Episode Transcript
[00:00:30] Bree: Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSV with Lauren and Bree.
[00:00:34] Lauren: Welcome back, guys.
[00:00:36] Bree: Hi.
[00:00:36] Lauren: Hey. How's your week been?
[00:00:40] Bree: Interesting.
[00:00:41] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:00:42] Bree: Like every other week.
[00:00:43] Lauren: Aren't they all? So you got some good stories for us this week?
[00:00:46] Bree: I have a couple interesting ones.
[00:00:47] Lauren: All right, let's hear them.
[00:00:49] Bree: So the first one, obviously, again, like we've talked about before, is it's very normal to meet people on dating apps. So that's where the majority of people are.
So I'm scrolling through my likes or who's liked me or whatever, and this one pops up, and I'm thinking, dang, he looks really familiar, but he's old.
Like, old.
[00:01:10] Lauren: Oh.
[00:01:11] Bree: And I'm thinking to myself, where do I know him from? Then it says, one mutual friend in common.
[00:01:16] Lauren: Oh, God.
Who was it?
[00:01:18] Bree: A girl that I used to work with. Her dad.
[00:01:21] Lauren: Oh, no. Had you met this man before?
[00:01:23] Bree: I think I. Like, we had talked on the phone, like, because we worked in the same office together, and we would talk a lot and she would have him on speaker, but that's about it.
[00:01:31] Lauren: That's.
[00:01:32] Bree: Yeah.
[00:01:32] Lauren: Terrifying. What's terrifying is on that app, it shows who the mutual friends are. So he knows that you're a friend of his.
[00:01:38] Bree: Exactly. Exactly. So that. That's gross. That's gross. Old enough to be my grandfather.
[00:01:45] Lauren: That's really disturbing.
[00:01:47] Bree: It's disgusting.
[00:01:48] Lauren: That's so gross. And the fact that he was like, oh, yeah, my daughter knows this person. That sounds like a good idea.
[00:01:53] Bree: Yeah.
[00:01:53] Lauren: I should totally like this person. See, and I think this is where guys are just swiping right on everybody.
[00:01:57] Bree: Yeah.
[00:01:58] Lauren: And y'all gotta stop.
[00:01:59] Bree: There's no standards.
[00:02:00] Lauren: Like, I mean, my ex, Dick admitted to me.
[00:02:05] Bree: Yeah.
[00:02:05] Lauren: That he swipes right on everybody. I guess it's like they're bored and it's a numbers game. And they. They probably get some kind of validation from getting matches and stuff. But then you're getting matches from people who wouldn't even be a good match for you or you don't even find attractive.
[00:02:18] Bree: No, thank you.
[00:02:19] Lauren: Women. I feel like we actually read.
[00:02:20] Bree: Yeah.
[00:02:21] Lauren: Read the profile. See it. Look at their photos. I'm looking at the back of the photo seeing, like, what's on their walls. Was that decorated by a woman? Is there a woman in that house?
[00:02:28] Bree: And I've actually seen several. There was one I saw the other day, and it was hilarious. The guy was standing in his kitchen with his shirt off, and the sign behind him said, love never fails.
[00:02:39] Lauren: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Love never fails. I mean, they'll put. They'll put up photos, and there will be a photo of them with their wife in the background.
[00:02:45] Bree: Yeah. And they'll, like, have, like, her face marked over. You can tell where they just like, it's just. Yeah.
[00:02:51] Lauren: Put emoji over, scribbled out or something. Oh, my God. Stop. Y'all need to stop. Because it's just so ridiculous.
[00:02:58] Bree: Like, but it helps you call them immediately.
[00:03:00] Lauren: True. True. Or the ones that, like. I have my distance set to 30 miles, but on this site, anybody can like you outside of that.
[00:03:10] Bree: Yeah.
[00:03:10] Lauren: And so I'm getting likes from California. I'm sorry, I live in Alabama.
[00:03:15] Bree: Yeah.
[00:03:16] Lauren: Like what? Absolutely not.
[00:03:18] Bree: Well, and my thing is several have reached out that I'll match with, and they're like 200 miles away. Oh, you're so beautiful. But you're so far away. And it's like, well, immediate red flag. Don't match with me if you don't. Too far. Just exit. Why do you need to talk to me?
[00:03:36] Lauren: Well, see, I didn't even realize that that was a thing. Right. So I had no idea that on these, because I. I haven't dated in four years. And before that, I was single on purpose for six. So, like 10 years. I never had to do apps. So this is wild. So I didn't understand that. Like, I thought when I set my distance that it meant that they couldn't like me. They wouldn't even show me. Even if they liked me, it wouldn't show me anybody that wasn't in my distance. So I made the mistake of talking to this one guy, and I didn't realize where he was. And then he sends me a message and he tells me where he's located. And I had to look it up because I don't know Alabama. I know Huntsville. I know. I know where Birmingham is. Like, that's about it. So I had to look it up. And it turned out he was two hours from me. And I said, like, oh, you're like, two hours? And he was like, yeah, I hope you have an electric car. Which implies that, first of all, no, I don't have an electric car.
