Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000, or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone. Hi.
[00:00:25] Speaker B: Hi.
Hi.
[00:00:28] Speaker A: Oh, it's been another week, guys.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: It has. It has been a week.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: Yeah, we.
I think the week after the holidays and, like, the new year is just exhausting.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, I'm still decompressing from Christmas.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Right. Like, and. And they're like, hey, back to work, just full. I'm like, can I get another week? Like, I need a week.
Because you have Christmas week and you have New Year's week, and then I need a week.
[00:00:55] Speaker C: Exactly. Yeah. Especially working in retail. Like, I need that extra time off.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:01:03] Speaker C: Tired.
[00:01:06] Speaker A: Yeah. She's been through it. So does anybody have any dating stories for the week?
[00:01:12] Speaker B: I went on a date, and it was good.
But I think we can all relate to this at some point.
So you can have a good date, but there can still be red flags.
[00:01:25] Speaker A: Oh, 100%.
[00:01:25] Speaker B: You know, there can be things that don't really sit right with you, and they may be a very nice person and seemingly, you know, have their stuff together, but there's things that just. That just don't sit right.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Like my. Like. Like, for instance, if you. If you're with somebody and they drank a lot on the first date.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, one drink, two drinks, you know, fine, whatever. But.
So he had gotten there before I made it there and already had one. He was sitting at the bar by himself, and he had one and then two more while we were eating, which is fine. But I could tell, like, his eyelids had started to get kind of heavy.
[00:02:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: And I was. I found myself repeating the same answers to the same questions that I was being asked over and over.
[00:02:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So, yeah, that's. To me, that's red flag. So he could. He. It sounds like he was super sweet.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Which is great.
[00:02:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: But also, like, if you're not actively listening because you've had a little. Maybe a little too much to drink or whatever the case is, like, I'm having to repeat myself. And didn't he say that, like, oh, I probably shouldn't have drunk this much? So, like, he said he was a lightweight.
[00:02:33] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: That he's a lightweight. So if you're a lightweight, I don't know.
[00:02:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:36] Speaker A: Don't.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: Don't have three.
[00:02:38] Speaker C: No, definitely. I mean, if you're a lightweight, I think that you should hold back a little bit on it so that you can intentionally hear.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: And my thing is, like, how do I know? Like, when I'm on a first date with somebody, I want to get to know them, like, who they are without any sort of alcohol or any other influence. And I don't feel like I could do that because, like I said, he was. In my opinion, I think he was pretty tipsy just based off of what I observed. So, yeah. Yeah, they can be nice. They can, you know, be very supportive, like, to their kids and their family and stuff. But you could still have a good date, and there'd be red flags.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: And it could also just, like, no chemistry. Like, it's. It's okay. Like, not everybody's meant to have chemistry with everybody.
[00:03:20] Speaker B: No. And that's fine. Like, and at the end of it, he was really afraid that I was going to ghost him. And so I don't ghost. Like, I will tell you straight up how I feel.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: Same.
[00:03:29] Speaker B: So I did send him a text and told him, you know, I did not feel like a Roman. There was a romantic connection or anything like that. And, you know, I told him he was sweet and all that good stuff. Stuff. But, no, it's just not gonna work.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Yeah, well, being honest is the best policy. And I hate it when people do ghosts, because a lot of people be like, oh, well, you know, you don't owe them anything. It's like, well, no, but just being a good person, it's just be like, hey, you know, it wasn't for me. And most people actually thank people for that. And if they don't and they turn into an then that right there shows you you dodged a bullet.
[00:03:58] Speaker B: Yeah. If you can't communicate just, like, on the basics of why I don't want to go out with you again, then that's a problem.
[00:04:06] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
[00:04:08] Speaker A: But you should.
[00:04:09] Speaker C: You shouldn't leave people wondering.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: No, absolutely not. It's a horrible feeling. But I will say I do have a few fun screenshots.
So the first one, and I don't know, it's always these older men, and I like older men, but some of them do not need to be on dating at all. Like, come get your grandpa's Grandpa don't need to be on dating apps.
