Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000, or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone. Hi.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Hi.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: Welcome back to Spill the Tea unfiltered.
We are short a person today.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: Yeah, un. Unfortunately, Bri will not be with us today. She's taking care of her family, so we totally understand.
[00:00:37] Speaker A: Yep. Yeah, we got. She has some stuff going on, so. But we, me and Amber were gonna come on and still tell some stories today. So how's your week been?
[00:00:48] Speaker B: It's been a pretty good week. A little stressed out with school. It's been really hard. I don't know what I was thinking going back for my master's degree, but I already have regrets. Okay, guys, it's tough, but we're gonna make.
Um, I did receive an unsolicited dick pic this week.
[00:01:09] Speaker A: Like, out of the blue, out of
[00:01:12] Speaker B: nowhere, I literally woke up to it.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: Oh, like, what a horrible thing to wake up to. Also, why do guys think it's okay to send unsolicited dick pics anyway? Like, at this age, what are we doing? You're not in high school. Like, what are you doing?
[00:01:27] Speaker B: Because. Right. Like, because I would understand maybe if we were intimate or had ever been intimate, that maybe you thought that I would want to see that. Although, like, I don't know that there's ever been a moment that I have received those. When I woke up and was like, oh, I want that inside me.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: I don't think I've ever received one. Have been like, oh, this is cute. No, no, Typically it ends up being me, like, sending it to my friends so we can all laugh at it, literally.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: And make jokes.
I won't share my jokes today, but I made some jokes.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, just gross. So, men, we don't want to see your wee wees in an unsolicited dick pic. Thanks, though.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: And it doesn't excuse the fact when you follow up with a message, it says, oh, don't read that because it's Snapchat. Like, it's going to open up.
So, like, let's just not send it at all.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Yeah. And you know, you're nicer than me because I would be, like, posting that everywhere. Like, you know, that I could.
[00:02:25] Speaker B: Yeah, I should have blocked him, but I Guess I should have sent a little shrimp first.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: You should have.
[00:02:29] Speaker B: You should have missed opportunities.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: Because, Lord, they. They just gotta stop. Like, that's just gross. And because he was.
[00:02:35] Speaker B: What?
[00:02:36] Speaker A: How old was he?
[00:02:37] Speaker B: I think he's older than me.
[00:02:39] Speaker A: Yeah. So he's in his. At least late 30s, probably 40s. Yeah.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: And so what's funny about this is he randomly sent me this today, but not too long ago, I had sent you screenshots where this guy, like, kept messaging me about how pretty I was and blah, blah, blah. And I have left him on red every single time.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: If I've ignored you and left you read, what for months? What makes you think I want a dick pic?
[00:03:01] Speaker B: Right? Like, so, like, I was just like, you know what? It's not even worth it. It's not worth being nice. Like, block.
[00:03:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Because you're weird and you're giving ick vibes.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Yeah. It's just gross. Yeah. No, my week was interesting, too, though, because the guy who ghosted me last year, so almost exactly a year ago, um, that we talked about way long ago at the. In the podcast. And the podcast always, like, posts a little later than the when with the date that we record. So I don't think it actually came out till, like, probably May, but it was, like, into February, early March, when he ghosted, and. 40 years old. And so in that, I just said, like, bro, you're 40. Like, it wasn't anything serious for me. All you had to do was just say, hey, I'm not into it anymore, and that would have been fine, but I left alone. I never talked to him again. Like, I. I reached out and I was like, I guess you're ghosting me. And that was the last thing I ever sent to him. Never talked to him again. Just erased the text thread and moved on with my life. Didn't even think about it. And then I get a text that said that he had been. He had almost texted me a dozen times, but he spelled dozen wrong.
[00:04:18] Speaker B: I'm sorry.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: So 40 years old again, bless his heart, spelled dozen wrong.
Anyway, and he's. He said he almost started a dozen times, so he's obviously thought about me. And I knew he kept popping up as somebody who I may know on Facebook. So I knew that he'd been looking at my profile, and I'd sent that to y', all, and, like, look who's looking at me. And then all of a sudden, I get that text, and I was like, what is happening? He apologized, which, good on him for owning it and apologizing it. Why did it take you a year?
