickness to alcohol being a disease and a sickness.
[00:22:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
So two weeks after that, he called and said that he needed us to come get him from rehab, that he said everybody was in. In rehab that had Covid and that he needed to leave.
I went and got him. On the way home, he picked up a case of beer. So I knew it wasn't over.
As bad as I wanted it to be over, I knew it wasn't gonna be over. And then. So he promised that he would just drink beer to keep down the shakes and that he wouldn't go back to drinking liquor.
And I was like, okay, at least I can deal with that. Right? Like, if all he ever drinks is beer, like, that was manageable for me.
But then when he went back out on the road, I had found out that he was instacarting liquor to his hotels.
[00:22:49] Speaker A: Well, because, like, true alcoholics, like, I. I have some people in my life who. Who are alcoholics, and they're recovering, they're in recovery and have been for years now, but you can't have anything like one. One beer and you're back out. Like, it's. It's a very slippery slope to being back out. And, you know, you have to.
But you have to hit rock bottom, and you have to want to get better, to get better. You can't do it for anyone else. You have to do it for yourself. And, I mean, that's one of the things they talk about, you know, even in, like, AA and stuff. So.
[00:23:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, the more you beg someone to get clean or, you know, stop drinking.
[00:23:26] Speaker A: Or anything like that, all you're doing.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: Is setting yourself up for failure if they're not ready and want to do it for themselves.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: So. And that was his thing, is he never wanted to do it for himself. Every time he said he was going to do it was for me.
And that's what I kept telling him. I had been to AA meetings when I was younger with my.
My parents. Addiction issues with my stepdad and such. I had been to NA and AA meetings when I was younger. Like, I knew about this kind of stuff. And I was telling him, I was like, you have to do it for yourself. Like, it doesn't matter if you're doing it for me.
Well, fast forwarding to the future. So I ended up. Once I found out that he had been drinking liquor again, I just packed my stuff up while he was still working. He was in New Mexico working. And I packed my stuff up, and I moved to Huntsville. I said I was done, and I moved to Huntsville. He wasn't even home for. I broke up with him on the phone.
I hated to do it like that, but I knew that he wouldn't make the breakup easy. Yeah.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:22] Speaker B: So. And I needed a fresh start. I needed something new.
So I moved up here. And then I had been up here for probably six months when his aunt had called me.
And I might have been up here a little bit longer than that, but his aunt had called me, and she said, hey, you know, I only call you with bad news.
She was like, I got something really bad to tell you.
And so I thought she was going to tell me about his dad or his grandpa. And she says, hey, I just want you to know that B is currently in the hospital.
All of his organs are shutting down. He's peeing black. They don't think he'll live for more than three days.
That's scary. Like when your urine turns to nothing but blood. Yeah, that. That's not good. I've never cried more in my entire life.
[00:25:09] Speaker A: Well, because you truly love this man, and loving somebody with an addiction is not an easy task. So because you. You have to take care of yourself. Like, you have to put yourself first, because it's not fair to you to be in this relationship. It doesn't change the fact that you love this person.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: I mean, I've said it a thousand times. It literally feels like you're grieving somebody who's still alive.
[00:25:28] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:25:30] Speaker B: Because there's nothing you can do to change it.
[00:25:32] Speaker A: No.
[00:25:33] Speaker B: And then once they do pass away or something happens, that grief, it. It totally changes.
[00:25:38] Speaker A: It's still there, but it's a different aspect. Even though you were grieving them while they were still alive.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Because I'm always going to think about, like, what if. What it would have looked like if he had gotten sober and if he had stayed. So if he had never picked that up. Y. The what if?
The what ifs. I mean, for a long time, I fought them so hard.
[00:25:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:56] Speaker B: But so I. I drove down to Andalusia that day. I was literally a yard sale. I scared my nephews because I just broke down crying right there in front of them. So I scared them, actually. And they.
I got. I couldn't drive myself. My sister being the ride, or die she is. She drove me and she.
She drove me all the way down there while I just walled the entire time. Barely could tell her what was going on.
And I get there and. And he was. He was out of, like, out of his mind. He was hallucinating really bad.