[00:04:33] Speaker C: Grandpa wants love, too.
[00:04:34] Speaker B: Now, Brie, listen, then grandpa needs to find a grandma and not a granddaughter.
[00:04:39] Speaker A: Or how much money grandpa got.
[00:04:42] Speaker B: Seriously, though, no, we do Have I have standards.
[00:04:49] Speaker C: I could let loose on a few.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: I'm like, I'm like, listen, I tried love. It didn't work so. So well.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: This one, like, he wasn't, you know, crazy old or anything. He's, I'd say within my range, but he commented like I didn't match with him or anything. But he left a comment on one of my photos and says, your beauty makes me wish you were my wife or my lover. I want you for myself. This beauty has captured my heart.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: So right there he already admitted that he cheats my wife or my lover. Yeah, he wants either or he wants both. He wants a wife and a lover.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: So. But I had that one. And then so in my dating bio I have on there like my list of things that you should not be, such as like a drug addict or somebody, but you've got to have all your teeth, you know, There are standards on there, so I have listed them.
Well, I also have on there that you can't be an old ass man, which includes the Papas, the 70, the 80, the 90 year olds.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Oh my God.
I cannot.
[00:05:52] Speaker C: Oh, no.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: He says, I am not an old ass man. I'm an old boob man.
[00:05:58] Speaker A: Lord, I can't.
I can't.
[00:06:00] Speaker B: Did not match. Absolutely not.
[00:06:03] Speaker A: Look, he has some good veneers though.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: Yeah, those are, those are fake. But that haircut, it looks like he has intent.
[00:06:11] Speaker A: Well, he also, that's a haircut from the like early 90s.
[00:06:14] Speaker C: To be fair, he does kind of look a little younger for his age.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: He does.
But also that's terrible.
If he was a billionaire, I'd give him a chance.
[00:06:23] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, if he could pay.
[00:06:25] Speaker B: These can't take him anywhere.
[00:06:26] Speaker C: Just stay home.
[00:06:28] Speaker B: So those are my stories for the week.
[00:06:30] Speaker A: Nice.
You got anything?
No, no.
[00:06:38] Speaker C: She goes, no, I'm still, yeah, still trying to stay out of the dating world as of, I think I'm just a little burnt out on it.
I get on the apps and it's not long after I get on the apps that I have to question, why am I even here?
[00:06:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm still paying attorney bills, so I'm just trying to get my money.
That's all I need. That's all I care about.
So.
But today we're going to talk a little something a little different. We're actually going to talk about toxic friendships.
And that's one of the things we wanted to bring into this month, this new year.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: We're trying to make this not about just like romantic relations, relationships, but also friend Relationships. Relationships that you have with your family and things like that. You know, that way it's not all just in one box.
And so, yeah, friend relationships are super important to have.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: Brie, you have a story for us.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: I do.
[00:07:36] Speaker A: And, I mean, I got one, too. I think we all have been through. Yeah. This before. But let's. Let's start with what your story is.
[00:07:42] Speaker B: So there was something I actually read recently that said, you know, once you get in your 30s, that's when you start to have, like, the career that you wanted, but you also start to lose the people who mean the most to you as far as, like, friendships are concerned. And that really hit home with me.
There was someone that I was friends with from a very young age, like 8 or 9 years old. And I considered her to be a sister because I'm an only child. Like, I have no siblings. I have, you know, extended family that lives, you know, throughout the United States, but not close to me. And so she was considered like a sister to me. And, you know, her family was my family. You know, that's how we all treated each other.
And so when I went through my third divorce, she and I were sharing an apartment at the time.
And I made it abundantly clear, you know, that if, you know, I have moved out, but I'm still paying my half of everything.
She had moved up here. Let me backtrack a little bit. She had moved up here, sold her house and moved here. And that's why she was with me for that short amount of time. And so I was told her, you know, well, I'll still split everything, you know, just because this aspect of my life is changing, like, I'm still going to do my half on everything else.
