Episode Transcript
Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSV with Lauren and Bree.
[00:00:33] Bree: So, Lauren, how's your weekend dating been?
[00:00:37] Lauren: It's the same as it always is, but I will say that someone had it worse than I did this week and they sent something in anonymously. So I'm going to read a little bit about that.
[00:00:50] Bree: Please do enlighten us.
[00:00:53] Lauren: There was a conversation that was had from a guy and a girl, and the guy says, I want to know what you thought about my offer. And she replies, are you. You were serious about that? Yes. Just to be clear, what was it again? I want to make sure we're on the same page.
He says, having my kid.
Yes.
[00:01:16] Bree: A human child.
Okay.
[00:01:19] Lauren: So she replies, we don't know each other that well, and from what I do know about you, I don't like.
Obviously you've lied about being married, and that was the first question I asked you.
[00:01:29] Bree: So he's married and he wants her to have his baby.
[00:01:33] Lauren: He's not only married, she also found out that she's pregnant.
His wife.
[00:01:38] Bree: Oh, okay. Well, that's still horrible.
[00:01:40] Lauren: Yeah. So he is married with a, like, pregnant wife. He says it's complicated.
[00:01:45] Bree: Oh, it's definitely complicated.
[00:01:47] Lauren: It's always complicated.
[00:01:48] Bree: It surpasses complicated.
[00:01:50] Lauren: Yeah.
She said, well, then explain it to me.
He says, I. I just can't. Trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me, trust me. I just want you to have my baby. But somebody else is also having my baby. And I'm happy to be married to that somebody having my baby, but trust me, trust me.
[00:02:10] Bree: I'm not gonna say what I want to say. That's a little.
[00:02:14] Lauren: Yeah. Hillary says she probably won't let me see my kid anyway. She didn't put that she was pregnant when she filed for divorce.
[00:02:22] Bree: It's called a DNA test, buddy.
[00:02:25] Lauren: Right? I'm like, well, that doesn't even.
Whatever she says. And the truth comes out. And he says, stop.
So basically then. So then they go back and forth, but then he says, I'll split the money with you. And she said, what? And he said, it's more money I get from the VA for having dependents. I'll split it with you. 100% disability is what he says. So what he's saying is that he gets extra money for the amount of dependency has. So he wants her to have a kid so that he can get more money and that he'll split that money with her. It'll be extra income from you. I don't know why you won't Take the offer. If it ain't you, then I'll go to the next one. I figured I'd offer you first because we have history. It's just sex.
[00:03:11] Bree: Well, I mean, hell, there's plenty of them walking down the street.
Like, why does he have to take to a dating app for it?
[00:03:17] Lauren: Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just don't understand why you want to have a bunch of kids, and then. Then also, I don't even.
It's not enough money. The VA is not gonna give you enough to have to pay child support.
[00:03:27] Bree: God, no. I mean, several years ago, I remember listening to something on the radio, and from the time that you have a baby until they're 18, it was, like, $300,000 it costs to raise them.
[00:03:38] Lauren: Oh, yeah. It's more than that now. And that's why I'm child free by choice, ladies and gentlemen.
[00:03:41] Bree: Yeah, the VA is not gonna pay that much. Nowhere near that amount.
[00:03:45] Lauren: No. And I just. The fact that that's the most selfish reason to Breeng a child into this world.
[00:03:50] Bree: It's sad.
[00:03:51] Lauren: Yeah, it's sad because that kid's not.
[00:03:53] Bree: The kid's not gonna be loved.
[00:03:54] Lauren: No, it's not gonna happen. It might be loved by his mom, but it's definitely not gonna be loved by its dad.
[00:03:58] Bree: No. We all have enough daddy issues.
[00:03:59] Lauren: So, yeah, like, dear God. God forbid he has a. If he has a boy, it'll be like him. And if he has a girl, she'll be damaged beyond control because of something like that. Like, dear God. So, yeah. So needless to say, like, she. She shut it down good as she should. So good. Kudos to her.
[00:04:14] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:04:15] Lauren: So, Bree, what about you?
[00:04:17] Bree: So this week, I had a guy like me on the dating app, and I was sitting there reading his bio, and at first I thought, am I reading that correctly? He's incarcerated, and he has 11 months left in prison.