[00:04:31] Bree: He wants you to drive to him, correct? Oh, hell no.
[00:04:35] Lauren: Yes. So I was just. Like I said. But I'm gonna be honest. I'm not trying to get in a long distance relationship. I have my distance set to 30 miles, like, straight up. Let him know I'm not trying to do this. And he's. His response was, oh, I see. You're so pretty that you're looking for convenience.
[00:04:53] Bree: Oh my God.
[00:04:55] Lauren: Like, basically like.
Yeah. Well, first of all, thanks for thinking I'm pretty. But also, yeah, I'm looking for convenience. Why would I want a relationship with someone who's two hours away and wants.
[00:05:06] Bree: You to drive to him?
[00:05:07] Lauren: Right.
[00:05:07] Bree: Not happening.
[00:05:08] Lauren: Which I ended up finding out why he needs me to drive because he has four kids to which I didn't ask for these pictures. He starts sending me photos of his kids. I just told this man that I didn't want a long distance relationship and I. He liked me and I accepted. I wouldn't have even accepted it had I realized where he was. Because I didn't know, right. That the dating app did that. So then he starts sending me photos of his kids. Four kids. And listen, I was a stepmom. I'm open to a kid.
[00:05:41] Bree: Yeah, a kid. Not four, singular.
[00:05:45] Lauren: Child one Told me their names, told me their nicknames.
And then I finally was like, four kids is a lot. I don't think we would be a great match. And I travel constantly. I appreciate it though. I just didn't want to ghost you because I was trying to be nice. And he sent a very passive aggressive. Good luck with the thumbs up.
[00:06:07] Bree: You too, buddy.
[00:06:08] Lauren: You too. I just the audacity to expect me to drive to you insult me because I'm too pretty and looking for convenience.
[00:06:17] Bree: Yeah.
[00:06:17] Lauren: Like, yeah. What did you think we were gonna get in a two hour distance relationship? Listen, my commute in D.C. was two hours each way. I'm not doing that again. No, like, absolutely not. So I'm just like, why would I. Why would I want. I love where I live. Why would I want to leave?
[00:06:32] Bree: Speaking of convenience. He wanted you to come to him. That's convenient for him, right?
[00:06:35] Lauren: Only him.
[00:06:36] Bree: Yeah.
[00:06:36] Lauren: With my electric car, apparently.
So weird.
[00:06:41] Bree: Nice.
[00:06:41] Lauren: Yeah. So that. That was one thing.
[00:06:44] Bree: Well, I have another.
[00:06:46] Lauren: Okay.
[00:06:47] Bree: To share. So this one, obviously, you know, like we had talked about. I'm going to stalk your profile before I either accept your match or if I like you, I want to make sure that I know the basics of, you know, who you are, which they.
[00:07:02] Lauren: Don'T lock down their profiles. So most of the time you can do that.
[00:07:05] Bree: And it's not hard to find you.
[00:07:07] Lauren: No.
[00:07:07] Bree: With your age and first name.
[00:07:09] Lauren: Nope.
[00:07:09] Bree: A lot of them also put where they work at.
[00:07:11] Lauren: Oh yeah. They tell you a ton of information.
[00:07:14] Bree: So this one, his bio. He is looking for a good woman who wants a serious relationship, but isn't afraid to have fun and be bad with a devil and a heart emoji. Oh, the emojis are serious. They're strong in this one. I have a lot of fantasies. I hope you, the lucky lady of my dreams, can fulfill lots of emojis. Again, kink. Positive. And love Jesus.
[00:07:38] Lauren: Jesus loves that you're kicked. Positive. That's what that is.
[00:07:42] Bree: That. That probably made my day. Like, not made my day, but it was hilarious.
[00:07:47] Lauren: Oh, man.
[00:07:48] Bree: I don't know how you put those two in the same bucket.
[00:07:51] Lauren: That's a choice.
[00:07:52] Bree: I want to know what church he goes to.
[00:07:54] Lauren: Me, too.
[00:07:55] Bree: In the South.
[00:07:56] Lauren: Yeah, me, too. We should. Maybe you should have matched with them and been like, hey, what church do you go to? And found out.
Yeah, that's. That's a lot to unpack there. I mean, look, I'm not trying to kink. Shame. We all got something that we're into. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's a weird thing to put together in a sentence.
[00:08:11] Bree: You don't put that with Jesus.
[00:08:13] Lauren: Those are separate. Separate situations that you. Let's talk about. Also to put your kink stuff in a bio.
[00:08:18] Bree: No, I just mean, God, at least save it for, like, the second date, something.
