Episode Transcript
Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSV with Lauren and Bree.
[00:00:34] Bree: So, Lauren, do you have any dating stories for the week?
[00:00:36] Lauren: Do I. Oh, do I? So I got asked out on a date, and he doesn't have kids. He said he traveled a lot, and I was like, okay. And a lot of guys lie about how much they actually travel. So that was one of my questions. And he said he'd been to like 60 plus countries. And I was like, okay, so you legit travel. But we didn't really talk much more than that. So he asked me out to really nice restaurant in downtown Huntsville. We end up talking and everything was fine, except then he said, should we split a meal?
And I was like, I mean, I guess. So we end up sharing a main meal and an appetizer, and then that it's time for the check. And he goes, so how are we going to do this?
And I was like, I don't know. And he's like, why don't we just split? Split it. We'll put both cards in and split it. And I was like, and we're done. I will never talk to you again. And then we went outside and it's dark. And he didn't even ask to walk me to my car just to make sure I even got there safely. And I was just like, who raised you?
[00:01:34] Bree: So he made you split a meal and pay for it? Did he even give you, like a hug goodbye or ask to see you again?
[00:01:43] Lauren: Yeah, he was like, oh, this was great. I definitely would love to, like, go out with you again. And I was like, huh? And then as soon as I got back, I messaged him and said, you know, you should really pay for women's meals on the first date. We live in Alabama. I want a Southern guy. Thank you. And then I block.
[00:01:59] Bree: Good call. Because I don't know what I would have done had I been standing in front of a man who asked me to split a meal and then pay for half of it.
[00:02:07] Lauren: Yep, it was wild. So I had that this week on top of that, to put a cherry on top of my week.
Dick decided to get on Hinge because he didn't have a Hinge profile before, but he found out that I was on Hinge, and he purposely got on there. And then on his first prompt, he said, this year I want to travel more. Sir, I was trying to take you on a really nice cruise to the ABC Islands for your our anniversary and your birthday, and you were having an affair the entire time. What do you mean you want to travel? More. And, sir, you should probably focus on paying your child support and then paying me what you owe me first. Just saying. Maybe you should work on that before you start trying to travel.
[00:02:50] Bree: That is absolutely insane. So whenever y'all were together, did he ever go on trips with you?
[00:02:57] Lauren: Of course, if I paid for it. Because he wasn't going to pay for it, and he wasn't going to plan it, and he wasn't going to do anything to actually go on trips. He didn't even have a passport before he met me. It was a requirement to date me, and he got a passport, which I paid for. So, again, all the red flags that I missed, but he was like, oh, I love travel. Like, that boy had never been out of this country. And then I took him out to several countries.
But, yeah, he's using that because he's hoping other women will do that for him again. And so, again, ladies, dicks out there, watch out.
[00:03:28] Bree: Not the good kind either.
[00:03:30] Lauren: Definitely not. So, Bree, what about you? What happened this week for you?
[00:03:34] Bree: So, as you know, I'm very selective on if I'm going to go on a date with anybody. I'm on the dating app, sifting through all of the crazies and old, nasty men. So this one, he's in his 50s, and he likes my, you know, profile or whatever, and he says, okay, we're going to make out. You got to, like, lock the dog out at some point, but I love you just the same.
[00:03:58] Lauren: That's not even correct grammar or sentence. I don't even know what that means. Lock the dog out. What are you gonna like? What? And isn't that the photo with the sea lion?
[00:04:09] Bree: Yes, that's a sea lion. And there's only two commas. There's hardly any punctuation.
And it. It makes no sense. Like, they wonder why we don't respond.
[00:04:17] Lauren: You should send them your Venmo a deposit at least.
That's. That's insane. They're like, why are they just so gross? Are there any others that you had?
[00:04:29] Bree: So the other one I have is also another man in his 50s, and all I'm going to say is, bless his heart, he likes my profile. And it's the same picture of myself in the sea line. He says, you look like a fun person to be around. We should hang out. You can help me find an older lady, and I'll help you find a young man. Or we could just find each other. No.
[00:04:50] Lauren: So he's like, if I'm too old for you, I'll. Wingman for you. But how's he gonna help you get somebody that's our age? I don't understand that thought process at all.
[00:05:02] Bree: He probably has a son, but no, that ain't happening.
[00:05:05] Lauren: Well, if he looks like his dad, then bless his heart too. We can't win on these apps.