Like, maybe he's gone to therapy, maybe. But good on him for actually owning a saying that it wasn't the right way to do it. He still tried to put some blame on me in a way, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, all you had to do was be honest. Like, this is on you. Because he was basically. He was like, the podcast was a lot. I was like, the podcast still exists,
[00:05:11] Speaker B: but, like, y' all were just hooking up. So the podcast really and truly had nothing to do with him. Like, they're not. He was only there to fill the sexual bucket. Right. Like.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Well, he was literally only like, yeah, right. Like, I mean, there were things about him that. That were my non negotiables that weren't going to work. Like, he. He vaped. I wasn't going to go down that road again.
He had a kid who was like 6, which I had already been a stepmom before.
I didn't really want to go down that road. And if I ever do go down that road again, it would have to be with older kids. I don't want to do that. And then he had a dog that was insane. And I'm a cat lady, man.
I'm like, I'm not trying to mess with no dogs.
[00:05:50] Speaker B: It is so funny you mentioned that, because I once was seeing this guy and things were going really great with us, but then I went over to his house because he invited me for dinner, and I met his wild, insane, crazy dog. And that was the last time for us. Like, I ended all things because I was like, you can't even train your dog. You don't have time for me 100%.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Like, that was. It was a German shepherd. He. It was like 2 years old, and it was insane. And German shepherds can be trained. So, like, you haven't put in the effort to, like, try to train this dog or take care of this dog. Half the time you leave the dog outside, which I'm not a fan of either. Or you lock it in, like, one room, which I'm not a fan of. But this dog was crazy. And I feel like a lot of men get dogs because they're like, I'm a man. I need a dog. And. But then, like, I don't think they realize that there's a lot of women out there who are just like, no.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: I mean, it's not even that, like, I love dogs. I love animals, but I love well behaved, trained animals.
[00:06:45] Speaker A: Yeah, like, I. I like. I like a big dog out outside.
I don't want to live with a big dog. Like, I don't mind living with a small dog. I've lived with small dogs. I've lived with big dogs. I do not like living with big dogs.
I just can't do it. So those things weren't going to happen. Right. And a lot of it was just because I was trying. Dick had slept with so many women, and I felt so, so, like, gross that Dick was the last person I was with that I was like, I need to find somebody. So, like, for me, again, it wasn't serious. But he was a cool dude, and we were just hanging out. But then for him to ghost, I was like, weird. Okay. But a. A whole last year later, you've been thinking about me this whole time. Thanks.
[00:07:23] Speaker B: That is so funny.
[00:07:24] Speaker A: Yeah. So get on him for. Actually, I don't know if he was, like, waiting to see if I would, like, throw up. Like, oh, hi. How you've been things. But I was straight up, like, yeah, cool, thanks.
Hope you found what you're looking for. Guy, ain't it?
[00:07:39] Speaker B: You gave him more of a response than I would have because, you know, I would have left him on red.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:43] Speaker B: I would have not responded with anything.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: Well, yeah. But we also know I love confrontation. It's like.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: And I hate it.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: It's my favorite. I'm like, you want to go? Like, let's go. But. And I was actually really nice. Like, I could have been mean, and I wasn't, which I was quite proud of you. Thank you. I was about to say, I'm actually proud of me, too.
[00:08:01] Speaker B: I was really proud of you when I read it.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:04] Speaker B: I said, oh, I didn't have to tell her no.
[00:08:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: Because I. I do have to check with them and be like, hey, Is this okay?
[00:08:13] Speaker B: 99 of the time I say send it through chat. GPT soften it.
[00:08:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Which sometimes doesn't happen. And when it doesn't, I preface it with saying, I didn't have time to put this through the GPT to make it nice. And then I send something that's not nice.
But, you know, we're working on it.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: She's working on being nicer, and I'm working on being meaner. So there's that.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: We're gonna rub off on each other some way somehow. But we do have a story today. A few years ago, I was dating a man I'll call Ben. We met at a bar not long after I moved to a new area. I was ordering a drink when he walked up and started talking to me.
He bought my drink, we exchanged numbers, and shortly after, he took me on our first date. Everything seemed easy at first, and he came across as a really nice guy. Early on, I noticed he was flashy and liked to spend money, and a lot of it.