[00:08:23] Lauren: Right?
[00:08:23] Bree: Like, you whine and dine me.
[00:08:24] Lauren: Right?
Yeah. Happened to some surprises. Whatever. Happened to some. Just simple conversation and we're going straight to kinks.
[00:08:33] Bree: Yeah. Kink and Jesus.
[00:08:35] Lauren: Kink and Jesus. I just. These guys, they're a lot.
[00:08:39] Bree: They don't fail to amuse.
[00:08:41] Lauren: No, they really don't. And you know another thing, I had another one, too, that was talking, and one of the first things he asked me is, do you have a snap?
[00:08:50] Bree: Oh, God.
[00:08:51] Lauren: To which my response was, no, because I'm an adult.
[00:08:55] Bree: Yep.
[00:08:56] Lauren: You men that are in your mid to late 30s, 40s, and 50s that have Snapchat, Immediate red flag. Yep, immediate red flag. Why are you on there? That's gross.
[00:09:07] Bree: It's for cheaters.
[00:09:09] Lauren: Well, it's for cheaters, but it's also for pedophiles. Yeah, like that. Pedophiles use that all the time.
[00:09:14] Bree: Yeah.
[00:09:14] Lauren: So I just. There's a lot of red flags going up. Like, if you have a snap. Yeah, there's a lot of red flags going up immediately. For me. No, I'm not.
[00:09:23] Bree: Especially if that's your main form of communication. Yeah, that and WhatsApp. Yeah, not happening.
[00:09:28] Lauren: No. And, you know the amount of guys that will like me and then I see in their bio, snap. Is this immediate X. Yeah, immediate X. This guy didn't have that. But then one of your first questions is, do you Have a snap. Like, no, I don't want your dick pic.
[00:09:41] Bree: Yeah. I've had a couple like that. And one of them actually posted him in their group. You know, are we dating the same guy? And several women were like, oh, he's been in, like, a very serious and committed relationship.
[00:09:52] Lauren: Of course he has.
[00:09:53] Bree: Yeah.
[00:09:53] Lauren: I found out later that Dick had one.
[00:09:55] Bree: Believe it.
[00:09:56] Lauren: Yep. So, I mean, they're constantly hiding. Social media is hiding stuff from their wives, hiding stuff from whoever they're dating. Immediate red flag.
[00:10:04] Bree: They're looking for the next best thing.
[00:10:06] Lauren: Yeah. And there never is. The grass is not greener. People like, dear Lord, the grass is not greener. On the other side, the constant wanting something new. The constant never wanted to build a foundation. Never wanting to. To work through the hard things. If you actually take the time to work through the trials and tribulations that you go through.
[00:10:24] Bree: Yeah.
[00:10:25] Lauren: You come out stronger. You'll be stronger in that relationship on the other side. And the people. The marriages that I see that are successful have done that. They've come out on the other side. They're stronger, they have better communication. They're truly actually happy with themselves and with their life with their partner. Whereas I feel like a lot of men. We'll call them men with quotes.
[00:10:47] Bree: Yeah.
[00:10:47] Lauren: Because they're man children. They want mommies and they want constant validation. They want someone to take care of them. They want the whole, tell me how pretty I am.
[00:10:56] Bree: Yes.
[00:10:56] Lauren: What is happening?
[00:10:57] Bree: Tell me how pretty I am. Take me to dinner.
[00:11:00] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:11:00] Bree: Oh, maybe we should split this.
[00:11:02] Lauren: Women's rights. You fought for equal rights. Don't you want this? No. I want you to open my door. I want you to pick me up. I want you to open my door. I want flowers, and I want you to take me to dinner. And then I want to go out again. And another time and another time. You know what? I want to be wined and dined because I'm a woman and I deserve to be wined and dined.
[00:11:20] Bree: Absolutely. They want us to be so feminine.
[00:11:23] Lauren: Yes.
[00:11:23] Bree: But they don't allow us to be feminine.
[00:11:25] Lauren: Right. You want us to be feminine and dress nice and look a certain way and play a part. And when we live with you, you want us to clean, you want us to cook, you want us to do all these things.
[00:11:34] Bree: Yeah.
[00:11:35] Lauren: But then what are you Breenging to the table?
[00:11:37] Bree: We are the sons our fathers never had.
[00:11:40] Lauren: Facts. Facts. That is a fantastic quote. And that's so good.
Oh. Oh, man. Do you have any others for today?
[00:11:50] Bree: I think that's all That I have for today. Thank God. You know, it has been a full moon, so there may be a few more come through.
[00:11:57] Lauren: I think the only other one I had was I had. I had another one that made me laugh. That was a reply to one of my photos.
Hello, I would like to meet you. I live in Murfreesboro, which, again, not here.
I am honest, hard working man, loyal. Travel to me.