And so as time went on, while he and I were together and, you know, been, you know, married, you know, not long after, the communication between she and I started to dwindle a good bit. But I was still going over there, like, to do stuff and to get stuff and things like that. But I started noticing that when I would go over there, she would leave.
She would not stay there whenever I would come by to, like, get something or to say hi or anything like that. So whenever he and I were getting divorced, she. She was. She had moved out because we were trying to terminate the lease because she no longer wanted to be there. She had told me, you know, she wanted to live free, like. Like a gypsy, you know, she wanted to go travel and, you know, do things that she wanted to do, which is totally fine, like, if that's what you want, Then go do it.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: That's.
[00:09:54] Speaker B: That's great. You know, I'm happy for you. But she would never tell me where she was going to go.
Like, I would ask and she would not tell me.
So she moves out of the apartment. I clearly moved back in. And I called to tell her what was happening, and she just acted like she didn't care.
I remember I called her, I was like, hey, what are you doing? She said, I'm sitting on the couch. I think she was with one of her nephews. And I was like, well, I said, you know, number three. And I, you know, he wants a divorce. And of course, I was hysterical. And she's like, oh.
Like, it was something like, oh, okay. Or, oh, sorry. Or like, no questions or anything.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: But she wasn't really supportive.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: No, she was not supported of the marriage in the very beginning. She's like, she. It's like she almost knew when we were getting ready to go to the beach. She's like, I swear to God, if he proposes to you, she's like, you don't need to do it.
Well, I did it anyways because that's what we do.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: So do you think that she, like, you know, looking at it from all the angles, do you think that she would have gotten, like. Was, like, upset that you.
It's almost like she judged you for getting engaged for a third time? Probably, yes. But then also, like, she was like, I told you not to, and you don't listen to me. And so then when it doesn't work out, it's like she's just like, whatever, and wipes her hands. Right.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: And I could be in that very same boat because she had her own situation.
I'm not going into detail about it, but it's not something that I agreed with. However, I was very supportive of her.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Like, you were still there for her even though you didn't agree with what she was doing.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: Right. I was always going to be there for her no matter what. I didn't agree with it, but I was still there for her.
So after she had moved out, I was back at the apartment by myself. And I had sent her a text one day apologizing for anything and everything that I could possibly think of because we just didn't communicate anymore.
And she had her read receipts on. She read it and never responded and then turned her read receipts off like, a week later.
So we shared commute.
We shared locations with each other. All of that. All of that was turned off.
It's like it just completely ended so.
[00:12:06] Speaker C: Did she have, like, reasons for why she didn't think other besides that it was your third marriage? For why she thought that he wouldn't.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: Work out this time if she did? She never told me.
But also, have. I had another friend. She was very angry with me for getting married a third time.
And I. I personally don't know how you could blame someone and be angry with them for doing something that they ultimately wanted more than anything.
[00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:36] Speaker C: I mean, because at the end of the day, you want more than anything to have a family.
[00:12:40] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:41] Speaker C: I think that, like, as a friend, you should be supportive of that. Even if it's not exactly what you believe, you should still be as supportive.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: Right. Because. And, you know, I don't agree with all of, you know, their relationships or how they handle things, but I'm still there.
[00:12:56] Speaker C: Right.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: You know, I think one of.
[00:12:57] Speaker A: I've already asked you this, like, privately, but I think one of our. One of the questions we're probably going to get from people is, you know, like, well, what did you do? Did you were like. Because a lot of people end up being. Yeah. When they get in a relationship, they bail on their friends. That is the first thing that happens. And they always say that they don't, but they do. And so, like, did they feel like you bailed on them? Like, all of a sudden you weren't as there for them because you were like, full on because you and number three hadn't been together that long when you got engaged. And so you were kind of thrown into this thing in this family and probably, like, gave that all your attention.
So I'm guessing maybe they felt hurt, like they were, like, abandoned by that.
[00:13:40] Speaker B: And that. That's a very real possibility. However, when I ask you, what am I doing wrong, how can I fix it? I expect you to tell me. And honestly, going back, the only thing, there was only one time I remember that she asked me to do something and, like, I physically could not.