[00:05:10] Bree: So I have one last one to share because, you know, there's rarely any good ones. This one graded. He's in his 30s, which is good because so am I. He likes my profile, and his bio says, looking for a unicorn to join me and my girlfriend for long term with his Snapchat. And as we all know, Snapchat is a massive red flag. If a grown man has Snapchat, you block him immediately. Well, then we go on to the photos of Mr. Snapchat. And I don't want this to come off as ugly, but if you are wearing a wife beater, taking a selfie, and your nasty feeder showing on the rug that your dog is laying on that has not been vacuumed in at least three weeks, it's not happening.
[00:05:51] Lauren: I really just wonder what goes through these guys heads. Are they that confident where they can just be like, oh, my gross, dirty feet. Maybe nobody will notice. It's so gross. This is a dating world. This is where we're living.
[00:06:03] Bree: Yeah, it's a dumpster fire.
[00:06:05] Lauren: All right, well, we have a very special guest today. Thank you, KK for coming on. I met you at Spicy Book Club. Shout out to Spicy Book Club, Huntsville. Definitely join us. But yeah, kk tell us a little bit about you and then tell us a little bit about your story.
[00:06:23] KK: Hello, ladies.
Well, I moved from Guntersville to Huntsville probably about eight years ago. Moved here, worked for anthropology for about five years, did a couple of other things. I finally got out of retail because it was trash. Just like the dating life here.
[00:06:40] Lauren: Yeah, retail's hard.
[00:06:42] KK: Yeah.
So I just love red flags in both my personal life as well as my career field, apparently. But I finally found someone who I think things are going well, but it did not start that way. A lot of trolls and a lot of frogs to get to that one. So I've had a few of those myself, and most of them have been in Huntsville.
[00:07:04] Lauren: Yeah. Something special about this town. I don't know. I guess it's not special. I'm sure it's everywhere, but I don't know if it's just because we're smaller or what.
[00:07:10] KK: It is engineers. So the first guy that I dated when I first moved here, I realized that their brains, they don't Compute things the way that most of us do. It's like they, they don't know how to voice their opinions, their emotion. They're like robots, basically. So it felt like dating a robot because although I might get more out of chat GPT than I did out of them. So I don't know. Who knows?
[00:07:38] Lauren: That's, that's fair. It's funny though, because being an engineering area, my, my thought is when I, when I started dating was, oh well, at least guys here are going to be educated and they're probably going to have good jobs. And I was like, cool. Well, I ended up being a sugar mama without meaning to. That was my experience. But he was not an engineer. Yeah, maybe I need to try for an engineer. I don't know.
[00:07:57] KK: I mean, I wish you better luck than I had because I dated six and each one was just, they were different. I don't think I go with engineers at all and I don't think they go with me.
[00:08:08] Lauren: So, yeah, get into a couple of your stories.
[00:08:10] KK: Okay, so I think we'll start at the beginning of my dating history. I think it was my first serious boyfriend with a senior in, or senior in high school and he was a senior in college. That's the first major red flag because I think maybe about a four year age difference between us at that point, but you know, an age difference between 18 and 22, that's a big difference because when I was 21 and 22, I couldn't even fathom dating an 18 year old. They were children.
[00:08:45] Lauren: Correct. Like, that's insane.
[00:08:47] KK: I was a child and I couldn't even drink legally. He would literally have to smuggle me, you know, booze if we went out to a bar with my little exes on my hands because I couldn't have my own. I was a child playing grown up. So we were together for about a year and then. And he graduated. Our relationship spanned about three and a half years on and off. He moved to D.C. about two and a half years in. That was the beginning of the end. His sister is the one that found out about it. Shout out to her, ally, you're the real one. But his sister found a text from one of the other girls. I had arranged a massive trip for me, his sister, his grandma, his mom and his dad were. Everybody was coming up. He knew that they were all coming. He didn't know that I was coming. So Ally's at his apartment. So unbeknownst to me at the time, I'm on a plane flying up there to meet him and his sister was gonna pick me up. His whole family is coming into town. We're about to go to the Hamptons for this. Like, literally, I think it was five days. Had this awesome house. All of the planning, everything is done. I had his friends that were coming in too. This took a lot of planning.
[00:10:04] Bree: So like, this is like everybody he knows and family. Was he gonna have her meet his family? Did he know that they were coming?