That tends to be a red flag,
[00:09:08] Speaker B: especially if it doesn't match the income.
[00:09:11] Speaker A: Yeah, we learned. We learned that with Dick.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Whose credit card are you using? Sir?
[00:09:18] Speaker A: Sir? Is that your wife's credit card?
[00:09:21] Speaker B: Are you gonna buy Cinnabons with that?
[00:09:23] Speaker A: Sir, please.
You know, he could have at least brought home Cinnabons for me.
[00:09:28] Speaker B: I eat them.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: Actually.
[00:09:30] Speaker B: No, actually, I did not eat them. I brought them home and Blaine ate them.
[00:09:34] Speaker A: No, well, that's. You know, that makes me. I'm good with that.
Anyway, so it didn't seem to match his job, so we raised it. Raised quite a red flag for me, like you just said.
Still, I pushed the worry aside and focused on getting to know him. He seemed very into me and always wanted to meet up. Dinners, drink something, almost every night. After a few months, we decided to make things official, and the first part of the relationship felt great. But eventually, the fighting started.
It was usually over small things. Me getting off work 10 minutes late or him thinking I glanced at another man in a restaurant. Petty issues would turn into big arguments.
Why? Why does it matter?
Neither one of those things matter, right?
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Like, 10 minutes late, out of work.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: Like, come on. Yeah.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Who actually gets off work every day on time?
[00:10:25] Speaker A: Me. But that's because I control my schedule.
[00:10:27] Speaker B: Nobody likes a bragger. Nobody at all. Okay. But I know I do not. I off work late every day.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: Yeah, well, and a lot of people. A lot of people do because it just depends on, like, what's going on at work that day and everything else, especially with what you do. Like, it's a very big variable for. For time.
And then if you glance at another person or in a restaurant, Sir, I'm. People watching.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: Right? And how insecure are you to be bothered by a woman glancing at another man?
[00:11:01] Speaker A: You probably didn't even realize it was a man. Like, you were probably just literally just glancing at the person walking by you, Right?
[00:11:07] Speaker B: Like, I couldn't imagine, like, be sitting at a restaurant.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: I have to just stare at you.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: Hey, hey, can I get your number while my man's in the bathroom?
[00:11:17] Speaker A: Yeah, Like, I mean, that's what she probably should have did.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: She probably should have asked for the guy's number while he was in the bathroom.
[00:11:24] Speaker A: Probably if the length of this is anything. I think some things are about to happen.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: So spicy.
[00:11:33] Speaker A: When they would fight, he often used it as an excuse to disappear for the night.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: Suspicious.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: Suspicious. And my thing is, is I'm like, if you're constantly like, it almost sounds like he was almost blaming her. Like the cheating thing. You know when people be like, oh, you're you cheating on me? You're cheating on me? And a lot of times it's them cheating. Which I will say, though Dick tried to turn. Throw that my face whenever I started asking him that because there were serious red flags to be like, so are you cheating on me? I'm like, no. Like, literally, there are things that are not making sense. Right.
[00:12:03] Speaker B: But they're not going to own up to that.
[00:12:05] Speaker A: No, they're not.
But it sounds like this guy was pushing this on her.
So it says at the time, we didn't live together, but later he moved in with me to save money. In quotes.
When things were good, they were really good. And that made it easier to excuse the bad, which I think we've all been there.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: Definitely. Absolutely.
[00:12:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:27] Speaker B: Especially when you're trauma bonded.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: Because then you forget. Like, I get relationship amnesia. Like, I'll get an argument the next day, I forgive them and I forget everything they've ever done.
[00:12:37] Speaker A: Yeah. I tell. I told my therapist I was so grateful that she was with me throughout Dick's relationship because she would remind me of things I completely forgot about. And I was like, oh, yeah, I
[00:12:48] Speaker B: needed to be in therapy. In my last relationship, it probably wouldn't have lasted as long as it did.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: Yeah, it was.
It's nice to have that outside party. Just like, be like, yeah, there was. There were red flags happening, and then I just completely ignored them, I guess.