[00:04:33] Lauren: So he's getting ready to get out, and he wants to line some things up.
[00:04:36] Bree: Not only that, he's from Maryland.
[00:04:37] Lauren: What?
[00:04:38] Bree: Like, how did you find me?
[00:04:40] Lauren: Especially when there's, like, much closer places.
[00:04:42] Bree: There's prisons in Alabama.
But it was funny because after that, he states that he has an entrepreneurial spirit by day and he's an adventure seeker by night, which I can imagine that's probably why he's in prison.
[00:04:57] Lauren: So, Dylan. Drugs.
[00:04:58] Bree: Yes. That says, you know.
Yes. He's an entrepreneur, drug dealer. He's always on the lookout for someone to share in the journey.
[00:05:05] Lauren: So do you want to deal drugs, Bree?
[00:05:08] Bree: No, he needs traffickers. And so he is ready to find lasting love and smile for the rest of our lives.
Take a chance with me and build a solid foundation without sex complicating things.
[00:05:22] Lauren: Because he can't have sex because he's in prison.
[00:05:25] Rachel: Well.
[00:05:26] Lauren: Well, he can't have sex with you.
[00:05:28] Bree: Because he's in prison, which is not gonna happen.
So yeah, our, the, the dating pool.
[00:05:38] Lauren: Which is why more women are choosing to stay single because this is what we have to work with.
[00:05:42] Bree: Seriously, like you, the nice looking guys. It's just, it, it just, I don't know, it just doesn't happen and we get trash.
[00:05:50] Lauren: I think the nice looking guys are just out there cheating on their wives.
[00:05:54] Bree: Like at this point they're cheating or they're AI generated. Like that's not real. So, yes, we have all kinds of people this week. An inmate.
[00:06:03] Lauren: Well, if anybody really wants to become a drug dealer and possibly smile like, you know, and traffic for him and. Well, I'm wondering what his smile looks like. Like, is he trafficking meth? Like that smile might not be great.
[00:06:15] Bree: Probably not. Well, he didn't show his teeth in his picture.
[00:06:17] Lauren: Oh, there you go. So you know, there you go.
[00:06:20] Bree: So, yeah, that is my week in non existent dating.
[00:06:25] Lauren: Amazing. Yeah, amazing. All right, well we have a guest on today and we're going to call her Rachel. So. Hi Rachel.
[00:06:33] Rachel: Hi.
[00:06:34] Lauren: Tell us a little bit about your story.
[00:06:37] Rachel: So I guess I'll start.
When I was 16, I got in a relationship with a 25 year old guy.
[00:06:45] Lauren: Where did you meet him? Like, how did that come out?
[00:06:48] Rachel: So my mom was never really around so I'd throw these parties and I would have like older people there to buy alcohol and stuff like that. And he was one of the older guys that came over and that's how we met.
[00:07:02] Bree: So like mutual friends then like with everybody that came over?
[00:07:06] Rachel: Yeah. Okay. Yeah, a mutual friend of someone. So. Yeah, so I didn't really know him know him and then, I don't know, I was stupid. I was 16 and I thought, oh, he's 25, he's so cool. He's got tattoos, you know, and it's. Yeah, tattoos will get you. Yeah, they will every time.
[00:07:25] Bree: Did he approach you?
[00:07:28] Rachel: Yeah, yeah, he approached me. He was already dating other girls in my high school, so he was already.
[00:07:36] Bree: He was grooming them?
[00:07:37] Rachel: Yeah, pretty much. Like he, he dated high school girls and he was 25. Yeah.
[00:07:42] Bree: Is he registered yet?
[00:07:45] Rachel: He's, he's dead now, so.
[00:07:47] Bree: Oh, okay. Well, we'll get into that.
[00:07:49] Lauren: So you met him at one of your parties, and he's 25, you're 16, and you start dating.
[00:07:55] Rachel: Yes.
[00:07:55] Lauren: Okay, so what happens next?
[00:07:58] Rachel: Basically, my mom was never around.
Bipolar, alcoholic, you know, and so I was ready to get out of there, and so I moved in with him, like, pretty much immediately, you know, as one does when they're 16 and dumb.