[00:10:11] KK: Oh, no, he didn't. He didn't know about any of this. He knew that. He knew that they were going to the Hamptons, but he didn't know that I put this old together. Cuz he'd been talking about that he wanted to see all of his college friends again and like all of his buddies. Because, you know, we all know after college it's hard to get together. You don't see your friends as much. And I was in college at the time and this is something that I would want to do. And you know, it was birthday, I guess at that point, three years had passed. His sister is at his apartment. He's in the shower. His phone rings. She answers it and is like, hello. And this girl on the other end, I'm gonna call her Caroline, because that's the first name that came to my mind. Is like, hey, who's this? And his sister goes, I'm his sister. Who's this? And she goes, this is his girlfriend. And she was like, wait, what are you talking about?
She's like, yeah, no, I'm his girlfriend. She's like, no, you're not. His girlfriend is on a plane right now on her way up here for his birthday weekend. Seriously, what is going on? And so this girl is like, what? What are you talking about? And she proceeds to tell him that he's been in a relationship with me for, you know, three, three and a half years at this point. And so the girl on the other end starts to lose her shit.
[00:11:31] Lauren: Well, yeah, because it sounds like he was lying to her too. Like he didn't tell her that he was in a relationship.
[00:11:36] KK: Yeah, no. And it gets so much worse. So his sister is like, okay, I'm gonna give you my cell phone number because we're gonna get to the bottom of this. Because at this point, the one thing that I can say about this girl was she was a true girls girl.
[00:11:48] Lauren: Yes, we love a girl's girl.
[00:11:50] KK: Shout out to her, because this girl literally was the real one. Friends of mine know that I love the movie the Other Woman.
There's a reason that I love that movie, because I felt like I was living that movie many, many years before it came out. Unfortunately, I would want to live that. I was Leslie Mann's character, but without the marriage.
[00:12:12] Lauren: Wonderful.
[00:12:13] Bree: It's not a bad thing.
[00:12:14] KK: I mean, it really wasn't. Oh, she gets her number, and then she starts going through his phone and is, like, screenshotting, sending them to herself, and then deletes everything and then leaves. She is at the airport.
This girl is never on time. Literally never on time. She's always 30 minutes late. I was prepared to wait.
So I get off the plane and get through. Get my baggage. She's at baggage claim waiting for me. That should have been the sign. And I thought she was just too excited to see me.
[00:12:49] Lauren: And you were like, oh, yay, she loves me. And then you're like, oh, no. Oh, no.
[00:12:54] KK: Well. And she had this look on her face. And I was like. I thought it was his grandmother. I thought his grandmother or something had happened with his parents. I was like, what is going on? Is everything okay? Is everybody okay? And she was like, yeah, but you might not be. And I was like, what are you talking about? And she was like, we need to go to a bar. And I was like, damn. Okay.
And so we proceed to find the closest bar.
I don't even know where we went at this point. Everything kind of happened in a blur.
And we sit down. She orders four tequila shots. She takes one and then puts the other three in front of me. And she said, you're gonna wanna take at least one or two of these. And I was like, okay, you've gotta tell me what is going on, because now I'm starting to get, like, really paranoid. Yeah, I should say.
[00:13:46] Lauren: I would get anxious. Like, that's like, anxiety.
[00:13:48] KK: Oh, I was so anxious. So she proceeds to tell me that somebody is coming to meet us. And I was like, oh, does Matt know that I'm here? She said, you really want to take. You're going to want to take that? And so I proceed to just. I'm like, okay, fine, whatever. So I take the second shot. And then she said. So I got a phone call right before I came to pick you up.
And it was a girl who says that she's been dating him for the last eight months.
[00:14:25] Lauren: Oh, my God.
[00:14:26] KK: Yeah.
[00:14:27] Lauren: So. And how long had he been in D.C. like, was this. Like. He'd been in D.C. eight months. So he pretty much, like, started dating her right away.
[00:14:33] KK: He'd been in D.C. almost a year.
[00:14:36] Lauren: Okay. So he got settled in and then.
[00:14:38] KK: Found somebody well, she wasn't the only one.
[00:14:41] Lauren: Why did they do this?
[00:14:42] KK: There wasn't one. There wasn't two. There wasn't three.
There were 11.
[00:14:48] Lauren: He has, like, dick numbers.