They said that, like, he had pretty much been sleeping and hallucinating the whole time, making, like, motorcycle noises in the bed. He wasn't trying. He didn't want to live anymore until he seen me.
So I walk up next to him and I grab his hand and I say, hey, I'm here.
And he looked up at me, and everything changed.
Like, he changed. And the doctor came in and said, like, he was starting to talk. He was trying to joke with us. None of it made sense because he was hallucinating so bad. Like, he literally was out of his mind. But everything is, like, his whole personality had changed because he had seen me. And so his doctor came in and said, you know, I didn't think you were going to live for more than three days. He said, but now that I see you like this, I think you have a chance. We're going to send you to uab.
And I was so thankful. I was praying all the way there. I mean, I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and I got up to UAB and I slept on the hospital floor next to him on the bare floor.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: Wow. Oh, wow.
[00:27:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:29] Speaker A: They couldn't even give you a couch. Like, damn, a blanket.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: Shitty hospital. I slept on that bare floor. His mom. I gave her the chair, so I slept on the floor. And really, I didn't even. I don't think I actually ever slept. Yeah, I just lay there and, you know, just praying and wishing that things are going to be different for him because I didn't want him to, you know, die well.
So I was on overnights at work, and I was actually going through a miserable time at work, too.
And I would go down there every three days on my days off, and I would switch out with his mom so she could go home. She could, you know, take care of things at home and wash her clothes and all that. And I Would take care of him. I mean, and I had to take care of him in every, every way. Like, he couldn't even get out of bed. He couldn't walk.
So, you know, and he still was out of his mind for most of that time. Yeah.
And I took care of him through all that. The doctor said that he would need a liver transplant, that he had what was called hepatitis of the liver. So it's worse than cirrhosis of liver.
So he was going to need that transplant. And so we are working on, you know, ensuring stay sober, trying to just get it. We just really wanted it at this point to walk.
[00:28:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: Because he couldn't walk.
And he came back, like, his personality came back. Like that funny person. Yeah, he's hilarious.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: The person you fell in love with.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: Yeah, the person I fell in love with was back. And that was really confusing time for me, too. Can imagine. Because I wanted so badly to be back with him the whole time.
[00:29:07] Speaker A: Well, I'm sure you were hoping that, like, hitting rock bottom, like, that would change it.
[00:29:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:11] Speaker A: Like, you would think that. That if there was going to be a rock bottom that would.
[00:29:15] Speaker B: Peeing blood would be it.
[00:29:16] Speaker A: Yeah. That you'd be like, I almost died. I should probably change that.
[00:29:19] Speaker B: Yeah. And I, you know, like, there was nothing I wanted more in this world than to be back with him. Yeah.
And. But the other reality side of that was, for me was, was I ever going to have the future I wanted to have if I stayed with him? And the answer to that was going to be no. Like, I wasn't going to have kids. Yeah. Or at that time, that's what I wanted. I wanted a family. I thought I wanted, you know, I wanted a career. And I want to, like, a normal life, because that's not what I've had in my past. Right. I've always dealt with people with addictions, and I just want, like, a peaceful life. I want to wake up to the same person I go to bed with that night.
[00:29:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:29:53] Speaker B: And I feel like that's not a hard ask, but it has been for me. Yeah.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: So lots of hard asking this day and age.
[00:30:00] Speaker B: Anyway, so it was really confusing time. But we finally got to the point where he was. They sent him home before he could walk again. But he got home and the more, like, nutrition he was taking in, he was starting to be able to, like, build that muscle mass to be able to walk again. And he eventually did get a walk again, but he went back to his mom's house.
And I originally wanted him to come home with me. And I'm glad that she didn't let me do that. Yeah.
Because it would have been much of a future for me and I think she knew that. Yeah.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: So she was a good mother, unlike the last one.
[00:30:31] Speaker B: Yes. No, I cannot speak. Yeah, no, she's great.
As a mother in law. I loved her. Like.
[00:30:38] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: You know, there. The whole family is a really good family.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:44] Speaker B: And I can't speak more on that. Like, they're just really good people.