[00:08:15] Lauren: Well, it sounds like it was more than just being 16 and dumb. It sounds like you had some trauma at home that you were trying to escape from.
[00:08:20] Rachel: Oh, that's definitely true. Yeah.
[00:08:21] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:08:22] Rachel: So I can't just say, yeah, I.
[00:08:23] Lauren: Wouldn'T say that you were dumb. I would say that you were 16 and looking for a way to survive.
[00:08:28] Rachel: That's pretty much it. I was looking for a way out, and I picked all the wrong ways.
[00:08:33] Lauren: I mean, but it happens to all of us, and that's how you grow, and that's how you learn, so. But at the time, I mean, you were doing what you felt like you needed to do.
[00:08:42] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:08:42] Lauren: So I definitely wouldn't say that. You're stupid. If anything, I think he's an idiot because he was doing things he knew he shouldn't have been doing at that age, so.
[00:08:50] Rachel: That's true.
[00:08:50] Lauren: Yeah.
So were you still in school? Did you stay in school for this?
[00:08:54] Rachel: Oh, yeah.
[00:08:54] Lauren: Okay.
[00:08:55] Rachel: I stayed in school. I graduated. All that.
Yeah, it was. It was a really weird time because, like, we were living in an rv. It was. I mean, it was. Yeah.
[00:09:07] Lauren: Hey, that's popular now with, like, Covet and everything. Everybody wants to live in an RV or a van.
[00:09:11] Rachel: Yeah, yeah. It was not luxurious rv, though.
[00:09:15] Bree: We all met at one of your parties, and you moved in together. What happened after that?
[00:09:21] Rachel: Shortly thereafter, we got married. And, you know, I basically told my mom, you know, like, I'm not going to live here anymore. I'm moving out.
And, you know, I'm in love with him and he wants to marry me and all this stuff. And she was like, fine, I'll. I'll sign the paperwork over and you can marry him. So we got married.
[00:09:44] Bree: How old were you at this time when y' all got married?
[00:09:46] Rachel: I was probably about 17 at that point.
Yeah. So, like, I had just turned 17, and so, yeah, we drove, like, all the way up to Virginia, like, West Virginia to get married, because every other state, you had to have two parents to sign, so my mom was the only one that was signing, so we went all the way to West Virginia.
[00:10:07] Lauren: Did your mom have to go with you?
[00:10:09] Rachel: Yeah, no, she went with me.
[00:10:10] Lauren: So she Was perfectly fine with this situation.
[00:10:12] Rachel: I don't think she was, but she just kind of did whatever, you know.
[00:10:19] Bree: Was she more of, like, a free spirit?
[00:10:21] Rachel: Yeah, yeah, she's more of a free spirit kind of person.
[00:10:25] Lauren: You said she suffers from some mental issues, and then also the alcohol, which definitely plays into it.
[00:10:29] Rachel: Yeah. And she was. She was in and out of relationships herself. Like, she had just met this guy, and they were going off for weeks at a time to, like, I don't know, Mexico or other places. And so I just don't think she was really mentally there, you know, at the time. And, like, she would see him, like, drunk, and, like, he would. He rode a motorcycle. And so, like, of course, let me.
[00:10:56] Lauren: Tell you, I have issues with motorcycles.
I hate them.
[00:11:01] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:11:01] Lauren: It's a very traumatic thing because that's all Dick wanted to do, ever. Always.
That motorcycle was his number one mistress, not the 20 other mistresses. Like, they were behind that mistress.
[00:11:15] Rachel: Yeah, no, I feel that. So she would see me, like, get on the back of his bike, you know, and he was drunk, and I didn't feel like I had any other options but to leave with him, you know?
And, like, we'd be out to dinner, and he would get wasted, and then I was like, what am I supposed to do?
So she would see these things, and she would just.
[00:11:33] Bree: So you didn't have anybody you could trust, essentially, her or him or any. Anyone like that?
[00:11:39] Rachel: Not really, no. Not at that time.
[00:11:40] Bree: So y' all met, you got married, and you moved into the rv.
What happens next?
[00:11:46] Rachel: So it's all kind of a blur. I'll be honest with you. He got really heavy into drugs.
He would be gone for days at a time. Wouldn't know where he was. And, you know, I'm still in high school at this point, so I'm going to high school, trying to, like, survive my last two years and just being emotionally wrecked the entire time because, like, I literally don't know where he is anytime.