Like, I will say I was sick that day because that's just what we're gonna go with. But I physically could not go.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: And so I don't know if that was held against me. I have no idea.
[00:14:08] Speaker A: Yeah, well, and that's the problem is she should have told you something.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: It's all about communication, relationships. I don't care if it's romantic. Friends, family, it's all about communication. When you don't have communication, it's not gonna work.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: Right. And she's just never. She hasn't talked to you since?
[00:14:23] Speaker B: No, I have not Spoken to her in over a year.
And my other friend that, I mean, we were friends for almost a decade. She was like a sister too. And I haven't heard from her in months.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:34] Speaker B: Yeah, so.
[00:14:35] Speaker A: And I mean, like, I've always prided myself on being a really good friend. Like, I know that. I know that I am one. Like, if you are in my circle, I'm loyal as fuck and I will be there for you. Yeah.
I think that a lot of people struggle with that.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: And I mean, I've been. I've been where you are too, with my.
My ex best. One of my ex best friends. She.
We had known each other since we were two years old. Like, we grew up in the crib together, literally.
And we went to church together. We were like best friends at the. At the time. 24 years of friendship.
And she. I was in her wedding. She was getting married.
And when I was divorcing my first husband, she, like, asked me to come over to her house. She wouldn't even let me in the house. She made me sit on the porch and told me that she couldn't.
She didn't want me in her life anymore because I was getting divorced.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: That's bullshit.
[00:15:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And I was just like 24 years. And you're like, she kicked me out of the wedding, told me she didn't want to be friends with me anymore because I was getting divorced.
And you know, the funny thing is, is that my ex husband, actually, after we sold our house, moved in with her and her boyfriend at the time, or fiance, because they weren't married yet, moved in with them and lived with them while he was waiting for some stuff to come through on his end. And so. But he would text me, like, we still would go get like, dinner stuff, but I don't think he told anybody that.
And he would. He would like, text me or call me and he'd be like, dude, she literally beats him. Like, physically beats him. She was like. He was like, I'm scared. So I'm like this over here judging me, and she's beating the. Out of her, like, significant other. Absolutely. The not like, what? God, like. And actually what's sad is I cried more about losing her than I did about my marriage because my marriage was over. We, too young, should not have gotten married. I had no business getting married to him. And he wasn't like, a horrible person.
He would, like, get really drunk and call me a cunt, but he was a shithead.
But, like, in the grand scheme, like, he didn't cheat on me. He didn't do what Dick did. Like, Dick destroyed me.
[00:16:58] Speaker B: Right.
[00:16:58] Speaker A: But I don't even think I had the capacity at that age to truly love and know what love was. I'd never been to therapy. I'd never worked on myself. I started therapy after all that.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:07] Speaker A: So. But I started therapy because of my job, not because of, like, relationship stuff. But she, like, insulted me. She's like, you need to be on medication, blah, blah. All because I was just getting divorced because I just wasn't in love anymore.
[00:17:20] Speaker B: Yeah, she needs anger management.
[00:17:22] Speaker A: Yeah. She was also really pissed because she wasn't the first one I told.
See, I told my girl soulmate, and girl soulmate took me in as a soulmate would.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: Right?
[00:17:33] Speaker A: And she was pissed that she found out first. And she's like, if you would have come to me, I would've told you to stay. I was like. And that's why I didn't come to you.
[00:17:40] Speaker C: Right.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: I needed someone who was gonna be there and support me in one of the biggest decisions I was making in my life.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: Right.
[00:17:44] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: But, yeah, I lost a. A friend of 24 years due to that. Have not talked to her. So now it's been.
That was 20.
Last time I talked to her was 2014.
[00:17:56] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:17:57] Speaker A: So it's been a long time. And I. But like, for me to heal and to be okay with all of it, at that point, I ended up blocking her on everything, all socials, everything, and just like, completely blocked her. And now, honestly, I really don't think about her unless it's a situation like this. So it does get easier. But in the. In the. Yours is still very new. And in the time, it's just. It's shitty and it just sucks because you're like, why can't you be a better fucking friend? Like I was you this.