[00:12:21] Bree: Sir, are there any. Is there any punctuation? No, didn't think so.
[00:12:25] Lauren: No. Punctuation doesn't even make sense. I just. Again, I'm not traveling to you. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you want me to believe that you're loyal? The fact that you put that in there means you're not.
[00:12:34] Bree: Yeah, not happening.
[00:12:35] Lauren: Like bro. No, absolutely not.
[00:12:37] Bree: So this one. Oh, God, this is a good one here. Reminds me of Papa Smurf.
[00:12:40] Lauren: Oh, my God.
[00:12:41] Bree: Like the crackhead version.
[00:12:43] Lauren: Yeah, Smurf.
[00:12:44] Bree: And his is I now, mind you, he is 57 years old, looking about 65.
I'm shy, but when you get to know me, separated. I don't date out of my race. I don't do hookup. I have been cheat on. I don't like looking for a young lady, 30 to 40 year old.
[00:13:08] Lauren: Okay. So great English there.
[00:13:11] Bree: There's one comma in the wrong place at that.
[00:13:16] Lauren: Disgusting. Yeah, well, racist first of all, but.
[00:13:21] Bree: And he separated.
[00:13:22] Lauren: Separated, looking for a woman. 30 to 40 to 40.
[00:13:27] Bree: He's 57.
[00:13:28] Lauren: Yeah. No, sir. Also, the audacity. The audacity of most these men to think that they are worthy of going out with us.
[00:13:37] Bree: Yep.
[00:13:37] Lauren: Or any of these women. Like, there are some beautiful women on these apps that are getting men like that.
[00:13:42] Bree: Right.
[00:13:43] Lauren: Messaging that. And again, I'm going to swipe right on everybody. I would never. If there was somebody who I saw that, I'm like, you're out of my league. I'm not swiping right on them.
[00:13:52] Bree: Right.
[00:13:53] Lauren: If we went out with these guys, would they actually have confidence? Would they actually be secure and think that we're not going to like.
[00:14:00] Bree: Well, I think that sort of plays into our topic today.
[00:14:03] Lauren: Yeah, that's true. So you want to get into it?
[00:14:07] Bree: I can.
[00:14:07] Lauren: Yeah. I think you should.
[00:14:09] Bree: So after my third divorce, you know, there was a lot going through my mind at the time. I started to spiral with the constant thoughts of, like, what if this, what, what if that? You know, I needed to preoc. Preoccupy my time. Like, I needed something else to do. I wasn't really getting out of the house or, you know, going out with friends or anything like that. So I was going to try to start dating. Was it too soon? Absolutely.
[00:14:32] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:14:33] Bree: I never should have done it.
[00:14:34] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:14:35] Bree: But you know, there's lessons with everything. So I start going on dates with this guy and seems really nice Southern gentleman. Everything's going great. And there's one day I realize that he had had an of account and it wasn't for him to post anything, it was for subscriptions.
[00:14:56] Lauren: Right.
[00:14:57] Bree: And I had known about it. He. He was dumb enough to send me a screenshot of his profile. A screenshot? I'm sorry, the link to his profile.
[00:15:04] Lauren: Oh.
[00:15:05] Bree: So I get on there one day and like I'm going through our messages and I was trying to pull up a picture that had been sent or whatever, trying to find it. Well, that link pops up and I'm like, I wonder if he still has that account. So I pull it up and sure enough, it's there. And it says, last seen yesterday.
[00:15:22] Lauren: Ah. So he was still on those pages.
[00:15:25] Bree: Fully active.
[00:15:25] Lauren: Fully active.
[00:15:26] Bree: So I confront him about it, ask him, and he admits, you know, yeah, he has a subscription to an account and asked me if I wanted him to delete it.
[00:15:37] Lauren: No, I love it when my men look at women.
[00:15:40] Bree: Yeah. Like I'm going on dates with you, spending time with you, and you're doing this. No, to me, that is a form of cheating. You're entertaining the thoughts and visions of other women.
[00:15:53] Lauren: I think it's cheating. Like once you're in a committed.
[00:15:56] Bree: Yeah.
[00:15:56] Lauren: Exclusive only relationship. That is cheating to me.
[00:15:58] Bree: Well, and it wasn't like fully exclusive, but it was pretty messed up.
[00:16:02] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:16:04] Bree: So work through that. Whatever that gets taken care of. And still going on dates or hanging out. He's helping me with stuff around the house that, like, as a woman, things that I cannot do that I need a man here to help me with. And so everything's going great. And I start realizing that he loves attention from women and validation from other women.
And there's a woman who is the, like the godmother of this child. And this is a woman that he dated in his early 20s who was a hot minute older than him and is what sparked his appreciation for older women.
[00:16:45] Lauren: Okay. Why would your.
I'm assuming he was married to his child's mother.
[00:16:52] Bree: He was. Yes.