[00:12:10] Bree: Right. I mean, you're still a child yourself.
[00:12:12] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:12:13] Bree: And you're dealing with things that adults go through.
[00:12:16] Rachel: Yes.
[00:12:16] Bree: So I gotcha.
[00:12:17] Rachel: Yes.
[00:12:18] Lauren: Not only that, adults go through, but some adults can't even handle that. And you were dealing with it at such a pivotal age.
[00:12:24] Rachel: Yeah, it was. It was really hard. Like, that's putting it mildly. There's another aspect that I haven't mentioned. There was sexual assault involved as well, like, Besides me being 16 and him being 25.
So, yeah, like, he. He would be very abusive. He would be out for, like, you Know, three or four days, and then come back and just be a horrible human.
[00:12:46] Lauren: I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.
[00:12:48] Rachel: Thanks.
[00:12:48] Lauren: But you're definitely not alone. There's a. There's a lot of people who go through sexual assault, and it's something that I don't think is talked about enough.
[00:12:56] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:12:56] Lauren: Yeah. So I. I thank you for being willing to share that part with us, because I think it will be helpful to other people to hear that and know that they aren't alone, especially if they're currently going through it.
[00:13:05] Rachel: Yeah, there's a lot of shame there. You know, for the longest time, I felt like it was my fault because I put myself in the situation.
And so for the longest time, I was like, you know, was it really rape? Because, you know, I was in the situation, and even though I said no and it happened anyway, it wasn't really rape because I went back and forth about it for years, went to counseling, all that, and finally got to a place where it's like, okay, it's not my fault.
[00:13:32] Bree: Good for you. It's never your fault. When you. No means no. And that's something that everyone, men and women, need to understand.
No is an answer, and that's the end of it.
[00:13:43] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:13:43] Bree: So what happened once you graduated?
[00:13:45] Rachel: So by the time I graduated, I was splitting up with him at. Well, we were kind of off and on there for a while, him trying to, like, beg to have me back.
[00:13:55] Lauren: But still legally married at this time.
[00:13:57] Rachel: Yes.
[00:13:57] Lauren: Okay.
[00:13:58] Rachel: And he was incarcerated some of the time, off and on, because, you know, he was really heavy into drug and drinking, and he would go out and he would get arrested for whatever reason, public intoxication or stuff like that. So at that point, I was starting to kind of detach myself from him, I guess is the best way to put it.
And I had a friend. I was graduating, and I had a friend, and he was like, hey, I'm moving to Iowa. Do you want to come with me? And I was like, yeah, get me the hell out of here. You know, at that point, you're like, yeah, Iowa.
[00:14:34] Lauren: Don't have a clue what's there, but anything, Anything.
[00:14:36] Rachel: It's a long way from Alabama. I'm going, that's fair.
[00:14:39] Lauren: That's fair.
[00:14:41] Rachel: And so went up there with him, thought he was my friend.
Turns out he was just trying to get into my pants.
[00:14:50] Bree: As most do.
[00:14:51] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:14:52] Lauren: Why are they like this? Like, why can't they just be an actual friend?
[00:14:54] Rachel: Right. I don't know. But, yeah, he was so this is. This is the also dumb and messed up part, as he was actually friends with the guy that I married, so he's the one that introduced us, technically. So he was, like, I don't know, 22 when I was in high school. He was, like, a little bit younger than my husband at that time.
Sounds weird to say, but still, like.
[00:15:21] Lauren: Way too old to be dating somebody in high school.
[00:15:23] Rachel: Oh, yeah. In his 20s. Yeah. Early 20s. Like 20, 22, 21.
[00:15:27] Bree: So you meet him, y' all move to Iowa.
What happens? Did y' all get established in Iowa? What happened next?
[00:15:35] Rachel: So it turns out his entire family were a cult. I wouldn't say they're in a cult. They were the cult.
[00:15:43] Bree: They were the cult.
[00:15:44] Rachel: They were the cult. His entire family.
So we moved in with them.
[00:15:49] Bree: Oh, wow. Okay.