[00:14:49] KK: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:14:51] Lauren: I'm like, upwards of like, 20 at this point. I'm like, I give up.
[00:14:53] KK: And that's just the ones that we found out about.
[00:14:56] Bree: Were they all in the D.C. area?
[00:14:58] KK: She was in New York.
[00:15:00] Bree: And this was in the one year time frame that he had been there.
[00:15:03] KK: Those are the ones that we found out about from that. I don't even want to know. I don't even know what was going on in the years before.
[00:15:11] Lauren: It's super easy to get up to New York, so that makes sense because you can jump on a train, the drive isn't even that far, or you just. Quick flight from DCA up.
[00:15:19] KK: Yeah. So she's telling me all of this, and I'm like, my entire world has just flipped upside down. I'm just angry and I'm hurt and I'm pissed off.
[00:15:30] Lauren: Yeah, because you love somebody. And we're planning a trip with them and their family.
[00:15:35] KK: Yes. And I loved his family. They were so great. So Caroline, as I've lovingly dubbed her, comes in and his sister is like, kristen, this is Caroline.
And I am like, hi, I am so sorry. And she's like, why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything. I feel like I need to be apologizing to you. And I literally. I looked at her and I went, wait, why the hell are we apologizing?
[00:16:05] Lauren: Facts, facts.
[00:16:07] KK: Neither one of us did anything wrong.
[00:16:09] Lauren: That's right.
[00:16:09] KK: The man that is at fault is the one that is back at his apartment that does not know that I am in town, nor that Caroline is with me and his sister.
[00:16:21] Lauren: Right.
[00:16:22] KK: So, sister, call him and create a diversion to get him out of the apartment.
[00:16:29] Lauren: This is amazing.
[00:16:30] KK: I'm exhausted now in my 30s because of all the shit that I went through in my 20s.
[00:16:34] Lauren: Yeah. Preach. And I mean. And here's the thing. These guys need to learn that they can't get away with this stuff. So I just. I'm so tired of these men being like, these women are dramatic. They're causing issues. They just start the drum. No, sir, you started the drama when you started cheating.
[00:16:48] KK: And I'm sorry if I have one more man tell me that I am being dramatic. Especially in today's age, they act way more dramatic than I do. So you should be able to man up and actually act like an adult and a person. So his Sister creates a diversion, gets him out. All three of the girls going back to his apartment while he's out doing whatever errand that his sister sent him on. But I get into place and I am sitting, like, in the chair that is not facing the door. So when you would walk in, there was a. A row of four chairs that are kind of like, facing each other. And so I'm sitting in one of the ones that is the back. And you can't see me because it has a very high back chair. Ally is sitting in the other chair.
Caroline's hiding in the closet, by the way, while this is going on.
[00:17:43] Lauren: I mean, he brought this on himself.
[00:17:44] KK: He did. And honestly, like, if I could have found some of the other girls and gotten them there, I would have. I would have marched them all out. I don't know if all of them would have been as amazing as Caroline was. Because the thing is, it's not the woman's fault if the other party knows that the one. The person that they are dating is already involved with somebody.
[00:18:09] Lauren: Shame on them.
[00:18:10] KK: Shame on them, because that is not okay at all. However, if the other person that is having the relationship with them is dating somebody else, then they're being screwed over. And with just as much as, you know, I was.
[00:18:30] Lauren: Exactly. That's one of the things we've talked about in the past on here, too, is that as women, we need to stop this automatic blaming of other women. Yes. And it's just, you know, it makes sense.
[00:18:40] KK: There's a lot. There's too much of that that's going on, especially in today's climate, that I think that there's so many other factors that women should be uplifting other women.
[00:18:50] Lauren: Absolutely.
[00:18:51] KK: Now, if the woman is at fault, then, you know, honestly, fuck her.
[00:18:57] Lauren: Facts.
[00:18:57] KK: You know, facts.
[00:18:58] Lauren: But, like, I mean, that's. That's the thing is Dick had somebody completely fall in love with him and she had no idea that he was married.
[00:19:05] KK: Yeah.
[00:19:05] Lauren: And then she found out about me. Not only me. She found out about a bunch of other women. And of course, his story is that he broke up with her. And I'm trying to get her to come on here because I would love to do the same thing. And I get to have a conversation because I don't blame her.
[00:19:20] KK: No. No.
[00:19:21] Lauren: She had no idea.