[00:16:53] Lauren: And she was okay with making his ex.
[00:16:56] Bree: They had actually become best friends.
[00:16:58] Lauren: Okay.
[00:16:58] Bree: I don't have a dog in that race, but it's weird.
[00:17:01] Lauren: Interesting.
[00:17:03] Bree: So she came over one day to Breeng some gifts over for the holidays for his. For his child, her goddaughter. She ended up spending, like four hours at his house. He made, like, dinner for them.
[00:17:16] Lauren: So weird.
[00:17:17] Bree: Extremely weird. I asked him about it, you know. Oh, nothing happened. Nothing happened. I'm like, no, this needs to slow down. I need to pull back, like, clearly love attention from other women. The no reason she should have been there for that amount of time. I've never met her. If I had some random guy that you didn't know show up at my.
[00:17:36] Lauren: House, spending four hours eating, you're going to question it.
[00:17:39] Bree: Yeah. And he was very pushy with, oh, the I love you, I want to marry you. And I'm like, buddy, I just got out of a marriage that I did not want out of, that I gave my heart and soul up for. And you're coming in hot with love bombing.
And, I mean, it was very evident.
[00:18:00] Lauren: Love a good love bombing.
[00:18:01] Bree: It's ridiculous. It's disgusting. So I took several steps back.
[00:18:06] Lauren: I mean, you were honest with them, which kudos to you for being honest with him.
[00:18:09] Bree: Yeah. After everything that I've gone through, it's very hard for me. I cannot be dishonest about anything. If my mouth doesn't say it, my face will.
[00:18:17] Lauren: Yep.
[00:18:18] Bree: So step back is we'll just be friends, whatever. Hope you can work through your shit, essentially. And then I'm like, you know, something just doesn't feel right. Like, I wonder if he's on dating apps. So I download one of them and lo and behold, there he is with the selfies that he had also sent me.
[00:18:39] Lauren: Oh, shocking.
Love that.
[00:18:42] Bree: Of course.
[00:18:43] Lauren: Of course he did.
[00:18:43] Bree: And one of the selfies, I'd even asked, like, why are you currently sitting in a parking lot?
Oh, well, I'm just, you know, had to do such and such or do this or whatever. And I just wanted to send you a picture of me. Well, why are you sending me a selfie of yourself late at night or just randomly? I think he meant to send it to someone else because he sent it in messenger.
[00:19:03] Lauren: Oh, not through text. Red flag.
[00:19:06] Bree: Yeah. So that was a shit show all in itself. But you also tie into this story.
[00:19:13] Lauren: I sure do.
[00:19:14] Bree: So while all this was going on, I received a 23 minute long voice note from this guy.
[00:19:23] Lauren: So long.
[00:19:25] Bree: 23 minutes. And it is him crying and talking about how he needs to work on himself and blah, blah, blah. But he truly loved me and all of this stuff.
[00:19:41] Lauren: Oh, yeah, you. You played it for me. And there was a lot to unpack in there. He definitely was all. Were the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a mistake. I. I want you back for 23 minutes. First of all, dear Lord, I didn't even know voice memos went that long.
[00:19:57] Bree: I didn't either. I didn't. Yeah. No idea.
[00:20:00] Lauren: When you told me that, I was just like, someone sent you a 23 voice memoir. Like, three. 23 minutes. Like that. Like, minutes. Not seconds. Minutes.
[00:20:10] Bree: Minutes.
[00:20:10] Lauren: Insane is what that is. That's another look like, I'm concerned. Like, are you okay? Yeah, sir. Therapy. Yeah, therapy again. Like, I'm pretty sure the whole moral of every episode is going to be go to therapy.
[00:20:24] Bree: Every single one.
[00:20:26] Lauren: Everybody needs to go to therapy.
[00:20:27] Bree: Go talk to somebody.
[00:20:28] Lauren: Go get some help, some medication. 100. So I tie into this, too, because at this point, Bree and I have met because, you know, my dick was trying to date her.
Asked me on a date, Asked her on a date. And so. And she had found me. And so I did not want to get on dating apps because I was like, dear God, it's awful. Well, and what I went through, like, I just.
Knowing that he was cheating on me on the same apps that I'm now gonna have to go be on, and then what? Constantly wondering what other men are on here, Cheating and then knowing that, are we dating? The same guy exists, and that half these guys are getting posted on daily. It's just. It's a lot to take in. And so I just did. I just wasn't. Wasn't ready to get on it. But at the beginning of February, I was like, all right, well, he cheated on me for four years, and it was all a lie and a waste of time. I guess I'll give it a shot. It's. We're officially. This point had been officially divorced, and everything had happened in mid October. So I was just like, I guess I'll just see what's. What's out there. And at that point, we knew we want to do the podcast, too. So I was like, you know, worst case, I just find some material. So I was like, let me get on here. So I matched with somebody, and he starts sending me smut novels.