[00:15:50] Rachel: And, I don't know, I just wanted to be a part of something. I wanted to be welcome somewhere. I wanted to feel safe somewhere. And so they just kind of, like, sucked me into their crap, you know?
[00:16:02] Bree: Are we talking, like, a religious cult or so? Talk about that.
[00:16:08] Rachel: So the guy, the. I guess the leader of it thought he was GaBreeel the archangel.
[00:16:18] Bree: And did he have wings?
[00:16:20] Rachel: He did not.
[00:16:23] Lauren: I mean, I read some books with some guys that have wings, and I approve of those, but I don't know that I approve of somebody thinking that they're an archangel.
[00:16:31] Rachel: Yeah. So he thought he was the archangel GaBreeel, and I don't know, I just got sucked into all of it. It was weird. What was he like? Oh, God, he was so intense. Like, he would go into these trances and say that he got a message and there are all these seals and, like, the fourth seal was broken and all this stuff.
[00:16:55] Lauren: I don't know, I just picture somebody who's in, like, a cult to be, like. Especially the leaders. Right. Like, when you watch any, like, documentaries, like, they're so, like, charismatic.
[00:17:03] Rachel: Oh, yeah.
[00:17:03] Lauren: They're good at, like, just making you trust them.
[00:17:05] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:17:06] Lauren: Like, they're so. And you were really young.
[00:17:08] Rachel: Yeah, no, I. I trusted them all really, really well. Like, they took me in. They made me a part of their family, and that was something I was kind of missing, you know, for such a long time.
I didn't have family, really functioning family. So this, to me, felt like it was a good family, comparatively. Which is kind of sad.
[00:17:28] Lauren: Yeah. But also, I mean, I can't blame you for that at all. Like, I think that anybody in your shoes probably would have felt the same way, because when you. You have. Feel like you don't have anything and any support at home. And then all of a sudden somebody's giving you support, no matter how they are.
[00:17:44] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:17:44] Lauren: If you feel supported and loved, then it's. It's easy to be like, okay, well, you know, they might have some weird beliefs, but they're treating me well.
[00:17:55] Rachel: Yeah, that's pretty much how it was.
[00:17:57] Lauren: How many people were in it?
[00:17:58] Rachel: Oh, gosh, let's see, there was him and his wife and my friend's three sisters. And then just like, random, like, cousin here, cousin there.
But like, it started out I was just living with him and his sister and brother in law. That's what the leaders were of the cult. Or his sister and brother in law.
And then it turned into like, oh, well, let's get a huge house and I'll live together. But I mean, it wasn't. It didn't feel weird at the time. You know, it just felt like, oh, we're all just gonna live together and it's gonna be, you know, big happy family. And I mean, for the most part, it wasn't bad, to be honest.
I think the worst part for me was just the.
The psychological aspects of it. Even, like for a couple years after I left, I still in my head thought, okay, well, I'm going against what he said.
I should be doing this.
[00:18:55] Bree: He brainwashed you, Essentially.
[00:18:57] Rachel: Oh, yeah, he did. Everybody that was in it.
But like, there was this whole, like, doomsday, let's like get guns and food and we're gonna. When the signs happen, we'll know and we'll move. And yeah, he thought it was like, end times or whatever.
[00:19:15] Bree: So some of these people who have those beliefs, like, you know, it's the end times and stuff, they actually have like, bunkers built.
[00:19:21] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:19:22] Bree: With all of this stuff. Did they have anything like that?
[00:19:24] Rachel: No, they talked about, like, it was so weird. So they talked about it like civilization was just gonna break down and it was gonna be like, basically the good people versus, like, everyone else. And in his. In his mind, we were all angels of his that he was leading. I don't know, we were gonna move to Wyoming and, like, set up a camp there and like, fend for ourselves and, you know, cook our own food. And I mean, he made it sound like there wasn't gonna be anything like that. We were basically gonna be on our own. Like, civilization would just not exist and we'd have to hunt our own food and grow our own food and all this stuff.
[00:20:08] Lauren: Did he have like a.
Like, were you using the Bible? Like, what, like, spiritual book? Was he Using.
[00:20:15] Rachel: I mean, he was basically just writing his own book, to be honest.
Like, he would. He would take, like, Dan Brown kind of stuff and like, spin Bible into it in his own way. It was. It was not like the Bible that they were.