[00:19:22] KK: No. And that's the thing that's so, so heartbreaking. And I feel like women get trapped in these relationships and they blame themselves and they blame everybody else, but they don't blame the person that is responsible. And it does happen to men too. They blame the other man. And if your partner is the one that chose to cheat on you and to disrespect you and disrespect your relationship, they are to blame. And I think that that's one of the things that needs to be called out. Getting mad at the wrong person, it doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make it better, it doesn't make it hurt less. And that's one of the things that I can say with a 32 year old brain and pain that I have gone through and life lessons that I have learned and you know, I mean we, we pretty much like pounced on him and swiveled the chair around and was like, hey bitch, what's up?
And it was like, oh my God. And I was like, how you doing? And he was like, I can't believe you're here. Like, when did you get in? And I was like, I don't know, like three and a half, maybe four hours ago. What have you been up to?
Anything new?
[00:20:33] Bree: So was he excited to see or more was he like shaking in his shoes?
[00:20:36] KK: You know, I think he was excited, but I, you know, now looking back, I really don't know if he was excited or if he was scared. With him, I never really knew where I stood again.
[00:20:50] Bree: He was just playing the part. Are there any red flags that you would notice in that relationship before this even happened?
[00:20:58] KK: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Just knowing myself now and the way that I would feel in relationships, that it was like my body was trying to tell me that something was wrong.
[00:21:09] Lauren: So you turn around, he's like, oh my God, I'm excited.
[00:21:11] KK: And I am. I was like. So I don't remember how I started the conversation, but it was something like something along the lines of. So I met somebody earlier today that knows you.
He's not really thinking anything of this. I meet people all the time. I make friends with a Breeck wall. You know, it's not that shocking. I ain't. About that time, about that time Caroline comes out of the, out of the closet and his back was turned. And then he turns around and me, his sister and his other girlfriend are standing in his living room.
[00:21:51] Bree: Describe his face to us during this moment.
[00:21:55] KK: It's like a child has just found out that Santa isn't real. They've also while simultaneously walking in on their parents having sex.
Not under the covers. And a ghost or a demon is in the corner. Like, I mean, as he deserves. Horror, fear, shock. I think I saw this man's soul Leave his body.
He had something in his hand. I think it was a beer bottle. I really don't remember, but I just heard something hit, though, like the concrete or the. Whatever the tile was and break. And it was kind of like one of those things where I don't really. I don't have a very clear memory of what happened from there because I think I just saw red.
And it was. It was a lot of me and Caroline saying, how dare you.
Like, you.
You are scum of the earth. You're trash. Like, what's wrong with you? Why would you do this to me? Why would you do this to her? Why would you do this to somebody that you claim to care about?
[00:23:06] Lauren: Correct.
[00:23:06] KK: And it, you know, that weekend still went on, but not with him.
[00:23:14] Lauren: That's awesome.
[00:23:14] Bree: So did his family kick him out?
[00:23:16] KK: His mother wanted to, like, disown him completely. Like, she would not speak to him for months and she shouldn't.
[00:23:21] Lauren: Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, I.
[00:23:24] KK: Don'T know that she ever completely forgave him for that. I know Ally didn't, or his sister didn't. I am. I know I didn't. I am. And like I said, I don't know what happened to any of the other girls. I really didn't care at that point.
[00:23:37] Lauren: Did anyone tell them, though, that he was in a relationship so that they, like, learned about each other?
[00:23:41] KK: I think that. I think that his sister, I am kind of went through and she asked if I. And I was like, at this point, I just, I kind of couldn't because by that point, I think my entire world as I knew it had come crumbling down. And I mean, I started dating him when I was 17 and just turned 21. I. I'm still a kid, you know, Like, I don't. I'm an only child. I've had a very sheltered life.
I am. I have great parents that are, you know, my parents got married after four months in Vegas and they're still together.
[00:24:20] Bree: And my parents were married at six months and they're still together.
[00:24:23] KK: Dad wanted to do the drive thru and my mom said absolutely not.
No.
[00:24:28] Lauren: But see, I think because my parents also have been together, it'll be 43 years this year. And it's just no one has that commitment anymore. People always, like, want to find what they think is going to be the next best thing, or they get upset and they're like, I don't want to put up with this. Let me find somebody else.
[00:24:45] KK: I don't want to fight.