One of the things that drives me nuts about her is that she, um. She's an alcoholic.
And I would get phone calls in college and in high school.
I don't know where I am, come find me.
And I'd have to get, like, people, other people to get on the phone and tell me where they were so I could go find her and all this stuff. And so I was always there for her and her stupidity. But she considered me getting divorced so bad that I, like, gotta go. I don't know. But I also lost my uncle in that same same boat. So my aunt and my uncle still hang out with her and her husband and my ex husband and his new wife.
[00:19:03] Speaker B: That is so shitty.
[00:19:04] Speaker A: I have not talked to my aunt and uncle since 2015.
[00:19:06] Speaker C: But that was the one that also didn't accept the divorce.
[00:19:09] Speaker A: Right.
He's the one that. When he found out I was getting divorced, his first response was to take my, who wasn't even my ex husband at the time, but my soon to be ex husband to a strip club for the first time, where my uncle would always get drunk and then wrapped his car around a tree once, calling me from jail, asking me to bail him out.
[00:19:25] Speaker C: Well, it doesn't seem like you really lost anything.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: No, no, no, I really did. I really did love my aunt. I mean, I loved my uncle, but yeah, he was. He had some going on, but it. It makes me more sad for my mom than anything.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:19:39] Speaker A: Absolutely. But, you know, some people just. They think that they're right. You're wrong. Yeah. And with my ways like it. And it's like, I wasn't a bad person. Was I perfect? Absolutely not. But just because I want a divorce, like, I'm 99% sure that my uncle cheated on my aunt. And my aunt at some point asked me if I was to love her if they got divorced when I was like 16. And I was like, yeah, you're my aunt. Right.
So. But I'm like, just because they forced it and stayed and they weren't happy, and then other people force it and stay and aren't happy, they think you should force it and stay and be unhappy. I'm like, bitch, I only got one life to live.
[00:20:19] Speaker C: Right. And it's very short.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: Extremely short.
[00:20:23] Speaker C: I don't see myself ever wanting to just settle for something less.
And I think that that seems to be what a lot of people who are married now do, is they just keep settling and they keep forgiving and forgiving and forgiving and good on them.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Yeah, good on you. But if your husband. I mean, I'm. Some people can change.
It is possible, but the chances are slim to none.
[00:20:43] Speaker B: Very slim.
[00:20:44] Speaker A: And like, if you're getting cheated on or you're getting hit or you're like, don't just leave. Because you are like, oh, well, I just feel like going today. I don't feel like having a hard conversation. But if you actually tried and worked through it, or if they're doing something that they should not be doing, like physically, emotionally abusing you, you know, cheating on you, then you shouldn't have to stay in those relationships. No.
[00:21:09] Speaker B: So.
[00:21:10] Speaker A: And as we've learned, men can apparently, you know, not. Apparently men do get hit too.
So I don't know if it's still happening in that situation, but good luck to you.
[00:21:20] Speaker C: Sending prayers and well wishes.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: Yeah, sending. Sending all the prayers and well wishes your way.
But it's interesting to me because, like, for me, that was in my 20s, which made more sense. And I know you just read that about being in your 30s, but what's crazy to me is, like, by this age we should know, like, yeah, like, how to treat a friend. Like, you've been through a lot of.
[00:21:39] Speaker B: Together already and like, I would never claim that I was perfect in any relationship whatsoever. Like. But if I mess up and I don't realize what it is, and I ask you tell me so I can.
[00:21:50] Speaker A: Take account, you ain't even gotta ask me.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: Oh, I know.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: I'll call you out.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: She'll call me out. So she'll call any of us out. Anybody out. Facts very quickly. But it just, it's all about communication. It all goes hand in hand. And.
Well, I feel like what it boils down to is nobody knows how to communicate anymore.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: No.
[00:22:07] Speaker B: At all. Families don't communicate. Friends don't communicate. You know, romantic relationships, husband and wives, they. You don't communicate. Yeah. And that's the foundation of it.