[00:20:33] Bree: He was writing his own Bible, essentially.
[00:20:35] Rachel: Basically, yeah.
And like, his wife was his, like, note keeper, basically. He would go into these trances and she would record all of it, like, on paper.
And all the messages he got from.
I don't even know if it was God. It was like.
It was like he would go into a trance and he'd come back and he'd be like, you know, I saw heaven and the archangel Michael told me this, and da, da, da, da, da. It's just looking back, it's so. Just dumb.
[00:21:08] Bree: I'm curious, how often did he go into these trances? Like, I. I'm sucked in now. Like, I want to know the details.
[00:21:16] Rachel: I mean, it was once every couple of months, maybe. I don't.
[00:21:23] Bree: It's okay. I'm thinking this is like a daily occurrence.
[00:21:26] Rachel: Okay, well, I mean, like, we would have, like, service every week at the house. Yeah.
[00:21:34] Bree: Okay.
[00:21:34] Rachel: And it was. I don't know, it was a lot of fun, actually. Like, we would make food and all gather around and talk about our weird cult stuff. And, like, it wasn't like they were doing anything sexual or weird or, you.
[00:21:47] Lauren: Know, so it's not like some of the other cults where there's a bunch of, like five wives and everybody's having kids and everybody's ancestrally sleeping together.
[00:21:55] Rachel: It was not that.
[00:21:56] Lauren: Okay, so it was just he was an archangel and there was some religious things that he was making up?
[00:22:01] Rachel: Yeah, pretty much.
[00:22:02] Lauren: But I mean. But you felt cared for at the time?
[00:22:04] Rachel: Yeah, no, I totally did. I felt like they supported me and they validated, you know, like, that my past was horrible and that I needed guidance and all that. And they were overall really nice.
[00:22:18] Bree: So what were some of the do's and don'ts of this cult?
[00:22:20] Rachel: I don't know, to be honest with you.
[00:22:22] Bree: Like, were you allowed to, like, have a job? Were you. Okay, so you were allowed to work?
[00:22:27] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:22:28] Bree: Did you have to, like, answer to them?
How did that work? Or were you, like, you could go do your own thing, I could go.
[00:22:35] Rachel: Do my own thing, but.
So sometimes he might get upset if I did certain things, like if I went out and I had drinks with people after work or something like that, you know, just for instance, did you.
[00:22:49] Bree: Have friends during this time or was it you, like, you went to Work. And then you came home and that was your people?
[00:22:56] Rachel: I was pretty much. I went. Went to work and came home, and that was my people.
[00:23:01] Bree: So you were isolated pretty much to just that family?
[00:23:04] Rachel: Yeah, pretty much. I mean, like, I might have talked to a couple people at work, but I worked in a factory, and so there wasn't a lot of time to, like, even talk to other people in.
[00:23:15] Bree: This area of Iowa. Are cults like, a thing? Like, are there a lot of them or is it just kind of.
[00:23:22] Rachel: I have no clue. I have no clue. I didn't survey.
[00:23:25] Lauren: I will say it's the Midwest. And while I love the Midwest, trust, I love many of those states. But you got a lot of states out there where there's some doomsday stuff going on, because there's a lot of room to have doomsday things.
[00:23:38] Bree: Okay. So you move in with them. And part of this cult, what happens, like, during this time or after? How did you know that? Like, something wasn't right.
[00:23:49] Rachel: So, like, it got to be where they were picking favorites.
And so, like, I wasn't part of their blood family, right. And so when would go sideways, I would get blamed for it. And then, like, basically their younger sister, me and her would hang out, you know, and, like, if she said I did something that upset her, like, I would get hell for it, and she wouldn't get anything. And so eventually I was like, okay, this is getting toxic.
You know, they don't really care about me. I'm not really their blood. I need to get out of here. And so me and my friend that got me there in the first place, you know, he was like, I don't really believe in this crap, and we should just go and let's get our own apartment. And so they found out we were leaving, and they blew up. I remember we were hunting for apartments, like, on the down low, trying to find different places and not letting them know until we were ready to leave, you know, that we were leaving. And they. They, like, woke me up in the middle of the night and, like, grabbed me and was like, you know, I wish I could kill you right now. And, like, we were talking like, this grown man, this. I mean, he wasn't. He was a tall guy, and I'm, you know, not.