[00:30:46] Speaker A: Yeah. But it just sucks that he has a sickness and, and a disease that.
[00:30:51] Speaker B: He'S dealing with and it's, you know, it's just a heavy disease. So he got back home over there and he was guilty. Me and saying that, you know, if I wouldn't be back with him, he didn't want to be alive, that he was going to start drinking because there was no reason for him to be sober if I wasn't.
Yeah.
[00:31:08] Speaker A: It's manipulation.
[00:31:09] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's what it felt like. And. But I knew, you know, still battling that whole, like, what does my future look like with him? As bad as. And it's an emotional roller coaster for me because there were so many things that fell into that. Yeah. I was like, at one point, I had learned about Selena Gomez having her transplant.
[00:31:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:29] Speaker B: And I found out that, like, people with transplants don't usually live, like, but 10 years after a transplant. Yeah. And so I called my mom squalling about that.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:43] Speaker B: I mean, it was just constant, like roller coasters of emotions. And then I had, shortly after that, found out that my nephew also was diagnosed with cancer. And that was a whole roller coaster of emotions. So finally I was just like, you know, this isn't healthy for me. Yeah. I can't. I can't continue to talk to you. And like, you're putting this guilt on me and putting this blame on me for your drinking. That's not fair. Me.
[00:32:06] Speaker A: And that's a.
[00:32:07] Speaker B: That's a choice.
[00:32:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:08] Speaker B: He's making that choice.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: He made a chosen addiction.
[00:32:10] Speaker B: Yeah. It may be a disease, it may be an addiction, but it's his choice to continue doing.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: Whereas your nephew didn't choose to get cancer.
[00:32:16] Speaker B: No, exactly. Right.
[00:32:17] Speaker A: Like, those are two completely different, different things. And if you're gonna have to have the mental capacity for one of them, it's definitely gonna be for the nephew that. That's going through stuff.
[00:32:26] Speaker B: So, yeah, I decided that that just wasn't right for me and I.
I cut all ties.
I just said, you know, I really, I hope the best for you. I'll pray for you every day. I asked my parents to still stay connected with him because he had a good relationship with them. Yeah. So I was like, you know, if he wants to talk to you guys, I don't want you to close those doors.
[00:32:49] Speaker A: Yeah. That was nice of you.
[00:32:50] Speaker B: It's not healthy for me anymore.
[00:32:52] Speaker A: Right.
[00:32:53] Speaker B: So then a few months later, I had met this guy.
I had met him when I first moved to Huntsville at Whiskey Bottoms.
And when I first met him, I was just standing at the bar, I was about to order a drink, and just moved to Huntsville, trying to get a fresh new start, you know, I think I'd only been here a couple months, and he had walked up to me, he said, oh, my gosh, you're the prettiest woman I've ever seen in my whole life. And I said. I said, y', all, you are pretty.
But I said, you ain't got a lot to kick it with me.
So, yeah, I told him. I was like, you ain't got a lot of kicking with me. But, yeah. So after that, we exchanged numbers, but I was there with some girlfriends, and he was there with. He went to a jelly roll concert with his brother and sister in law. So we kind of just went our own separate ways. Whatever. Well, then he was texting me after that, but he just seemed really shady.
So, like, I kind of, like, blew him off a couple times. But he was very insistent at the same time.
[00:33:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:57] Speaker B: And at one point, I had nicknamed him digiorno Pizza because he. I was on the phone with him, and he was like, yeah, we're about to go make a delivery. And I was like, what do you mean, delivery? He was like, you know, like, digiorno Pizza. Well, I'm like, first thing, I'm like, digiorno don't deliver.
[00:34:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:13] Speaker B: Like, what? Like, what do you mean? Are you a drug domino? I was like, are you a drug dealer? Like, what is.
[00:34:18] Speaker A: Like, I've already been through this. I don't want to go through this again.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: Whoa. Stop the breaks. I'm not doing this. Well, he was, like, very, very insistent.
So I. One point, I even blocked him on everything, y'. All. He found me on Snapchat, added me on Snapchat. I probably need to delete my Snapchat.
[00:34:33] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:34:34] Speaker B: Yeah, I need to get rid of.