[00:21:51] Bree: Novels.
[00:21:52] Lauren: Like. Like pages of smut that he wrote?
[00:21:56] Bree: Yeah. Not just one, you know, a little paragraph.
[00:22:00] Lauren: No, pages. Pages. Let us make this known. Men should not write smut, and they.
[00:22:06] Bree: Also should not use chat. GPT.
[00:22:08] Lauren: Correct. And when you're trying to be nice to somebody. Right? Like, trying so hard to be nice. And so I'm just like, oh, yeah. Whoa, that's crazy. I legit, like, read the first Sentence and was like. And so then I just didn't read anymore because I was just on it. So, you know, you're trying to be like, oh, you should write a book. Like, don't. You never will. Because it would never get picked up by a publisher.
[00:22:28] Bree: Cringy.
[00:22:28] Lauren: So cringe. So I'm just, like, trying to get past all this. And also, like, again, you're just. You know that he asked me for my phone number immediately and then wanted to call and have a conversation. And what kept me up, I finally was like, I need to go to bed.
[00:22:43] Bree: And that's what he did with me. Also stayed on the phone all night long. It's like, I have to work tomorrow.
[00:22:48] Lauren: He was like, going out to work. Whataburger. And I'm like, why? What? Like, it's midnight. What are you doing? Crazy. So then I'm getting all these smut novels. It was a Saturday. I'm getting all these smut novels. I'm getting photos of him on a hike with his dog chasing waterfalls. So he's chasing waterfalls and sending me photos. And the next day, you and I were going to take our photos for the podcast, and I was telling you about smut novels, and you, I think, immediately were like, huh, strange. And then you were telling me about 23 minute memo, and I was like, oh, my God, that guy sounds thirsty. And just like, super like, what is happening?
[00:23:25] Bree: Yeah.
[00:23:25] Lauren: Dear Lord. Well, so we went to lunch, and then when I told you, hey, this guy keeps sending me photos of, like, waterfalls, and you said, what does he look like? What's his name? And I told you, and you said, show me. And I. And I turned the. Turn the photo. And he sent you the exact same photo.
[00:23:41] Bree: Yep.
[00:23:42] Lauren: That exact same day. So it turns out he was trying to get you back, huh? While also trying to set up a date with me for that day.
[00:23:49] Bree: Yeah, the exact same day. Was messaging us both at the same time. And the photo of, like, the dog with the waterfall was. Oh, I took this, you know, yesterday, and it reminded me of that time that you gave my dog a bath and water went everywhere.
It's like, really?
[00:24:06] Lauren: And then he sent me the same photo, being like, isn't my dog cute?
[00:24:09] Bree: Dumbasses.
[00:24:10] Lauren: They're just. They just don't. They don't think.
[00:24:13] Bree: No, they really don't.
[00:24:14] Lauren: It's. It's amazing.
[00:24:15] Bree: They do just with the wrong parts.
[00:24:17] Lauren: Well, yeah, always.
So because Bree and I are nothing if not hysterically funny, I decided that we should take a photo together.
So I took A photo of us and I sent it to him and I said, I think you know my friend, and immediately got a response that.
[00:24:39] Bree: Said, I think I do know her. Yeah, she looks familiar.
[00:24:42] Lauren: She looks familiar. And I was just like, yeah, so she's my business partner. And he was just like, oh, that's unfortunate, or something like that. And I was laughing so hard because I was just like, you do know this means that we were done talking. Which, I mean, to be fair, if a man sends you smut novels that he supposedly wrote, but definitely used GPT, but supposedly wrote red flag.
[00:25:06] Bree: Yeah.
[00:25:06] Lauren: Huge red flag. Also, if someone sends you a 23 minute long voice memo, that's. That should also be a red flag.
[00:25:12] Bree: And ladies, just. I don't know if any of you know this, but when they use ChatGPT, you can tell because it hyphenates a lot of words and commas are also misplaced. So if you're seeing stuff like that in text messages, they didn't write that.
[00:25:27] Lauren: And it's funny because they don't even take the time to read through it and try to fix it.
[00:25:30] Bree: Nope, they don't.
[00:25:31] Lauren: Whereas women, if we do, if we were to use CHAT GPT or an AI device, we would definitely read through it and see how it sounded.
[00:25:37] Bree: Yep.
[00:25:38] Lauren: And edit whatever needed to be edited. Yeah, they don't, they just don't do that. And it's just, it's hilarious because they just, they're so lazy that they swipe right on everybody. They are trying to get their exes back while talking to new people. Like the fact that he's telling you in a voice memo that he loves you.
[00:25:52] Bree: Yes.
[00:25:53] Lauren: Misses you.
[00:25:54] Bree: After such a short amount of time.