And he, like, grabbed me up, and he was like, I wish I could just effing kill you right now.
[00:25:13] Bree: So there was physical. There was physical violence.
[00:25:16] Rachel: Yeah. At that point. At that point, it had escalated to that. You know, I just. There was a lot of things that they didn't like that. I did like, you know, I'm kind of an introvert, so I would want to kind of go off and not be around five other people, you know?
[00:25:32] Bree: Totally understand.
[00:25:34] Lauren: What's that? Like?
[00:25:37] Bree: Lauren is our extrovert and I am the introverts polar opposite.
[00:25:41] Lauren: I collect them. I love my introverts.
[00:25:44] Rachel: Every introvert needs an extrovert.
[00:25:48] Bree: And here we are.
So how long were you there for? Like how.
Over the course of time. How many years was this?
[00:25:55] Rachel: It was probably about a year. It wasn't that long.
[00:25:59] Bree: Good.
[00:25:59] Lauren: And they were that bad.
[00:26:01] Rachel: Yeah, me and the younger sister would get into arguments or, you know, maybe I didn't do the housework the way I should have or I didn't spend enough time with the family. I was too introverted.
You know, it's like if I didn't meet their standards, they would just chew me out for it. And then when we went to go leave, they like physically tried to prevent us from leaving. And then after that, he just threw all our stuff out in the middle of the street and told us to get out. And we had nowhere to go at that point because we hadn't actually found an apartment yet. And so we were just kind of stuck.
[00:26:41] Lauren: What did you do? Like where. I mean, the, our. The RV was your exes. So like, what did you guys do?
[00:26:49] Rachel: So he had a couple friends in town that we crashed with for a couple days on their couch. And after that we got some like income based housing. We were both working in the same place, so we had some income, but it wasn't enough for an actual apartment apartment. So it was based on our income.
[00:27:06] Bree: So how long did y' all stay there for?
[00:27:08] Rachel: I don't know, a few months, I guess. It's all kind of a blur.
But like he got weird and possessive and said to me, you, you went out with my friend. When is it going to be my turn?
Yeah. That's gross. Disgusting. Yeah, I know. And I was like, I don't owe you anything.
[00:27:27] Lauren: Preach. You do not owe any man anything.
[00:27:30] Rachel: Yeah. I was like, you don't own me. I don't owe you anything.
[00:27:33] Lauren: Good for you.
[00:27:34] Rachel: Thanks.
[00:27:35] Bree: So that was your red flag to get out. So what happened? Did you just get your stuff and leave?
[00:27:40] Rachel: So I contacted my family here and I said, hey, I want to come home. Can you help me get home? And they were like, absolutely. It was my, my dad that got me home, not my mom.
[00:27:53] Bree: Like, good for dad. I'm thankful he did that.
[00:27:56] Rachel: Yeah, yeah.
[00:27:57] Lauren: Can I ask, are we Are we close to dad?
[00:28:00] Rachel: We are.
[00:28:00] Lauren: Okay, good.
[00:28:01] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:28:02] Lauren: That's good. I'm glad that he was there for you and brought you back.
[00:28:05] Rachel: It's just that, like, my parents were divorced, so I live with my mom, and so he didn't necessarily know everything was going on at the time.
So I can't really blame him necessarily for some of it. He did know I was in a relationship with an older guy, and he didn't really do anything about that, which I think he probably regretted, but I'm sure.
[00:28:24] Lauren: So once you got back here, is that when things, like, turned around for you?
[00:28:29] Rachel: Like, I. I dated another scumbag, but not nearly as bad.
[00:28:35] Lauren: There's so many here I know everywhere. Well, that's good. I mean, at that point, though, you're graduated high school.
[00:28:42] Rachel: Yes.
[00:28:43] Lauren: You're. So how old were you when you came back?
[00:28:44] Rachel: Like, 20 was, like, 19.
[00:28:48] Lauren: Okay. So this is a very quick, like, from 16 and 19. A lot.
[00:28:52] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:28:53] Lauren: Happened.
[00:28:54] Rachel: Yeah. And then my ex husband died. In the meantime, he overdosed.