It's really not been good for me.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:38] Speaker B: But so during a lot of that, like, with my other ex, like, he, like, kind of, like, was my shoulder to lean on. Like, he talked to me about all like, he was like, you know, it's not your fault.
And like, we. We did, like, we connected a lot on that level. And he kind of like started to feel like a really good friend.
And so eventually I was at Bridge street with my sister and he was snapping me at that time, and he was like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I'm at Bridge Street. And he was like, oh, me too.
So then he came and met up with me and my sister, and I didn't even tell her, y'. All. I didn't tell her.
So he just walks up and starts chatting with us and walking around with us. And my sister's like, oh, hi.
[00:35:23] Speaker A: Who the hell are you?
[00:35:25] Speaker B: Yeah, And I'm just like, oh, yeah, this is my friend. And I was like, yeah, he's got a crush on me. She was like, oh, like, didn't even know.
Yeah, she didn't even know. It's kind of like, threw that on her. Bless her heart. She takes all of it with me.
But. So it was around Christmas time, and we were shopping for our parents Christmas gifts, and we had on that a few more times. I had. My friend was coming up to visit. Lauren Stoppelganger.
Yes.
[00:35:52] Speaker A: Dude, I want to meet her.
[00:35:54] Speaker B: There were so many posts that she tagged her.
[00:35:56] Speaker A: I know.
[00:35:57] Speaker B: I thought it was you.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: I did too.
[00:35:59] Speaker B: Did not include me. I know.
[00:36:01] Speaker A: I was upset. I didn't include myself.
[00:36:05] Speaker B: And it is so funny. That was the first thing my brother in law said when. When he met you was that you look like her.
[00:36:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I literally. I reply, I like messenger. I was like, we need to meet because you're my doppelganger.
[00:36:16] Speaker B: Seriously.
[00:36:16] Speaker A: Because, like, literally there was one of the recent ones, I was like, was I with her? And like, I did a double take. I was like, I wasn't even in town.
[00:36:26] Speaker B: How much I look like. Yeah, that was so funny. But yeah, so it was her birthday, so we had went to a concert and I told him about it. Well, he went and bought tickets right next to us. And then, like, when, like, he was trying to show off, y', all, he was buying all of my friends drinks, buying my drinks. And even, like, when we had went out to the bar another time with my other friends, he was buying all their drinks, like, really just showing off and, like, trying to, like, show, like, prove himself to me or something, like, impress me. And I was like, okay, well, like, I mean, he. Maybe he's a good guy, you know, maybe he's not this. Maybe he's not the drug dealer. I thought he might be, but then I was like, he's really flashy. So I'm like, I don't know. He might still be a drug dealer. Let's find this out. At this point, I'm just like, curiosity. Like, we're experimenting.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Is it or is it not to be a drug dealer or not to be a drug dealer?
[00:37:13] Speaker B: I literally, like, every day would come home to my other sister, and I'm like, so this happened? This happened, this happened. You think he's a drug dealer? And she'd be like, oh, yeah, she is really good. Like, she's amazing at reading characters, so she's really good at it.
So, like, we were.
But then she'd be like, well, you know, like, he's really flashy and, like. Like to dress nice and so do you. Like, you. Y' all both have white. Hey, dudes.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: You're bougie.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Literally what she said was, we were bougie.
[00:37:45] Speaker A: You're both bougie.
[00:37:46] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what she said. She was like, you're bougie. I'm like, I'm not bougie. I just like to look nice.
But.
So one thing led to another, and we started dating, and we dated for, I think, probably like a year and a half before he proposed.
[00:38:02] Speaker A: Normal timeline.
[00:38:03] Speaker B: Yeah, normal timeline. Healthy timeline. Yeah. He was already living with me.
I had let him move in, and our relationship was kind of hot and cold, too. There was. There were some arguments, definitely. He was very insecure.