[00:25:56] Lauren: After such a short amount of time. Biggest mistake he ever made was losing you.
[00:25:59] Bree: Yeah.
[00:25:59] Lauren: But then he's trying to set up a date with me for that exact day and is all like, oh, I'm so sad you can't go out with me because I already had another date. So I was just like, I'm busy.
[00:26:09] Bree: Me.
[00:26:10] Lauren: Yes.
They're swiping right on everybody. They're trying to date everybody at the same time. And I get it. Everybody goes out on multiple first dates because that's, that's just how it is. You're going to go out. Absolutely. But telling somebody you love them and trying to get them back while also trying to plan first dates, Red flag.
[00:26:29] Bree: Knowing, especially knowing everything that I had just gone through and just like pushing that constantly. And it's, it's like, I've told you to Back off. I've told you to slow down. I'm not ready for this. This is too much. I mean, it was. It was a rebound.
[00:26:44] Lauren: Like, I know that, but you were honest with him. You told him that you weren't ready for all that. You told him that things needed to slow down.
[00:26:50] Bree: Yeah. And he would not listen for anything.
[00:26:52] Lauren: Red flag.
[00:26:53] Bree: Big red flag.
[00:26:54] Lauren: Because they don't listen. What's even funnier to me, though, is that all this happens, right? So we send. We send this photo. He realizes that, like, him and I are never going to date. I mean, we were never going to date anyway. That smut was disgusting. But I read spicy books.
When they're written by women who actually know, like, what women's body parts need, it works. But when you're a man who has no idea how to find a woman's body part, it's a problem. So you had a mutual friend between the two of you.
[00:27:24] Bree: Yes.
[00:27:25] Lauren: That reached out to you while I was still here with you?
[00:27:29] Bree: She did.
[00:27:30] Lauren: And she was laughing.
[00:27:32] Bree: Yes. She called and she's like, he just reached out to me and he's like, you know, I've done up really bad. And, like, his heart was in his ass at that point.
[00:27:44] Lauren: We scared the living God out of that was gold.
[00:27:47] Bree: Scared him so much that we got blocked.
[00:27:49] Lauren: Yeah, we did. So funny. Blocked on everything. Except LinkedIn. Except LinkedIn. Because he just searched for you. He still wants to know what you're doing, and he's so desperate to know LinkedIn's where it's at.
[00:28:02] Bree: Well, he's also been posted since then on the. Are we dating the same guy?
[00:28:06] Lauren: Sure has.
[00:28:06] Bree: And so that was interesting in itself.
[00:28:09] Lauren: Yeah, there's a. There were a lot of people that commented on it. So it wasn't just us.
[00:28:14] Bree: Nope, Was not.
[00:28:15] Lauren: And it just cracks me up when it's. When his friend called and, like, all of us are laughing at this point, and he's like, oh, I just messed up. Yeah, because now you lost the person you supposedly love.
[00:28:27] Bree: Yeah.
[00:28:27] Lauren: Big air quotes there. And wanted back. And a potential new person because you don't know what you want.
[00:28:34] Bree: No, absolutely not. Again, another example of someone who isn't healed. And, I mean, I can't say too much because I was not healed either. Like, I needed something to occupy my time.
That's what it was. So, like, I can't really say too much on that, but I also did not seek constant validation from anyone.
[00:28:54] Lauren: Well, and I think that that's. I'm sure there are women out there. That, that do.
[00:28:58] Bree: Oh, yeah.
[00:28:58] Lauren: But I just, I. I feel like that's a huge thing for men.
[00:29:02] Bree: Yeah.
[00:29:03] Lauren: They just really need that constant validation. Like, I don't need somebody to tell me I'm pretty all the time.
[00:29:08] Bree: Yeah, no, it gets tiring.
[00:29:10] Lauren: Yeah. Well, I also just. I mean, honestly, at this point, you call me beautiful, I'm like, mmm.
[00:29:14] Bree: They all say that, right?
[00:29:16] Lauren: Again, vocabulary.
[00:29:17] Bree: Yeah. Use bigger words.
[00:29:19] Lauren: It was so funny that not only did my ex try to be with you, but your ex tried to be with me.
So we learned from this. Hey, let's send each other photos of anybody we're actually trying to talk to.
[00:29:34] Bree: Exactly. And we do like, we're like, hey, have you talked to this person? Person?
[00:29:38] Lauren: Yeah, there's been a couple.
[00:29:40] Bree: Yeah, we have talked. Like not, you know, dated or anything, but that we've talked to. Because again, it's a small area. I mean, Huntsville is a larger area and a lot of people live there, but when it comes to dating, we're.
[00:29:52] Lauren: Now the biggest city in Alabama.
[00:29:53] Bree: It's ridiculous.
[00:29:54] Lauren: It is. And I, I think that that's part of the problem.