So there was that. So I was a widow by 19.
[00:29:06] Lauren: How. I mean, emotionally, I feel like that would still be traumatic. Like, how did that. How did you process that? Like, knowing, you know, you wanted to be away from him, but also at some point you loved him, whether it was healthy love or not.
[00:29:19] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:29:20] Lauren: It's still traumatic to lose somebody.
[00:29:22] Rachel: No, it was. It was rough because I kind of blamed myself, you know, because I felt like I.
At the time, I felt like I could save him, you know, I could turn his life around or whatever.
And so in my mind, it was like, okay, I left, and then he just went down a spiral and OD'd.
[00:29:40] Bree: You know, I think a lot of women have that mindset of you go into a relationship, you know, and you see red flags in the beginning. You think, oh, I can help them. I can help them change. But what a lot of women don't understand is you cannot change a man. You know, they are grown, they are adults, and they have to want that change themselves before anything. You. You cannot change them.
[00:30:03] Rachel: Yeah, I learned that the hard way.
[00:30:05] Bree: Me too.
[00:30:06] Lauren: Same. I think that's, you know, a huge thing. It's. It's that women need to remember, and especially when it comes to drugs. Like, it's hard because you don't want to give up on somebody. You don't want to turn your back on somebody. But at the same time, you, like, you have to watch out for yourself and your own mental health, which is what you thought you were doing when you went To Iowa. So him ODing highly likely would have happened anyway.
[00:30:27] Rachel: Probably because that's eventually.
[00:30:28] Lauren: Yes, eventually. Because that's what happens. Like, when they're that addicted, a lot of times there's just no. If they don't want to seek the help and they don't get the help themselves, they're not going to change. Because with addiction, unless you want the change. And that's for alcohol, too, for any drug, it's always hard not to blame yourself, especially that age. Like, I can't imagine how you feel felt to be widowed at 19 years old. Like, that's a lot to go through to get married, be in a cult, out of a cult, become a widow, but then you come back home, like, yeah, I. I mean, it was a lot. I'm just impressed by your strength and resilience to survive all of that.
[00:31:02] Rachel: Thanks. I know my husband says I should write a book, so do it.
[00:31:06] Bree: That's awesome. So you're married now?
[00:31:08] Rachel: Yes.
[00:31:09] Bree: That's wonderful. Tell us a little bit about that. Your. Your happy story.
[00:31:12] Rachel: He's pretty awesome. He's pretty perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better husband, to be honest with you.
[00:31:17] Bree: How long have y' all been married?
[00:31:18] Rachel: We have been married 12 years.
[00:31:20] Lauren: Amazing.
[00:31:20] Bree: That's awesome.
[00:31:21] Rachel: And together for 15.
[00:31:23] Lauren: How long after everything happened did you meet him?
[00:31:26] Rachel: I met him when I was probably about 21.
[00:31:29] Lauren: Okay, so a couple years.
[00:31:30] Rachel: Yeah.
[00:31:31] Lauren: You met him. And how did you know this time was, like, different and healthy? Because I think that's something that, like, I don't know, I personally am going to struggle with. I'm never going to trust anybody again after the mess I've been through. So I think that's something that would be helpful for our listeners to and us to hear. Is like, what gave you the hope? What was different to where you felt like, okay, this is the real deal.
[00:31:51] Rachel: I don't know. I just felt safe and seen and cared for in a way that I had never felt before.
[00:31:58] Bree: Is it more actions over words?
[00:32:00] Rachel: Yeah, yeah, it was actions over words. And we talked a lot about, you know, my past and my issues and stuff, and I don't think he fully gets all of it, but he's very supportive. He's always been supportive in whatever I do. He's always been my cheerleader, so.
[00:32:17] Bree: We love a man that's a cheerleader. That is wonderful. Rachel, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story with us. I think it relates to the cult part. May not relate to everyone, but we've all gone through, you know, some very traumatic experiences in our life and in relationships. And we're all very proud of you. And thanks. You know, everyone, every woman should know that they're, they're not alone.
[00:32:38] Lauren: Absolutely. We really do appreciate you coming on and sharing it. I know that some of that may have been hard to get through, but we appreciate it. And we will see you guys on Spill the Tea next week. For our next story. Stay tuned.