It'd be, like, simple things, like, if I was late leaving work, he was. I was a salary member management. Like, I do not get off on time. And.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: But see, that's what's crazy is because, like, in that situation, you weren't actually doing anything. But in my situation, when Dick would do that, I would be like, well, what are you doing? And he'd be like, oh, I'm working overtime. But then the money wasn't matching. So, like. So there are times where people should be insecure. So it's a weird. We have the opposite things, because Dick would throw things in my face and be like, oh, you're just insecure. Or, you know, are you cheating on me? Because you're claiming that I'm doing something and would be like, you know, so. So you're the. You're probably cheating on me and, like, throw it in my face.
But it wasn't me being. It was me, like, picking up on things.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: Right?
[00:39:02] Speaker A: So, like. But this guy didn't have a reason.
Well, you didn't cause a Reason you'll get into. You're getting. He was the reason.
[00:39:08] Speaker B: Yeah, he was.
Yeah. So he would accuse me of all these crazy things, and then, like, he would. He was very want to be the man. Right. Like, when it came to, like, us talking about our last names, I was okay with taking his last name, but I also still wanted to keep mine. Mine means a lot to me.
[00:39:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: I took my grandfather's last name. He moved here from Holland, and I'm the last one left.
[00:39:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:38] Speaker B: So, like, it means a lot to me. So when we spoke about it, I was like, I'm gonna keep it as my middle name and have yours as my last. No, that was not okay with him.
He, like, flipped out on me. It was not okay because he thought that I was trying to keep the single name.
[00:39:55] Speaker A: My eyes twitching.
[00:39:56] Speaker B: Oh, right, right. Like, What?
[00:39:59] Speaker A: It's also 20, 26 if I want to keep mine name. I mean, thank God I didn't take Dick's last name.
I. I literally was like, it's too much work to change all this. And I built my career under my name.
[00:40:13] Speaker B: That's why I haven't changed my name back to any. Because, hell, I've had a few.
Yeah. Yeah.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: I just. But also, I wouldn't want, like, I wouldn't want anybody else's name. And I think that's. I changed it after my first marriage, and then by the time I changed it back, I was like, I'm never changing it again. Because I was like, I don't want to. So it's a hassle. And also, like, if things don't work out, then you have someone else's name. And I. My name's going to die, too.
So I'm like, I'll stick to. You know who hasn't disappointed me? My father. So I'll. I'll keep his name. And just like your grandfather. You'll keep his name.
[00:40:45] Speaker B: Supported me. Not one bit. Yep.
[00:40:46] Speaker A: So, see, like, I'll keep. I'll keep my name for that. But that's insane that he got mad about that.
[00:40:53] Speaker B: Yeah. And then, like, he was always accusing me of all kinds of just crazy stuff.
So we would fight a lot, and what I noticed was, like, we would get fights, and he would disappear. Like, he wouldn't come home. He would, oh, I'm staying at my mom's house, or I'm doing this, I'm doing that.
And, yeah, it got to the point where I was starting to feel crazy, y'. All. Like, I was being crazy. I was being crazy. There was one Point. I threw a whole cup of tea at him. I was going nuts.
[00:41:21] Speaker A: Listen, you spilled. You spilled the tea.
[00:41:24] Speaker B: The tea? Yeah. With a little horse. Yeah, with a little horse.
I just got so mad at him. I, like, slung the cup down and, like, all over him, and I did not care. Well, you probably had, like, a gut feeling instinct that he was not at his mother's house. No, I. Absolutely. I told him. I was like, yeah, you keep playing around. I said, I'm gonna. I'm gonna ping your iPhone and I'm gonna come. And I said, I'm gonna roll up, and I'm gonna show up, and it's gonna be a whole thing for me. I was like, you did not want me to come embarrass you, because I will roll up and show up.
[00:41:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:41:55] Speaker B: And so.
And one night. Yeah. I called his mom in the middle of the night, and she was like, yeah, he's not here. And I was like, cool. Didn't think he was. I said, can you go down to the. Because I had, like, an airplane hangar. I was like, can you go over there and see if he's over there with his cousins? And she was like, yeah, I'll go check it out. He wasn't.
Of course he wasn't, because that's not what he was doing. And I knew it. I knew it in my whole. But I couldn't prove it. So I already kind of, like. I think I got into a point where I just knew, like, I wasn't going to marry him, but it was. Was very close to the timeline. Yeah. And then one night, he had broke his Apple watch, and so he had left it behind because he broke it, and I guess he thought that I wouldn't turn it on, but he was wrong because the screen was shattered. But the thing still works.