But after he moved in, the disappearing slowed at first. Probably because he felt like he couldn't get away with it.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Right. Like, he had to be careful.
[00:13:13] Speaker A: Yeah. But then the arguments became more frequent. I also noticed that when he drank, he became especially mean and verbal. Verbal bully.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: Abusive.
[00:13:25] Speaker A: Cruel.
[00:13:26] Speaker B: Cruel.
[00:13:28] Speaker A: I was really having trouble saying verb verbally. I got you words.
During a trip we took, we had a major fight because I didn't want to get drunk with him. Oh, goodness Lord. If you don't get drunk with somebody
[00:13:44] Speaker B: on a trip, I don't understand that, though. Like, if you don't want to get drunk, why is somebody else gonna be mad about it?
[00:13:50] Speaker A: Because some people don't know how to have fun on their own, and some people don't know how to have fun without alcohol because I don't drink. Hardly ever.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: I hate drinking. I'm not a fan. No. It makes me feel like the next day, like, I hate it.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: And older I get, the worse it gets.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: Oh, God, yes.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: I'm like. And everybody's like, but don't you just want to try this cocktail? I'm like, not really.
[00:14:08] Speaker B: I love it.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Just give me my diet coke.
[00:14:10] Speaker B: Literally, just give me my Coke. That is all. Yeah, that's all I need.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: I'm good.
[00:14:15] Speaker B: That's maybe a coffee.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: My drug. Yeah, Give me that for caffeine because I'm dying. Yeah.
So it would set him off. Whenever she didn't want to drink because she doesn't like to be drunk. The argument got so bad that she would leave and stay with a friend because there was no reasoning with him. The next morning, he apologized, and like many times before, she forgave him. Not long after, the disappearing started again. He would lie about where he was, saying he was at his mom's or with family, but wouldn't answer his phone. One night, she finally reached her breaking point and contacted his mother in the middle of the night. She didn't know where he was and even checked with relatives. No one had seen him. The next day, he came back, changed his story, and admitted he had been out drinking with a friend.
[00:15:03] Speaker B: You know, like, you're desperate for an answer when you reach out to the mom in the middle of the night.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: But good on her for snitching him out.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I will give that to the mom. Like, at least the mom was like, hell, no, he ain't here.
[00:15:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
She was like, nah, nah, I don't know where he at.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: Yeah, like, good. Good on her. Because, like, some moms would be like, oh, yeah, he's. He's asleep. And, like, cover it for. For the kid. And then that's just not. That's not helpful.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: She says around that time, my trust was already shaken after a doctor's appointment when she learned that she had infections that required treatments. Instead of taking responsibility, he blamed her and claimed that she must have had them before they met, which she knows wasn't true. So he gave her something. And then. Because obviously he's disappearing, which I'm guessing means he's cheating.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:15:57] Speaker A: And so he brought something home, gave it to her, and still blamed her. Still blamed her.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: That is insane.
[00:16:05] Speaker A: Yeah, that is.
[00:16:06] Speaker B: How could you do that to somebody and not feel. But you don't feel guilty at all.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you're just a Bad person, horrible person. Like, you can't. You can't just, like, do. Do that. And the fact that, like, you're stepping out on your significant other that you live with and you're sleeping with other women without protection.
No, gross, horrible.
So the next time he disappeared, she checked his smartwatch that was synced to his phone and read his messages.
That's when she discovered that he had been seeing escorts behind her back.
[00:16:47] Speaker B: No.
Well, that's where the. That's where the infections came from, not her.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yep. Yep. And she confirmed it by searching one of the numbers and contacting that person directly so that she had the truth and it was undeniable.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: You know, good on her.
Good on her.
[00:17:03] Speaker A: Sleuthing.
Good sleuthing.
I'm proud of the sleuthing. Good job.
That was the moment that everything snapped into focus and I was done.
I kicked him out of my home and out of my life.
After I put him out, even more truth came to light, and I learned that he had been lying from the very beginning about nearly everything.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: Shocker.
[00:17:23] Speaker A: He had a pill addiction.
He's an alcoholic.
He had put his hands on the woman he dated before her.
So, like, there was probably only a matter of time before that happened to her.
Even. His car loan wasn't in his name. It was in hers.