[00:24:46] Lauren: Men don't want to live up to, like, the expectations. If you put expectations on them, they're like, this is too much. I'm just gonna go find somebody that will let me be less.
[00:24:56] KK: Yes. And, you know, it took me years to undo what happened in that relationship. The damage, the trauma. At that point, I was probably one of the most confident people in myself. And everything. All of that changed after that. I lost confidence in myself. I lost confidence in who I was as a person, in my ability to see people for who they truly were. I have always been one of those people that I. I want to see the good in everybody. And I do. I. I do.
But it. It took me so long to kind of reclaim that and give that back. I'm. Lot of therapy ladies. Men, please go to therapy.
[00:25:41] Lauren: Men, please go to therapy.
[00:25:44] KK: Please go to therapy. Everybody needs therapy.
[00:25:46] Lauren: Amen.
[00:25:47] KK: Amen, everybody.
[00:25:48] Lauren: I love my therapist.
[00:25:49] KK: She's the best. Literally saying, I absolutely love her. Amazing. I don't think that, like, I could. I would not be who I am today if it had not been for therapy.
[00:25:58] Lauren: Amen.
[00:25:59] KK: Because, I mean, it completely shattered me. I hit rock bottom in a way that I never thought was possible.
[00:26:05] Lauren: Yeah. I couldn't get out of bed. And I talked about it in. In our earlier episode of My Story. Yeah, but, like, I couldn't get out of bed. I. I ended up having to get on some medication. I. I was suicidal for a while. Like, it was very hard.
[00:26:19] KK: Yeah.
[00:26:19] Lauren: And. And I'm still. Like you said, it takes.
[00:26:23] KK: It takes years.
[00:26:24] Lauren: It takes years. It also just. It takes something more from you because it's the trust that you don't have anymore. Because, again, you don't trust yourself.
[00:26:30] KK: No.
[00:26:30] Lauren: You don't trust yourself to spot the red flags. You don't trust that all men aren't going to do this to you. Especially when you're on sites like, are we dating the same guy? And you see all these men cheating, it makes it so hard to actually find a guy who you believe it's actually. Actually be faithful to you.
[00:26:47] KK: Oh. I mean, it really does. And it. It's. It's one of those things where two.
I.
I couldn't spot the red flags. I could, but after that, I chose not to because I was like. I just wanted, I think, to be free and to just kind of explore who I was as a person. And so I think in some ways, I might have become a red flag.
[00:27:14] Bree: That's the only way you learn.
[00:27:15] KK: Am I the problem? Is it me? Jesus.
Like, literally, that's how it felt. Do I Regret any of it. Absolutely not. Again, I had fun in college. I.
[00:27:26] Bree: And that's how a lot of people are now. They don't go to therapy. They would rather have something so temporary and fleeting as opposed to stick around, work through the hard parts of it, and grow as a person. And within that relationship, they would just rather have something that's easier, that's more come and go that they don't have to put effort in.
[00:27:43] KK: Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I. I agree with that. 100% agree with that. And, you know, it's. It's one of those things where Lauren was talking about. I am. Like, if I wanted to come on the podcast and everything, there were a lot of stories that I had. I still have more. If y'all want me back, we can always.
[00:28:00] Lauren: We can always do round two.
[00:28:01] KK: Oh, yeah, there's one that. The born again virgin.
[00:28:04] Lauren: That sounds lovely. We'll definitely just Breeng you back.
[00:28:06] KK: I was gonna say. Yeah, that one was bad and also hilarious. Um, but, yeah, like, it just. It teaches you. When you go through something like that, I feel like it really does make you look at yourself and look at the situation and, you know, looking back on it, you know, it's been over 10 years. I'm 32. I was barely 20 when this happened. I was a child when we started dating, and he was. He was young, but I had no business dating a guy that was a senior in college. As a senior in high school at 17, I had no business dating somebody that was that old.
[00:28:51] Lauren: Right.
[00:28:52] KK: And. And that's the thing that, like, I.
I've dated guys that were older than. Than that, and. And even now, I look back on it, and I'm younger than they were, and I'm thinking, I have not. Like, I got hit on by a guy a couple of months ago at a bar, and I was like, are you even old enough to be here? Where's your mom?
[00:29:21] Lauren: Yeah. Yeah, they're.
[00:29:22] KK: So did your mommy drop you off? Like, what's going on?