He took his iPad with him because he knew I had the passcode for that. And I would go through it, and I'm not one. Like, I'm not, like, this girl who's, like, super jealous or suspicious, but, like, when. I believe that God will show you. When he. When you. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And God has always shown me, and I think he always will. Yeah. And God told me. He said, look at that. Look at that Apple watch. And I did. And when I pulled it up and I started flipping through and it had text messages in it, y', all. I was disgusted. My whole body was shaking. I was so angry, I was blowing his phone up. He tried to lie to me and tell me that he ended up in jail. That night in Tennessee or something. I was like, oh, that's funny, because I called the jails and he said.
He said, no, it was in Tennessee. I said, which one? And he told me. And I was like. I hung up on him. Called that jail, and they said, no, they hadn't had one, which is funny because they had a common name. So he probably could have got away with it because his name's real common, but they didn't have one, so that was misfortunate for him. And I said, I know you're lying. I done found all these text messages. I said, I have the receipts. Yeah. I said, I'm done. Get out of my house.
[00:43:53] Speaker A: It's amazing when you have the receipts, though, and they're still, like, wanting me.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: Yeah. No, he literally tried to blame it on his cousin. He said his cousin had borrowed his watch because his cousin didn't have a phone. And y', all, like, the stuff I had found was disgusting. And I'm not vanilla. Like, it was disgusting, what I found. It's bad if it grosses you. Yeah.
Because y' all know I'm not vanilla. No. And so I. I was like, get out of my house. Well, he wouldn't leave.
He would not leave. Oh, and I forgot to even mention one of the things he got mad at me about was because I wouldn't sign on his truck. Co signing his truck, girl.
[00:44:32] Speaker A: And then Dick tried to get you to co sign on his truck.
[00:44:35] Speaker B: I ain't never co signed on nothing. I don't think. Dick never asked me to. He just had me go sit in there.
[00:44:39] Speaker A: Oh, he had you sit in there because he wanted you to co sign.
[00:44:41] Speaker B: He was bragging about how easy the process was was with him because I had told him about how the way my ex had acted.
But, yeah, no, he got.
[00:44:49] Speaker A: But he had a whole ass wife at home.
[00:44:52] Speaker B: So mad at me because I wouldn't co sign with him. Come to find out later, look, his credit score was under 500. Like, what, Mike?
[00:44:59] Speaker A: 800 nickel.
[00:45:00] Speaker B: Oh, my. Yeah.
[00:45:02] Speaker A: Oh, he. Well, he did Dick out of somehow.
[00:45:04] Speaker B: Well, a Chevy. Giving it to everybody.
[00:45:07] Speaker A: Yeah, they.
[00:45:07] Speaker B: They'll.
[00:45:08] Speaker A: They'll give you cars, but then they'll repo them whenever you can't pay them. And magically, all of a sudden, they're not driving their nice cars anymore. But they just got rid of it.
[00:45:15] Speaker B: Yeah, they sold it.
[00:45:17] Speaker A: They sold it back.
[00:45:18] Speaker B: But I'm so thankful.
[00:45:20] Speaker A: Thank God he didn't do that on that.
[00:45:22] Speaker B: But, yeah, he had made some comment about, like, I've had girls that I've cared less about co. Sign with me, and you won't even do it. We're supposed to get married, and I'm, like, supposed to get married.
I don't know about that now.
[00:45:33] Speaker A: And. And then you found out he was cheating.
[00:45:34] Speaker B: And then I found out he was cheating. Yeah. So I was like, well, I'm really glad I didn't do that. So it took me forever, y'. All. He was in my house for two months.
I went and stayed at my sister's house for a whole month. But so the.
The. When I found out we were two weeks out from getting married.
Hadn't even picked up my dress yet, he went and picked up my dress, so I had to go return it.
And I returned it on my birthday.
I returned my wedding dress on my birthday and again.
So thankful. Can never be more thankful for my sister because she had my back the whole time. She did the return and pretended to be me.