[00:22:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I agree. I think that's.
[00:22:17] Speaker C: People don't like to have uncomfortable conversations anymore.
[00:22:20] Speaker A: They don't.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: And I'm to the point, like, let's do it, let's go.
[00:22:23] Speaker C: I mean, at the end of the day, how are we to hold these people accountable if they don't know what is wrong?
[00:22:29] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:22:30] Speaker C: We ghost them. We don't tell them what the red flags are, or we don't tell them why, you know, whatever the case is that we are uncomfortable with them and then we just expect them to figure it out.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: Yeah. It's like, oh, well, you've done this, so I'm just not going to talk to you anymore because it makes it easier. And we don't have to get into an argument or a confrontation or have, you know, upset feelings towards each other because this is what's easier, right?
[00:22:55] Speaker A: Yeah. People have the easy way out. They just want to Bill. And it's one of those things, like, if they didn't want to be your friend, they should have just told you.
[00:23:00] Speaker B: Yeah. It's as simple.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: I didn't agree with your marriages and I'm over it.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: Right. Like, don't waste 22 years of my life or 20 something years of my life on a lie.
[00:23:10] Speaker A: Right.
[00:23:11] Speaker B: Tell me.
[00:23:12] Speaker C: And like, I can understand. Maybe you've been friends with this person six Months. Seven months. And you just kind of let things die out, right? Like, yeah, you decide that, like, you guys just. Y' all aren't the same. You don't have the same interest, whatever. You just let things die down. But after a friendship of 20 plus years, I couldn't imagine that the friends that I do have for 20 plus years just stop talking to me with no explanation.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: Yeah. None whatsoever.
[00:23:37] Speaker C: That would cut deep.
[00:23:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:38] Speaker B: Yeah, it does.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: You know, it's funny those. Because my girls, which have also been in my Life for over 20 years at this point, they were like. When it all went down, they were all just like, her, she sucks anyway.
And I was like, oh. They were like, she was always kind of a pain to hang out with. And I was like, okay, good enough. So listen to your friends about your other friends, too.
[00:23:59] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, anytime that I've ever had, like, issues where, like, maybe when I was younger, I'd have friends that, like, cheated on their significant. Well, I don't have those same beliefs. I'm not that type of person, and I don't want to hang out with people who are that way.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:14] Speaker C: But, like, I would talk to my friends that have been my friends for a very long time, and like, they're.
[00:24:19] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:24:19] Speaker C: They're like, yeah, no, her, like, she was nasty. And anyways, or, you know, whatever the case may be, like, they're always very supportive. And even, like, in my relationships that we spoke about previously, you know, some of those were really hard relationships. And, like, one of them was very controlling, so I didn't get to see them as much. And I was kind of stuck in, like, between a rock and a hard place. But, like, when it was time and I came back, like, they came.
They took me with open arms.
[00:24:46] Speaker B: Yeah, right.
[00:24:47] Speaker A: And that's a true friend.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: And my thing is, like, I had gotten thrown into a new relationship where I was helping raise two kids that were not my own. So I did not have near as much free time as I had before. And I don't know if maybe that's something that, you know, she had gotten used to, but if there's something I want, I'm gonna go after it. And clearly, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man and these kids, but that communication has to be there.
[00:25:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So, yeah, she should have said, like, hey, I feel abandoned, or whatever the.
[00:25:17] Speaker B: Case was, like, yeah, like, can we make time to, like, talk about this or something? And of course I would be like, yes, absolutely. Yeah, let's do It, So, I mean.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: We'Re, I'm big on, like, no woman should bail on their friends for a man ever. Because at the end of the day, the people that are more likely, like, studies have shown, the people that are most likely to be next to you on your deathbed are your friends.
[00:25:39] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: Because even your kids half the time aren't there.
[00:25:42] Speaker C: Right.