[00:29:25] Lauren: Yeah. If I get liked by somebody. Yeah, that's like, in their 20s. I'm like, excuse me. Yeah, I'm trying to teach you. I do not know who you are, sir.
[00:29:33] KK: Yeah, no, please stop. Absolutely not. I was into older men. I'm not into younger men. I'm at least not in this stage of my life. Maybe when I'm 60, we'll cross that Breedge when it comes to it. You know, we'll see what happens when you get there. Maybe I'll be a cougar then.
[00:29:46] Lauren: But you're in a healthy relationship now. So how were you able. You know, you have multiple stories. We've only heard one of them. But how were you able to get through to trust your current partner?
[00:29:59] KK: So I think that it's still a.
I think that it's still one of those things where, again, therapy. I am. Therapy helped me regain trust in myself because I think that was the thing that I lost faith in myself. I lost faith in my ability to spot.
And so even if I got into a healthy relationship, I would run from it because I was like, I can't let you hurt me again. I can't let you hurt me again. And I can't be hurt again. I was always the one leaving because I vowed that it would never happen to me.
[00:30:35] Lauren: Right? Yeah. Because when you go through that, you're like, I can't. My mind cannot handle this again. And I think that's something that a lot of people will resonate with. Like, how do you know when it's real and you can actually trust it? Because when you've been through something so.
[00:30:50] KK: Traumatic and it wasn't easy. There's only been two times in my life that I've. I can genuinely say, if I count fuck boy, I guess three. I. I don't know if that was so much love, though. I think that was more like a fantasy. I think it was more of a fantasy in my head.
[00:31:05] Bree: That was your first burnt pancake.
[00:31:07] KK: Oh, I like that analogy. That's good. That's really good. I like that. Yeah, he was. He was the bad pancake. He was the first pancake. Not good, not great.
But, you know, we learned from it. And, you know, the others were better. But, you know, the. The first guy that I really, really loved, that one still hurts.
And it was about.
About four years ago. We were together for about a year and a half, and I ended it because I realized that I was ready for the commitment, but he wasn't. And that was when I was like. I realized a. Okay, I am ready. I'm ready for that.
He wasn't the right one. Because my whole thing was, if I'm gonna step up to the plate, then I'm not doing all of the work.
[00:31:56] Lauren: Absolutely. And you shouldn't do all of the work.
[00:31:58] KK: And I refuse to do it, because that's the thing. I. In every relationship I've ever been in, pretty much, I'm the one carrying the relationship.
[00:32:05] Lauren: Oh, my God, me too.
[00:32:06] KK: And it is worse. It's exhausting.
[00:32:07] Lauren: It is exhausting.
[00:32:08] KK: It's exhausting.
[00:32:09] Lauren: How Hard is it to plan a date? How hard is it to actually do something without me asking you to do it? Like, I don't understand.
[00:32:15] KK: Like, they.
[00:32:16] Lauren: They don't. They want mommies.
[00:32:17] KK: Yes. And I'm not anybody's mommy. I'm not gonna be your mommy. I can't have children, so I'm not gonna be your mom.
[00:32:25] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:32:26] KK: So child free by choice.
[00:32:28] Lauren: The same.
[00:32:28] KK: Yeah.
[00:32:28] Lauren: I'm not gonna be your mom.
[00:32:30] KK: My children have fur. They walk on for, like, four little paws. And at least the two that I have right now, they shit in a box. So, you know, same.
[00:32:38] Lauren: That's what my two do.
[00:32:38] KK: I absolutely love and adore them. They're perfect.
They're a little too chatty, especially Evelyn, but, you know, I love her. She's a little brat, but, you know, if I wanted to be someone's mom, then I would have a child.
You know, facts. I don't want that. So I'm not. I'm not gonna. You know, like, if you're. Obviously, I will be there for you, but I'm not gonna pack your lunch every single day. I'm not gonna be like, oh, how. How was. How was school, honey?
[00:33:10] Bree: You know, you're not here to raise someone. No, they supposedly already been raised.
[00:33:15] KK: Well, that is supposedly. Supposedly. I don't think that they learned those lessons. They need to go back to remedial school, remedial training.
[00:33:25] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:33:26] KK: The lessons didn't stick.
[00:33:27] Lauren: Well, I'm glad that you came on and told us your story, and it's positive to see that you can get past this.
[00:33:35] KK: Yes.