[00:46:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:11] Speaker B: While I was, like, in shambles.
[00:46:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:13] Speaker B: And then. Which. Everybody thinks we're twins, so it really just works out all the time for us. You might as well.
[00:46:19] Speaker A: You're. Seriously, though.
[00:46:20] Speaker B: Yeah. So we packed up our stuff, and I couldn't be more thankful for the bridesmaids I chose, because every one of them booked it up and went to Florida with me. We all went to Florida for the weekend. And they sat with me while I just cried and I cried and I cried. I was heartbroken. And I was. I think I was more embarrassed than I was anything.
[00:46:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:37] Speaker B: Because I was like, why did I let myself do this again?
[00:46:39] Speaker A: And that's what happens. It comes to an embarrassment thing. Like, there's always a level of shame that comes with it. And, you know, we really shouldn't feel shame for falling in love with people who lie and manipulate us. Like, that's on them, not us. You know, we.
That's. You know, why we all. We've all been in therapy. We've all, like, tried to work through things and try to pick better people, but some guys are just really good at hiding who they really are until they get caught.
[00:47:06] Speaker B: Oh. And he was great at it. Yeah.
[00:47:08] Speaker A: What's crazy is six months later, you met Dick, and he was trying to do the same thing to you. And then sitting there, you.
[00:47:15] Speaker B: He knew.
[00:47:15] Speaker A: He knew about your. He told me because he was coming to my house to get me back.
About your ex.
[00:47:22] Speaker B: Huh.
[00:47:22] Speaker A: And, like, I didn't know because I. I had already found everything to me.
[00:47:28] Speaker B: Showed up at my job looking for me.
[00:47:30] Speaker A: Yeah. It's fine.
[00:47:31] Speaker B: All the way.
[00:47:31] Speaker A: Listen, I was trying to find you so that I could be like, hey, we need to be friends.
[00:47:34] Speaker B: And I was trying to protect. Protect the goose in the parking lot. Yeah.
[00:47:38] Speaker A: But my thing was, is, like, for Dick to know what C. Did to you and then to still, like, be like, oh, well, I'm. I'm going to try to weasel my way in and be the next one that does this to her, because he.
[00:47:54] Speaker B: Probably thought she was vulnerable.
[00:47:55] Speaker A: Yes. But the thing is, is you had finally seen a lot of the signs, and you were like, peace. And also, he was bad in bed, as you say, so you were like, peace theater. And I was like. And I'm sitting there at the theater.
Yeah. By then, she doesn't know.
She didn't know. But, yeah, that's crazy that, like, you were. Thank God you got rid of C. But then thank God you didn't fall for Dick's antics like I did, because that would have been another one that you would have had to, like, deal with because he. Dick, would have proposed quick.
[00:48:25] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:48:27] Speaker A: Because that's, like, he did with me. But, you know. But it was after telling me, like, he was never gonna. You know, he. He thought he would never get married again. And the whole spill, and then they're like, here's a ring.
Let me destroy your life.
[00:48:40] Speaker B: I think I was more sad about the ring than anything. That was my Pinterest ring.
[00:48:44] Speaker A: You should have kept it.
[00:48:45] Speaker B: I should have, but, like, we weren't married, so I didn't own it yet.
[00:48:48] Speaker A: No, but it's the state of Alabama. It's a gift.
[00:48:50] Speaker B: Oh, well, I see. I needed you as a friend then.
[00:48:52] Speaker A: I know.
[00:48:53] Speaker B: It was gorgeous. It was.
[00:48:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:56] Speaker B: I loved it. I told him back his ring because I was like, I don't need this. I don't want this. I just want you out of my house.
[00:49:02] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, literally. Please leave me.
[00:49:04] Speaker B: Talk to me. I was like, no, I just want you to move out. And then finally he did, after I threatened to blackmail him and expose him to the world. Yeah. And he finally was like, I can't believe you're being that type of person. I'm like, that type of person you made me into. Right. You made me.
[00:49:19] Speaker A: But also, like, don't do things if you don't want to be called out on them. We're holding people accountable for their shitty fucking behavior.