Yep. His financial situation was nothing like he claimed, including a credit score of 400 in the 400s.
Him.
[00:17:51] Speaker B: And did you know that credit scores could get that low?
[00:17:53] Speaker A: Yes, because that's how, like, Dick's was.
[00:17:55] Speaker B: I didn't even know, like, so, like, how many times do you, like, take out loans and not pay them to get that low?
[00:18:03] Speaker A: A lot lot.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: I mean, I'm not pay any of
[00:18:06] Speaker A: emails firm collect from us collection agency today. Actually, I got one today that said, hey, Dick, we will work on you with these collections. Because somehow my email got on it. And every time I text him, he ignores me and doesn't want to pay his bills, but also doesn't want to talk to me because he knows I will hold him accountable for them.
But, yeah, so, you know, people just don't want to pay their bills. It's a wild ride out there.
[00:18:31] Speaker B: Insane. That's wild to be.
[00:18:33] Speaker A: Yeah, she says. In the end, I realized I didn't just leave a bad relationship. I escaped one. And walking away was the best decision I could have made for my safety, my peace, and my future.
So good on her for real, for getting away from that. I'm glad it didn't go any further. Like, they weren't Married, it looks like. So I'm glad that like it didn't get to that point because can you imagine if she would have been married to that man?
[00:18:58] Speaker B: That would have been horrible. Like to pour in your time. And there are so many women that that happens to where they don't know.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: I mean think about the Ashley Madison situation. Like how many women found out their husbands were having affairs with escorts on Ashley Madison? Especially like I was living in D.C. at the time and that's where a lot of them were.
[00:19:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:18] Speaker A: And it was a crazy situation up there. Like so, so many people were like losing their minds because they were like holy, my husband's been cheating on me this whole time.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: And I think it's even more heartbreaking when you find out it's not a girl that like maybe he was attracted to. Maybe he had met at work that, you know, after a while he got to know and he was attracted to. He literally went and paid other people for sex.
[00:19:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: And that's, that's wild behavior.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: Right. And especially like, you know, a lot of people will comment especially like on our socials like well, what weren't you doing?
And it's like, I'm sorry, one, there's no excuse to do that anyway. But two, most the time when men say they're not getting it at home, that's a bold face lie. That is a bold face lie. And. Or if you're not getting at home, what did you do? What did you do to turn your wife off or your significant other off, your partner off? What did you do to make them? Because women like to be like, if you provide for us, what you're meant to provide for us, then we provide for you. That's how, that's how it works.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: The circle of life.
[00:20:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
So it's just, it's why completely wild behavior to me that somebody would pay for it whenever they have it at home.
[00:20:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Like, like if you were like a 100% like incel and needed to pay for it by all means. Which, you know, that's the funny thing about incels is they like flip out. And I'm sure if any insult, see that's are going to be like an incel will like freak out because women should want to sleep with them. Like that's their thing.
Go pay for it then.
[00:20:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:51] Speaker A: But then you got men who don't have to because they have a full ass woman at home and then they're still going out and out here wild
[00:20:58] Speaker B: out like stray cats.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: Stray cats that need to be neutered Filthy animals. Filthy animals.
So.
Well, that was our story for today.
I'm glad that she got away. So when you listen to this, we're proud of you.
[00:21:16] Speaker B: Yes, absolutely. And I'm glad that you were able to seek treatment for those infections.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: Because it seems like situation could get a lot worse.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: Yeah. And you know what? Like, if you ever get a chance to sue his ass, you should absolutely
[00:21:29] Speaker B: get that money, huh?
[00:21:30] Speaker A: Get that money, honey.
But, yeah, so we'll.
We'll see what the next week holds. Everybody. It's just, you know, It's February in 2026.
We got stuff. It feels like.
[00:21:44] Speaker B: Dump him.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, dump him. Just dump him. You know, ladies, like, if he's trash, just dump him.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: Just dump him.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: You don't need a Valentine.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: You don't need it.
[00:21:55] Speaker A: You can be a Galentine. Get yourself a Galentine. That's what we do here.
[00:21:59] Speaker B: Word.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: All right, we will see you next week.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: Bye, guys.