There's not, there's not that many fish in the sea. Or half the fish are real gross. Yeah, there's. There's your fish that are just. No, so that's like at least half the fish. And then the other fish, you got like at least half of the ones that are left that are married.
[00:30:14] Bree: Mm.
[00:30:15] Lauren: And then you got some other fish and then it's just like from those fish. How many of them have anything in common with you or something that you actually like? Or how many of them are narcissists or avoidance or all the other things? So it's just. It keeps getting smaller.
[00:30:28] Bree: Yeah. I describe some of them as piranhas because, you know, piranhas are. They're very shiny and God knows I love something shiny. And then they open their mouth and it's like, dear Lord, what the hell.
[00:30:40] Lauren: Did I get into the audacity.
[00:30:43] Bree: Yeah. Like they're gonna bite back.
[00:30:45] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:30:45] Bree: Yeah, they're pretty, but.
[00:30:47] Lauren: No, they're pretty, but you gotta run.
[00:30:49] Bree: Yep.
[00:30:50] Lauren: I mean, there's, there's even certain, like I won't swipe right on certain professions.
[00:30:54] Bree: Yeah.
[00:30:55] Lauren: Because they're known for affairs.
[00:30:57] Bree: Right.
[00:30:57] Lauren: I definitely won't swipe right on anybody that has a frickin motorcycle now. Dear Lord, that motorcycle was the bane of my existence. Because he was like in a relate. He was in a full on relationship with that bike.
[00:31:07] Bree: Ptsd.
[00:31:07] Lauren: I do. I have ptsd. For motorcycles. I hear one, and I like twitch because I used to love motorcycles.
[00:31:12] Bree: Yeah.
[00:31:12] Lauren: But then when you are married to someone who puts a motorcycle before you and before your marriage and then turns out was taking other women out on it with your helmet, like, he used your helmet. Oh, yeah. I had two helmets.
[00:31:25] Bree: We need to burn that thing.
[00:31:26] Lauren: Yeah, probably should. But I had two, because I had an old one that. That people give me, and he would, quote, unquote, use it for his daughter.
[00:31:33] Bree: Yeah, right.
[00:31:33] Lauren: Yeah, exactly. So there's certain people now that I'm like, no, absolutely not. And I've now added to that list. Smut. If you send me a smut novel. Immediate no.
[00:31:44] Bree: Yeah.
[00:31:45] Lauren: I mean, it should have been an immediate no in the beginning, but at that point, I was like, this is just entertaining. What is this?
[00:31:49] Bree: We're literally sitting here. You could beat in a bowl of cereal while they're sending it to you, and they're, like, full on, like, thinking they. They've got the fish on the hook. And it's like, no, I'm just sitting here, like, eating my food, reading your crap.
[00:32:00] Lauren: Yeah. And going, this is not what a woman wants at all.
[00:32:03] Bree: Yeah. Good for you.
[00:32:04] Lauren: It's like when they send dick pics, and you're just like, God, first of all, no one wants this. Second of all, we're sending it to all our friends, and we're laughing at you.
[00:32:11] Bree: Yeah.
[00:32:12] Lauren: No one wants this.
[00:32:13] Bree: I don't want to see your naked mall rat.
[00:32:15] Lauren: I didn't ask for this unsolicited picture.
[00:32:17] Bree: No.
[00:32:17] Lauren: Why do you think this is okay to do? And they do, and they do. But that's why they want your snap. So, again, any man who has a snap, you're done. You are a grown man. Get off that.
[00:32:27] Bree: Yep.
[00:32:28] Lauren: It's just awful. It's gross. So the moral of this story was, don't go chasing waterfalls.
[00:32:35] Bree: Absolutely not. They're dangerous.
[00:32:37] Lauren: They're dangerous. You might slip and fall.
So you now have the backstory for Bree and I, for all of our stories. How we met, how we came about. And going forward, you will hear from other women who have some connections to me, but also other women who don't, and just their stories. Red flags to look out for, places for women to come share what they've been through. Because maybe you're going through it, too, and you think you're alone or you don't know how to get out.
[00:33:10] Bree: Yeah.
[00:33:10] Lauren: Or you don't realize that what you're going through is. Is not okay. And then you hear something like, this and you realize, oh, maybe what he's doing to me is not okay.
[00:33:21] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:33:22] Lauren: We'll also have a therapist on here. There's some attorneys that have showed interest in coming on private investigators, law enforcement to talk about domestic violence. So we're. You're in for a treat. It won't just be us telling our stories all the time.
[00:33:37] Bree: It won't be us just rambling.
[00:33:38] Lauren: But we will, you know, talk about our fun dating stories or. Or who likes us for the week because that's just pure entertainment. And that's, you know, what we're here for.
[00:33:48] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:33:49] Lauren: Well, stay tuned and we'll see you on the next one.
[00:33:51] Bree: See Y sa.