And if you don't like it, then be a better human.
[00:49:30] Speaker B: Exactly. Right.
[00:49:31] Speaker A: Like, that's my thing, is I'm like, all these people, right? All these people getting upset and like, you know, Chip guy getting upset that you commented, Dick getting mad at me. Like, you chose to be a sketchy.
That's on you.
[00:49:46] Speaker B: Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely so.
[00:49:47] Speaker A: And none of us have ever claimed to be perfect.
None of us have ever been claimed to be perfect.
[00:49:52] Speaker B: And we take accountability for the shit that we've done. Correct.
[00:49:55] Speaker A: But you didn't cheat on C. I didn't cheat on dick. You didn't cheat on yours. Like, when they're doing this shady shit that they're doing, we didn't do it back. And although we may not have been perfect in any relationship because no one is either partner, we didn't do something that was so bad between, like, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and cheating. They crossed those lines of no return. They really did cross the lines of no return.
[00:50:22] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:50:23] Speaker A: So they chose that. And here we are telling our stories and holding them accountable and giving a safe space for women to come tell their stories too.
And, you know, we just started this YouTube channel and we have a podcast that's been going on since April of last year. So we're on Spotify and Apple and anywhere you get your podcast for the last year.
So if you're just now finding us on YouTube, you may not know the full backstory to everything. And that's. The full backstory is long, long circle. Story short, my now ex husband did date her. I caught them. And having an affair, but without you, without her knowing, tried to date her twice. Twice. Which is stupid because by the second time we were friends, but the first time tried to date her and we went to lunch instead of her going with him. And so we created the podcast. We finally met Amber. We all came together, we all were like, we're awesome fucking people. Let's make this podcast and have fun.
So that's basically the long story short. But we wanted to. To now we're branching out into the YouTube world and wanted to be able to have these conversations. And we're going to be reading stories that women send in. And so if you've ever had a really toxic relationship or whether it's family, friends, you know, a partner, you know, and you want us to read it, it'll be 100% anonymous.
[00:52:00] Speaker B: Yeah. The only thing you have to provide is your email address. And that is just where if we have any questions for feedback or any things of that nature that we can reach out to you. However.
[00:52:08] Speaker A: Yeah, like, once we, once we read your story, we might have questions. So we would be like, hey, can you clarify this, you know, type thing? But we're not going to say their names. We're not going to say your name, but we're going to read it and talk about it. Because I think the number one thing is to know you're not alone. Like, that's one thing that the three of us were able to really bond over is, like, we went through cheating, emotional abuse, physical abuse, like, different things through our lives, and to know that we weren't alone and that it's not. We shouldn't feel shame. We should be able to talk about it. And, you know, mental health is something that definitely needs to be talked about. And, like, we're big proponents of therapy, and that's why we have therapists come on the show and everything and. And talk, too. So I. I think it's really good that we brought you on with us to have another perspective, because you've been. All three of yours were very different relationships and very, like, you've dealt with, you know, abuse from alcoholism and from, you know, or dealing with the sicknesses of that and. And then drugs, but then also dealing with cheating and, like, then the gaslighting and everything else. So it's. It's good to know that we're all in this together.
But at least I think that's why, like, I really am trying to push, like, friendship, like, true friendship, and being, like, not even in that none of us are perfect, but putting each other, like, friends are the ones that are going to be there.
[00:53:37] Speaker B: Right.
[00:53:38] Speaker A: Like, on my deathbed, I don't expect a man to be there, but I said you to be there. Oh, I'll be there and be like, hey, you dying? Do you want something? What? One last thing do you want?
[00:53:48] Speaker B: I'm like, I go with you. I'm not really having that much fun.
[00:53:51] Speaker A: I'll be like, come on, we're working on this.
We're dark. It's fine.
[00:53:59] Speaker B: Group session soon, but.
[00:54:01] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I hate you went through all that, Amber, but it led us all to each other.
[00:54:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:54:05] Speaker A: So we all went through some, but we all ended up together.
[00:54:07] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:54:08] Speaker A: So. All right, well, we'll see you next week.
[00:54:11] Speaker B: We'll see you next week.
It.