[00:33:35] Lauren: Yes. That you could find a positive relationship and a positive partner and somebody who's actually there and actually wants to be a partner.
[00:33:41] KK: It is. And I will say thus, because I was on the dating sites and everything before. It is hell.
I left them, and I was like, that's it. I'm done. I'm gonna be a nun. I'm gonna have cats. I'm gonna live my best life. And, you know, I can listen to all the Taylor Swift that I want, and no man can stop me and, you know, whatever. Just throw caution to the wind. Well, I started a new job, and literally about a week later, I met the guy that I'm with now. And I was like, crap, that's awesome. Well, damn it.
[00:34:22] Lauren: God was like, no, here he is.
[00:34:24] KK: Yeah, no, here you go. Have fun. I was like, damn it. So. But he came into my life just when I needed him. I'd actually just lost my dog of 12 years, who I actually got a Month after my breakup with see. Yeah. With DC, she saw me through all of my 20s.
Worst breakup of my life. I. The second worst breakup of my life.
[00:34:51] Lauren: Animals are amazing.
[00:34:52] KK: They are. And she saw me through the beginning of my 30s, and literally a week to the day that I lost her. I met him.
[00:35:01] Lauren: So it was meant to be. See, God was like, you need somebody. Here you go.
[00:35:05] KK: And the funniest part is, all she wanted was a dad.
She loved men. Like, loved men. Melee was probably the biggest slut of anybody. That was the running joke, was that Melee was the slut. And who's coming over?
[00:35:21] Lauren: A woman. No, never mind.
[00:35:22] KK: Yeah. No, she tried to get in the car with my grubhub driver, and I'm like. I'm like, sir, like, ma'am, you. We do not know him. Get out of the car. What are you doing? Get out of this car. So, yeah, you know, things happen. And we were talking about this earlier. Things happen the way that they're supposed to happen in the time frame that they're supposed to happen. And we don't always understand it, but I've kind of like the whole thing of just. Just go with it. It'll all make sense in the long run. And if it doesn't, have a drink, maybe two.
[00:35:55] Bree: Right. I mean, and feeding off of that, you know, had Lauren and I not gone through what we went through, we wouldn't be sitting here today.
[00:36:02] KK: Yeah.
[00:36:02] Bree: Hosting this podcast.
[00:36:03] KK: Yeah. I mean, it makes you stronger. The things that. The things that. That hurt the most Breeng you the most strength and.
[00:36:10] Bree: Absolutely.
[00:36:11] KK: And women, as women, we can handle a lot of pain.
[00:36:14] Lauren: Yeah, we can. And I think having other women in your life that support you and those relationships, and I think a big story from this is women, you need to support other women.
[00:36:24] KK: Yes.
[00:36:24] Lauren: You need to believe other women when they tell you things.
[00:36:28] KK: Yes.
[00:36:28] Lauren: Especially when they come with proof.
[00:36:30] KK: And if your best friend comes to you or someone that you know comes to you, but mainly your best friend, if your best friend is saying, this man is trash. Oh, God, yeah, this man is trash. Like, do listen to her.
[00:36:43] Lauren: Yeah. My girls are listening to this right now, shaking their heads because they're like. Yeah, they all told me.
[00:36:47] KK: Listen to them.
My best friend told me the same thing. She actually lives in D.C. now. She moved there to meet a man. It's not going well.
[00:36:57] Lauren: I came here to meet a man, and I didn't go really great either. I met one and. Well, we all know that story now.
[00:37:02] KK: Oh, yeah. So. But. But yeah, I mean, I think it but yes, as you said, believe other women, support other women. And it is when we're recording this, this is, you know, it's Women's History Month and it's supposed to be, this is I think the perfect time to do this because it's about women's empowerment.
[00:37:21] Lauren: Yeah.
[00:37:21] KK: And taking back our power and our strength.
[00:37:25] Lauren: Amazing. Well, thank you, KK for coming on. Hopefully we'll have you back on again.
[00:37:30] KK: Yes, yes. So thank you for having me.
[00:37:32] Lauren: Absolutely. We will see what we're going to do next week. We have a lot of interest from a lot of people wanting to come on the podcast. So we will start having more interviews. Everything from women who have dealt with domestic violence, sexual assaults, more cheating to therapists that are local that want to come on. And maybe our listeners will be able to utilize that. And we will see you next time.
[00:38:00] Bree: See you next time.