[00:25:43] Speaker A: So, you know, you, you, you got to put in the effort to your friendships. However, it's still just a natural part of life that if you are, especially in a newer relationship or you were getting married or you, they have kids and you're thrown into it, you're not gonna be able to hang out every night. But you just work on calendars and work on scheduling better. And I mean, I don't have a family or kids and my calendar is insane.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: So we, we have to schedule time with her.
[00:26:09] Speaker A: We still have to schedule time.
[00:26:11] Speaker C: I'm lucky if I can fit in a lunch during the week.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: Hey, it worked the other day. It did.
[00:26:16] Speaker B: It did.
[00:26:16] Speaker C: Thanks for joining us.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: You're welcome. Thanks for inviting me.
But, yeah, like, it's just, you have to, you still have to have grace for your friends and just know that, like, hey, I may not like what's happening, but I'm going to tell them that I'm going to communicate that with them and be like, hey, I feel like you're kind of bailing on me a little bit.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:35] Speaker A: And then maybe you'd be like, oh, okay. I didn't realize you felt that way.
I, I, I need to schedule stuff out now. Because the kids have xyz.
[00:26:44] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Because I'm not perfect. I'm not perfect. And y' all know I'm probably ADHD pretty bad.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. 100.
[00:26:50] Speaker B: Not diagnosed. However we diagnosed her, however, like, communication helps. That's just what it boils down to for me.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:26:59] Speaker B: I'll never claim to be perfect. I'll take accountability for any, any that I've done.
But just communicate.
[00:27:05] Speaker A: Yeah, 100%.
[00:27:06] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: And I mean, that's, I, and I think it's good to have friends who actually will say things to you too and will be like, nah, nah, nah, we ain't doing that work.
And I just think that's, that's important. But like, you said, like, you have to give some friends grace. Like, I have some friends that, like, I may see once a month, and that's fine.
[00:27:26] Speaker B: Right?
[00:27:27] Speaker A: Like, they're not the ones that I'm calling every single day. I'm not going to text them Every single day.
But, you know, if they send me something like, hey, I'm thinking about you, or I send something like, hey, I'm thinking about you. Yeah, we'll schedule a time. But they have kids. They have this going on. Like, it's just going to be a little harder, you know, to. To get together.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I mean, like, you work around it.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: You do. My girlfriends, we all live in different states.
So on my girl group, we've been together since middle school, and we all live in different states. Everybody's in different stages of life. Some are married, some are divorced, Some are having kids. Somebody had just had their second kid.
And we go on a trip once a year. We talk every day, but we go on a trip once a year. And, like, you best believe that it is January 7th.
And I started asking them, hey, what weekend are we going? Because I need to get that in my calendar, Because I keep my calendar open for them. But I'm like, hey, so you just have to work through it and figure it out. Like, it's not.
[00:28:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:18] Speaker A: I think they're making it more complicated. And it sounds like to me that they're the type of people who are. They're selfish.
[00:28:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:25] Speaker A: And they were just like, nah, I don't feel like being there for you. Right. Like, something as simple as, like, I don't know, a dinner on a birthday.
[00:28:32] Speaker C: Right.
[00:28:32] Speaker A: Seems pretty easy to get to.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: Right. Yeah.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: Even if you have to dress like Wednesday Addams.
[00:28:39] Speaker B: With a hand on your shoulder.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: It was great.
[00:28:41] Speaker B: A very nice restaurant.
[00:28:43] Speaker A: It's fine.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: We had a good time, though.
[00:28:46] Speaker A: Yeah. So I definitely think, you know, if you. If anybody else has stories, you know, whether it's toxic friendships, toxic family, toxic partnerships, and you want us to talk about it and read your story and just, like, have a conversation amongst ourselves and then also sometimes bring in a therapist to also talk about those things as well, then definitely send us an email. We'll link it below.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:29:12] Speaker A: And if you are listening to us through means that you can't see us, then we will.
Then you can go to all our socials and everything's there for you to be able to send us any messages or send us a dm.
[00:29:28] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:29:29] Speaker B: We're always here, so.
[00:29:31] Speaker A: All right, guys. Well, we'll see you next week, guys.
[00:29:34] Speaker B: See you next week, Sam.
